Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?
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- Anonymous poster #1
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Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?So basically my ex and I are really close friends as we have a lot of common ground; he’s virtually the male version of me. We dated for about a year but broke up as he wasn’t very loyal and internally he was hurting me (although he never intended to). I still really love him. He’s current girlfriend is rather the opposite of him but real sensitive and so he doesn’t want to break her heart and does love her. He tells me everyday he still loves me but he loves her as well. I'm currently in an on-off relationship with a guy who do not at all love and am just dating him for the sake of it
The current girlfriend has banned him from talking to me but we still talk/meet up secretly nearly every day may it be for a brief while. Right now both of us are real stressed in anticipation of our A-Level results and so he suggested we just have sleepovers at mine / in hotels 2-3 times a week as it helps us both to talk things through and discuss subjects of our mutual interests etc. We just watch movies, talk, cuddle, kiss; but when things start to heat up we draw back. But lately it is getting hard as we both still have feelings for each other and things are hard to maintain at ‘friend’ level...
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Re: Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?Yes, it's wrong. How do you think your boyfriend will feel after he's found out that you've been fooling around with your ex, and that you're only with him "for the sake of it"?
Similarly, how do you think your ex's sensitive girlfriend will feel after she's discovered that her boyfriend's been messing about with his ex?
You talk about being "internally hurt", so I don't quite understand why you're going about secretly meeting with your ex when you know what it might do to his girlfriend.
It's all fine and dandy if you and your ex still love each other and want to be together, but it's not okay to drag others into it; if you both need to be together, then dump your partners and reconcile. If for some reason you don't want to be together, then grow up, stop potentially hurting your partners and cut off contact from each other, cause it's clear you guys can't be friends with such intense feelings for each other.
Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with being in love and sleeping with your ex - but don't do it when you yourself are already in a relationship. That's where it goes wrong. -
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Re: Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?Is it wrong? I can't find anything in your post that is at all remotely right!
Stop kidding yourselves and stop pissing other people around (his and your partners). Breaking up with him because he isn't 'loyal' and then practically cheating on your current partner because you don't love him. The amount of hypocrisy is sickening.Last edited by Mockery; 05-08-2012 at 03:01. -
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Put yourself in his girlfriend's position. It takes two to tango so you should probably back off if putting yourselves in that situation is probably going to lead to something more, it's not at all fair on her at all. You also said yourself him not being loyal to you hurt you so.. I think the fact you have to ask this shows that you know it's not quite right.
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- Anonymous poster #1
- Thread Starter
Re: Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?(Original post by Alxndra)
Put yourself in his girlfriend's position. It takes two to tango so you should probably back off if putting yourselves in that situation is probably going to lead to something more, it's not at all fair on her at all. You also said yourself him not being loyal to you hurt you so.. I think the fact you have to ask this shows that you know it's not quite right.
Yes exactly! I do feel a little guilty but I forgot to add in the post that his girlfriend's interference into our lives was the prime reason for our breakup - had she never existed we'd still be together and therefore there'll always be some animosity between us. When I was still with him, she'd never leave him alone constantly texting him etc going out for food etc which at the time my ex did tell/ask me and although I wasn't happy with it, I approved
I don't care about his girlfriend...and my current bf I'd say we're more like pals than lovers, he's just very understanding and of course I've told him about these sleepovers and he approved since I've gave him permission to see/ hang round with any of his exes if he wishes as well(Original post by Goody2Shoes-x)
It's more than mere friendship from the sounds of it, and I don't think his girlfriend or your boyfriend would be too pleased at what you're planning.
Although I do feel a little guilty for misusing his trust when things heat up sometimes ...
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Re: Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?I would question how you can love someone who treats people this way
He is playing with both of you
He cheated on you with her and now he is cheating on her with youLast edited by TenOfThem; 05-08-2012 at 12:08. -
- Anonymous poster #1
- Thread Starter
Re: Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?Most of my friends are blatantly asking me to cut all contact with him etc and I HAVE tried...it's just incredibly difficult for me. He's perfect for me, more than anything I could ever want...I mean everyone has their flaws, right.(Original post by TenOfThem)
I would question how you can love someone who treats people this way
He is playing with both of you
He cheated on you with her and now he is cheating on her with you
Although we are 'friends' I can never move on from how I feel about him...and I understand my future relationships WILL indeed suffer as a consequence of this, but it's just so hard
...despite his flaws, there's something about him that's become a part of me...
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Re: Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?Everyone has their flaws? Like they don't want to be with you?(Original post by Anonymous)
Most of my friends are blatantly asking me to cut all contact with him etc and I HAVE tried...it's just incredibly difficult for me. He's perfect for me, more than anything I could ever want...I mean everyone has their flaws, right.
Although we are 'friends' I can never move on from how I feel about him...and I understand my future relationships WILL indeed suffer as a consequence of this, but it's just so hard...despite his flaws, there's something about him that's become a part of me...
