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Old Age...does it erk anyone else?
(I don't know if this is the right place to post this. It's from my LJ -- wanted to know what others thought --, and slightly long...)
I've been thinking, a lot, about the residents at the old people's home where I work. And their lives; how they lived, how they were, what sort of personality they had, their family...
All I know about them are their names, their room number, whether they've got dementia/Alzheimer's/this/that/the other, whether they have to have liquidised food, whether they are vegetarian, if they're allergic to something, what drinks they have to have. With some, it's their personality now, such as this person is so particular and neat, that person shouts a lot, the person over there doesn't like sandwiches. With others, it's their inability to talk or something. I know this, I know that.
What I don't know is what's defined them these past few decades. I mean...were they mean? Were they kind? Did they marry? Were they a husband, a wife, a mother, a father? Did they have any brothers or sisters? Were they a fighter, a soldier, a painter, a builder? Did they fight in a World War? Who did they vote for? Did they have children? How many? What are their names? What were their hobbies? Were they born in Gloucestershire -- was the family from Gloucestershire, or did they move from somewhere? Childhood memories; school subjects they hated. Teachers. Did they do anything interesting with their lives? Did they win medals, go to university, have children, earn enough money to get by? Did they fight for their country? Did they save a life?
My nan's recently said something to me that made me think. She has no-one left now that knew her before she met my Granddad. They've been together since their early twenties, and her parents, her sisters, her brother...they're all dead. She's the only one who knows what happened in her childhood -- all the summers, the memories. And that must be incredibly lonely.
It's the same for my Granddad. He doesn't have any brothers or sisters (he's an only child). His father died in the 1960's, his step-father died later, and his mother's really ill, though she's still alive. But he might as well be the only one left, as her memory's going. He's really the only one who knows anything about what happened in his childhood.
Is this what it all comes down to? At the end of it all, you're pushing ninety, a hundred, and you're in a nursing home, unable to walk, being fed by someone else. You may or may not have visitors -- if you have children, and they don't feel uncomfortable coming to see you, they'll visit. If you don't, you've been survived by no-one, and who's going to say goodbye? The people that take care of you...the carers...they know absolutely nothing about you, about your life. They know bits and bobs, they assume things from photographs and things that you may be able to tell them, but your memory'll be going, you won't remember yourself, and then suddenly you're this shell and you can't do anything yourself and some may say that you're better off dead. Because what's life if you can't enjoy it, if you can't do anything?
And what if you're the only one to remember things from your past? Your childhood? It must seem incredibly lonely when you can't talk to anyone who was there about it. You can't say "oh, remember when...", because no-one does. It's just you.
You could be the only person in the entire world who knew what your childhood was like.
Old age just must be incredibly, incredibly lonely. I absolutely never want to grow old -- would rather die earlier than later, and with as much control over my body as possible.
Any thoughts?
I've been thinking, a lot, about the residents at the old people's home where I work. And their lives; how they lived, how they were, what sort of personality they had, their family...
All I know about them are their names, their room number, whether they've got dementia/Alzheimer's/this/that/the other, whether they have to have liquidised food, whether they are vegetarian, if they're allergic to something, what drinks they have to have. With some, it's their personality now, such as this person is so particular and neat, that person shouts a lot, the person over there doesn't like sandwiches. With others, it's their inability to talk or something. I know this, I know that.
What I don't know is what's defined them these past few decades. I mean...were they mean? Were they kind? Did they marry? Were they a husband, a wife, a mother, a father? Did they have any brothers or sisters? Were they a fighter, a soldier, a painter, a builder? Did they fight in a World War? Who did they vote for? Did they have children? How many? What are their names? What were their hobbies? Were they born in Gloucestershire -- was the family from Gloucestershire, or did they move from somewhere? Childhood memories; school subjects they hated. Teachers. Did they do anything interesting with their lives? Did they win medals, go to university, have children, earn enough money to get by? Did they fight for their country? Did they save a life?
