[agoose77]

Hey everyone.
I guess i'm posting here because It's somewhere I can talk to people who have had experiences that I've never seen before, and full of perspectives.

So, let me set the scene.
I've been with my girlfriend for 7 months. She and I are both 16, just finished our GCSEs. She was my first proper girlfriend, and I her boyfriend. She told me when we first started dating that she was new "to this sort of thing" and I bore that in mind, considering myself in a similar position. At first, all went incredibly happily, one of the happiest moments of my life so far. But, as GCSEs loomed, it became apparent that she worried about exams far more than I. Now, don't get me wrong; Exams are incredibly important to me, and I hold them in equal regard to her, but I think I am better and separating school and home perhaps better than her. This meant that I started to see her less, and less. In the time we've been in a relationship, I can count on my two hands the number of times we've been at each-other's houses. As she became more stressed, she started getting tired and feeling pretty rough due to a back problem that was recently corrected with an operation. So, I always thought that once exams were over, we'd have summer together. However, the operation to correct her spine came at the start of summer. Ultimately, I haven't seen her as much as I'd like. It seems that this time has taken its toll on her. we used to text regularly, now I am lucky to receive a reply. She rarely asks me over. And then, I made a mistake. Prior to "the silent period" we were starting to move forward in our relationship, and started to slowly go further in the physical side of things. I had been on holiday for a fortnight and we flirted a little and I was under the impression that something would happen when we were back. And then, stupidly, we mentioned "the home run" and, well, I became confused. I understood after a brief conversation that she wasn't up for that kind of experience just yet. But I wanted to understand why she felt like that. I wanted to accept her opinion for what it was, but i think i felt like she wasn't attracted to me I also wanted to determine If she thought that we'd ever have sex in the coming two years, because we'd leave to different universities, and I knew that she wouldn't want a long distance relationship. I told her this, and i made a big mistake in doing so. We had our first argument there and then. following that, I then ended up talking about the concept of love with her. She told me that she beleives we are too young to know what love is. Well, I found that hard to understand, because to me, love is how i describe my feelings for her, so It hurt a little. In the end, after another argument of sorts, I determined that she was referring to the concept of "in love" rather than "to love" which are, naturally different.

After the long introduction, we hit the issue.
After that period of time, I went over to her house. I had hoped that things were back to normal, but we sat on her bed, and i made a move, and after a while she stopped, and sat bolt upright. I wasn't doing anything past what we'd already done, in fact it was mainly just kissing and feeling her up a little, but all of a sudden something was wrong. She told me that she didn't feel ready.
That hurt. I was so confused, because she'd been ready before. And then I started worrying. So, she was upset that she felt as she did, and I, well, I'm upset too.
I hate to say it, but I believe that there are two parts to a relationship - the social side, and the physical side;
the former is what happens when in public, the latter in private (although sometimes to two cross ). I have wanted to be in the physical part of our relationship for so long, (anything like kissing, hugging, cuddling) but with her back and exams, we hadn't done much.
And now, this feels like the kick in the balls. I don't know how much longer I can stay in the social side of our relationship (I have been for about 4 months), and it is hurting me thinking about it. She doesn't seem to miss me like i do, but I know I'm important to her.

Has anyone else experienced this and can offer me some hope / advice / ideas on how i should move forward? I really miss the physical side of things badly, and it's not a case of miscommunication

I really want to stay with this girl. After all, I know that I love her, and perhaps will even love her some day. Thank you all, in advance

[Linnerzx]

I'm only writing this because I've seen so many people have viewed this and not written anything so I just want to help out a little here.

Clearly she is not ready for whatever you want to embark on. It's likely not to be personal to you, but just her own issue. You just have to let her deal with it and not push her, especially in the heat of things. And you have to be VERY tactful about how you bring it up, and be very clear about your motives. As it can kind of sound like you just want to get on with it so you can say you did it, and it can sound kinda harsh if you're like 'Well, WHY don't you want to do it??'. And don't make it about you. Yeah I can see why you might be upset over it, but it really isn't personal from what I can see. And if you turn it around to your problem, she probably won't be too enamoured by it. So I would just give her time. If you can't, move on.

At the end of the day, I'm sorry to say it, but you are only 16, it's probably not going to last. So just enjoy yourself, with or without this girl. If you are happy to wait and give her what she needs, totally fine. If you are struggling, then think about what it is you really want.

