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Are my reasons for dropping out justified?

Being from a small, rural town in North Wales, I thought university would be the perfect chance for me to break out, spread my wings *insert further cliched expressions here*. Unfortunately, I've ended up feeling more trapped and suffocated in university than I ever have.

It started with my accommodation. I got here September 14th, expecting a load of equally anxious Freshers ready to have a conversation with anyone with a pulse. Now don't get me wrong - my flatmates are good people, but I think it was clear from the beginning that they weren't too receptive of me. I suppose I've always had this dry, monotonous way of expressing myself in a conversation - it's just how I've always been. Unfortunately, this came across to my flatmates as me being 'serious' - something I found out when some drunk girl from the floor below asked me earnestly: 'So are you the really SERIOUS guy?' :colondollar:

I'm far from serious, and really did everything I could during the first few days to get to know people. I'd get these glimpses here and there of people being receptive, but it always tended to revert back to a certain awkwardness.

Another thing is that my flatmates have always been quite keen on the drinking/clubbing scene (Oh God here we go). Now I'm not going to badmouth that culture - it definitely has its perks. Thing is, I started binge drinking at around 12 (There was LITERALLY nothing to do in my town as a child) and by now my body is just tired of alcohol, and reacts in a very sinister way to it. I'll get really introverted, depressive episodes during a hangover where I just want to be left alone. Now, seeing as I can't feel comfortable around my flatmates, it seems the only thing to do sometimes is drink myself silly so I can let out another side of myself. But that side is quickly followed by the depressive side the next morning - and so the vicious cycle continues. I also applied for a smoking flat a few months ago, and found that I wanted to quit a few weeks before getting here. Now it seems that both drinking/smoking are some of the only respites I have here - and so I genuinely don't see how I'll snap out of this kind of self-destruction if I stay in this environment.

QUICK REASON - I've realised just how dependent on my parents I've been to basically not die of hunger. I was very passive throughout the application process and never really learned to cook anything substantial. Consequently, I'm lucky if I eat one meal-deal a day now, which leaves me looking like a grey spectre most of the time.

QUICK REASON - Sleep deprivation. This might be linked to how I'm not eating - but there's also the fact that my flatmates will stay up till around 4-5am most nights. Again, I'm not going to complain about them in this case - I realise that for many people university is a chance to really let go, sleep/eat/drink when they want etc. It's just that, in combination with all these other factors, it's sapping my energy completely and worsening my health. I feel that the best option for myself would be to leave, to get myself back on track again.

Of course, these are all problems that could be solved with a change to my accommodation. But I'm afraid I have a little more complaining to do... the bottom line is, I just don't think I've developed enough as a person to move into a city environment and enjoy this experience. I've found myself riddled with social anxiety and depression, which I had before getting here, and which I feel are problems I need to address before truly 'living' in such an environment. All that's happened so far has led me to a pretty morose state of mind, and I just don't think it's possible for me to take some sudden leap and find myself loving this place once more. I'm already past that, sadly. Ooh I don't know, maybe I need to find a smaller place/campus - preferably somewhere with rivers. Mmmm rivers.

QUICK REASON - I've gone straight from school to university and not stopped to think of what I REALLY enjoy doing, and of the things that are truly important to me. It does kind of suck that young people are pressured along into thinking university is the only viable option, when the things that are really closest to them may have been under their noses the whole time. I won't get into social commentary just yet though. I write songs and play guitar, and feel that taking a year off to focus a little more on that could really help me. Basically, my instinct tells me that I need some time to sort myself out, and to make friends with myself before I attempt to make friends with the big wide world. As soon as I've done this, I feel I'll be able to come back to university next year with a new-found enthusiasm.

While it's true that my rural town is not going to be as diverse or as vibrant as Leeds (Finally I mentioned the city), nor as likely to provide me with opportunities - I feel that one more year in my small town will be the best thing for me. I'm unhealthy, unhappy and apathetic here, and my head is all muddled - back home, with a clean bill of health and a clearer perspective, I think I could take the initiative with things and better myself, ready to give things another go. I'd apply for a new university, change my course to philosophy (I didn't cover how I wasn't keen on my course either but I won't be completely depressing) and then spend the year working, playing music, writing where I can, reading what I can and doing the things that I care about. Then, if I see that I've grown, and that I'm truly ready, I'll take the plunge once more.

I just kind of blurted this out - sorry if it's a little disjointed. And a HUGE THANK YOU to anyone who bothers reading this whole thing! :biggrin:

Reply 1

Morg334

I've just noticed that the thread's title implies that I don't think these reasons are justified... ah well, just needed to share this I suppose.

Reply 2

free_hugs

I'd say that for your own well-being, you definitely needed to drop-out for a while.

Jumping from school in a small town to uni life in a big city seems like a gigantic step and you probably need some time to get to know yourself better before you take that step :smile:

Reply 3

Y333EEE

I'd probably take some time out to decide what you really want. Thats kinda why I decided to have a gap year this year, I just felt like I was being rushed into the whole uni thing and I needed some time out to think it all through

Reply 4

Morg334

Thanks guys! Ah nice, did you take a gap year as in deferred entry, or just a more general year off so you could figure things out? :smile:

Reply 5

Herbadacious

I would say you are justified in dropping out for a while, BUT that you should use this time to become more independent. Try to find a job, and if possible, try to get food for yourself whenever you can - if you can get to a stage where you're only rarely falling back on what your parents bought/made for dinner, you'll know you've made progress. At least, this is my perspective on it :smile:

I hope things work out for you.

Reply 6

ellieHA

Definitely take some time out, research other options, enjoy the time out, maybe visit some more universities

You could possibly do open university - you'd get to stay at home (where i'm assuming you are much more comfortable) which would from the sound of it be a bonus to your general physical and mental well-being :P

Good luck

Reply 7

Morg334

Original post by Herbadacious

I hope things work out for you.

Yeah definitely - finding a job is going to be right at the top of the to-do list! But also I thought it'd be a good chance to try and build something up myself, which is where I hope the music will come in. If I can look back at something in a few months and think 'Yeah, I did this with my own hands' I think it'll be a great boost for me. I can't quite pinpoint how I've become so apathetic here so quickly, I always envisioned getting out and doing as much as I could. Probably just the general lack of energy/sleep, but also I suppose there's been more of a collective 'freshers mentality' that's quite hard to separate yourself from. So yeah, developing my independence will help a lot! Thank you :smile:

Reply 8

username623537

I know people who realised halfway into 1st year that the course wasnt for them, so finished the year and instead of going on to second year, started again as a first year on a new course.
Is there no way you can look at transferring course now? Or even try and change to joint honours or something? I mean we are only just starting the 3rd week.

Idk taking a gap year was the best decision I made simply because it gave me more options and breathing space. And yes if you think it would give you the opportunity to gain more independence (and cooking skills??) then that's great. I do always think it's a shame for people to drop out when they've already made it so far but I do think in your case it would be justifiable.

Hope it all works out for you anyway, whatever you decide to do. Apologies for my rambling reply. I'm ill and hungry :rolleyes: