No real friends at uni. :/
Hey guys, I’mjust about to go back for my second year at uni and need some help.
Basically,I started uni September 2011 and I had such high hopes for it. I had been on a gap year and had seen howwell some of my friends got on with their flatmates so, thought that with a bitof effort it would be the same for me. How wrong I was…Since then my uni social life has just gone completelypear-shaped. For starters, my flatsituation was pretty crap seeing as I was in a flat with two of the mostarrogant loud-mouthed boys I have ever met and 2 other girls who were pretty bitchy, cold and just generally unkind from the start.
Freshers week was a total disaster too. I’m quite quiet and introverted before you get to know me and the whole of freshers week was spent getting hammered with the whole of my floor and going out every night for a week. I’m definitely not against drinking or going out, I do enjoy them both and I understood that they’re a major part of freshers week. But playing drinking games with about 30 people who I had met the previous day and getting absolutely wasted with them is just something that I’m not comfortable with and find really weird tbh. Whatever happened to just chilling in the kitchen, listening to music or watching a dvd or doing something other than clubbing? I mean, on one night I suggested playing cluedo with my 4 other flatmates to get to know them better (just to do something not involving drinking!). I was so shocked that they agreed, but when it came down to it as usual it just ended up as a “drinking game cluedo” with the whole floor and once again, everyone just ended up getting wasted and stayed up till about 5 am. I actually found it ridiculous that they could not do one thing that did not involve alcohol. :/ (this continued throughout the whole year and I got woken up at least once a week by these drunken mongs coming in from nights out.)
Anyway, my situation with my flatmates didn’t improve, and I was shocked one night when Iwas trying to sleep, to hear mr arrogant-flatmate -number-2 drunkenly bitching about me in the kitchen. I can’tremember the exact details but it wasn’t good…. And the worst thing was that I had no idea what I’d done to deserve it. L Not only that, but the 2 girls started to leave me out so much. They would get pizza without me and would always do things with just the two of them but never invite me and were just sarky with me all the time, but not in a funny way, in a genuinely nasty way.
I decided enough was enough, so just stopped even trying to socialise with any of my flatmates. Anyway, I was lucky to find a group of people who seemed more similar to me and was pretty happy with them. But as time went by I started to realise that I wasn’t really developing any true friendships within the group. It dawned on me that we were only really together when we were going on nights out or on rare occasions watching tv together. Also, the girl who had introduced me to this group (and probably my best friend at the time) would only see me if I arranged it ie she would never arrange to see me herself, which kind of left me feeling pretty rubbish. Despite this, I decided that there wasn’t much I could do because I’d left it too late to join societies etc so just hung in there with this group.
Anyway things continued like this for a few months and everything remained much the same. I and 3 other girls from the group decided to get a house together for second year and I finally felt like some real friendships could be formed with these 3 other girls. But after signing for the house I noticed that this wasn’t happening. Because none of us 4 girls lived together I thought it was important that we all made effort to meet up and get to know each other. The other 3 just didn’t seem to think so and I would still only see them when we went on big group night outs so never really got chance to talk to them one on one. :/ At one point I was actually told that I was “needy” by one of my future flatmates on skype, simply because I wanted to meet up with her. I felt so lonely at this point. Anyway, now,2 of these girls (future flatmates) have boyfriends who they spend all their time with and the other one is best friends with another girl who will live ina different house… so not very promising on the friendship front really.
Anyway, the long and short of it is that I’m so sick and tired of not having real friends to hang out with at uni. My friends at home would say I’m nice, fun and interesting (even though I sound like a grumpy ass in this thread) and ever since I’ve started uni I’ve always been polite,nice and chatty to everyone. I have never had problems making friends before,even when I was abroad on my gap year I made some good friends. I just don’t see why I have to put up with this crap anymore. This year I’m definitely gonna try loads harder to change that by joining societies and stuff and trying to make friends with my coursemates.