My nan's recently said something to me that made me think. She has no-one left now that knew her before she met my Granddad. They've been together since their early twenties, and her parents, her sisters, her brother...they're all dead. She's the only one who knows what happened in her childhood -- all the summers, the memories. And that must be incredibly lonely.
It's the same for my Granddad. He doesn't have any brothers or sisters (he's an only child). His father died in the 1960's, his step-father died later, and his mother's really ill, though she's still alive. But he might as well be the only one left, as her memory's going. He's really the only one who knows anything about what happened in his childhood.
Is this what it all comes down to? At the end of it all, you're pushing ninety, a hundred, and you're in a nursing home, unable to walk, being fed by someone else. You may or may not have visitors -- if you have children, and they don't feel uncomfortable coming to see you, they'll visit. If you don't, you've been survived by no-one, and who's going to say goodbye? The people that take care of you...the carers...they know absolutely nothing about you, about your life. They know bits and bobs, they assume things from photographs and things that you may be able to tell them, but your memory'll be going, you won't remember yourself, and then suddenly you're this shell and you can't do anything yourself and some may say that you're better off dead. Because what's life if you can't enjoy it, if you can't do anything?
And what if you're the only one to remember things from your past? Your childhood? It must seem incredibly lonely when you can't talk to anyone who was there about it. You can't say "oh, remember when...", because no-one does. It's just you.
You could be the only person in the entire world who knew what your childhood was like.
Old age just must be incredibly, incredibly lonely. I absolutely never want to grow old -- would rather die earlier than later, and with as much control over my body as possible.
Any thoughts?
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I think this a lot too, like ive said in anotehr thread, its one of the things that motivates me. Work hard enough and achieve enough and you may do something in your life time that lasts forever.
I feel sorry for even my parents as I know that their names will be forgotten by the time my children have their children, its a frightening thought....
Remember that you dont even need to do something great, it may sound silly but just by having children, your legacy will last and increase over the years until you could be the reason that millions exist in the future.
I also think all old people should be forced to write full length memoirs
And you should start writing a diary now, just a daily one 5 mintues of what you did or whatever. In 100 years others will be able to look back at yur life and remmeber you.
I feel sorry for even my parents as I know that their names will be forgotten by the time my children have their children, its a frightening thought....
Remember that you dont even need to do something great, it may sound silly but just by having children, your legacy will last and increase over the years until you could be the reason that millions exist in the future.
I also think all old people should be forced to write full length memoirs
And you should start writing a diary now, just a daily one 5 mintues of what you did or whatever. In 100 years others will be able to look back at yur life and remmeber you.
I do so . I also have a box of keepsakes with photographs in, etc. Random bits and bobs, like train tickets from when I ran away with permission for the day to Weston-Super-Mare, when I went to Edinburgh, etc.
I would love to find out a random memory of when a person was a child or something, or be told it, and it can be something I'd write and remember. And then if anyone reads a journal of mine or something, they'd remember that person's memory too.
Am absolutely frightened of being forgotten. Of anyone being forgotten, or not remembered. But who's going to remember you when everyone else who knew you has gone?
. I also have a box of keepsakes with photographs in, etc. Random bits and bobs, like train tickets from when I ran away with permission for the day to Weston-Super-Mare, when I went to Edinburgh, etc.I would love to find out a random memory of when a person was a child or something, or be told it, and it can be something I'd write and remember. And then if anyone reads a journal of mine or something, they'd remember that person's memory too.
Am absolutely frightened of being forgotten. Of anyone being forgotten, or not remembered. But who's going to remember you when everyone else who knew you has gone?
We remember names like Newton, Plato, Flemming, Darwin even Hitler because they did great things (great as in big). Have you seen the movie Troy, although its probably really inaccurate, it does convey how much it means to people to have themselves remembered. Especially if youre non-religious, were at a point where pro-creation is no longer good enough....