His flaws are not only that he's a cheater, he's also with someone else. Can it get worse? Man up and cut contact.
We've ALL been there. At some point everyone faces the same conflict - "we were perfect". Clearly you were not, you would have been together if you were. -
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Re: Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?(Original post by Anonymous)
He's perfect for me, more than anything I could ever want.
Perhaps you have some self esteem issues if you think that "perfect for you" is a cheat who is causing you this level of guilty and distress -
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Re: Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?It's a bad idea, yes. It's not going to help either of you get over each other, which you need to do if you don't want to be together again, and it's very unfair on his new girlfriend. How would you feel if a beloved boyfriend of yours was frequently spending time alone in hotels rooms with another girl, let alone an ex? C'mon.
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Re: Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?1) It's wrong to do anything that causes your partner (reasonable) distress
2) It's tempting fate to share a bed with a (straight) male friend (especially where there's attraction/history) -
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Re: Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?You're sleeping in the same bed, cuddling and kissing? That is way way past friendship! I would never ever talk to my boyfriend again if I found him doing that! You're just hurting your partners. Either leave him and move on or else get rid of your other partners and get back together. What your doing at the moment is totally unfair on other people.
Would you like to know that in any relationships you've been in your boyfriend has been doing that with an ex? It would really hurt. -
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Re: Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?this is ****ed up, of course its wrong
1) You shouldnt be dating anybody for the 'sake of it; This is a real person with real feelings and your going to hurt him big time
2) If he 'loved you' he would be with you not ths girl?? no?
Its very hard to sympathise with you or him as neither of you are single if you both still loved each other you shouldnt have dragged innocent people into it and made them your partners.
Its wrong and it is most certainly cheating -
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Re: Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?How would you feel if your boyfriend - maybe not the one you are with now, but someone you really cared about - went to hotels with his ex, cuddled with her, kissed her etc? I am sure that you wouldn't like it at all!
If you two want to be together (and you're willing to put up with the fact that he's not faithful, because he wasn't faithful when he was with you, and he isn't faithful now), then be together. Which means he should break up with his girlfriend, and you should break up with your boyfriend, before you start messing around.
Personally, I would recommend that:
A. You build up your own self-respect and self-esteem a bit more, because you think a cheater is perfect for you. Nobody deserves to be cheated on!
B. You also learn to take other people's feelings into consideration. You're messing around your boyfriend, and you may not like the girlfriend much, but she's still a person with feelings, and your actions are harmful to her. After all, your ex couldn't cheat if he didn't have anyone to cheat with.
You're not keeping things at "friend" level. What you are doing is not what friends do. I think you know that, otherwise you wouldn't have posted here. Part of you is uncomfortable about it. And if you carry on, which I really hope you won't, you'll get hurt again, too. A situation like this can't end well. -
- Anonymous poster #1
- Thread Starter
Re: Is it wrong to sleep (not sex) with your ex whilst he’s in a relationship?Yeah I get you...It's just I'm confused if it's justifiable considering the stress I'm under etc... anyway, we shall stop having these sleepovers as soon as results day is over, which is next week(Original post by Kittiara)
How would you feel if your boyfriend - maybe not the one you are with now, but someone you really cared about - went to hotels with his ex, cuddled with her, kissed her etc? I am sure that you wouldn't like it at all!
If you two want to be together (and you're willing to put up with the fact that he's not faithful, because he wasn't faithful when he was with you, and he isn't faithful now), then be together. Which means he should break up with his girlfriend, and you should break up with your boyfriend, before you start messing around.
Personally, I would recommend that:
A. You build up your own self-respect and self-esteem a bit more, because you think a cheater is perfect for you. Nobody deserves to be cheated on!
B. You also learn to take other people's feelings into consideration. You're messing around your boyfriend, and you may not like the girlfriend much, but she's still a person with feelings, and your actions are harmful to her. After all, your ex couldn't cheat if he didn't have anyone to cheat with.
You're not keeping things at "friend" level. What you are doing is not what friends do. I think you know that, otherwise you wouldn't have posted here. Part of you is uncomfortable about it. And if you carry on, which I really hope you won't, you'll get hurt again, too. A situation like this can't end well.
!
The current girlfriend has banned him from talking to me but we still talk/meet up secretly nearly every day may it be for a brief while. Right now both of us are real stressed in anticipation of our A-Level results and so he suggested we just have sleepovers at mine / in hotels 2-3 times a week as it helps us both to talk things through and discuss subjects of our mutual interests etc. We just watch movies, talk, cuddle, kiss; but when things start to heat up we draw back. But lately it is getting hard as we both still have feelings for each other and things are hard to maintain at ‘friend’ level...
Although I do feel a little guilty for misusing his trust when things heat up sometimes ...
...despite his flaws, there's something about him that's become a part of me...