What do you guys think I should do to make more friends? Do you think it’s worth forming good friendships with next year’s flatmates (bearing in mind that in my third year I’m abroad so won’t see them)? And finally, did any of you lot have trouble with friendships in first year and did you manage to turn it around? Thanks. J
Basically,I started uni September 2011 and I had such high hopes for it. I had been on a gap year and had seen howwell some of my friends got on with their flatmates so, thought that with a bitof effort it would be the same for me. How wrong I was…Since then my uni social life has just gone completelypear-shaped. For starters, my flatsituation was pretty crap seeing as I was in a flat with two of the mostarrogant loud-mouthed boys I have ever met and 2 other girls who were pretty bitchy, cold and just generally unkind from the start.
Freshers week was a total disaster too. I’m quite quiet and introverted before you get to know me and the whole of freshers week was spent getting hammered with the whole of my floor and going out every night for a week. I’m definitely not against drinking or going out, I do enjoy them both and I understood that they’re a major part of freshers week. But playing drinking games with about 30 people who I had met the previous day and getting absolutely wasted with them is just something that I’m not comfortable with and find really weird tbh. Whatever happened to just chilling in the kitchen, listening to music or watching a dvd or doing something other than clubbing? I mean, on one night I suggested playing cluedo with my 4 other flatmates to get to know them better (just to do something not involving drinking!). I was so shocked that they agreed, but when it came down to it as usual it just ended up as a “drinking game cluedo” with the whole floor and once again, everyone just ended up getting wasted and stayed up till about 5 am. I actually found it ridiculous that they could not do one thing that did not involve alcohol. :/ (this continued throughout the whole year and I got woken up at least once a week by these drunken mongs coming in from nights out.)
Anyway, my situation with my flatmates didn’t improve, and I was shocked one night when Iwas trying to sleep, to hear mr arrogant-flatmate -number-2 drunkenly bitching about me in the kitchen. I can’tremember the exact details but it wasn’t good…. And the worst thing was that I had no idea what I’d done to deserve it. L Not only that, but the 2 girls started to leave me out so much. They would get pizza without me and would always do things with just the two of them but never invite me and were just sarky with me all the time, but not in a funny way, in a genuinely nasty way.
I decided enough was enough, so just stopped even trying to socialise with any of my flatmates. Anyway, I was lucky to find a group of people who seemed more similar to me and was pretty happy with them. But as time went by I started to realise that I wasn’t really developing any true friendships within the group. It dawned on me that we were only really together when we were going on nights out or on rare occasions watching tv together. Also, the girl who had introduced me to this group (and probably my best friend at the time) would only see me if I arranged it ie she would never arrange to see me herself, which kind of left me feeling pretty rubbish. Despite this, I decided that there wasn’t much I could do because I’d left it too late to join societies etc so just hung in there with this group.
Anyway things continued like this for a few months and everything remained much the same. I and 3 other girls from the group decided to get a house together for second year and I finally felt like some real friendships could be formed with these 3 other girls. But after signing for the house I noticed that this wasn’t happening. Because none of us 4 girls lived together I thought it was important that we all made effort to meet up and get to know each other. The other 3 just didn’t seem to think so and I would still only see them when we went on big group night outs so never really got chance to talk to them one on one. :/ At one point I was actually told that I was “needy” by one of my future flatmates on skype, simply because I wanted to meet up with her. I felt so lonely at this point. Anyway, now,2 of these girls (future flatmates) have boyfriends who they spend all their time with and the other one is best friends with another girl who will live ina different house… so not very promising on the friendship front really.
Anyway, the long and short of it is that I’m so sick and tired of not having real friends to hang out with at uni. My friends at home would say I’m nice, fun and interesting (even though I sound like a grumpy ass in this thread) and ever since I’ve started uni I’ve always been polite,nice and chatty to everyone. I have never had problems making friends before,even when I was abroad on my gap year I made some good friends. I just don’t see why I have to put up with this crap anymore. This year I’m definitely gonna try loads harder to change that by joining societies and stuff and trying to make friends with my coursemates.