I feel really sorry for my gran like your grandparents, her husband has died, most her friends have died and she is becoming very immobile, literally just sitting that at home all day. It seems horrible, but sometimes she says to me she wont actually mind dieing because its just something thats natural and coming. Maybe it makes more sense to her but to me its just dlkfdsflsdlfds knowing that youre never going to know what the future looks like or how the world and your children, grandchildren etc will turn out.
I feel really sorry for my gran like your grandparents, her husband has died, most her friends have died and she is becoming very immobile, literally just sitting that at home all day. It seems horrible, but sometimes she says to me she wont actually mind dieing because its just something thats natural and coming. Maybe it makes more sense to her but to me its just dlkfdsflsdlfds knowing that youre never going to know what the future looks like or how the world and your children, grandchildren etc will turn out.
lostinfantasies
And what if you're the only one to remember things from your past? Your childhood? It must seem incredibly lonely when you can't talk to anyone who was there about it. You can't say "oh, remember when...", because no-one does. It's just you.
That’s so unbelievably sad, and yet I didn't think it would be....
I absolutely never want to grow old -- would rather die earlier than later, and with as much control over my body as possible.
I've never even imagined old age because I've assumed that I will never let myself live like that. Like you, I want to die before I loose control over my life, but hopefully by then all my family and my partner will be dead too. The thought of leaving them with my death is horrible, a very difficult situation isn't it? Maybe thats why people get so old, they're staying alive for other people they love.
supernova2
We remember names like Newton, Plato, Flemming, Darwin even Hitler because they did great things (great as in big).
My friend has a great theory which relates to this. His theory is about people's own personal versions of heaven and hell; if you lead a negative life (hurting people, destroying things etc) the memory of you as an evil person is your hell, take Hitler for example. Behave yourself and the lasting memories of you will be good, hence some form of heaven. This dude isn’t religious, and nor am I, but I really like this idea. It only starts to unravel when we see that a lot of people are completely forgotten…
lostinfantasies
I also have a box of keepsakes with photographs in, etc. Random bits and bobs, like train tickets from when I ran away with permission for the day to Weston-Super-Mare, when I went to Edinburgh, etc.
I do that too, I have a whole scrapbook full of memories and keepsakes like tickets, photos, drawings people do for me.
Someone told me that I should consider changing my job -- after all, I'm apparently realising that the residents I work with are not statistics, and they're not just there so I can get paid. Which is what I already knew...(?)
I like my job. At times, I hate it, because it's challenging, but it's worth it just to see their smiles if you just randomly sit down and have a casual chat. Sometimes all they want is someone to talk to, and they may not even remember it the next day. But for that one moment, I feel like I've made a difference and it honestly makes my day. Also, I don't know if they have visitors or not, and I just feel like they should have someone they could tell stories to (I'm not a carer, just a part-time supper assistant).
I like my job. At times, I hate it, because it's challenging, but it's worth it just to see their smiles if you just randomly sit down and have a casual chat. Sometimes all they want is someone to talk to, and they may not even remember it the next day. But for that one moment, I feel like I've made a difference and it honestly makes my day. Also, I don't know if they have visitors or not, and I just feel like they should have someone they could tell stories to (I'm not a carer, just a part-time supper assistant).
At least you can grab so type of hope that youre a person that is actually making a difference to the problem which we have. People will never rememeber us completely but hopefully with more people like you there is a way...
black_mamba I like that theory a lot, I suppose people get what they are content with. Im sure there are many very good people in this world who are just fine with getting on with their lives and arent as concerned with a legacy of themselves as much, so they arent rewarded in that way when they die? Maybe their reward is by having a good family around them when they die? As well as this, maybe a generally bad persons hell is to not be rmemebered at all.
Im talking rubbish now anyway but yeah the idea is nice
I sometimes feel sad because time goes by so quickly, the millenium celebrations seemed like yesterday and they were over 5 years ago Im 17 and ive only got another 3 or so stints of my time alive before I die! sucks doesnt it...
black_mamba I like that theory a lot, I suppose people get what they are content with. Im sure there are many very good people in this world who are just fine with getting on with their lives and arent as concerned with a legacy of themselves as much, so they arent rewarded in that way when they die? Maybe their reward is by having a good family around them when they die? As well as this, maybe a generally bad persons hell is to not be rmemebered at all.
