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No real friends and sick of bullies?

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Post on TSR and win a prize! Find out more... 10-04-2014
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    Ok, basically, at school I have exactly 0 real friends. By that, I mean I have people i can have a laugh with sometimes and partner up with for PE, group projects etc. most days, but nobody I could really confide in. In the past few months, I've been verbally bullied by a girl who doesn't understand that her constant teasing really hurts me, and is best friends with practically the whole year, especially the group of people who I normally pair up with in class. I'm really worried for September as I'm not sure I can take it anymore. I've also lost family members, worried about school results, my future, my parents possibly divorcing... these "friends" are always happy enough to cry in my shoulder or talk about how much their life sucks, but whenever I start to say something about my problems, they act disinterested and cut me off/ make me trail off. Is there really anything I can do, or should I just suck it up for the next 4 years?
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    i used to find the same thing happened to me at school, can i ask if you are quite shy? because i know it sounds hard to do, but i have noticed that people naturally listen more to louder people who sort of demand to be heard, and the louder you say things or the bigger a deal you make of them, the more people seem to listen. i don't mean shout or anything haha, but just like...for example when you feel rubbish about your parents or something and you try to discuss it with them, maybe if you make sure that you don't play it down at all and say "it's alright" when really it's not. i always used to do that and then hope that someone would realise i felt awful really, but no-one ever did. if they cut you off, try very hard not to let them say "WELL THEN as i was saying..." or something, and then carry on. i know it's harsh but in group/school situations it really does seem like the loudest or most dramatic people get the most attention

    if you're not too fussed about these friends in particular...could you try and make friends with other people? i know that's a really typical thing to say and that it's far easier said than done, but sometimes there are people in class who are quiet/shy and you might not even have noticed but are actually pretty nice people
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    (Original post by Sheldor)
    Ok, basically, at school I have exactly 0 real friends. By that, I mean I have people i can have a laugh with sometimes and partner up with for PE, group projects etc. most days, but nobody I could really confide in. In the past few months, I've been verbally bullied by a girl who doesn't understand that her constant teasing really hurts me, and is best friends with practically the whole year, especially the group of people who I normally pair up with in class. I'm really worried for September as I'm not sure I can take it anymore. I've also lost family members, worried about school results, my future, my parents possibly divorcing... these "friends" are always happy enough to cry in my shoulder or talk about how much their life sucks, but whenever I start to say something about my problems, they act disinterested and cut me off/ make me trail off. Is there really anything I can do, or should I just suck it up for the next 4 years?
    Firstly well done for talking about it. I stay be strong. If you stand up to her than she may leave you alone. If you are by your self than act as if you don't care about others so people see you as confident, or on the contrary join after school activities and other activities away from them. What ever you do hope things work out.
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    Thanks for the advice about speaking up more! I wish I could do it, but they just give me dirty looks if I try to carry on. Yeah, you were right about me being shy. The only people who I feel I could eventually be best friends with aren't in any of my classes as we're taking different options, so we don't spend enough time together to be really close. I think I'll just have to try and talk to new people, like you suggested. Thanks.


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    (Original post by ...mo...)
    Firstly well done for talking about it. I stay be strong. If you stand up to her than she may leave you alone. If you are by your self than act as if you don't care about others so people see you as confident, or on the contrary join after school activities and other activities away from them. What ever you do hope things work out.
    I'm kind of scared of what she would say about me if I stood up to her. Everyone thinks its funny when she says some of the things she says, so if I told her to stop it I'm worried she'll do it more or everyone will think I'm to sensitive? I'm also quite shy, so I don't know if I can make friends that easily if I join a club. Any tips?


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    i feel you.
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    It will get better at uni, why dont you move schools for september? Dont stay somewhere if you're unhappy. There can be a vast difference in the kind of people at different establishments. I HATED my 6th form, but moved to a local college and had the time of my life. Life is too short to stay somewhere you're unhappy
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    (Original post by lilahnurave)
    It will get better at uni, why dont you move schools for september? Dont stay somewhere if you're unhappy. There can be a vast difference in the kind of people at different establishments. I HATED my 6th form, but moved to a local college and had the time of my life. Life is too short to stay somewhere you're unhappy
    I've considered moving school for sixth form(I'm starting year 10 in September), but my schools one of the best in the area and I really want to go to Oxford. Do you think I should go to a state school, get slightly lower results, and be happier or just stay where I am and get higher results? I also love my school in terms of teachers, learning, and facilities; it's just the people that make me consider this.