What do you guys think I should do to make more friends? Do you think it’s worth forming good friendships with next year’s flatmates (bearing in mind that in my third year I’m abroad so won’t see them)? And finally, did any of you lot have trouble with friendships in first year and did you manage to turn it around? Thanks. J
Scroll to see replies
You need to obviously make good friendship with your flatmates after all you will be spending a year with them but just don't be too dependent on them.
I know your an introvert and judging by your personality it would be hard for you to socialise but you really need to talk to everyone and anyone around you at uni.
What I've learnt from personal experience is that you don't need to be a part of any specific group. By talking to everyone around you about random experiences across uni, you'll meet a whole range of people and you never know, you might end up having more things in common than those who you've already been hanging around with.
good luck
x
I know your an introvert and judging by your personality it would be hard for you to socialise but you really need to talk to everyone and anyone around you at uni.
What I've learnt from personal experience is that you don't need to be a part of any specific group. By talking to everyone around you about random experiences across uni, you'll meet a whole range of people and you never know, you might end up having more things in common than those who you've already been hanging around with.
good luck
xI'm sorry you are having a sad time. But new year = new start? I think the two major sources of friends are the course you are on and societies you chose to belong to. I'm just about to start my second year and just about all my closest friends are from one or other of these. People you are just thrown in with are not likely to be probable friends so don't worry about the faltmate situation too much. I'm lucky in that I have 3 close friends to house share with (its my house - long story, mum and dad were killed when I was in year 12) but even then we don't plan to do everything together.
PM me if you want to chat.
PM me if you want to chat.
I've been in a similar position for the last year, just about to go into my second year. If i'm honest, it sounds like I've not had it as bad as you. I got on with my flatmates to an extent, they weren't the bitchy, nasty people you had to deal with, but we had little in common. I was civil with them and could have a basic conversations with them, but little more than that.
I felt that I got on more with the people on my course. Here you can more pick and choose friends rather than get put with a bunch of random strangers to live with. Even though I got on with people on my course, the 'friendships' didn't really develop and we never socialised outside of uni. The whole experience left me a little underwhelmed.
All your told pre-uni is how fantastic it is and how your going to have such a great time and make brilliant friends. But this isn't always true. It's hard to deal with this and other factors such as homesickness. I'm going back to uni next week with a new set of flatmates and hopefully we'll have more in common. Sadly, all of my flatmates for the upcoming year lived with each other last year, so forcing my way into their friendship group could prove difficult
It's strange because at home, I never had problems making friends. I've always had a strong, close group of friends. In my final year at home, I was more outgoing, social and confident than I've ever been, I made loads of new friends, alongside my old friends. This new-found confidence was drained at Uni, as I found making friends to be a difficult task. Uni has meant that my friends at home aren't as close as we used to be, we've still had some great times this summer, but no where near as many as previous years.
I can tell that one of my friends has had to change who they are to fit in at Uni, and that's not something I want to do. About two of my friends have settled really well and I'm a bit envious of them, hearing about the great times they've had and having to pretend that I'm having such a good time too.
The last year's been difficult, and the next year may be too, but I just remember that things could be so much worse. So many other people are in worse positions than me. I've got a great life at home, with a supporting family and friends. Even if uni is a difficult spell, you've still got to try and remember the positive things that you have
I felt that I got on more with the people on my course. Here you can more pick and choose friends rather than get put with a bunch of random strangers to live with. Even though I got on with people on my course, the 'friendships' didn't really develop and we never socialised outside of uni. The whole experience left me a little underwhelmed.
All your told pre-uni is how fantastic it is and how your going to have such a great time and make brilliant friends. But this isn't always true. It's hard to deal with this and other factors such as homesickness. I'm going back to uni next week with a new set of flatmates and hopefully we'll have more in common. Sadly, all of my flatmates for the upcoming year lived with each other last year, so forcing my way into their friendship group could prove difficult
It's strange because at home, I never had problems making friends. I've always had a strong, close group of friends. In my final year at home, I was more outgoing, social and confident than I've ever been, I made loads of new friends, alongside my old friends. This new-found confidence was drained at Uni, as I found making friends to be a difficult task. Uni has meant that my friends at home aren't as close as we used to be, we've still had some great times this summer, but no where near as many as previous years.
