[Cable]

(Original post by dgeorge)
Depends on the act. Cheating can be to various degrees, just like lying and deception. A quick kiss uses a lot less forethought than say having sex. There ARE varying degrees/levels of cheating

Fair enough. You're right that there are be varying degrees. But as far as I'm concerned, cheating is cheating. Once someone breaks my trust, they're out of my life. We can agree to disagree on our tolerance towards cheating (whether big or small).

Let's take your example of a quick kiss. What must the person have been doing before s/he got into that situation? Flirting?

In a relationship, it's either you're into your partner or you're not. Of course, we can still find other people attractive. But that doesn't mean that we should be flirting dangerously with other people outside the relationship. It can lead to a lot of trouble later whereby you can have a quick moment of passion for someone else other than your partner and break your partner's trust.

To me, it doesn't matter whether the cheating is big or small. There must have been something going on that led to the cheating (e.g. flirting excessively). That part of her behaviour may be part of her character (e.g. constantly seeking validation from other men and flirting loads with them). In which case, there's always a risk that that part of her character can lead to her cheating in the future. And I would avoid such person like the plague.

If s/he cheats, the truth is that s/he is not that into you. And that's not the person I would want a relationship with.

[Cable]

(Original post by dgeorge)
The same could be said for people who HAVEN'T cheated, there is still a possibility for them to cheat!

True. But surely it's a lot riskier with someone who has been proven to cheat in the right circumstances compared to someone who hasn't cheated (yet)?

[ct2k7]

(Original post by ct2k7)
I had a multifarious number of opportunities to cheat. I didn't. I value and respect the trust in my relationship. I also love my wife.

I also add that I might like the female attention a bit... but it doesn't mean that I'll do anything with it.

[Jakeh]

I had the option to cheat on my ex and straight up refused, as Cable has said you're either into your partner or your not, and i think if someone i'm looking to get with has cheated on a partner, i'm not interested.

[SillyMilly]

(Original post by ct2k7)
:/

Really?

Yes really what did that comment mean?

In my personal opinion no I wouldnt date somebody who had cheated if I knew about it before I fell for them because in my opinoin once a cheat always a cheat

[ct2k7]

(Original post by SillyMilly)
Yes really what did that comment mean?

In my personal opinion no I wouldnt date somebody who had cheated if I knew about it before I fell for them because in my opinoin once a cheat always a cheat

Most people here are rather rigid on the subject. I would fear that it could interfere with their judgement in helping married couples.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[SillyMilly]

(Original post by ct2k7)
Most people here are rather rigid on the subject. I would fear that it could interfere with their judgement in helping married couples.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

yes but surely consdering the advice from people who have been there got the shirt is better than somebody whose never experienced a cheat and saying oh no forgive her blah blah

[Anonymous]

I don't think you can completely dismiss anyone who has ever cheated in the past. I may have cheated on my boyfriend...I'm pretty sure I kissed a guy and went back to his on a night out but I was so drunk I can't at all remember if we actually did anything. I'd like to think I'd have come to my senses and left before anything happened, I woke up in my own bed, at least I didn't stay the night. But the point is, I regret that so much and I do think I've learnt from it because I'm so much more careful with what I drink now. I don't consider myself a 'cheater' and don't think I'll ever do something like that again. I wouldn't like to be dismissed for the rest of my life because of one stupid thing I did when I was off my face.

That said, I do think you have to think very carefully about this girl and whether you think she could do it again. I think a good way of judging m

[dgeorge]

(Original post by Cable)
True. But surely it's a lot riskier with someone who has been proven to cheat in the right circumstances compared to someone who hasn't cheated (yet)?

It depends on the PERSON. As much as people would like to ignore, it also depends on the circumstances leading up to, and after the cheating.

[ct2k7]

(Original post by SillyMilly)
yes but surely consdering the advice from people who have been there got the shirt is better than somebody whose never experienced a cheat and saying oh no forgive her blah blah

I would agree, but is that person likely to project their feelings?


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[dgeorge]

(Original post by Cable)
Fair enough. You're right that there are be varying degrees. But as far as I'm concerned, cheating is cheating. Once someone breaks my trust, they're out of my life. We can agree to disagree on our tolerance towards cheating (whether big or small).

Let's take your example of a quick kiss. What must the person have been doing before s/he got into that situation? Flirting?

In a relationship, it's either you're into your partner or you're not. Of course, we can still find other people attractive. But that doesn't mean that we should be flirting dangerously with other people outside the relationship. It can lead to a lot of trouble later whereby you can have a quick moment of passion for someone else other than your partner and break your partner's trust.

To me, it doesn't matter whether the cheating is big or small. There must have been something going on that led to the cheating (e.g. flirting excessively). That part of her behaviour may be part of her character (e.g. constantly seeking validation from other men and flirting loads with them). In which case, there's always a risk that that part of her character can lead to her cheating in the future. And I would avoid such person like the plague.

If s/he cheats, the truth is that s/he is not that into you. And that's not the person I would want a relationship with.

If s/he cheats, the truth is that s/he is not that into you.

That is USUALLY, but not always correct.

I'm not condoning cheating in ANY way whatsoever, simply saying it NEEDS to be examined on a case by case basis instead of a "one size fits everything" rule. As one goes through life, people will understand there are times when rigid and unwavering application of these rules can actually lead to WORSE outcomes.

