The Student Room Group

Perfectionism

I admit to being a perfectionist most of the time... but sometimes this really gets me down and i have no idea how to change this trait!

It's the end of the easter holidays and i've hardly done any revision for my exams (the first being a week today!!!!) This is because work always seems like such a feat because I don't like doing things by halves.. therefore everything seems like a mammoth task. I've tried breaking stuff down but I can't get rid of this perfectionist attitude.

For example.. if i haven't written neatly enough it gets screwed up and goes in the bin.

I'm also always comparing myself to others and i really know i shouldn't.. i know everyone works differently but i'm getting fed up of myself!!!!

Does anyone else ever get like this?

Scroll to see replies

Reply 1
oh honey - im the same. [i don't screw up my notes though if they ain't neat].

I'm stressed with cwk and exams at the moment. I hate hate hate this! Can't wait till they're over.
Reply 2
easter should have a capital.... you obviously dont have a serious problem....
Reply 3
red_roadkill
oh honey - im the same. [i don't screw up my notes though if they ain't neat].

I'm stressed with cwk and exams at the moment. I hate hate hate this! Can't wait till they're over.


History Cwork for tomorrow, I am f***ed f***ed f***ed
Reply 4
yeah im the same, if i wanna get something done id rather sit down the day before and do it all then. not over a certain period, i feel like ive accomplished more that way:smile:
*Farfalla*

For example.. if i haven't written neatly enough it gets screwed up and goes in the bin.


You're the exact opposite of me! :p: But my boyfriend is just like you, and hes learnt (through being with me) that making small mistakes isn't such a big deal and learnt to relax his perfectionist attitude quite a bit. Sadly, I've gone in the opposite direction whilst being with him, and now I get anal over little things which normally wouldn't bother me. I still make ugly messy notes though. :wink:

Striking a balance is the answer, try spilling some juicey ink over your notes and force yourself to enjoy it! :eek: (I'm kidding, thats awful advice!)
oh I'm the same. :smile:
Reply 7
I'm like this with my school work. Everything has to be neat and well presented. I don't throw away work, but if I mess up a word and don't like how it came out, I erase it and write it again. If only I was this tidy with the rest of my things, like my room for instance :frown:
I was completing a Bach chorale as part of my Music A2 revision earlier, and I wrote it out a total of 9 times, 'cause I didn't think it was neat enough...and I was using pencil, not pen!

Seriously, you're not alone!

I know exactly what you mean about being a complete perfectionist, then punishing yourself when you lose motivation to work - I'm the prime example of that school of thought :redface: My locker is a complete mess at school as well, and my bedroom isn't exactly spotless right now (waist-high piles of school books). Funny how I can be so anal about my schoolwork, yet let my surroundings slip...

I'm sure some 'funny' person on here will start chanting "OCD, OCD, OCD" but it isn't - it's more about being a perfectionist than obsessive. Obsessive is where you HAVE to do something, perfectionism is where you think you SHOULD. :wink:

Don't worry though sweetheart - there are others out there like you!!
Reply 9
i am sooo the same! and see if it's not perfect enough do you get really miffed with yourself?
Reply 10
I think a lot of TSRers are perfectionists to be honest. It can get quite annoying, you end up looking like a complete ****** for worrying all the time. So, yeah, I empathise...
Reply 11
I go in to depression like states when I have exams coming up, I even went to the doctors last year when I was doing my A2s, I even had a break down in school. Just try to relax and I found revision timetables of like slots of half an hour helped me, I was also on Kalms which i still kind of live off every now and then.

A perfectionists society maybe? lol
I get pretty low near exams time i feel like im never doing enough work. I really hate the anticipation and the after effects of exams. Not good feelings i mean cmon 6+ weeks is like hell if you've got say A2 exam results coming.

I am a perfectionist in some respects im **** at art my handwriting is illegible most of the time i cant write for great lengths of time but i am a perfectionist in the fact that i want to get everything right in maths and science.

I was talking to a doctor on my work experience today he told me this.

