Anxiety / Shyness is making me physically ill

I just started my A2 year. Last year was my first year of college and my first time of truely being on my own. All through school I always had a best friend by my side to help me make friends and stuff. But I went to college on my own and failed to make any friends. I would sit on my own which made me self-conscious as people would think I was some weird loner girl sat in the back on her own. I started to get stomach cramps and missed college quite a few times because of this. In class I was all jittery and on edge. I'd constantly worry about being picked on and whenever a teacher would mention group work, practicals, presentations, etc I would go pale (so much so that the teacher would ask if I was feeling ok). Most of my lessons involve the teacher asking everyone lots of questions so I can't relax in them.

My college days start at 11am so by then I've spent the whole morning with butterflies and nervousness about the day ahead. Then in the lessons I'm again nervous. It's making me have stomach cramps again - I originally thought it was due to diet but it stopped completely in the summer. I'm only on my second day back and I was up last night with bad cramps. I've got - ahem - digestion problems too.

What should I do? :frown:

Reply 1

L_Lawliet

See if any of the new AS students are worth talking to. If there is anyone you know from the lower year, that would be a good place to start; they may even know some people from your year and you could speak to some of your year indirectly that way.
If you make a couple of friends, even from the lower year, that will boost your self-confidence (which seems to be the problem). Bear in mind that the new AS students do not know you as "some weird loner girl", they will know you by who you introduce yourself as; probably also as a very friendly individual since they will all be in a similarly anxious position to you - all trying to make friends so as to fit in.

Just try not to be apprehensive when speaking to them. If you get stuck for what to say and feel like abandoning the conversation, have some fall-back lines prepared (questions are best as they make the other parties talk). Some examples of these are "So, what are you interested in outside of Sixth Form?", "What subjects are you taking?" (Also a good opener after names), "How are you finding college life thus far?".

Good luck, and persevere.

Reply 2

missybct

It's real tough, I know. I suffer from crippling anxiety that has prevented me from doing what I want in life (including studying) - I'm now 27 and only just ready to return to the classroom. I don't suffer from shyness so much, it's just the fear of doing or saying something wrong that will cast me in a negative light that scares me!

Here are my tips:
1) If you can, and can afford to, try and pick up some self help books in Waterstones or on Amazon. I think there are a few that are dedicated solely to social anxiety (which will pick up the shyness) - read it, do the exercises. Come and chat about it on here. You can add me as a friend or PM me, and if I can help in any way I can.

2) If the anxiety is really beginning to PHYSICALLY affect you - I really would advise going to the doctors. I was on all sorts of medication at 17-18 for anxiety - I wouldn't necessarily say medication is the way forward but your GP should be able to advise on maybe a session with a therapist or counsellor who can help process some of the reasons you are anxious. Please do not be afraid to use them - we (adults) pay taxes for this so that people like you and I can access them.

3) Remember that these people you are on your course - well, you'll probably never see them again. I try and remind myself that. I am friends with a very few select people who understand what I am like and don't hold me back. Sometimes those kind of friends only come with being a bit older. If you're worried about being picked on, just think that in a few months time, what they think won't matter.

4) Don't berate yourself for not making friends - it's NOT an easy situation to be in, especially if you are introverted. I agree with the poster above me about trying to hook up with some AS students. Maybe you could see at Student Services if you can be a "buddy" to some newcomers? That way not only will you get the opportunity to utilise what you know, but you'll be getting to know people too.

I hope some of that helps xxx

Anxiety / Shyness is making me physically ill

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