Borderline Personality Disorder

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username861942

Thanks for getting back :smile:

i have those problems too. Thats why im doing distance learning. Commitments are very hard to juggle with bpd.
I hope your okay :smile:

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Commitments are very hard yes. I am struggling a bit tonight. How are you?

Reply 41

username861942

Original post by katebrighteyes

I have DBT. Awaiting treatment. Third year of uni. PM me if you ever wanna chat :smile:

Good luck in DBT! Have you started yet?

Reply 42

polerina

I'm so glad I found this thread it is so helpful knowing that your not alone as it often feels that way. Hopefully we can all try to help and support each other a bit.

Is there anything that you guys have found that helps you? Doesn't matter how big or small? I've been advised by my therapist that having a good healthy strict daily routine is important, like trying to get up at the same time each day and going to get at the same time, getting a regular amount of sleep. Taking care of personal hygiene, remembering to shower and change ur clothes no matter how crap your feeling. Getting some exercise and fresh air each day even if its just a quick walk around the block with the dog.

Xxx

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Reply 43

Anonymous #1

Original post by rach06ao

Thats really good news, im in a crap mood today. Hopefully you get DBT x

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Oh no - hope you feel better today! I hope im not overtaking your post!

I lost my rag slightly yesterday, im defnately not proud of it. Does anyone ever see red and cant control what they say or do next? Its just like an explosion? Or act before they think? I cant help myself sometimes. Im trying to teach myself to think before I do things - ive started reading a CBT book. Not sure how much its helping because im over analysing, over and above what I did before and I wasnt sure that was possible!

Reply 44

Lazuliblue

Original post by rach06ao

Thank you to everyone with BPD who posted back to me. I feel better knowing I am not alone. I've never met anyone with the same personality disorder as myself.
I wish you all luck and to keep trying with life - BPD needs to have more awareness so people understand.
When I was in mental hospitals the staff didnt know alot on personality disorders. Its hard to explain to others.
Thanks to you all again :smile:

x x x x

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I have it

My main diagnosis is Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS) but I've got the BPD aswell. To be honest, I think the BPD is worse...the mood swings are terrible.

I'm pretty bad at the moment....lots of suicidal thoughts etc. But I won't act on them so don't worry.

Reply 45

rach06ao

Im ok thank you :smile:

just sleeping patterns messed up.
Nothing helps my bpd apart from prozac iv noticed stops my depressive symptoms but not anger impulsive moves.

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Reply 46

rach06ao

Original post by Anonymous

Hey

Ur not overtaking my post no worries! Try to get towards DBT rather than CBT - unless you have depression as well?
And yes, I too have outbursts of anger and cannot control it.
At one point i used to self harm mildly - but an event set me off - I power walked home and got the razor and without thinking cut through my main vein(or artery sorry crap at biology) and i couldnt stop bleeding was the most terrible time. I have a massive pink (hopefully soon white!) scar now for the rest of my life.
It scares me knowing i dnt think before impulses.

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Reply 47

polerina

I had an outburst yesterday while walking my dog and ended up screaming at random people on the streets

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Reply 48

polerina

Oops sorry I hit send by mistake before I finished writing!....

So yeah, I ended up screaming at people, kicking things and feeling insanely mad, then two minuets later I'm crying and feeling guilty about the outburst. I just wish I could control myself!

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Reply 49

Anonymous #2

I have a diagnosis of BPD.

I self harm and am suicidal.

I do not suffer from mood swings or uncontrollable emotions, in fact much of the time I am pretty blank. I also have pretty stable relationships with my family and friends and I am married. I don't drink or do drugs. Unfortunately I am unable to work at the moment.

I have been quite unwell since February. I have had lots of support from the crisis team. I am currently an IP on a psychiatric unit and I was also there for three months from April-June. Because I have been so unwell I have fortunately not had to wait for treatment, I have been seeing a psychologist since May (started when IP) and I also work with my CPN. I do bits of DBT and psychodynamic therapy with him. My CPN is going to do something called Compassionate Mind Therapy with me.

Things have been up and down really, while I am stable I do feel like I make progress with the therapy, but when I am not stable all my therapy is about managing my risks and trying to stop my self harm (which it has become clear only really stops when I am IP).

I also have OCD and struggle with intrusive thoughts and things having to be a certain way. I can be quite fixed in my thinking - and this is an issue with OCD and BPD so it is a huge battle for me. I will go to enormous lengths to make things 'right' even when that can have very negative consequences for me which is very difficult for me to live with.

Sorry this is so long!

Reply 50

katebrighteyes

Original post by bullettheory

Good luck in DBT! Have you started yet?

Not yet, I start later this month :smile:

Scared but excited at the same time!

Reply 51

iyabry

I have BPD with avoidant traits.
I went through 6 months of CBT for depression, and sent to endless different services before I got diagnosed.
I'm currently on citalopram, but I rarely take them. I've also been on zopiclone (sleeping tablets) in the past.
I was in hospital last year for overdosing and am a recovering self harmer.
I went through DBT for around 6 months but they kicked me out because they doubted my commitment.
I'm leaving for uni in a matter of days and have no support network whatsoever.

