[Anonymous]

My ex lied to me for 9 months about pretty much anything and everything. She cheated on me twice that I know of. Couple of months back she then left me for someone else but only because I found out about him. Otherwise it would have all carried on.
All-in-all it's been a very messed up last 9 months of a relationship that I should probably have never gotten into to begin with.

I'm far too trusting of people. I'm not saying I've never lied because A) I have, B) I don't think anyone hasn't lied in their life.
I now have a no-lie policy with anyone I speak to. Pretty much cut all contact with my Dad because he does nothing but lie and let me down.
To have a nearly 3 year long relationship with someone who, in the last 9 months, feels it's acceptable to lie and carry on like nothing's wrong?
My mind is almost constantly fixated on my anger towards her (working with her 2 hours a day really doesn't help). I don't miss her, I'm definitely better off and happier without her but sometimes my mind just wonders back to my hatred for her.
I don't think there's any way that I could forgive her especially as about a month before I found out about everything I'd lent her quite a lot of money (have it all back now).

I guess I just want to know how other people have forgotten about things that people have done to them or how to just put it behind them?
She's pretty close to getting fired from work as she's a terrible, terrible employee and I can't afford to give up the job before I go to Uni so I can't afford to leave early.
I'm hoping that once I move away to Uni and I don't have to see her again that I'll just forget or at least stop fixating on what happened. I'm also hoping that maybe meeting someone else could either give me something else to think about or someone to confide in might help me take it out of my system.

[blondyx]

Hi OP, I was in a situation a few years ago where I absolutely hated my ex.. I would think about it non stop aswell. I was angry at him for about 8 months, gradually getting a bit better each month. What really made me forget as going to uni though. I am sure the same will happen to you You will meet so many new people.

In the meantime maybe try writing a diary to vent out your feelings or even put all of your anger into a sport like running.

[g_star_raw_1989]

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind style memory eraser.

[blondyx]

(Original post by g_star_raw_1989)
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind style memory eraser.

Thats an awesome film, if only that sort of memory erasion existed

[g_star_raw_1989]

(Original post by blondyx)
Thats an awesome film, if only that sort of memory erasion existed

It is a great film although I don't think I would want such a procedure to exist; memories both good and bad can be useful.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by blondyx)
In the meantime maybe try writing a diary to vent out your feelings or even put all of your anger into a sport like running.

Good advice, thanks!
I've had food poisoning since it all happened, and in the process lost most of the weight that I was trying to get rid of anyway. Not the healthiest way to do it but it worked for me.
I'm now trying to cycle everywhere, eat healthier and live a better life in general. I've seen a great improvement in my mood and my health. Much better than I had been during the relationship.
I'm hoping that, like you said, going to Uni will help.
Recently it's just been flaring up and everything's been reminding me of it.
She was bit of a remorseless sociopath and I wish that I could just move on.
I think over the last week or so I've been far too concerned with having a new girlfriend even though I know that I don't need one. I was planning on holding out until Uni and seeing if there was a more intelligent and morally responsible person woman there. Seems like the most logical solution.

[blondyx]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Good advice, thanks!
I've had food poisoning since it all happened, and in the process lost most of the weight that I was trying to get rid of anyway. Not the healthiest way to do it but it worked for me.
I'm now trying to cycle everywhere, eat healthier and live a better life in general. I've seen a great improvement in my mood and my health. Much better than I had been during the relationship.
I'm hoping that, like you said, going to Uni will help.
Recently it's just been flaring up and everything's been reminding me of it.
She was bit of a remorseless sociopath and I wish that I could just move on.
I think over the last week or so I've been far too concerned with having a new girlfriend even though I know that I don't need one. I was planning on holding out until Uni and seeing if there was a more intelligent and morally responsible person woman there. Seems like the most logical solution.

No problem hope it helped. I actually had a stomach bug for a few days a short time after I got turned down from a guy I really liked. Maybe heartbreak can make people physically ill! Uni will definetly help. Well done on losing some weight though (not that you were trying of course)
Who is the new girlfriend? is she someone you are really into?