Im talking rubbish now anyway but yeah the idea is nice
I sometimes feel sad because time goes by so quickly, the millenium celebrations seemed like yesterday and they were over 5 years ago
Im 17 and ive only got another 3 or so stints of my time alive before I die! sucks doesnt it...To be honest in the end, if we all worried less and got on with our lives more, at least when it comes to our time to die, we wont regret our time in this world.
supernova2
Im sure there are many very good people in this world who are just fine with getting on with their lives and arent as concerned with a legacy of themselves as much, so they arent rewarded in that way when they die? Maybe their reward is by having a good family around them when they die?
Cool idea, but problematic for me since I'm not evil but ultimately don't want to breed (eww), so adopting this idea means that I'd be subjecting myself to my own hell post-death. What a mess!
supernova2
To be honest in the end, if we all worried less and got on with our lives more, at least when it comes to our time to die, we wont regret our time in this world.
Exactly, and I think thats the key. Over analysing the situation means you loose sight of the simplicity of it - if people are forgotten then surely you wouldn't know about it in the first place? The only people who are sad are those still alive: us!
Bah the worst thing about this is I usually think about it when im walking home at night and it always the same. Im thinking I want to be remembered and stuff. Then I walk through some woods (its night time wah) and all I can think is like a newspaper headline like "Boy 17 dies killed by axe maniac" and ill be remembered that way. Half the time I end up running.
Stupid yeah! But its sscarier at night
Stupid yeah! But its sscarier at night
the doubles s's was a typo not me stammering in fear...
At the OP: Your post literally brought tears to my eyes. No sarcasm intended either. I study history and am fairly passionate about it, and you struck a cord - my personal favourite history is the history of normal people, of social situations thoughout history. Leaders get immortalized in history, but the normal "peasants" don't.
I'm not suggesting that it's possible to contain the history of every single person (it's not, and would require a historian per person, hehe), and I realise that I'm talking about the stories of people, and not their memories.But when you realise that there are innumerable people in the world, and that millions have been forgotten previously in history, then it dulls the pain a little. Nobody wants to be forgotten - but once you're dead, does it really matter if you're remembered? It's not like you'd have a say.
I understand how ultimately the run up to death for people who live to such old age is extremely undignified. It saddens me, as I too have worked voluntarily in an Old Folk's home. To think that these people went through their teen years, then their prime years, their their comfort years, and finally reach their twilight years in such a state that's it's hard to believe that they've experienced life and can talk about it.
Sorry, I've deviated from the original topic a bit there... I feel genuinely sad.
I'm not suggesting that it's possible to contain the history of every single person (it's not, and would require a historian per person, hehe), and I realise that I'm talking about the stories of people, and not their memories.But when you realise that there are innumerable people in the world, and that millions have been forgotten previously in history, then it dulls the pain a little. Nobody wants to be forgotten - but once you're dead, does it really matter if you're remembered? It's not like you'd have a say.
I understand how ultimately the run up to death for people who live to such old age is extremely undignified. It saddens me, as I too have worked voluntarily in an Old Folk's home. To think that these people went through their teen years, then their prime years, their their comfort years, and finally reach their twilight years in such a state that's it's hard to believe that they've experienced life and can talk about it.
