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I haven't really got any mates :(

Hi! I'm 19, and a guy.

Basically, I haven't got any proper mates.

When secondary school ended, everyone (except a few) seemed to all go off their own way.

Although I was left out sometimes, it was just down to me.

During my time at secondary school, I was bullied/teased about how I was. I've become more confident now, but I was quite a shy person in primary school. Going into Year 7, I was a fit person - I was always good at PE in primary, and I cycled for about an hour a day. Although I was fit, I was chubby. In secondary school, I was picked on a bit for that in the changing rooms in PE. I wasn't overweight, but someone who I considered a friend said to me "you're a bit big aren't you".

Something else I was bullied about was my height. I was probably about 5-6 inches smaller than everyone else. I'm 5ft 8" now, but I was small. I started developing a bit later too - my voice didn't break until the end of Year 10 - when everyone else's seemed to in Year 8/9.

But because I was picked on about my height, weight (until I became slim in Year 8), and my "squeaky" voice, I never went out with those I used to hang around with at secondary school. They used to invite me out, but because I just seemed a lot smaller, sounded younger, and looked younger, I always used to say no. They were all taller, looked older, and in Year 11, could pass as old enough to drink.

I always said no though, or made an excuse. Because of that, they never bothered asking me, and I don't see any of them now.

Then came the get a job, stay on at sixth form, or go to college choice. I went to a local college. I didn't know anyone at all there, but loved it. They were the best two years of my life ever. I grew in confidence, was never picked on or anything, the teachers were funny and really supportive and helpful in everything, and it was a fantastic course. A lot of the people on the course used to go out lots (with their own mates from previous schools/courses), but although they didn't with me, I still felt very happy.

I'm now at Uni... There is only 10 people in the group, and none of them go out. No one in the group goes out with anyone else in the group. The three people I always chat to, and laugh with, live too far away from the Uni to go out with me - I live about 10 miles North, they live 15 miles South.

The Uni summer break has been really long. I go back soon, but i've just felt so down this Summer. You see people uploading pictures of nights out on facebook, and I wish I could go out like that. I go out cycling with my cousin a lot and we get on really well, mainly because I can be funny, have a laugh, and be silly at times, but I want some mates.

I have a part-time job, but there are only work nights out around Christmas.

I've never touched a drop of alcohol, and I don't want to drink alcohol just to get so drunk I can't stand up like a lot of people my age do - just so they can upload embarrassing photos onto facebook/twitter.

But I do want mates who I can go out with - whether it's shopping, something sporty, cinema, or even Uni-related things.

Before Summer, us three/four main mates from the Uni group decided to go out somewhere. That never happened.

I still feel young, and apparently only look about 16, but I feel more confident, and want to do stuff!

What can I do?
try joining clubs or getting involved with drama you can make lots of new friends that way
Reply 2
If you're feeling confident then don't wait for everyone else to arrange something. Tell them they're doing it with you! :biggrin:
Reply 3
Awwwwh bless you. I started school when I was 3, the youngest ever in my old school and I had problems making friends ever since. I didn't have a large social circle but I had a few good friends. I'm a short guy too, about to start uni, I'm 5'7 but I never got bullied about my height.

Best thing you can do is to just be yourself and be friendly to everyone.


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Reply 4
Make **** happen!

The more you are proactive, the more it will feel like stuff just happens to you!
Sorry to hear about this, I know how you feel because I've gone through a similar patch in my life. Basically as hard as it is, you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone and talk to people you wouldn't normally talk to. That way you're branching out and it will improve your social skills, which therefore will make you more appealing to others around you :smile:
Reply 6
I wouldn't worry about what happened at school and, if you can, put it out of your mind. Kids are dicks, it's as simple as that. I was treated similarly to you, left school with few friends, but then we just drifted apart. Just forget about it, it happens, just move on.

Stop waiting to be invited to stuff and make it happen instead.
Your Uni group sounds small. Ask those that you like hanging around with if they fancy grabbing a coffee or seeing a film after lectures/seminars/labs? You can go for a quiet drink and not get ****faced.
Join a society that interests you? Cycling? Or there's always a society for people that live far out. Societies are there to make friends and meet up with people of similar interests as much as to do the activity it advertises.

I wouldn't worry about the age thing. In a few years you'll count it as a blessing. If I'm clean shaven I genuinely look about 14, with a beard I'm hitting the 28 year old mark. I'm only 21 :tongue:

You'll find after you've made some good friends it doesn't really matter how far you live apart, you'll still see each other. I've left Uni and currently have friends dotted all over the country, you just have to make a little more effort is all :smile:
Reply 7
Talk to everyone you see! Trust me it works and then you'll grow in confidence! By that i don't mean randomly on the street but maybe in a shop or within team working activities and at Uni!


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Reply 8
I know what you mean, I have a couple of friends but most of my school friends aren't really friends outside of school.

Do you go to uni? If so why don't you join a society? That can help you to socialise with more people.