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    In secondary school, a lot of kids don't have the emotional maturity to recognise they're causing someone harm, but they do get better.

    I was the shy awkward geek of my secondary school, and it wasn't pleasant. But I went to sixth form and most of worst people couldn't/didn't follow, and the rest became more mature and more hospitable. Then you get to university and everyone is new and you can have a little social renaissance and life becomes amazing.

    I'm afraid I can't offer much advice for the hear and now. But it does get better. Promise.
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    (Original post by Sheldor)
    I've considered moving school for sixth form(I'm starting year 10 in September), but my schools one of the best in the area and I really want to go to Oxford. Do you think I should go to a state school, get slightly lower results, and be happier or just stay where I am and get higher results? I also love my school in terms of teachers, learning, and facilities; it's just the people that make me consider this.


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    You may find going to a 'worse' school more helpful as there may be less competition and pressure, I definitely found that when I moved, so theres no reason your grades should drop, if you're like me they will improve. I think if you are really unhappy you should move, how long has it been going on for??
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    (Original post by zeropoint)
    In secondary school, a lot of kids don't have the emotional maturity to recognise they're causing someone harm, but they do get better.

    I was the shy awkward geek of my secondary school, and it wasn't pleasant. But I went to sixth form and most of worst people couldn't/didn't follow, and the rest became more mature and more hospitable. Then you get to university and everyone is new and you can have a little social renaissance and life becomes amazing.

    I'm afraid I can't offer much advice for the hear and now. But it does get better. Promise.
    Wow, thanks so much! I kind of assumed this was the way people were for their whole lives, so I kind of considered myself an oddball. I'm really looking forward to sixth form and uni now!


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    (Original post by lilahnurave)
    You may find going to a 'worse' school more helpful as there may be less competition and pressure, I definitely found that when I moved, so theres no reason your grades should drop, if you're like me they will improve. I think if you are really unhappy you should move, how long has it been going on for??
    I think it started last September, then slowly got worse and worse till I cried practically every day after school towards the end of the summer term. I just wish I didn't have to deal with other teenage girls sometimes. A lot
    of them have such amazing friendships, where they talk for hours and support each other and are all "ZOMG I love you soooo much!!11!!!" ALL the time. I kind of want to be that type of person and feel alienated by it at the same time(probably because I haven't had a friendship that strong since primary school.) The only thing stopping me from considering moving sixth form is, what if it's just me that's weird and the whole thing will start all over again except I will be at a worse school?


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    I used to have a really hard time with just people in general. There was nobody I really got on with, I could kind of talk to people for the occasional chat but they would never really count me as a friend, I would never get invited anywhere and I got teased quite a lot. Eventually I did give up and move schools and honestly I've been so much happier since then when you're new people make an effort to get to know you and find out who you are and it's a lot easier to find people who you really get on with! I can guarantee that you're not "weird" because everyone gets on with different types of people, and there obviously just isn't the right type of people for you at your current school. I think you should have a good think about whether you actually can stick it out for much longer, and you could sneakily research other schools/facebook stalk people from them to see what everything is like in other places?
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    (Original post by rawragee)
    I used to have a really hard time with just people in general. There was nobody I really got on with, I could kind of talk to people for the occasional chat but they would never really count me as a friend, I would never get invited anywhere and I got teased quite a lot. Eventually I did give up and move schools and honestly I've been so much happier since then when you're new people make an effort to get to know you and find out who you are and it's a lot easier to find people who you really get on with! I can guarantee that you're not "weird" because everyone gets on with different types of people, and there obviously just isn't the right type of people for you at your current school. I think you should have a good think about whether you actually can stick it out for much longer, and you could sneakily research other schools/facebook stalk people from them to see what everything is like in other places?
    Hey, we could be twins. I think this is pretty much what I'll do,


