British Chinese - 22 years old. Total lack of experience with girls.

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See, all the Asian guys I know have confidence issues, and bring themselves down so easily. I'm not saying this because I think it's true, it is true when it comes to every Asian guy I know. You're all lovely, please stop worrying :smile:

also, I'm Eastern European but dating a lovely Chinese guy. In fact, I had to tell him I liked him because he thought he had no chances with me. Be more confident, please :smile:

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Reply 21

Maker

Unless a guy has the looks of a film star and the bank balance of a oligarch, rejection will always be problem he has to face when trying to get a date with a girl.

For those of us who are average looking and far from rich, you have to have courage and man up, there is no other way of doing it. Rejection is part of relationships, no-one likes it. You see boys with girls and you are envious, fact is, those boys would have a fair bit of rejection from girls until they found someone who did not reject them. You have to do the same, ask a girl out, get rejected move on until you find the right girl for you.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 22

jim100

You are lacking in social skills due

A) Sheltered up bringing
B) Inferiority complex

You say you have toughened up but I am not sure. I think the various knock backs you have received as slowly eroded your confidence. I know love confidence in the a guy. If you have no confidence you stand absolutely no chance and maybe apparent subconsciously when you approach women - it probably shows in your voice. Perhaps you should read the book " The Game"

Women are fickle but I know unless you are certain height and looks you have work almighty hard to win her over. Unfortunately, Chinese or Asians are not really in fashion (I am Indian) not that it is impossible though. English women love black guys. I never stood a chance with English women but probably had a 50-50 chance with Asian women. There are a lots of beautiful British Chinese women why not try with them as your chances would be higher

You are still young - you still have a lot of time. It will happen but dont get desperate. You have received some feedback now you need to work on how to improve yourself. Self analysis is so important too,

Reply 23

ProfessorPester

Ok Asian anonymous op.

Believe it or not. I have saw two Asian men, the tall seriously skinny type dating blonde women.

I'm not even trolling, i saw this strange random encounter in Birmingham city. It's rare, but it is possible.

Reply 24

danny111

I always thought girls like BBC...

I like British Born Chinese!

Reply 25

ehkim79

Hey man, as a fellow BBC I feel for you man! Went through it my self, I think if you went to Asia you would have no problems meeting a girlfriend!
in England, it is quite known that BBC males have it hard here; people assume we lack confidence self esteem, etc! you probably be brought up by traditional Chinese parents views, i.e work hard, get money and status and then you can find a wife to marry!
such views are not wrong but only really apply in East Asia when you parents left to come to England!
here in England, I've noticed you have to be dominate, alpha male, confident, etc. Also there are subtle discriminations and negative stereotypes of bbc man! I bet bbc woman don't have any problems dating guys here in the uk!
My suggestion is to check out the book the Game by Neil Strauss, tells his story about his transformation from a guy who hardly dated to a successful player!
also people telling you to be more confident does not really help! You only become confident with success; at the moment because you have not had any success you don't feel confident!
people use to tell me the same thing just be confident; you can only fake it to a certain extent. my suggestion is finding guys who are successful with women and figure out what they are doing! It just a skill you need to learn; we don't suddenly because charismatic it happens because they have learnt from experience what attract people to them!

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 26

effofex

Original post by ehkim79

Actually - those ideas apply virtually all over the world.

Reply 27

jamespierce0987

Original post by jim100

Colour is not a barrier unless you make it one. If you walk around cities with the mentality 'she won't go for me, I'm not white', you'll never get anywhere in terms of finding a girl. Fair enough you're more likely to date from your own race, but many girls like opposites, you're attracted to what you don't have. We all have different features. In the 21st century, in the Western world, I don't think there are many people that would definitely say they wouldn't date x or y race. If you're aesthetically pleasing to look at then you have a chance...that goes for anyone.

OP I think first you need to just make conversation with girls, get used to having female friends.. Once you are comfortable with that then go out and try and get a girlfriend, you won't get anywhere by just going out and hopefully finding a girl and getting lucky..

You say your housemate said you were boring...that may be true. So do something about that, get more interesting, take up a sport, go to the gym, take up a hobby. You say it's your third year, but if you've lived the traditional Chinese upbringing of all work no play, career is all important etc., then I guess you are behind socially for someone who lives in the west. It is your graduation year, and you don't want to screw that up but try and make at least 1 or 2 hours a day where you can do something where you can get out there more. You're scared of rejection...

Let me tell you something, you can't have liked a girl that much if you didn't at least try it with her. And when you do really like someone and you don't try, you'll regret it and really wonder. If you haven't been thinking 'what if?', chances are you didn't truly like her (in terms of her being your gf). As others have said, you get rejected, you move on. I know it's totally different, but you go to a job interview, the next day the firm sends out an automated email saying you've been rejected, it doesn't prevent you applying for other jobs? I know that feeling, we all do. You feel a bit down for a minute thinking '**** sake', but you click the 'x' and it's over. Same thing with girls.

Reply 28

ehkim79

Hey Jamespierce0987,just wondering whether you are ethnic or not! Not that it really matters but I think for a British white person; it is a different ball game. I know from my own experience and other BBC males that there are subtle differences when it comes to inter-racial relationships. I have a lot of conversations with other BBC males and we all pretty much agree that is is quite tough meeting native English girls. But if you look the other way round BBC female and White guy( other ethnic race)it is quite common to see. thus our dating pool is limited, not because we don't try to date out of our racial group.Most guys I know who are BBC date girls FOB from East Asia!
I never really noticed until I went and lived in East Asia for three years,as my dating life vastly improved.
I had numerous girlfriends there(even though I could not speak the linger well), but now that I'm in England again it is like a desert. So I know for sure it is not me, but actually the environment you are in. Generally, speaking BBC male value is significantly less here then it is in East Asia. It really does matter where you are in the world!

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 29

jamespierce0987

Original post by ehkim79

I'm British Born Vietnamese. When you say 'quite tough to meet native English girls', what do you mean? You're not interacting with them or you can't find any willing to chat to you..? It will obviously be different to where we're originally from but that doesn't mean nothing will happen. OP hasn't even experienced rejection. I don't think it's a race thing, and it rarely is btw, but OP more wanting to protect his pride.

What you say about Chinese girls and White guys is true, but it's always easier for girls as men have to do the legwork. I also don't get what you mean by 'male value'. If you're chatty, fun, talkative, interesting and attractive, a girl will go for you. It's as simple as that. I don't know if it's because I've been surrounded by white guys and girls all my childhood throughout school and uni so I have this view or what but I've also had a pretty liberal upbringing, although I didn't truly start going out till I was 18 either, I haven't found this to be a problem.

Honestly, being a different race to a white girl is only a problem if you make it one. Every race can be attractive. It's totally different if you don't know how to chat up a British girl, but OP says he knows what he's doing.