[insignificant]

Me and this friend have been best friends since we were tiny. Its a complex friendship. We went to the same primary school and had the same group of friends. Then I didn't get into my local high school, which everyone else did, so I had to go to another school miles and miles away, and I hated every single day of it. No one else made the effort to keep in touch with me, apart from her during high school. I managed to get into that high schools sixth form and everyone was still there, I got on with everyone, but never really fit into a group. I had a boyfriend and it was a stupid thing of me to do , but you cant help how you feel. I was still close to my friend though and we still went places and did stuff.

Everyone went off to uni, but everytime its the holidays and everyone comes home, no one makes any effort with me, everyone, and I mean everyone goes out to places in this group, and my friend whenever I see her, constantly goes on about stuff theyve done together, or problems she's having with people, or stuff people have done etc, and its really grinding on me, she knows im going through an incredibly hard time, I'm on medication, both my parents are ill, she knows I could do with going out and seeing people, and I cant figure out why she doesnt ever suggest I go with her to somewhere where lots of people will be. She knows I dont have a group of friends, why does she like to rub it in my face constantly? They all talk on facebook, and I've seen lots of comments like ''I've written it in the thread'' or ''look in the thread''. Theyve got a secret message thing on facebook that only they can all see.

Its pissing me off how ignorant and horrible shes being! I'm not jealous, because jealous is a horrible word, but I'm just annoyed at the whole situation and how she is with me.

[jamboogy]

Surely you should ask her what's going on? You're best friends, hopefully she'll get the message that you wanna go out with her and her friends.

[insignificant]

(Original post by jamboogy)
Surely you should ask her what's going on? You're best friends, hopefully she'll get the message that you wanna go out with her and her friends.

I dunno, we've never really had to have any sort of conflict talk. I dont know how I'd broach the subject.. ''Hey.. you know I'm having a pretty depressive period.. my dads having brain surgery, my mums having her jaw replaced, and I'm at home doing nothing everyday.. why dont you ever invite me anywhere with people, and why do you constantly go on about them to me?''

[icancount23]

Yeah this is pretty awkward isn't it. Her and her friends probably have a messaging thread or group on facebook which they use to organise plans for going out or for just talking. Now i'm guessing you were never really considered 'part' of this group in sixth form for whatever reason, and this is why you aren't part of this facebook group. This might be difficult for your friend because it may be hard for her to simply bring you along to these events. She may even think that you don't want to be part of these things and this is why she doesn't find it odd discussing them with you.

You can either bring up your problems and risk damaging this friendship or just realise that you're never going to be part of this group. I only say this because if you weren't friends with all these people during school, it's going to be hard to suddenly be friends with them now.

[jamboogy]

(Original post by insignificant)
I dunno, we've never really had to have any sort of conflict talk. I dont know how I'd broach the subject.. ''Hey.. you know I'm having a pretty depressive period.. my dads having brain surgery, my mums having her jaw replaced, and I'm at home doing nothing everyday.. why dont you ever invite me anywhere with people, and why do you constantly go on about them to me?''

Yeah it's a pretty awks subject. I agree with the guy above me - sometimes people just aren't a part of a group, therefore they don't get invited out with them which seems to be your situation.

[insignificant]

(Original post by icancount23)
Yeah this is pretty awkward isn't it. Her and her friends probably have a messaging thread or group on facebook which they use to organise plans for going out or for just talking. Now i'm guessing you were never really considered 'part' of this group in sixth form for whatever reason, and this is why you aren't part of this facebook group. This might be difficult for your friend because it may be hard for her to simply bring you along to these events. She may even think that you don't want to be part of these things and this is why she doesn't find it odd discussing them with you.

You can either bring up your problems and risk damaging this friendship or just realise that you're never going to be part of this group. I only say this because if you weren't friends with all these people during school, it's going to be hard to suddenly be friends with them now.

(Original post by jamboogy)
Yeah it's a pretty awks subject. I agree with the guy above me - sometimes people just aren't a part of a group, therefore they don't get invited out with them which seems to be your situation.

The point is, she makes it awkward because shes constantly talking about them and what theyve done TO ME. Constantly. Why doesnt this make her feel awkward?

[icancount23]

(Original post by insignificant)
The point is, she makes it awkward because shes constantly talking about them and what theyve done TO ME. Constantly. Why doesnt this make her feel awkward?