[Tigereye22]

Hi,

Lol OP u and me are in same situation (see my post to) and got the same rule i always said don't ever lie to me as i hate liars not that I don't lie or something but I don't lie about mayor things, being late and make en lie is acceptable right?
Anyway I always had told her if something goes wrong between us please tell me and don't hide things from me specially if u start to like someone else are something,

at the end of the day we are al humans and can get feeling for someone else or can get that feeling when u start to date for first time that temption feeling etc.. u know what I mean

But yh u can qeues she lied to me and went out with that guy few times altough nothing happened between no intercourse (I know that for sure she hasnt about that) she also says not even a kiss ha happened he had tried and she had pulled away (that's what she says to believe or not not really sure about this one as i am with intercourse but i am very confused because she tried to suicide to yes)

although my GF/ex whatever u Wana call it, we are back together now but you know what OP? the feeling is not the same anymore it's not the same tought anymore like she is the world greatest GF she is my love my partner etc.. It's just kinda you don't want to get away from her cause u still have feelings and don't want those moment to fade away and throw it away and that's where am confused and (see my post btw)
Al I can say OP everyone can move on time will heal and when you will join uni this year just like me btw you will forget everything quickly and who knows you might meet the women of your life it has happened to so many and the only person that will regret all these are the cheaters




This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Tigereye22]

Ps:
A word of advise OP pls pls don't go yet into another relationship it can work out very ugly if it's really over between you and your GF then give your self the time to forget her and your love/feeling for her before you move on there is no point of being with someone because for sake of it,

It can take a ugly turn and hurt you even more effecting your self esteem etc..
I just want to ask you and others
Would you like to go out with a girl that has already BF?
I personally never will because
1) if she cheat on her BF she will on you
2) it's discussting or am I the only one thinking about where that mouth has been and let me not start about intercourse
3) is it normal this day that everyone cheats and I am left behind and being old fashioned
4) I don't want to even go for fun nearby a girl that already has BF and I always respect them or am I again being the only one

I really want to hear also from some girls that if you say I love and your my everything and i live for you and would never cheat why do you still cheat then?


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Anonymous]

(Original post by blondyx)
Well done on losing some weight though (not that you were trying of course)
Who is the new girlfriend? is she someone you are really into?

I was trying before hand but I wasn't losing a lot. The food poisoning helped me lose it all quite quickly though. I could barely eat or drink.
and I don't have one, just saying that I've been too concerned with the thoughts of getting another when I don't exactly need one.

I have no feelings for her other than hate any more. She lied to me constantly for 9 months about everything. Every time she went away to one of her expos she would sleep with this other guy. I didn't find out about it until around christmas time when I gave her another chance as she said that she'd broken it off with him. This was probably about the 3rd time that had been said.
My fault for letting it carry on, her fault for being a lying cheating gold-digging bitch.

1) I wouldn't go out with a girl that already has a BF. I wouldn't have sex with them even if they left someone else for me because they're still likely to do that to me if they find someone else.
2) I went through periods where I almost couldn't bare to look at her because of what she had done.
3) It might be 'normal' but it damn well shouldn't be. The general level of morality has dropped to a point that makes me physically sick.
4) Not really sure if I understood this one but I'm assuming you mean being friends with a girl who has a BF? I can't see why that's a problem. Be friends with her BF as well if possible and make sure he knows that you have no intention of being an ass.

I have no theories as to why my GF cheated on me or why she left me for another guy. Every theory that I can think of can be countered. She doesn't seem to have any emotional attachment to anyone and is only concerned with herself. I hope she cheats on her current BF as I have told him what she did to me. He's blocked me everywhere he can and continues to date her even though she lied to him about being with me when they started going out.

I rant too much.

[Vikki1805]

You will never forget what has happened, it will just be a learning curve and probably make you paranoid for the future, but you can move on from it.
While you are working with her, you won't move on from the situation because it will be a constant reminder of everything.
When you leave for Uni you will probably begin to move on from it all a lot quicker.
Don't rush into another relationship because at the moment you will be paranoid, you won't trust the other person and you will compare that person to your ex.

At the moment other than when you see her at work, cut all contact, delete her from facebook, remove her number from your phone, skype, don't email, anything.

It will work out eventually, but it takes time and patience.

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Vikki1805)
You will never forget what has happened, it will just be a learning curve and probably make you paranoid for the future, but you can move on from it.
While you are working with her, you won't move on from the situation because it will be a constant reminder of everything.
When you leave for Uni you will probably begin to move on from it all a lot quicker.
Don't rush into another relationship because at the moment you will be paranoid, you won't trust the other person and you will compare that person to your ex.

At the moment other than when you see her at work, cut all contact, delete her from facebook, remove her number from your phone, skype, don't email, anything.

Yeah I have cut all contact except texting and even then it's only work related. I'm looking forward to Uni and not having to think about it again.

[blondyx]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I was trying before hand but I wasn't losing a lot. The food poisoning helped me lose it all quite quickly though. I could barely eat or drink.
and I don't have one, just saying that I've been too concerned with the thoughts of getting another when I don't exactly need one.

