Would you ever date a girl that cheated on her old boyfriend?

Original post by dgeorge

Can say the same thing for any mistake.

People aren't perfect. Personally, I wouldn't hold it against them

I classify mistake as an error in action, not a lapse in judgement in which the person was fully aware of their actions and potential consequences.

I would hold it in aspect of their personality, how they deal with things.

Reply 25

Original post by ct2k7

I classify mistake as an error in action, not a lapse in judgement in which the person was fully aware of their actions and potential consequences.

I would hold it in aspect of their personality, how they deal with things.

Ok, I won't bother to argue with semantics or meanings.

However, each and every one of us has done something WRONG, something that we should not have done. You can't categorize a person based on ONE or isolated cases of behaviour:

Just like YOU may have lied in the past (speculating here), would you categorize yourself as a liar?

The "once a cheat always a cheat" idea is simplistic and naive. If you think because you commit an action once that that action defines you then that is wrong.

Just my personal opinion

Reply 26

Original post by dgeorge

Ok, I won't bother to argue with semantics or meanings.

However, each and every one of us has done something WRONG, something that we should not have done. You can't categorize a person based on ONE or isolated cases of behaviour:

Just like YOU may have lied in the past (speculating here), would you categorize yourself as a liar?

The "once a cheat always a cheat" idea is simplistic and naive. If you think because you commit an action once that that action defines you then that is wrong.

Just my personal opinion

I won't disagree that that we've all done something wrong in the past. But - have we done it wrong being fully aware of the pain, and the consequences it would cause?

I pride myself in that I don't tell lies. Instead, I work around telling the truths where required, or give a very vague answer which isn't false.

The "once a cheat always a cheat" idea is somewhat telling of someone, and yes, I believe that they can change, but you can certainly tell if they haven't. In most cases of infidelity, the person has craved attention either in a good relationship or not. If someone has a history of cheating, then of course ... it applies.

What I will hold against them is that they did something without full regard for the other party. Cheating is selfish. Actions always speak louder than words.

Reply 27

Original post by Voltozonic

Depends on the severity of it. Was it that one stupid mistake ? Or chronic humping about over a few years....

Personally I think that whole "Once a cheater, always a cheater", line is rubbish.

People change all the time. If I met someone, I wouldn't want to know anything about their past relationships. I'm not attracted to the person they were in the past,

Of course, many people change over the time. But not everyone does. Now, in my opinion, the most important thing in a relationship is trust. I may not be interested in getting into a relationship atm but if I was to have one, I can only get into a relationship with someone I can trust.

Of course, some people may have cheated in the past and would never do it again after they realised what a bad thing it was to do. But there are some who never thought it was wrong or were not remorseful over it and would be happy to do it again in the right circumstances. Many people say that they themselves won't cheat but give them the right circumstances, and they would betray the trust of their partner.

i'm attracted to who they are in the present.

But that's the problem. You might to attracted to them in the present but how do you know they are trustworthy in the present? The fact is that we cannot truly know. But when someone has had a history of cheating, no matter how small it may have seemed at the time, I think it should be taken very seriously. The fact is we don't know whether he/she is remorseful over it and wouldn't do it again or whether s/he would do it again in the right circumstances. Since we don't know whether the 'right' circumstances will appear sometime later in the relationship, it is wiser to avoid the risk altogether, imo.

Think of it like a job application/interview. The employer is only interested in those who have a history that shows they are capable of doing the job. If they don't have that history, they won't be employed. Simple. Likewise, someone who cheated in the past has a history of betraying their partner's trust. Of course, we don't know whether they've truly regretted their act and changed for the better. But the fact that they've done it before clearly shows that it is very risky to get into a relationship with them. Because if the right circumstances appear for s/he to cheat, your heart could end up being broken.

OP, I would avoid that girl like the plague if I were you. There are plenty more fish in the sea.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 28

username447608

14

26? the women needs to grow up!

But no I wouldnt date a man who has cheated the fact that they had would make me worry and not trust them and whats the point of a relationship if you dont trust the person?

shes still leading on her boyfriend for gods sake she'd most likely be sleeping with mutual friends behind your back to!

Reply 29

Original post by SillyMilly

26? the women needs to grow up!

But no I wouldnt date a man who has cheated the fact that they had would make me worry and not trust them and whats the point of a relationship if you dont trust the person?

shes still leading on her boyfriend for gods sake she'd most likely be sleeping with mutual friends behind your back to!

I think half of the people in here would be awful marriage counsellors.

