[jamboogy]

Evan sounds like a little ****. You didn't do anything wrong. I rate you for not smacking him.

[Felchingman]

Not giving him ice-cream was quite mean tbh. Instead you should not have given him ice-cream in the first place, whilst waiting for an apology to then offer him one.

But yeah congrats to you for not teaching him a lesson and keeping your nerves.

[KPV]

The kid was being a brat. It happens. Kids can be especially annoying when they are introduced to something new, e.g. a new environment, a new person. They're just testing new waters or don't understand how things work. Generally if you talk to them firmly, after the first initial encounters their attitude should change as you are less new to them (they get bored)and they understand that you are not going to snap. If you really needed Ethan to stop you should have addressed the family. As a non-family member or a guardian, unless it's to keep the kid from danger there is little to warrant you punishing the child (different to just scolding them).

Also, hospitality is important in some cultures. Withholding hospitable acts (such as offering to buy ice cream) is just rude (even in cases where the person has stated they do not want the thing you are offering).

If you had done the same to someone in my family, we would have thought you were unreasonable.

[ilovefashion90]

(Original post by momanium)
Interesting story,

Seems to have been a bit blown out of proportion in my opinion. Do the parents not tell him off or clip him round the ears. Might be worth just ignoring him cause there is no point in trying to teach the kid when he clearly is a nuisance.

Are you being sarcastic?

That was probably one of the most boring stories I've ever read. I can't even tell if the OP is serious. I read it all hoping there was a point at the end but was annoyed to find out there wasnt.
Basically his gf's cousin pissed him off so he didnt buy him ice cream and his gf thought that was an unfair punishment and he actually logged into his account and wrote that **** down for us to say what exactly?

[Ice Constricter]

(Original post by ilovefashion90)
Are you being sarcastic?

That was probably one of the most boring stories I've ever read. I can't even tell if the OP is serious. I read it all hoping there was a point at the end but was annoyed to find out there wasnt.
Basically his gf's cousin pissed him off so he didnt buy him ice cream and his gf thought that was an unfair punishment and he actually logged into his account and wrote that **** down for us to say what exactly?

That should've been the TL;DR.

[Llewellyn_J]

(Original post by ilovefashion90)
Are you being sarcastic?

That was probably one of the most boring stories I've ever read. I can't even tell if the OP is serious. I read it all hoping there was a point at the end but was annoyed to find out there wasnt.
Basically his gf's cousin pissed him off so he didnt buy him ice cream and his gf thought that was an unfair punishment and he actually logged into his account and wrote that **** down for us to say what exactly?

errr... If I was being unreasonable? Maby to offer some insight as to what I could have done better or whether what i did was mean? If you have nothing constructive to say, don't say it at all, unless if is funny or humorous. Yours is neither.

It doesn't matter though, I've had enoguh replies to get what I need.

[For The Love Of Giraffe]

Tbh, I don't think what you did was wrong as it wasn't like you were disciplining him tbh. You just decided that you weren't going to buy him an ice cream with YOUR OWN MONEY if he wasn't going to apologise or stop treating you so horribly. That's fair enough. What wouldn't have been acceptable was if you were given money by the parents for ice cream and chose to not spend it on him. In that case I would have said that that wasn't your decision to make, but when it was your own money, it's completely fine if you don't want to spend it on brats.

I would have done exactly the same and if anyone complains, just say that you didn't want to spend money on someone who couldn't even treat you decently. You weren't asking for anything remarkable - just to be left alone by the kid. If he can't even do that, why should he deserve you treating him like an equal with the other kids?

[Tim99]

(Original post by Llewellyn_J)
Thank you for the comments. More comments are always welcome.

I think you were right not to buy him an ice cream; after all it's your money AND his behaviour towards you was really bad.

However mate, if your GF wanted to give him some then you really shouldn't have tried to stop her.

Yes, I know it's undermining what you are saying, but at the end of the day you cannot punish him. I'd really express his behaviour to his parents; well done for not loosing your cool.

[0Muzzles0]

(Original post by james22)
Simple solution is don't go back. I know I wouldn't.

^ this

[monk_keys]

Jennifer agreed with your methods initially but when it came down to it, she became embarrassed by the predicament it created whereby you were punishing someone else's child while the parents watched on.

You both should have thought about this before hand because it's a faux pas to discipline other people's children unless you know them very well.

However having initially given you the green light she doesn't really have much right to then try and reverse course, making you look bad in the process because she did initially agree with your stance.

[Hood_Man]

I think you simply found yourself in a really awkward situation, and without the gift of hindsight you reacted in a way you thought was appropriate.

You were told to tell him off. The whole thing was pretty unfair on you, you didn't know what your boundaries were.