I have no feelings for her other than hate any more. She lied to me constantly for 9 months about everything. Every time she went away to one of her expos she would sleep with this other guy. I didn't find out about it until around christmas time when I gave her another chance as she said that she'd broken it off with him. This was probably about the 3rd time that had been said.
My fault for letting it carry on, her fault for being a lying cheating gold-digging bitch.

1) I wouldn't go out with a girl that already has a BF. I wouldn't have sex with them even if they left someone else for me because they're still likely to do that to me if they find someone else.
2) I went through periods where I almost couldn't bare to look at her because of what she had done.
3) It might be 'normal' but it damn well shouldn't be. The general level of morality has dropped to a point that makes me physically sick.
4) Not really sure if I understood this one but I'm assuming you mean being friends with a girl who has a BF? I can't see why that's a problem. Be friends with her BF as well if possible and make sure he knows that you have no intention of being an ass.

I have no theories as to why my GF cheated on me or why she left me for another guy. Every theory that I can think of can be countered. She doesn't seem to have any emotional attachment to anyone and is only concerned with herself. I hope she cheats on her current BF as I have told him what she did to me. He's blocked me everywhere he can and continues to date her even though she lied to him about being with me when they started going out.

I rant too much.

Oh right sorry, I misunderstood what you said about the new girlfriend thing.I agree with the others that it wouldnt be wise to get into one in the near future but you already know that.

You sound like you could do alot better than someone like your ex. You will meet so many new people at uni you will think about her alot less and be too distracted .

It can be difficult dealing with hate, I know some people say its easier to hate them to move on, but I know how difficult it can be dealing with hate. Just keep on distracting yourself for now and putting all your enerhy and hate into things to help you better yourself

[Anonymous]

(Original post by blondyx)
Oh right sorry, I misunderstood what you said about the new girlfriend thing.I agree with the others that it wouldnt be wise to get into one in the near future but you already know that.

You sound like you could do alot better than someone like your ex. You will meet so many new people at uni you will think about her alot less and be too distracted .

It can be difficult dealing with hate, I know some people say its easier to hate them to move on, but I know how difficult it can be dealing with hate. Just keep on distracting yourself for now and putting all your enerhy and hate into things to help you better yourself

Yeah that's what I've been trying to do Thanks for the advice and support.

[blondyx]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah that's what I've been trying to do Thanks for the advice and support.

PM me if you ever want to rant

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my GT-I9300

[Silver Lining]

wow OP, that sounds really upsetting how old are you? (if you don't mind me asking, you sound mature) and it's good that you have been keeping well! sounds really brave of you to be like this, you don't really get many people who are still sane after these kinds of break-ups.
gotta give it to you for being so cool!

[Anonymous]

(Original post by Silver Lining)
wow OP, that sounds really upsetting how old are you? (if you don't mind me asking, you sound mature) and it's good that you have been keeping well! sounds really brave of you to be like this, you don't really get many people who are still sane after these kinds of break-ups.
gotta give it to you for being so cool!

I'm 21 now but my birthday was only a couple of weeks ago. Nice of you to say so
Minor update as well really, she's been away from work for roughly a month now as she keeps going away (her Mum covers for her) and she text me with some bitchy crap last night and ended up barring my number. Only contact I should have to put up with now is eye contact in work if she bothers coming back.
Last hour or so I've been thinking about some of the stuff that she did to me and it still upsets me to think that I could give a relationship my all, and she could still run off and cheat. I haven't cried (as I probably normally would) but it's enough to make my day a little worse.
Probably gonna go watch some Stargate and read the forums some more.
Only thing I can really think to do is distract myself. I don't love her any more, have no feelings towards her but I definitely hate her and hate what she has become.

[Silver Lining]

(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm 21 now but my birthday was only a couple of weeks ago. Nice of you to say so
Minor update as well really, she's been away from work for roughly a month now as she keeps going away (her Mum covers for her) and she text me with some bitchy crap last night and ended up barring my number. Only contact I should have to put up with now is eye contact in work if she bothers coming back.
Last hour or so I've been thinking about some of the stuff that she did to me and it still upsets me to think that I could give a relationship my all, and she could still run off and cheat. I haven't cried (as I probably normally would) but it's enough to make my day a little worse.
Probably gonna go watch some Stargate and read the forums some more.
Only thing I can really think to do is distract myself. I don't love her any more, have no feelings towards her but I definitely hate her and hate what she has become.

sounds like a brilliant idea OP! hope you do get a good future ahead of you and find someone who can possibly make your day better.. and I really can't believe its easy for you to say you dont love her anymore, that is so brave and so strong, I could never ever do that, I'm still in trauma and things have affected my life alot! but if you ever need a chat, just send a PM ! so nice to see people are handling situations like these with such a cool attitude, hope your doing really well.