Should I tell my boyfriend I'm going to see a doctor about depression?

i've been feeling kind of down for about 3 years now. something did trigger it, a whole chain of events.
ive been having quite bad mood swings, just after the trigger i cried a LOT (nearly every day, for an hour or more for about 6-8 months), lost interest in the things i used to enjoy, concentration became extremely bad, whereas before i never had problems with it => grades suffering, i became very irritable, etcetc. most of this happened in private, outside i was quite calm, even happy. i guess being around other people helped.
anyway, after googling my symptoms and considering the time scale, i think i should see a doctor.

anyway, ive been dating my boyfriend long-distance for over 4 years now.
i was fine around him, when chatting on skype, he didnt really bother asking me how i am even though he knew everything that happened.
a couple of months after the trigger he saw that i was looking a bit sad on Skype, asked me if anything was wrong. i briefly explained the reasons and how i've been feeling, and also that ive had some online counselling about it.
i explained it calmly, without being hysterical or anything like that.

his reaction was quite something. it seemed like i'd pissed him off, or ruined his evening! he quite arrogantly and in an annoyed manner told me to stop being sad, and to stop listening to those people who'd been helping me vent on the counselling website. i felt quite embarrassed really :frown:

i never mentioned it again.

fast forward two years, should i say i'm going to a doctor? in light of all that?

on the one hand, it's essential to be honest in a relationship blahblah
on the other, i don't want that "crazy" label, i'd feel like he'd judge me if i tell him :frown:

help please :frown:

Reply 1

Quiet _One86

16

~~I would ask how long you have been together~~How much has he supported you with anything to date, albeit from a distance..and do you think you're relationship is strong enough for him to carry you through this difficult time. I mean if you trust he will be there for you and support you through this tough time then go for it. I don't think he would label you or judge you if he's a good boyfriend. I hope that the docs are able to help you regardless if boyfriend reacts not in the way you expect, and if you want just see the docs and see what they say first and maybe after have a talk with your boyfriend. Good luck :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Quiet _One86

~~I would ask how long you have been together~~How much has he supported you with anything to date, albeit from a distance..and do you think you're relationship is strong enough for him to carry you through this difficult time. I mean if you trust he will be there for you and support you through this tough time then go for it. I don't think he would label you or judge you if he's a good boyfriend. I hope that the docs are able to help you regardless if boyfriend reacts not in the way you expect, and if you want just see the docs and see what they say first and maybe after have a talk with your boyfriend. Good luck :smile:

thank you

yes, that's exactly what i wanted to do... get an actual diagnosis, if it's real, then tell him
we've been dating for 4 years
the difficult time has passed pretty much.. i feel better now, i think it's because i detach myself as a way of coping now.. but at the time, my friends were very supportive seeing what's been happening (never actually told them i was constantly crying or depressed)
thing is, i just started 3rd year of uni, and i want good grades this year, this is the main reason why i decided to seek help, because i clearly can't help myself, i tried :frown:

and also the mood swings..

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Quiet _One86

~~I would ask how long you have been together~~How much has he supported you with anything to date, albeit from a distance.

umm honestly, on other occasions when ive had problems or felt sad, he'd not reply, or clear off saying he only wants to talk to me when im in a good mood, or get annoyed and make the whole thing about him
not very encouraging really

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

or like spend the minimum amount of time comforting me
even then i didn't feel like it was sincere, unfortunately :frown:

Reply 5

Quiet _One86

16

I think this relationship can go both ways here, especially being ldr. Its harder to keep going in that situation and credit you've pulled through uni, but if he's being distant, pardon the pun. Maybe review your situation, don't hold back from maybe looking at counselling and discussing root causes to how you're feeling with them. He needs to know that you need him and can't cope or couldn't cope. Can he come and visit?

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Quiet _One86

I think this relationship can go both ways here, especially being ldr. Its harder to keep going in that situation and credit you've pulled through uni, but if he's being distant, pardon the pun. Maybe review your situation, don't hold back from maybe looking at counselling and discussing root causes to how you're feeling with them. He needs to know that you need him and can't cope or couldn't cope. Can he come and visit?

honestly, ive never had that kind of distance from anyone, even friends who were not that close were more supportive than him. it's not even like i don't support him when he's upset, i do the opposite, i put him first and always listen and try to help if he needs help. or just being there, sometimes thats more important
whereas him.. didnt seem like he really cared :frown:

he can, but he'd have to fly over. he's been promising to visit so many times, but it never happens, i visit him 2-3 times a year for a few weeks.
his main reason for not coming is money, and he doesnt want to stay in a cheap hotel.. or like last winter, he said he was going to save up to go to the euro 2012 football in poland/ukraine in the summer. i mentioned that he'd been promising to visit me, and he just said well duhh its football
now i know where the priorities lie

anyway yeah sorry i'm rambling

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

just to mention, this guy sees me as his future wife :confused:

but his behaviour shows the opposite

Reply 8

Quiet _One86

16

Original post by Anonymous

just to mention, this guy sees me as his future wife :confused:

but his behaviour shows the opposite

be honest to yourself.. what do you really want in life? do you want to marry that kind of person? I speak from experience with a friend (*no longer) who has woken up to the fact she was always going out of her way to please him, neglecting her needs and when it came to it, she resented what she hasn't been able to do for her. i wouldn't wait..or try and see that he might change when ur done..or whatever is keeping u going..well done u all the same with fighting ur depression, or whatever the docs say.

(edited 11 years ago)

Should I tell my boyfriend I'm going to see a doctor about depression?

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