Sometimes people can be incredibly obtuse or oblivious. She may think that you don't want to be part of that group or that you wouldn't want to go to these things. Basically she doesn't understand your situation at all. Or she is just a bitch. Did you go out with all these people during school? Have you kept in contact with anyone else apart from this one girl?

[Annie72]

(Original post by insignificant)
I dunno, we've never really had to have any sort of conflict talk. I dont know how I'd broach the subject.. ''Hey.. you know I'm having a pretty depressive period.. my dads having brain surgery, my mums having her jaw replaced, and I'm at home doing nothing everyday.. why dont you ever invite me anywhere with people, and why do you constantly go on about them to me?''

Why not just say what you have above?.I know it's a bit straight to the point, but at least you will get it off your chest before it can fester.

[3lln]

I agree with the people above. I have had two gap years cause I couldn't afford A Levels then uni, and no one but my best friend talks to me now. They come back for holidays, etc and they say "hey let's hang out sometime" when we bump into each other but it never happens. You get used to it, trust me. Your own group of friends will show up sometime...it's life, up and downs. Sorry about your situation by the way, I do feel for you and I wish you the best and virtual support <3

[tory88]

If you're best friends, she probably just like to tell you about how she's doing and things going on in her life, as opposed to wanting to rub it in your face. And I don't think you can expect her to get you invited to events that she isn't organising, especially when you haven't asked her to.

[insignificant]

(Original post by Annie72)
Why not just say what you have above?.I know it's a bit straight to the point, but at least you will get it off your chest before it can fester.

If I do, I don't really know what I'm expecting from it. I cant figure out how she will respond? What if she finds it awkward, and then things are awkward between us. What if she is bold and finds something wrong with what I said and is rude? What if she doesn't know what to say? We've never argued, I don't know how things will work out..

[insignificant]

(Original post by 3lln)
I agree with the people above. I have had two gap years cause I couldn't afford A Levels then uni, and no one but my best friend talks to me now. They come back for holidays, etc and they say "hey let's hang out sometime" when we bump into each other but it never happens. You get used to it, trust me. Your own group of friends will show up sometime...it's life, up and downs. Sorry about your situation by the way, I do feel for you and I wish you the best and virtual support <3

Thankyou, I know, and I dont WANT to be in with this group of friends, what I'm annoyed at is that she constantly goes on to me about them and what shes doing constantly CONSTANTLY when she knows my situation, its like she doesnt have any tact.

[jamboogy]

(Original post by insignificant)
The point is, she makes it awkward because shes constantly talking about them and what theyve done TO ME. Constantly. Why doesnt this make her feel awkward?

I hate to say it, but your friend sounds like a bit of a bitch. I would find it hard to believe that she's unintentionally bringing up her outings in conversation. Just allow her. Don't you have other friends from uni you can see?

[Sabz15]

The only thing you can do is tell her. Chances are she doesn't realise what she's doing and that it's affecting you, I'm sure she will understand, and if you didn't do anything wrong to her group of friends in sixth form I don't know what the problem is. I think she doesn't realise what she's doing, most people don't until it's pointed out to them.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[insignificant]

(Original post by jamboogy)
I hate to say it, but your friend sounds like a bit of a bitch. I would find it hard to believe that she's unintentionally bringing up her outings in conversation. Just allow her. Don't you have other friends from uni you can see?

No. I originally went to a university further away. But then I had to transfer to a university at home so I could live at home due to my parents ill health. Transferring into second year and making friends when everyone already knows each other and has their own cliquey groups is nigh on impossible.

[Gerrard]

Doesn't really sound like a proper friend to me, I had 'friends' like that, you soon realise they aren't friends at all, just 'friends'

[3lln]

(Original post by insignificant)
Thankyou, I know, and I dont WANT to be in with this group of friends, what I'm annoyed at is that she constantly goes on to me about them and what shes doing constantly CONSTANTLY when she knows my situation, its like she doesnt have any tact.

She may not be the best of friends then...practically rubbing it in and all...I suggest you tell her or just block her out when the world apparently revolves around her and her groupie. I feel for you, it sucks, but blocking insignificance is essential in life anyhow, so practice with her. She will never know

And, you deserve better friends. They are coming.