[fresher2012]

Someone please help me! It's my worst nightmare come true...

What my parents want always happens even if I disagree, so I don't know whether i can prevent this. My parent's plan is to come up to uni with me, then my dad goes back and my mum stays with me the first night to help me "settle in". I really don't want this for obvious reasons! I don't plan on having any one night stands, getting drunk, going clubbing etc. I just don't want my mum to be there, I don't need her to stay the night! I don't mind her helping me unpack and stay some of the DAY we get there like any normal parent would, but staying the night?!

I'm gonna feel like such an idiot. The thought of my flatmates knowing my mum is staying in my room... Oh god...

About a month ago when my mum mentioned the idea I told her she can't, but she insisted and still says she is, I haven't said anything since, and now I really don't know what to say that will make her change her mind.

Even my dad wants her to stay with me, and they've told me to call my accommodation up to let them know my mum will be staying. I don't know what to do, if I tell my parents I don't want my mum to stay with me it'll start a massive arguement with my parents and they'll still get their way, I feel like I have no control over this.

I really don't know what to do.

[Bellissima]

tell her you don't want her to stay, you want to be completely independant from the beginning. although you love her and really appreciate the thought she is giving you, you think it would be better and easier if she DOESN'T stay because it'll make it harder for you too settle in and more homesick. if that doesn't work reason with her and tell her that none of your other housemates will have a parent there and it will really disadvantage you with them and you want to meet people as easily as possible. it's nothing to do with her but you really think it would be LESS helpful to your settling in if she is there and will put a wall between you and the rest of your housemates automatically before they even know you. get her to think of being your age and how she would feel if her parents were there when you were meeting new people your age.

if it still doesn't work then you need to put your foot down and tell her it is not happening. but this is a last resort, try and be nice and sweet talk her first, because she might be stubborn if you start bossing her around. she still sees you as her little girl, she just wants to help and stay a part of your life, i guess she feels a bit unsure about herself now you are an adult leaving home and no longer need her. maybe you could say during the day about the packing.. "wow i could never have done all this unpacking without you guys, thank you so much" and let them do things for you. and tell them you will miss them. but do't over do it otherwise she might stay.

[leahnic]

Just simply stand up for yourself. Say 'mum, I don't want you to stay, I'm an adult now and I don't need you there with me, I know it might be hard for you but I'll be okay' and then just offer to ring in the night and say how you need to do this by yourself and not with her

You've got to put a firm foot down, she might be your mum but not everything she says can happen just cause she's your mum and you need to make her realise that she needs to let go

[Llamageddon]

I wouldn't say "I don't want you to stay". I'd say "You're not staying".

[JoshhB]

Rock Bottom her and tell her she's not staying.


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[Dubstepp]

simply LOL! if your mum stays over tht's like social suicide before uni has really even kicked off! Try explain that to her!


This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App

[alexkol]

Just tell her, you are not aloud from the Uni to have sbd stay in your room

[Octohedral]

(Original post by Dubstepp)
simply LOL! if your mum stays over tht's like social suicide before uni has really even kicked off! Try explain that to her!

It's only social suicide if she wants to be a 'lad' (or female equivalent). Any sane, reasonable student will see that she didn't want her Mum there, if she tells them that. OP, it's an awful idea on her part, but you have to understand that it's not the end of everything - you'll have plenty of opportunities to make friends, just be honest and explain it to them. There will probably be some prat who gets hold of the story and makes fun of you, but this is University not primary school - act mature and they'll soon find nobody cares.

Obviously try and get her not to do it, but if the worst comes to the worst just be honest with people.

[Minotauro]

Try reason with her, if that doesn't work you just have to be a little firm, and if that doesn't work you have to be a little mean (really let her know how much you'd hate her presence at halls), but that should really be your last resort, it will suck for her to hear, but sometimes........ it's for the greater good.

(Original post by alexkol)
Just tell her, you are not aloud from the Uni to have sdb stay in your room

Or this, great advice, say it goes against policy and you're not allowed to have anyone in your room, it goes against health and safety.... something like that

good luck my noble warrior, you have a battle on your hands

[original_username]

Tell her to **** off!

I'm astonished one parent thinks this is a good idea, never mind the pair of them.

[LadyBunion]

I had to travel quite a long way to drop my son off at uni - too far to do the return in a day. No way would I have stayed overnight at his place - he needs time and space to settle in and not put up with mother - ho ho. Anyway I booked a motel and had a beer and watched the telly. called back the next day to drop off some things we had left in the back of the car (??? was there really more stuff!!!).

I was a student 30+ years ago and you can tell your mum from me that being settled in overnight by having mummy in the room is something you really do not need!

[freedom810]

Is your mum mental? You realise you are going to be getting smashed out of your face and blind drunk? This is not something she is going to want to see.

[Historophilia]

Maybe explain to her that the most crucial thing in the first few days of University is to create friendships and to get to know the people you'll be living with and that you will be hampered in this if she is staying with you.

Also tell her that the first night will probably be very noisy with lots of overexcited drunk teenagers running around and she won't get much sleep.

[kayleigh.jean]

would your university even allow her to stay? I know that some (mine included) don't let parents or guests stay over for the first couple of weeks so it doesn't interfere with students settling in, so maybe have a look at your uni's website to see if it says anything like that (FAQs etc). Otherwise, like people above have posted, explain why you don't want her to stay but emphasise them staying during the day to help you

[Gridders06]

Oh dear! I would just sit her down and explain to her that you are grown up now and old enough to look after yourself, it has no reflection what so ever on how much you love her it's just not right having her stopping over! Hope it goes well

[thecookiemonster]

(Original post by Llamageddon)
I wouldn't say "I don't want you to stay". I'd say "You're not staying".

Responses like this are so annoying. It's not that simple for a lot of people, do you really think that just by saying that the mum is suddenly going to back down?

[Maccees]

Say if Uni finds out you have had guests in your room you get fined. Then if she does say, tell her later you were fined and need the money off her to pay the fine. FREE FOOD!
Or she just wont stay

[original_username]

(Original post by thecookiemonster)
Responses like this are so annoying. It's not that simple for a lot of people, do you really think that just by saying that the mum is suddenly going to back down?

Yes.

[Palatial Veranda]

Laugh if she ends up pulling . . . .

[thecookiemonster]

(Original post by original_username)
Yes.

Well you must be living in a dreamworld then :L