I can tell that one of my friends has had to change who they are to fit in at Uni, and that's not something I want to do. About two of my friends have settled really well and I'm a bit envious of them, hearing about the great times they've had and having to pretend that I'm having such a good time too.
The last year's been difficult, and the next year may be too, but I just remember that things could be so much worse. So many other people are in worse positions than me. I've got a great life at home, with a supporting family and friends. Even if uni is a difficult spell, you've still got to try and remember the positive things that you have
I've had a similar first year at uni too. I'd never before had trouble making friends, and I'm a fairly sociable person. Before uni I was so excited about meeting new people and having new experiences, and I didn't for a second think that I would have trouble making friends. I ended up being put in a small flat where I had nothing in common with most of my flatmates. I tried really hard to make friends on my course, but I felt that after the first few weeks, people started closing up and becoming reluctant to meet new people.
By the end of the year, I had made a few great friends, and it's really only because of them that I'm not absolutely dreading going back to uni next term. At my lowest point last year I was really ****ing depressed and lonely, so I am a little hesitant to go back and I would hate for next year to be similar, but I'm holding out hope and planning to just do the best I can to make more friends.
By the end of the year, I had made a few great friends, and it's really only because of them that I'm not absolutely dreading going back to uni next term. At my lowest point last year I was really ****ing depressed and lonely, so I am a little hesitant to go back and I would hate for next year to be similar, but I'm holding out hope and planning to just do the best I can to make more friends.
Hi, I also had a similar first year at uni experience.
It's weird when you hear people talking about uni being the best years of their lives and being such a sociable experience.., I felt like I definitely struggled to meet people I really got on with.
I think I'm trying to keep positive and view this year as being a fresh start - whatever happens. I'm going to try to push myself to talk to more people this year and build upon the friendships I started to make. I'm also planning on joining a society, as a way of putting myself out there a bit more. I guess something wont come from doing nothing anyway.
xx
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
It's weird when you hear people talking about uni being the best years of their lives and being such a sociable experience.., I felt like I definitely struggled to meet people I really got on with.
I think I'm trying to keep positive and view this year as being a fresh start - whatever happens. I'm going to try to push myself to talk to more people this year and build upon the friendships I started to make. I'm also planning on joining a society, as a way of putting myself out there a bit more. I guess something wont come from doing nothing anyway.
xx
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
(edited 11 years ago)
Well you may not find this very helpful but in my opinion university and college isn't about forging life-long friendships and socialising, it's about the work and improving your career prospects.
In my first year of college (since then I have transferred to university) I admit I was on good terms with everyone in my year and I helped many with their work but i havn't I don't keep in contact with any of them, nor them with me. I didn't make any real friends there. The work is most important. Not the friends.
However, I lived at home rather than in halls of residence so maybe my opinion is less relevant to you.
In my first year of college (since then I have transferred to university) I admit I was on good terms with everyone in my year and I helped many with their work but i havn't I don't keep in contact with any of them, nor them with me. I didn't make any real friends there. The work is most important. Not the friends.
However, I lived at home rather than in halls of residence so maybe my opinion is less relevant to you.
(edited 11 years ago)
It's not too late to make friends. I'm about to start my second year and although I get on with my flatmates, I didn't socialise with them so I made all my friends through my course and through societies.
I suggest you join a few new societies this year and make an effort to go along to their socials and make friends there
I suggest you join a few new societies this year and make an effort to go along to their socials and make friends there
thanks guys. I suppose things could be a lot worse. At least I enjoy my course and have good friends at home. though I'm deffo going to join a society or 2 this year though to try and meet some new people. x
though I'm deffo going to join a society or 2 this year though to try and meet some new people. x
Many students find that they spend half of second year avoiding the people they met during first year 
I don't know anyone, and I mean anyone, who has exactly the same friendship group throughout uni. It's more common to completely change all your friends.
Personally, I did not meet my "real" friends until the end of second year and did not feel completely comfortable around them until third year. Then I had an amazing time which made up for the lonely first and second years. Most people I've spoken to have had similar experiences, even if they hide it quite well.