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Reply 9
A large group of friends can start with a single person. It's not the quantity of friends, but the quality of their character that matters.
Reply 10
Original post by SQ918
Awwwwh bless you. I started school when I was 3, the youngest ever in my old school and I had problems making friends ever since. I didn't have a large social circle but I had a few good friends. I'm a short guy too, about to start uni, I'm 5'7 but I never got bullied about my height.

Best thing you can do is to just be yourself and be friendly to everyone.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App


Don't really see why starting school aged 3 would hinder your social life...
paul is that you?
Join societies?
Reply 13
i sort of know how you felt after secondary school, everyone doing separate things. you think your really good friends with them but you lose touch with people so fast, and then suddenly you havent seen them in 1 or 2 years and then its really weird to get back in touch with them. i only really talk to about 10 people from school. and at college about 5-10 people, all live quite far away aswell.

most of the time when i meet my friends is to go out drinking, its not that bad, i dont understand why people are so against it. you dont have to end up on the floor, but its a good way to meet up with friends and have fun, and youl meet more people through mutual friends. you should join societies, or talk to more people in your class, you just gotta sit next to someone and talk to them instead of sitting by yourself and waiting for people to talk to you. i bet theres someone else in your class that doesnt have as many friends as they would have hoped.
I've never touched a drop of alcohol, and I don't want to drink alcohol just to get so drunk I can't stand up like a lot of people my age do - just so they can upload embarrassing photos onto facebook/twitter.




solved
Reply 15
Original post by IspeaksBristol
The Uni summer break has been really long. I go back soon, but i've just felt so down this Summer. You see people uploading pictures of nights out on facebook, and I wish I could go out like that.
Seriously dude, the worst thing you can do is go on facebook and look at the more extroverted social people who continuously post pictures of them at parties, it will only get you down. Don't go on facebook too much apart from to look at your friends profiles etc !
Reply 16
Original post by IspeaksBristol
Hi! I'm 19, and a guy.

Basically, I haven't got any proper mates.

When secondary school ended, everyone (except a few) seemed to all go off their own way.

Although I was left out sometimes, it was just down to me.

During my time at secondary school, I was bullied/teased about how I was. I've become more confident now, but I was quite a shy person in primary school. Going into Year 7, I was a fit person - I was always good at PE in primary, and I cycled for about an hour a day. Although I was fit, I was chubby. In secondary school, I was picked on a bit for that in the changing rooms in PE. I wasn't overweight, but someone who I considered a friend said to me "you're a bit big aren't you".

Something else I was bullied about was my height. I was probably about 5-6 inches smaller than everyone else. I'm 5ft 8" now, but I was small. I started developing a bit later too - my voice didn't break until the end of Year 10 - when everyone else's seemed to in Year 8/9.

But because I was picked on about my height, weight (until I became slim in Year 8), and my "squeaky" voice, I never went out with those I used to hang around with at secondary school. They used to invite me out, but because I just seemed a lot smaller, sounded younger, and looked younger, I always used to say no. They were all taller, looked older, and in Year 11, could pass as old enough to drink.

I always said no though, or made an excuse. Because of that, they never bothered asking me, and I don't see any of them now.

Then came the get a job, stay on at sixth form, or go to college choice. I went to a local college. I didn't know anyone at all there, but loved it. They were the best two years of my life ever. I grew in confidence, was never picked on or anything, the teachers were funny and really supportive and helpful in everything, and it was a fantastic course. A lot of the people on the course used to go out lots (with their own mates from previous schools/courses), but although they didn't with me, I still felt very happy.

I'm now at Uni... There is only 10 people in the group, and none of them go out. No one in the group goes out with anyone else in the group. The three people I always chat to, and laugh with, live too far away from the Uni to go out with me - I live about 10 miles North, they live 15 miles South.

The Uni summer break has been really long. I go back soon, but i've just felt so down this Summer. You see people uploading pictures of nights out on facebook, and I wish I could go out like that. I go out cycling with my cousin a lot and we get on really well, mainly because I can be funny, have a laugh, and be silly at times, but I want some mates.

I have a part-time job, but there are only work nights out around Christmas.

I've never touched a drop of alcohol, and I don't want to drink alcohol just to get so drunk I can't stand up like a lot of people my age do - just so they can upload embarrassing photos onto facebook/twitter.

But I do want mates who I can go out with - whether it's shopping, something sporty, cinema, or even Uni-related things.

Before Summer, us three/four main mates from the Uni group decided to go out somewhere. That never happened.

I still feel young, and apparently only look about 16, but I feel more confident, and want to do stuff!

What can I do?


It seems so weird that I am exactly in the same position as you and have had very similar experiences as you (up to the college part) though I have yet to start uni.

The best thing to do is start including yourself in extra activities, and really make a conscious effort to meet people who are into the same sort of stuff and live locally. Easier said than done, I know, but the more you do, the more likely you would be in finding others.

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