Reply 30

Original post by dgeorge

However, each and every one of us has done something WRONG, something that we should not have done. You can't categorize a person based on ONE or isolated cases of behaviour:

Just like YOU may have lied in the past (speculating here), would you categorize yourself as a liar?

The "once a cheat always a cheat" idea is simplistic and naive. If you think because you commit an action once that that action defines you then that is wrong.

Just my personal opinion

Fair enough that everyone has done something "wrong" in the past. But let's be fair, we weren't always fully aware at the time of what how our actions would affect others. But with cheating, it is different. I don't see how cheating can be just one stupid mistake at the time. The cheater wouldn't like it if their partner cheated on them. The cheater knows s/he is breaking his/her partner's trust when s/he did the act. Of course people change over time. And so, "once a cheat always a cheat" isn't completely accurate. But the fact that they had a history of cheating means that entering into a relationship with that person is very risky. Because you never know...if the "right circumstances" come up in the relationship, the person can cheat again and break their partner's heart.

Now, to take your example of lying. Obviously it depends on the lie. There are small "white" lies. And there are big lies. I admit I have told white lies in the past and would happily do it in the right circumstances. If that makes me a liar, then so be it. However, I don't remember when I have ever told a big lie. So I wouldn't consider myself a "bad" liar.

However with cheating, I don't see how it can be big or small. Cheating is cheating. It is a complete disregard and breach of your partner's trust. If there was a problem in the relationship or you were attracted to someone else, you should either have tried to work with your partner to sort out the relationship or break up. Simple. To not do either and then cheat is inexcusable imo.

Like I said earlier, just because someone cheated once doesn't mean they'll do it again. But the fact that they've done it before (especially not too long ago) shows that it is extremely risky to trust that person.

Think of it like a job application/interview. The employer is only interested in those who have a history that shows they are capable of doing the job. If they don't have that history, they won't be employed. Simple. Likewise, someone who cheated in the past has a history of betraying their partner's trust. Of course, we don't know whether they've truly regretted their act and changed for the better. But the fact that they've done it before clearly shows that it is very risky to get into a relationship with them. Because if the right circumstances appear for s/he to cheat, your heart could end up being broken.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 31

username447608

14

Original post by ct2k7

I think half of the people in here would be awful marriage counsellors.

meaning/?

Reply 32

Original post by SillyMilly

meaning/?

:/

Really?

Reply 33

Original post by Cable

Fair enough that everyone has done something "wrong" in the past. But let's be fair, we weren't always fully aware at the time of what how our actions would affect others. But with cheating, it is different. I don't see how cheating can be just one stupid mistake at the time. The cheater wouldn't like it if their partner cheated on them. The cheater knows s/he is breaking his/her partner's trust when s/he did the act. Of course people change over time. And so, "once a cheat always a cheat" isn't completely accurate. But the fact that they had a history of cheating means that entering into a relationship with that person is very risky. Because you never know...if the "right circumstances" come up in the relationship, the person can cheat again and break their partner's heart.

Now, to take your example of lying. Obviously it depends on the lie. There are small "white" lies. And there are big lies. I admit I have told white lies in the past and would happily do it in the right circumstances. If that makes me a liar, then so be it. However, I don't remember when I have ever told a big lie. So I wouldn't consider myself a "bad" liar.

However with cheating, I don't see how it can be big or small. Cheating is cheating. It is a complete disregard and breach of your partner's trust. If there was a problem in the relationship or you were attracted to someone else, you should either have tried to work with your partner to sort out the relationship or break up. Simple. To not do either and then cheat is inexcusable imo.

Like I said earlier, just because someone cheated once doesn't mean they'll do it again. But the fact that they've done it before (especially not too long ago) shows that it is extremely risky to trust that person.

Think of it like a job application/interview. The employer is only interested in those who have a history that shows they are capable of doing the job. If they don't have that history, they won't be employed. Simple. Likewise, someone who cheated in the past has a history of betraying their partner's trust. Of course, we don't know whether they've truly regretted their act and changed for the better. But the fact that they've done it before clearly shows that it is very risky to get into a relationship with them. Because if the right circumstances appear for s/he to cheat, your heart could end up being broken.

However with cheating, I don't see how it can be big or small.

Depends on the act. Cheating can be to various degrees, just like lying and deception. A quick kiss uses a lot less forethought than say having sex. There ARE varying degrees/levels of cheating

Reply 34

Original post by ct2k7

I won't disagree that that we've all done something wrong in the past. But - have we done it wrong being fully aware of the pain, and the consequences it would cause?