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    (Original post by Sheldor)
    Hey, we could be twins. I think this is pretty much what I'll do,


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    moving schools can be a great thing! I used to be quite shy and quiet but when I was in a school and knew no one it forced me to use my voice a bit more and now I'm a lot more confident too
    definitely sounds like you should have a look into other schools around your area and try discussing it with your parents? they can often be a great help with these things
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    I'm sort of similar on the friendship front. I'm always seeing albums on Facebook of when people go out together, and I never get invited to anything. Fair enough, I'm not particularly great friends with them (and they're all really close) but it is quite sad, especially when it's birthday parties. Thankfully there is this one really nice teacher who I really get along with, every Wednesday afternoon I had a lesson with her and afterwards we'd always talk on the way back to her faculty office.
    Next year I will be in Year 13 so of course everyone will turn 18, and that is the first really big age milestone, so I'll bet there'll be a lot of parties. The way it's going at the moment, I won't get invited to any, and then I won't do my own, and people will think I'm really odd (for the record I haven't thrown a proper party since I was 11) although they won't be surprised. I am fairly different to everyone else (when people put their iPod in the speakers and everyone sings along and I have genuinely never heard of the song before) and don't watch the same TV shows they do. At least I know there will be a wider variety of people at uni.
    As for that mean girl, my god she sounds horrible. If things continue to go badly, you should try and talk to someone, or if you can't face that you can always change for sixth form. Your grades won't drop, being at a good school does not affect grades- it's all about the individual. (I went to a good school and did not get the best results in the year- lots of people got all A*s/As and I got, among others, one C which is pretty rare for my school). I don't think it's fair that your "friends" expect you to listen to their problems and then cut you off when you spill yours. They don't sound like friends to me.
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    (Original post by Sheldor)
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    I don't know if this has been said yet, but eventually, you will be gone from that place, soon after, you will have forgotten all about it. I'm 25 now and I don't remember anyone from secondary school.
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    (Original post by SpanishInquisition)
    I know exactly how you feel. I have plenty of 'mates' but no real 'friends' that I could tell something in confidence or get support from. Of course, if they want a moan, I'm their first port of call.
    Do you have anyone to go to with your problems? My parents are really social people, dinner parties and barbecues and tennis every weekend, so they just don't understand if I say I don't want a birthday party.(Real reason is that I have nobody I actually want to invite, though they wouldn't understand that either) and when it's a problem at home, I just have to suck it up.


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    (Original post by Sheldor)
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    If I have a general problem or want a bit of a rant I can go to my mates but if it's something confidential, I *could* got to my parents (they always say I can) but I just don't feel like they can relate to the issues young people have. People deal with things differently today than how they did when they were my age.
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    (Original post by Sheldor)
    Ok, basically, at school I have exactly 0 real friends. By that, I mean I have people i can have a laugh with sometimes and partner up with for PE, group projects etc. most days, but nobody I could really confide in. In the past few months, I've been verbally bullied by a girl who doesn't understand that her constant teasing really hurts me, and is best friends with practically the whole year, especially the group of people who I normally pair up with in class. I'm really worried for September as I'm not sure I can take it anymore. I've also lost family members, worried about school results, my future, my parents possibly divorcing... these "friends" are always happy enough to cry in my shoulder or talk about how much their life sucks, but whenever I start to say something about my problems, they act disinterested and cut me off/ make me trail off. Is there really anything I can do, or should I just suck it up for the next 4 years?
    I had the same problem and the crux of my problem was that very few (<5) people really liked me for who I was. If I've to be honest I haven't really discovered a solution to the social anxiety either. I've left school now and I'm pursuing further education now (Computer Science degree) and I have to say, my shyness is still rather painful to cope with. Oftentimes you just have to be yourself and hope that one day a person likes you for it (strangers are just friends who have not met before), I still cling onto that hope to this day and it helps to get me through despite the constant mentions of parties and invitations that exclude me that still seem to linger in the airwaves...

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