The Student Room Group

Messed up views on reciprocation in a relationship?

I am well aware that what I am writing sounds ridiculous, but I thought I would throw it out there, to see if I am in fact the only one who thinks/feels like this? If I am, then oh well.

Basically, I'm put off of trying sex because it involves myself, which sounds strange, so I'll try and explain. I would love to try having a relationship with a guy (22 year old, virgin, girl, not hideous but not stunning, just average, before you ask), but I can't get over the idea that I don't want him to do anything to me? I'm happy making him satisfied shall we say, but I don't feel like he needs to return the favour. The idea of it actually makes me feel a little nauseous, how much I don't want the favour to be returned.
And I know it sounds ridiculous. I just cannot get past the things that I was told when I was younger, that men are only after one thing. I think it got a little twisted along the way, and now I don't understand how a man could possibly like about a woman beyond the physical, I mean I can understand why a man would like me physically, sort of (different strokes for different folks and all that), but I just don't expect him to like me as a person. No fault of his of course, I'm not saying there aren't millions, billions, of lovely guys, it's me that has the issues here.
It's kind of like how I think that I'm just there to fulfil that need for him, and then maybe he won't mind if I chat to him, or ask for a hug. I'm not sure what else I could possibly offer. I'm not sure that I deserve more, and I don't understand in my heart of hearts how he could ever want to offer me more. The thing is, I know that this is on some level, selfish, because he might want to please me, and I wouldn't want to let him.

I hate the idea of him pleasing me like that at all, it just doesn't fit into the way my mind works, and yes I realise that this is messed up.

So my question to you, because I would rather not be alone for my entire life ( it's getting kind of lonely after 22 years), but I'm genuinely not sure how to fix my world view, not even sure if I can, even if on some level, obviously, I know that it's wrong, (I'm not against women power, I advocate the idea of equal rights, this isn't with regards to other woman per se, just myself), but really how would I fix something so ingrained?
Your thoughts, because I'm assuming that I'm a little on my own with this type of thinking. Therapy, or just get over it, or just accept it?
I don't know if you can really call it selfish, but this seems to me to be some sort of odd low self-esteem problem. Not all men are out for only sex, and to most people, a healthy relationship involves communication and reciprocation. You'll find a lot of threads where people ask if it's fair for Partner A to demand oral from Partner B but never reciprocates when Partner B requests it and the answer is no.

Is there a particular reason why you don't want reciprocation? the only thing that jumps out at me right now is that you don't have a very high opinion of yourself. No need to be arrogant, but confidence is attractive to many.

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