From what you've said they all sound pretty cool, so just have a word with the parents and explain why you did it and find out what they want you to do in these situations. He's their son after all, it's very easy for someone to say "Do something," but without being a mind reader you can't know how literal they are or where you're supposed to stop.

Just, don't do the ice cream thing again, ok?

[cool pilot dude]

(Original post by Llewellyn_J)
Hello everyone. After describing this situation to you I will wilfully accept ciriticism and if I find from other points of view that I am wrong, I will admit it. I am very inexperienced with dealing with children. So here is what happened. Warning, it's quite long.

I am white and I am 19 (this is relevant later on) and I stayed with my Malaysian girlfriend, lets call her Jennifer, who is 20, at her aunt and uncle's house in Malaysia for a couple of days. She has several cousins living there too as they tend to have large families over there. The youngest, lets call him Evan, is 12.

The first day Evan refused to leave me alone, he kept grabbing my hair and kept touching me every chance he could get. I am usually indifferent to children as long as they don't make a nuisance of themselves but I find them very annoying (though i do not react) when they do. At first I tolerated it and said nothing. But then Jennifer's older cousin, who is in his mid 20s told me not to tolerate it and tell him off whenever he does these things. So this is what I did but somehow he seems to find it funny when I tell him off and he kept on going. The next day his behaviour got worse. When everyone had left the room he called me an ******* completely out of the blue, and kept telling me to shut up with every little noise I made. I didn't tell anyone though i said to him I don't think his parents would like him using language like that, but it didn't phase him. While i was packing my bags ready to go for later in the day he kept running up behind me and kicking me, while Jennifer was there and with her scolding and my telling him to stop he eventually did so. After, we went to a shopping complex and we split up into groups. First it was me and Jennifer and Evan alone and he kept grabbing hold of the trolley, making it difficult to steer it in such a cramped area though he stopped after a little while. Afterwards he even had the audacity to ask for the change I got from purchasing something. I left the trolley for a few seconds and he started pushing it (this i had no problem with), but Jennifer didn't want that, so she had to fight to get him off it, accidentally hitting some couples' pushchair in the process (luckily there was no baby inside) and causing Evan to fall over and (mildly) hurt his knee. So then he stomped off crying to one of the other groups.

We met up with them a bit later, so it was now my gf, and 5 of her other cousins including Evan. We went to get ice-creams and I treated them all to an ice-cream, except Evan, who I believed didn't deserve one because of his behaviour and I thought this might convince him to leave me alone as this was a repercussion he obviously didn't like. Evan kicked up a massive fuss and though initially my gf went along with it, before long she wanted to give him some of hers. I insisted she didn't give him any as he has got to learn to at least stop bothering me and maybe even that he can't behave like this. I used the fact that I had bought the ice-cream with my money to reinforce my case for not giving him any. Afterwards, when we all got in the car with the rest of the family, she gave the ice cream to me because she couldn't finish it. She kept asking me to give him some and I still refused, quite openly and infront of the rest of his family including his parents.

Afterwards she told me off, saying that they would be talking about it, and she called me mean for doing that to a small boy and immature for 'showing my temper' to him, even though I did not do it to show my temper, I did it to try and get him to stop bothering me (seeing as asking him to stop and telling him off wouldn't work).

NOTE: I will be going to stay with them again for longer in the near future (at least a week), so if it was just the 2 days then I would have left it.

NOTE: His brothers, most of them younger than me did not seem bothered and they even laughed when I didn't give him the ice-cream (I didn't find it funny). However, another cousin (from a different side of the family that I am friends with him specifically) was 'shocked' in Jennifer's words.


I just don't understand, how can I be the bad guy by trying to deal with such atrocious behaviour by not buying the boy some ice cream? I just don't get it.

EDIT: One thing I neglected to mention was that Jennifer was more supportive than I have been giving you all the impression of. She told Evan off whenever she was present while Evan was bothering me and she fervently argued my case against the cousin who was 'shocked' even though she strongly disagreed with my actions. Just in case this thread was painting a negative picture of her.

Cute story

But I wanna ask if your willing to have childeren in the future? I also wanna ask if you have an small cousins, newphews, neices or whatever?

The reason Im asking is because this is how little kids are yes, kids are ****ing annoying most of the time. But this is how it is....

I think at 12 that kid should know better and definetly know better in how to treat guests. But as I said, hes a kid.

Just dont break up with your GF because of this. Also, try to bond with the little dude and give him the attention which he wants (after all, he is a kid) and maybe you will become good freinds

By the way, your gf must be good looking if shes malaysian Im just curious on whether she is muslim? I know malasyain muslims are quite moderate.

[Llewellyn_J]

(Original post by cool pilot dude)
Cute story

But I wanna ask if your willing to have childeren in the future? I also wanna ask if you have an small cousins, newphews, neices or whatever?

The reason Im asking is because this is how little kids are yes, kids are ****ing annoying most of the time. But this is how it is....