Again, NOT condoning cheating, simply saying its not a cut and dry decision, nor should it be

[doodle_333]

unpopular opinion but I do think if you know it's only been done ONCE they shouldn't necessarily be dismissed...I think people can make mistakes, particularly if they're not relationship savvy and inexperienced, I know people who've cheated once and been SO distraught about it and have never done it again because it was a massive mistake, however I think once it's happened a couple of times it's clearly a problem

[Studentus-anonymous]

(Original post by dgeorge)
I'm not condoning cheating in ANY way whatsoever, simply saying it NEEDS to be examined on a case by case basis instead of a "one size fits everything" rule. As one goes through life, people will understand there are times when rigid and unwavering application of these rules can actually lead to WORSE outcomes.

1. People have to make the concious decision to cheat.

2. People can chose to not cheat, to break up with someone before it comes to that.

If you're trying to say people are weak and stupid you're right, but cheating is still cheating.


You wouldn't give a rapist any leeway because they claim they were boozed up or emotional or slipped and accidentally ****ed someone.

Sorry but no. It's up to the individual but the cheater has no right to expect a partner to make it work, or for a potential partner to give them a chance.

Relationships tend to involve emotions and cheating kicks them right in the nards.

No respect. And if a cheater has no respect for who they cheated on, people don't need to give them respect either.

[Drunk Punx]

(Original post by dgeorge)
See this is what I don't understand. How can you label someone for one act that they've committed?

I know lots of people who have nicked small things from the grocery shops. That doesn't make them a "thief"

Likewise, I know people who have been in fights. That doesn't make them aggressive lunkheads.

Labelling someone off of ONE action is ridiculous.

However, if you said to me that the person was a SERIAL cheater, or a SERIAL thief, then I would have a different opinion.

But to label someone after committing one act is simplistic and shallow, IMHO

I can see your point, and to a degree, I completely agree with you.

However, if you had a friend (A) round your house and you'd found out from another friend (B) a few days previous that said friend (A) had once stolen something from their house (and at that point, they too were friends), would you leave them (A) alone in a room in your house for any given amount of time?

[Cable]

(Original post by dgeorge)
It depends on the PERSON. As much as people would like to ignore, it also depends on the circumstances leading up to, and after the cheating.

(Original post by dgeorge)
That is USUALLY, but not always correct.

I'm not condoning cheating in ANY way whatsoever, simply saying it NEEDS to be examined on a case by case basis instead of a "one size fits everything" rule. As one goes through life, people will understand there are times when rigid and unwavering application of these rules can actually lead to WORSE outcomes.

Again, NOT condoning cheating, simply saying its not a cut and dry decision, nor should it be

(Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
1. People have to make the concious decision to cheat.

2. People can chose to not cheat, to break up with someone before it comes to that.

If you're trying to say people are weak and stupid you're right, but cheating is still cheating.


You wouldn't give a rapist any leeway because they claim they were boozed up or emotional or slipped and accidentally ****ed someone.

Sorry but no. It's up to the individual but the cheater has no right to expect a partner to make it work, or for a potential partner to give them a chance.

Relationships tend to involve emotions and cheating kicks them right in the nards.

No respect. And if a cheater has no respect for who they cheated on, people don't need to give them respect either.

What Studentus Anonymous said. And the rapist analogy is perfect as well.

[dgeorge]

(Original post by Studentus-anonymous)
1. People have to make the concious decision to cheat.

2. People can chose to not cheat, to break up with someone before it comes to that.

If you're trying to say people are weak and stupid you're right, but cheating is still cheating.


You wouldn't give a rapist any leeway because they claim they were boozed up or emotional or slipped and accidentally ****ed someone.

Sorry but no. It's up to the individual but the cheater has no right to expect a partner to make it work, or for a potential partner to give them a chance.

Relationships tend to involve emotions and cheating kicks them right in the nards.

No respect. And if a cheater has no respect for who they cheated on, people don't need to give them respect either.

People have to make the concious decision to cheat.

Fine

People can chose to not cheat, to break up with someone before it comes to that.

True, but you can say the same thing for ANYTHING ELSE that your partner does wrong in the relationship

You wouldn't give a rapist any leeway

I'm not sure how a rapist comes into the discussion? Are you trying to equate cheating with rape? Because I can tell you, rape is far, FAR worse

Relationships tend to involve emotions and cheating kicks them right in the nards

And I'm telling you, that cheating is not the ONLY THING, or necessarily the WORSE THING, that can happen to a person in a relationship

No respect

A person can have respect for the person they are cheating on. Same as any other transgression.

I'm not saying that YOU should accept cheating. If you have your own moral code, then fine. I'm just saying that in the grand scheme of things, I fail to see why someone who has cheated should be condemned to live a life without a relationship?

[dgeorge]

(Original post by Cable)
What Studentus Anonymous said. And the rapist analogy is perfect as well.

How the hell is cheating anything like rape?

By the way I'm not saying that cheating is NOT a conscious decision. I'm saying that other transgressions are as well.

[ct2k7]

(Original post by dgeorge)
How the hell is cheating anything like rape?

By the way I'm not saying that cheating is NOT a conscious decision. I'm saying that other transgressions are as well.

The idea of consciousness between rape and cheating.

Yes, there are transgressions, but cheating whilst drunk isn't exactly forgivable either.

[dgeorge]

(Original post by Drunk Punx)
I can see your point, and to a degree, I completely agree with you.

However, if you had a friend (A) round your house and you'd found out from another friend (B) a few days previous that said friend (A) had once stolen something from their house (and at that point, they too were friends), would you leave them (A) alone in a room in your house for any given amount of time?

Of course I wouldn't. I would confront them, give them a chance to answer for THEMSELVES. There is a high likelihood that the friendship would be irreparably damaged, but depending ON THE SITUATION, there is a chance for reconcilition.

[mosmof]

(Original post by Rock Fan)
I personally wouldn't go with a girl who has cheated in the past

this, temptation would kick in her for them soon enough..