It's not too late to make real friends and I swear thousands of students across the country are going through the same experience. Just enjoy your course (which is the main reason for university, after all), don't be afraid to join societies late and speak to people you wouldn't normally speak to
I don't know anyone, and I mean anyone, who has exactly the same friendship group throughout uni. It's more common to completely change all your friends. Personally, I did not meet my "real" friends until the end of second year and did not feel completely comfortable around them until third year. Then I had an amazing time which made up for the lonely first and second years. Most people I've spoken to have had similar experiences, even if they hide it quite well.
It's not too late to make real friends and I swear thousands of students across the country are going through the same experience. Just enjoy your course (which is the main reason for university, after all), don't be afraid to join societies late and speak to people you wouldn't normally speak to
Original post by MancBoy
Uni friends are overrated. I don't know why people say they meet their life-long friends at uni. I met all mine in my hometown at school.
Ditto
Original post by MancBoy
Uni friends are overrated. I don't know why people say they meet their life-long friends at uni. I met all mine in my hometown at school.
Same with me, coming to university made me realise how good my friends are back home... I've haven't 'clicked' with anyone at university, but then some people seem to really get along with university 'friends,' how much of that is fake and for show is another question.
Original post by SkinnyKat
Many students find that they spend half of second year avoiding the people they met during first year I don't know anyone, and I mean anyone, who has exactly the same friendship group throughout uni. It's more common to completely change all your friends.
Personally, I did not meet my "real" friends until the end of second year and did not feel completely comfortable around them until third year. Then I had an amazing time which made up for the lonely first and second years. Most people I've spoken to have had similar experiences, even if they hide it quite well.
It's not too late to make real friends and I swear thousands of students across the country are going through the same experience. Just enjoy your course (which is the main reason for university, after all), don't be afraid to join societies late and speak to people you wouldn't normally speak to
I don't know anyone, and I mean anyone, who has exactly the same friendship group throughout uni. It's more common to completely change all your friends. Personally, I did not meet my "real" friends until the end of second year and did not feel completely comfortable around them until third year. Then I had an amazing time which made up for the lonely first and second years. Most people I've spoken to have had similar experiences, even if they hide it quite well.
It's not too late to make real friends and I swear thousands of students across the country are going through the same experience. Just enjoy your course (which is the main reason for university, after all), don't be afraid to join societies late and speak to people you wouldn't normally speak to
Definitely agree with this
+repOriginal post by MancBoy
Uni friends are overrated. I don't know why people say they meet their life-long friends at uni. I met all mine in my hometown at school.
this, i cant imagine any of my uni friends being life long friends after uni has finished at all!
Which unis are you talking about??
Sad as this may sound, I have never been out drinking/clubbing with my friends EVER. I used to think this was because I had the worlds strictest parents but now I don't really fancy that kind of socializing anyway.
Sad as this may sound, I have never been out drinking/clubbing with my friends EVER. I used to think this was because I had the worlds strictest parents but now I don't really fancy that kind of socializing anyway.
Hey i tried to message you but it didnt work because i think your profile is anonymous?
But yes anyway,
Its not good that you feel that way. Im so sorry firstly that you didnt have an 'amazing' first year like your other friends - or like what your other friends have probably told you.
Freshers is meant to be fun and exciting and an opportunity to make new friends, im sorry that you werent able to. But it is never too late to join a society! I cannot believe you are even thinking its too late to join one. Do it and you'll see how many new people you'll meet.
You'll come across bitchy girls throughout life, theres nothing you can do about that. Just totally ignore them - like you said yourself, you feel you havent made any REAL friends - well if a girl is bitchy/sarky/leaving you out, they are clearly not the type of girls you want as your friends, let alone a Best friend. In fact, just be happy that you DIDNT get 'in' with the group - imagine if you did - you'd end up like them or even worse, they could end up turning on you.