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Reply 52

polerina

I hope we can all help each other x

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Reply 53

username861942

Original post by katebrighteyes

Not yet, I start later this month :smile:

Scared but excited at the same time!

Cool, good luck. It's hard work but worth it. Its a good therapy, quite interesting and has a good success rate. I've been in it since March and started groups in July, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask!

Reply 54

Anonymous #3

I read up on BPD and went into the doctors about it but he referred me for counselling saying I might "grow out of it ". When I read all these posts I relate to them all it's like reading about myself. I know I can't get a diagnosis here but let me know if you think this sounds like it. I'm impulsive. I think of something. Act on it and think about the consequences later. I haven't got a passport but I literally woke up and booked my flights to Italy. (I really need to **** off to elsewhere ) So now I risk not getting my passport intime for my 'holiday'. I have awful mood swings. They aren't drastic enough to be bi-polar but they are bad. I will be okay then I will be pissed off. For absolutely no reason , just pissed off then really emotional. I used to verbally and (I'm so so ashamed to say) even physically abuse my ex-husband when my mood swings got bad. I hate that I could hurt someone I love so much. I would desperately seek his approval and reassurance sometimes I would have him cradle me like baby when I got emotional. He's had to pin me down to the bed to stop me scratching at my arms/face. I put him threw so much ****. I hate myself for it. Even though I am impulsive most of the time I over analyse things always checking to see if people are okay with me , making sure I didn't make a wrong move. I have pride and alot of shame . I don't want to let my family down they expect alot from me so I can't ever tell them how I feel. I hate how my moods are , I've shut my family out so I don't risk hurting them and also out of shame and embarrasment. My relationship with my husband was a beautiful one but as (what I think is BPD) got worse my marriage went down hill. I so badly wanted him to reassure me , which got worse after he cheated. I would tell him I want a divorce and then I would say sorry and want him back then I would ask for a divorce again. After I came back from work I asked him for one and he gave it to me. He's "happier" withought me now. I'm a ****ing mess and control freak. Does this sound like BPD ? When I was younger I suffered from severe depression and tried to kill myself a few times. Today I felt really suicidle and I self harmed for the first time in months - all out of the blue. It feels like my bodys moving on doing things while I'm left behind , like I'm detached. I can't explain. I'm really sorry for the long post. I really need help and typing all this has helped abit.

Reply 55

Snikle

So...
My psychiatrist hasn't actually diagnosed me... she's leaving it up for further assessment for when I return to university and can be put into a more structured, long-term... thing. But her diagnosis letter (which I actually opted NOT to receive, but have anyway...) says, among a bunch of other stuff, BPD and DD. Yay.

You guys know the drill. Low-self esteem, suicidal tendencies, SH, self-destructive habits and self-sabotage. And then the DD means I don't always remember it or I "wake up" whilst doing something.. detrimental. Massive abandonment issues.. so I push people away before they can even get close. Self-fulfilling prophecy.
Currently my mood swings are few and long lasting but... extreme. Though I cannot tell the difference between them anymore. I might be feeling sadness when I decide it's fear or something. Actually no.. I can pick out fear. I also have anixety.. not attacks, but emotions get squished under the anxiety until I burst.

Erm... I'm sorta.. okay with the diagnosis.. if this is what the team up North agree with... it's more... and this is something my psych here brought up... the fact that I am so ingrained in my belief that I am worthless that I refuse to accept the help offered, even though I know I need it.

Erm.. that's all I can be bothered to type right now xD
What I really wanted to know... even if it isn't BPD... how do you guys... learn? How do you make the decision to get better? How... all of that? I don't know how to take the next step in self-discovery.

Reply 56

rach06ao

Im so glad I made this thread :smile:

I've always felt im the only one in the world with BPD.

I just got engaged after a 5 year relationship (obviously ups and downs) ^_^
Really scared about it though as I don't know if with BPD im marriage material!

Reply 57

GooglyEyedMonster

How have I not seen this before now! I felt like I was the only BPD sufferer in University :/

All the support things I've come across are just people struggling with families etc. I know it must be horrible for them ... but I can't relate all the time which gets so frustrating.

rach06ao, congratulations on the engagement! I don't know you at all but if you've been in a relationship for 5 years and now engaged, then why won't it work :smile:

Reply 58

Anonymous #1

Today my entire world came crashing down - my career just ended before it even started.
Cross between emotional instability and epilepsy. It physically hurts.

Reply 59

Anonymous #1

Original post by Lord of the Flies

I realise there is no point in quoting you but I don't understand why you're going anon. Having BPD isn't something to be ashamed of.

Unfortunately I am ashamed and I think all of you on here who arent are very brave. Maybe in time I will but I just cant at the minute. Im too gutted about my entire life being ruined and I cant do anything about it.