[Swanbow]

At the end of the day you have to respect her decisions. If she doesn't want to take the relationship to a more physical stage then there is pretty much nothing you can do about it except wait until she is ready. To me though that doesn't seem to be the major problem here. You are clearly fond of this girl, and posting your heart out on TSR proves that she means something to you. Whether this is love or not I can not say. But the major problem here seems that you are a lot more into the relationship than she is. She is probably more willing to be in a casual relationship with you, whereas you want something more emotionally committed. You seem to be both after two different things, being in this situation sucks, and is a bit of a heartache. My advice is to invite her around to your house and have a talk with her, discuss how your feeling and what not. If she is not willing to be more deeply involved with you, and I'm not on about the sexual aspect, then maybe it's time you two parted ways. Sorry to be so bleak and depressive with the reply but that's just how I see it.

[Lumos]

I'm just wondering why you thought to bring up university when you're only 16?! you don't have to worry about that for two years!

[agoose77]

I mentioned university, because I don't see myself wanting anyone else in the time until University comes. She has said that she doesn't want to have sex until she's ready, which may well be past 18. That's her value, and I don't have any problem with that (As in, i respect her beliefs), but she suggested that she may feel ready before we leave to university. I know in myself that I wouldn't want to lose my virginity to someone and lose them so soon, (within the last summer holiday before Uni), so I'd potentially prefer to abstain. However, It's something that I really want to do with her, so I am caught between a rock and a hard place.

But, this doesn't matter, because you have to do everything in order; its the little stuff that upsets me. Basically, my question is this:

Before, we were able to make out, and just be intimate, whereas she suddenly wierded out on me. She was upset that she had. I am hoping that she only felt as she did because we'd only just had an argument the day before. Can anyone offer me a female insight? :3

I know that it's not going to last. She is a very driven individual, and she I doubt she'd maintain a relationship with anyone in her bid to pursue her dreams. The romantic within me wishes it would, but don't we all?

Thank you all for at least sharing your insights with me

[Anonymous]

(Original post by agoose77)
Before, we were able to make out, and just be intimate, whereas she suddenly wierded out on me. She was upset that she had. I am hoping that she only felt as she did because we'd only just had an argument the day before. Can anyone offer me a female insight? :3

Ok, this was something I didn't understand until recently when I got the confidence to ask her what was up when she stops me doing something I know she likes, or stops me before we've gone as far as we went before.

It's not a problem with you. It's a problem with her. She might feel guilty, like she thinks it's wrong (due mainly to social conditioning which tells girls to feel guilty about it); or is afraid she'll accidentally go further than she's comfortable with. When you're next physical and she stops you doing something, STOP everything and ask her why.

But sort out the rest first. It's more important to have an emotional relationship than your physical link. If the first doesn't work-you won't have any success integrating it with the physical aspect.

[agoose77]

(Original post by Anonymous)
Ok, this was something I didn't understand until recently when I got the confidence to ask her what was up when she stops me doing something I know she likes, or stops me before we've gone as far as we went before.

It's not a problem with you. It's a problem with her. She might feel guilty, like she thinks it's wrong (due mainly to social conditioning which tells girls to feel guilty about it); or is afraid she'll accidentally go further than she's comfortable with. When you're next physical and she stops you doing something, STOP everything and ask her why.

But sort out the rest first. It's more important to have an emotional relationship than your physical link. If the first doesn't work-you won't have any success integrating it with the physical aspect.

I'm not alone! Indeed, I did ask her, and, I wasn't able to understand her feelings. I think it's something we'll have to talk about!
I definitively agree that the emotional relationship is arguably the most important, but it's the physical one that is ruining my emotional one. It's hard to explain to her, but I think i'd best be honest.

[agoose77]

I thought that I'd close this "story". It's been about four months since we broke up, and I am really, really happy with how things have been. Recently I've come to see all the qualities in this girl that I loved from the day I met her; she seems more herself. Now, whilst I don't share the same feelings for her that encouraged me to ask her out, I feel like I have my friend back, and that means the world to me. It's given me a lot of perspective on relationships, and about the importance of the individual. I think that I should have gone with my gut feelings a little quicker, but hindsights only there to tease us!
As well as this, I've had an interesting turn of affairs. It just so happened that I met this one girl that I have known for a while, but I had forgotten that I had feelings for her; having dismissed them as impossible. However, now I believe that we share something, and I feel very easy to get along with her well. She's a close friend Unfortunately, she does have a boyfriend, and whilst that is upsetting, It gives me time to get on with life, and perhaps things will change in the future, but I do not want to cause any problems for either her or her boyfriend,as neither would deserve it.
Thank you everyone for your replies. It seems quite trivial to provide your opinion, but this was one of the most upsetting points in my emotional life, and it really meant a lot to have some help.