I think at 12 that kid should know better and definetly know better in how to treat guests. But as I said, hes a kid.

Just dont break up with your GF because of this. Also, try to bond with the little dude and give him the attention which he wants (after all, he is a kid) and maybe you will become good freinds

By the way, your gf must be good looking if shes malaysian Im just curious on whether she is muslim? I know malasyain muslims are quite moderate.

Haha, my current stance on children in the future is a big, fat never. but then again, so many people change their minds I cannot be certain about it. I have young cousins, much younger than Evan but I've never met them as they live in a different country. I have no interest in becoming friends with this kid as, in all honesty, he irritates me too much. How would you respond to all the other people on here saying a 12 year old shouldn't be behaving like that and that I shouldn't entertain him?
No she isn't a muslim, she was a brought up in a mostly Christian household with Hindu influences, but she herself is one of the few in Malaysia who is not religious.

[Arcane Barn Elk]

(Original post by cool pilot dude)
give him the attention which he wants (after all, he is a kid)

No! No! No! You just end up training the child to behave like that! I see parents doing this all the time - ignoring the child when they are being quiet and well behaved then paying attention when they are misbehaving.

It is basic psychology - any behaviour that is rewarded is repeated - and to a child any attention (even scolding) is a reward - especially if they don't get a lot of attention.

The rule is ignore bad behaviour and reward good. This applies to dogs too

OP, this child sounds like a nightmare. His parents need to be told and a strategy agreed before you return. (And yes, the ice cream was mean - but you did the right thing following through on your decision with him.)

[AspiringGenius]

Was the ice cream bought with your money?

[Llewellyn_J]

(Original post by AspiringGenius)
Was the ice cream bought with your money?

Yeh.

[A.J10]

You weren't in the wrong for not buying him an ice cream, you were in the wrong for punishing someone else's kids without permission. If your gf had said no ice cream they may have been fine with it.

This was posted from The Student Room's Android App on my E15i

[cool pilot dude]

(Original post by Llewellyn_J)
Haha, my current stance on children in the future is a big, fat never. but then again, so many people change their minds I cannot be certain about it. I have young cousins, much younger than Evan but I've never met them as they live in a different country. I have no interest in becoming friends with this kid as, in all honesty, he irritates me too much. How would you respond to all the other people on here saying a 12 year old shouldn't be behaving like that and that I shouldn't entertain him?
No she isn't a muslim, she was a brought up in a mostly Christian household with Hindu influences, but she herself is one of the few in Malaysia who is not religious.

I can see why you dont want kids. Because you havent had much experience withh them But hey, when your gonna get old and frail, whos gonna look after you?

I love my little cousins! sure, they can be naughty (well the boys are) but I told them if they be good I will take them to laser quest. which I did and I really enjoyed it and so did they.

If you think of this kid as irritating, you wont be able to go anywhere as you will always be negative when he is around.

Oh thats interesting I really wanna go malasyia and see the culture as my dad has been there many times and said he woukd love to live tehre

[cool pilot dude]

(Original post by Arcane Barn Elk)
No! No! No! You just end up training the child to behave like that! I see parents doing this all the time - ignoring the child when they are being quiet and well behaved then paying attention when they are misbehaving.

It is basic psychology - any behaviour that is rewarded is repeated - and to a child any attention (even scolding) is a reward - especially if they don't get a lot of attention.

The rule is ignore bad behaviour and reward good. This applies to dogs too

OP, this child sounds like a nightmare. His parents need to be told and a strategy agreed before you return. (And yes, the ice cream was mean - but you did the right thing following through on your decision with him.)

Looks like I was falling asleep in AS psychology after all....

I beleive this is true in some aspects. But, sometimes if you give a bad child something, they would start to be good to you and like you.

[Llewellyn_J]

(Original post by cool pilot dude)
I can see why you dont want kids. Because you havent had much experience withh them But hey, when your gonna get old and frail, whos gonna look after you?

I love my little cousins! sure, they can be naughty (well the boys are) but I told them if they be good I will take them to laser quest. which I did and I really enjoyed it and so did they.

If you think of this kid as irritating, you wont be able to go anywhere as you will always be negative when he is around.

Oh thats interesting I really wanna go malasyia and see the culture as my dad has been there many times and said he woukd love to live tehre

There is no guarantee they will look after you when you are old. You know where the majority of old people end up? In retirement homes or living alone, their spouses likely having passed away, while their children rarely if ever visit or contact them. By the time I get that old modern medicine will have made the effects of ageing a thing of the past. I have no worries about my childfree old-age future in the slightest.

As for Malaysia, yes it is great. Very multi-cultural and the malls are fantastic, as is the weather. However, the drivers there hold true to the Asian driver stereotypes and religion restricts stuff you can do (hindus don't eat beef, muslims don't eat pork etc etc).