My fiance and I have known each other for three years. We got engaged last year and our wedding is scheduled in two months.
The back story is sad really and I did not see it coming.
Basically, my fiance is not the person I thought she was. Last week she and I attended her five year college reunion. Originally, I was not going to be able to go with her given certain timing conflicts, but I rejigged my schedule and said I'd accompany her. I thought she'd be happy about that but instead she seemed edgy. It was a red flag I didn't catch at the time.
Long, sad, pathetic story short, on the second night there we were at her sorority reunion and were having a rollicking time drinking with her old "sisters." It came to light that during her time there she was a "regular" at a fraternity that her sorority was "friendly" with. Basically, she's been with many many guys.
When I brought this up the next day, sober and shocked and with reality setting in, she said that it didn't really count because she "just went down on them." How many? She didn't want to answer but I got it out of her that it was in the mid 20s range.
When we had the "sex talk" early on in our relationship, there was no mention (or the tiniest hint of mention) of any of this. I was not expecting a virgin and she did not say she was one. (neither was I). By the same token, however, she never said anything about all these frat brothers.
I really don't know how to process all this. I'm disgusted. I'm angry. I'm sad. I know everybody has a history - but a history like this?!
I just don't know if I can move forward with her. How does one deal with or look at this?
I'm not a babe in the woods but I've been blindsided. Any constructive suggestions would be welcome. By the way, calling me insecure or a jerk or judgmental is not going to resolve anything. I also don't buy the argument "her past has made her the person she is today that you love." A woman does not need to have 25 guys in her mouth to figure out what she wants to settle down with.
How pathetic.