Sorry, I've deviated from the original topic a bit there... I feel genuinely sad.
its definitely been erking me lately..not all in a bad way, i just think about it, not quite how you're thinking - which have really got me thinking now - but when i think of it i think of whats the meaning of life by the time you get to that "old" age..which is subjective, cos i think "middle-aged" is old, even though that would mean my parents are "old", & i dont like to think of them like that..nyways back to the topic in ques...
cos everything i do now revolves around what i want to do/be in the future by the time im "old" what would be the meaning then? what do i do and why? theres nothing else to live for by that time...which sounds a bit self-absorbed i think, but hey its why im thinking bout it...even by the age 40 which isnt really old, you lose a lot of chances & would have missed soo many opportunities, that it would just be "too late" to start something by then, if you get what i mean..its just i think of my mum (whos not even old at all) & think how she'd never be able to do what she wanted cos of her age, etc (though i know it depends on the individual really..), i can't put everything to words..theres just too much, im starting to bore myself..will stop now & ponder on my own...
cos everything i do now revolves around what i want to do/be in the future by the time im "old" what would be the meaning then? what do i do and why? theres nothing else to live for by that time...which sounds a bit self-absorbed i think, but hey its why im thinking bout it...even by the age 40 which isnt really old, you lose a lot of chances & would have missed soo many opportunities, that it would just be "too late" to start something by then, if you get what i mean..its just i think of my mum (whos not even old at all) & think how she'd never be able to do what she wanted cos of her age, etc (though i know it depends on the individual really..), i can't put everything to words..theres just too much, im starting to bore myself..will stop now & ponder on my own...
I've thought about this and it seems to come down to who you are close to if you have a kid that you are close to then they will help and remember you otherwise you're on your own. While some lonely old people are just plain unlucky others treat their family badly so that no-one wants to know them and while I feel sorry for the un-lucky ones I don't pity the ones who are victims of Karma, those ones made their bed and now they have to lie in it.
Dschingis
At the OP: Your post literally brought tears to my eyes. No sarcasm intended either.
I thought I was going to get emotional too whilst reading it...
Really didn't expect to see all the rep that I've just been given, but thank you anyway. I sort of do this a lot -- think about things until my head hurts, and part of me wishes I could leave things be and not question them or find alternative ways around them, but that's not what I do. I *have* to analyse things way too much, lol. It's both a curse and a blessing (I'm apparently in the right frame of mind to become an Occupational Therapist, which is what I want to do).
Older people really don't get as much respect as they should do.
Older people really don't get as much respect as they should do.
Wow, I normally skip long posts like this one, but yours was incredibly easy to read.
I personally have kept a diary since I was a little girl. I have tons of them stacked under my bed. God willing, they wont get lost in the future.
I think there are a lot of old people who don't live in homes before they die, right? Some people stay physically fit right up until the end, but they have to exercise and stretch daily. Isn't that so? I really would prefer a death that means something than to fade away in a home.
I do think about the same things, but family is really important to me no matter what our culture says. I wouldn't let someone from my family live in one of those homes.
I personally have kept a diary since I was a little girl. I have tons of them stacked under my bed. God willing, they wont get lost in the future.
I think there are a lot of old people who don't live in homes before they die, right? Some people stay physically fit right up until the end, but they have to exercise and stretch daily. Isn't that so? I really would prefer a death that means something than to fade away in a home.I do think about the same things, but family is really important to me no matter what our culture says. I wouldn't let someone from my family live in one of those homes.
Same. I work in one, and the care is pretty good at where I work, but it's put me off for life ever being in one, and ever putting a relative in one. Most of my family have said how they do not want to be put in a home, and I'm hoping I can try to respect that. However, it may not always be possible (my mother's disabled already, has the legs of someone twice her age, so by the time she's eighty or whatever, God knows what she'll be like).
I work in a care home. I don't want to live (or die) in one.
It just must be so...undignified. Is that the right word? (I tend to babble a bit and I thought the original post would be too nonsensical to read!). I mean...not being able to do anything yourself, the things you could do for years before. And if you can't talk about your past and you've no family to visit you or who know about your childhood and your life, then everything that's defined who you are these past years is just...gone.
I work in a care home. I don't want to live (or die) in one.
It just must be so...undignified. Is that the right word? (I tend to babble a bit and I thought the original post would be too nonsensical to read!). I mean...not being able to do anything yourself, the things you could do for years before. And if you can't talk about your past and you've no family to visit you or who know about your childhood and your life, then everything that's defined who you are these past years is just...gone.
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