Dont worry about the people you've come across in your first year and even your second - if you come across horrible people or people that dont include you, dont be friends with them, simple as. Once you find a real friend, stick with them. It doesnt matter if they're not 'cool'' enough or not popular enough or dont do drinking games - you even said you didnt like them. As long as they are trusting and you can have a god time with them thats what matters babe!
Also i totally get what you mean about watching tv and just hanging around, why do people always need alcohol and sex to have fun?! I much prefer lounging around at home with my bestfriend, gossiping and watching x factor. lol! Although i do go out a LOT (probably too much), secretly, i dont actually enjoy the whole process of getting ready, getting there, getting drunk, playing games, having sex etc etc, the best bit is probably getting ready with the girls! I think as we get older, its important to recognise who your true friends are and you'll continue meeting them throughout life. Wow this is along message!!!
Feel free to private message me on this website, not quite sure how this works - or if you reply??
Bye !
But yes anyway,
Its not good that you feel that way. Im so sorry firstly that you didnt have an 'amazing' first year like your other friends - or like what your other friends have probably told you.
Freshers is meant to be fun and exciting and an opportunity to make new friends, im sorry that you werent able to. But it is never too late to join a society! I cannot believe you are even thinking its too late to join one. Do it and you'll see how many new people you'll meet.
You'll come across bitchy girls throughout life, theres nothing you can do about that. Just totally ignore them - like you said yourself, you feel you havent made any REAL friends - well if a girl is bitchy/sarky/leaving you out, they are clearly not the type of girls you want as your friends, let alone a Best friend. In fact, just be happy that you DIDNT get 'in' with the group - imagine if you did - you'd end up like them or even worse, they could end up turning on you.
Dont worry about the people you've come across in your first year and even your second - if you come across horrible people or people that dont include you, dont be friends with them, simple as. Once you find a real friend, stick with them. It doesnt matter if they're not 'cool'' enough or not popular enough or dont do drinking games - you even said you didnt like them. As long as they are trusting and you can have a god time with them thats what matters babe!
Also i totally get what you mean about watching tv and just hanging around, why do people always need alcohol and sex to have fun?! I much prefer lounging around at home with my bestfriend, gossiping and watching x factor. lol! Although i do go out a LOT (probably too much), secretly, i dont actually enjoy the whole process of getting ready, getting there, getting drunk, playing games, having sex etc etc, the best bit is probably getting ready with the girls! I think as we get older, its important to recognise who your true friends are and you'll continue meeting them throughout life. Wow this is along message!!!
Feel free to private message me on this website, not quite sure how this works - or if you reply??
Bye !
Quick Reply
Related discussions
- wanna be friends
- What should I do about my directionless gap year?
- Social Life at University, Norm or Exception?
- How would you react if you found out a friend lied about their age?
- Is it normal to be lonely at 21?
- i need a step by step guide on how to socialise and make friends
- making friends as an adult is hard
- Feeling somewhat left out in uni gc
- Loneliness/friendships
- I did something really embarrassing last Friday with my friends
- scared my friends are going to leave me now a levels are ending
- MSc real estate offers from Henley, Cass(Bayes) and Manchester
- How do I avoid somebody that thinks we’re friends
- Scared to start uni in September 2024
- How do I find friends after no longer being in School?
- Wasted 3+ years of my life not being able to figure out what to do at uni
- Should I transfer Universities?
- Haven't had my first kiss at 18
- LNAT, Arbitio
- Staying at home for uni
Latest
Trending
Last reply 1 week ago
I failed my GCSE'S my parents said they are disgusted with meLast reply 1 week ago
parents aren't letting me go on a uni residential - what do i do?Last reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutLast reply 3 weeks ago
How do I cut off parents at the start of my University year?Trending
Last reply 1 week ago
I failed my GCSE'S my parents said they are disgusted with meLast reply 1 week ago
parents aren't letting me go on a uni residential - what do i do?Last reply 2 weeks ago
Dad keeps criticising my university degree choiceLast reply 2 weeks ago
Is this pathetic or genuinely something to be upset aboutLast reply 3 weeks ago
How do I cut off parents at the start of my University year?