I pride myself in that I don't tell lies. Instead, I work around telling the truths where required, or give a very vague answer which isn't false.

The "once a cheat always a cheat" idea is somewhat telling of someone, and yes, I believe that they can change, but you can certainly tell if they haven't. In most cases of infidelity, the person has craved attention either in a good relationship or not. If someone has a history of cheating, then of course ... it applies.

What I will hold against them is that they did something without full regard for the other party. Cheating is selfish. Actions always speak louder than words.

I won't disagree that that we've all done something wrong in the past. But - have we done it wrong being fully aware of the pain, and the consequences it would cause?

I fail to see why cheaters would be any more or less aware of the pain and consequences of any other "wrong"/immoral act.

Reply 35

Original post by dgeorge

I fail to see why cheaters would be any more or less aware of the pain and consequences of any other "wrong"/immoral act.

Well, if you so call "love" someone, then why put them through the pain?
Why break their trust in you?
Why endanger them?

How many other wrong or immortal acts can be classified in the same class as cheating?

Reply 36

Original post by Cable

Fair enough that everyone has done something "wrong" in the past. But let's be fair, we weren't always fully aware at the time of what how our actions would affect others. But with cheating, it is different. I don't see how cheating can be just one stupid mistake at the time. The cheater wouldn't like it if their partner cheated on them. The cheater knows s/he is breaking his/her partner's trust when s/he did the act. Of course people change over time. And so, "once a cheat always a cheat" isn't completely accurate. But the fact that they had a history of cheating means that entering into a relationship with that person is very risky. Because you never know...if the "right circumstances" come up in the relationship, the person can cheat again and break their partner's heart.

Now, to take your example of lying. Obviously it depends on the lie. There are small "white" lies. And there are big lies. I admit I have told white lies in the past and would happily do it in the right circumstances. If that makes me a liar, then so be it. However, I don't remember when I have ever told a big lie. So I wouldn't consider myself a "bad" liar.

However with cheating, I don't see how it can be big or small. Cheating is cheating. It is a complete disregard and breach of your partner's trust. If there was a problem in the relationship or you were attracted to someone else, you should either have tried to work with your partner to sort out the relationship or break up. Simple. To not do either and then cheat is inexcusable imo.

Like I said earlier, just because someone cheated once doesn't mean they'll do it again. But the fact that they've done it before (especially not too long ago) shows that it is extremely risky to trust that person.

Think of it like a job application/interview. The employer is only interested in those who have a history that shows they are capable of doing the job. If they don't have that history, they won't be employed. Simple. Likewise, someone who cheated in the past has a history of betraying their partner's trust. Of course, we don't know whether they've truly regretted their act and changed for the better. But the fact that they've done it before clearly shows that it is very risky to get into a relationship with them. Because if the right circumstances appear for s/he to cheat, your heart could end up being broken.

Because if the right circumstances appear for s/he to cheat, your heart could end up being broken

The same could be said for people who HAVEN'T cheated, there is still a possibility for them to cheat!

Reply 37

Original post by dgeorge

The same could be said for people who HAVEN'T cheated, there is still a possibility for them to cheat!

I had a multifarious number of opportunities to cheat. I didn't. I value and respect the trust in my relationship. I also love my wife.

Reply 38

Original post by dgeorge

Depends on the act. Cheating can be to various degrees, just like lying and deception. A quick kiss uses a lot less forethought than say having sex. There ARE varying degrees/levels of cheating

Fair enough. You're right that there are be varying degrees. But as far as I'm concerned, cheating is cheating. Once someone breaks my trust, they're out of my life. We can agree to disagree on our tolerance towards cheating (whether big or small).

Let's take your example of a quick kiss. What must the person have been doing before s/he got into that situation? Flirting?

In a relationship, it's either you're into your partner or you're not. Of course, we can still find other people attractive. But that doesn't mean that we should be flirting dangerously with other people outside the relationship. It can lead to a lot of trouble later whereby you can have a quick moment of passion for someone else other than your partner and break your partner's trust.

To me, it doesn't matter whether the cheating is big or small. There must have been something going on that led to the cheating (e.g. flirting excessively). That part of her behaviour may be part of her character (e.g. constantly seeking validation from other men and flirting loads with them). In which case, there's always a risk that that part of her character can lead to her cheating in the future. And I would avoid such person like the plague.

If s/he cheats, the truth is that s/he is not that into you. And that's not the person I would want a relationship with.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 39