How do you define an expert? I said i didnt know mainly because i didnt wanna say something stupid

He said an expert can be described as someone who makes the most amount of mistakes. Think about it, the more you make mistakes in academic situations the better you become, the more you learn. You are a failure if you fail and dont get back up on that horse, but if you get back up there even more motivated and determined to do well nothing can stop you. I feel it necessary to fail, i mean nobody wants to fail but have you ever thought it might do you some good? If i hadnt failed in year 10 i wouldnt be here talking right now how i want everything in maths and science right because i failed i motivated myself to do well i ended up with good grades and im doing maths and science a levels now hoping to do good in the summer.

Anyways obviously you cant say an expert of love is someone whos been dumped more times than anyone else but to some degrees academically you can.

Theres my 2 cent.
Oh, I can sympathise; I have a tendency to assume that if I don't know everything perfectly I don't know it at all and then I panic majorly. (Right now I have this with my tests - not even exams, just college tests - at uni in a few days).
I also annoy people because if I don't do 100% i feel like I've 'failed' when of course I haven't, but I sound really arrogant - it's just I always feel I could have done better and then get obsessive about it.
I'm like that with my room too - everything has to be straight and neat, except the desk, which is the one part of my room which isn't neat but should be because it would be useful!

Oh god, I sound so neurotic. I'm really not that bad, though my friends like to tease me about my perfectionism - they leave doors ajar on purpose, grr. :wink:
I'm *exactly* the same - have been forced into councilling by my teachers for it actually :redface: have you tried cognitive behaviour therapy? So far it's not working for me but hey...
Darling, I'm the same. I am very similar, and I'm completly stressing out about it.

I can't deal with small things in my life, because the bigger things have to be perfect. My work has to be neat, and I know that if I'm tired, I won't do it because it won't turn out right.

I'm even worse in my bedroom, though. The wardrobe has to be in colour order, I can't stand clutter, my bed is made perfectly (only I can make it), DVDs are in alphabetical order, drawers have labels relating to whats in them, even my underwear is folded. It has to be like this, otherwise I do freak out. However, it leaves me emotionally and physically exhausted.



I wish I had some words of advice. Could you speak to your school, is there a counsellor or someone you could speak to? It may be an idea, just mentioning it to them, to try and get some coping strategies.

Take care. x
Reply 16
sebbie
easter should have a capital.... you obviously dont have a serious problem....


haha! :biggrin:

Sarah
red_roadkill
oh honey - im the same. [i don't screw up my notes though if they ain't neat].

I'm stressed with cwk and exams at the moment. I hate hate hate this! Can't wait till they're over.


This is exactly how I feel!!! Just stressed and angry because I want this to be over so much :frown:

If I don't start working at 9am, I feel like I've wasted the day already and it now isn't worth starting, so write it off and promise to do a full day the next day. I then waste most of the day watching daytime TV and being on TSR, and go to bed late, upset, sleep in and start the whole awful cycle all over again....

And with assignments, I spend more time making *perfect* notes from approx 1,259 different sources, that I end up either rushing the actual assignment or having so much information that its impossible to focus my work...

Its so stressful because none of my friends understand how this pressure for everything to be "just right" gets to me, so they think Im just moaning, or worse, fishing for compliments. (because my marks are good, its just the ultra-stressful buid up that gets me)
One of my friends has just gone off on holiday for a week, and I just can't imagine having *any* time off like that this close to exams!! :eek:

I know I would benefit from chilling out, that the quality of work would improve etc etc., but I just can't switch off :frown:
I feel better knowing Im not the only one though...
I'm far too much of a perfectionist, I've written a ton of songs which I change all the time, but the ones I'm now happy with I KNOW must be AMAZING, so there's a plus.

Over Easter I made a holiday work plan with all my revision and homework on, it was pretty impressive actually, and the structure made me feel more motivated to work, also I pretty much stuck to it. Only reason I fell behind is because I had to take my dad to Slough for a checkup about his finger...he cut some of his index off with a stanley knife the other week doing DIY.
im the complete opposite, but now i feel like a freak for being far too lazy about things. no one has ever made me want to be perfect, i like my flaws they make me unique. my work is quite often messy and very often incomplete. even my coursework is rushed and probly shoody. i wonder how good my work could be if i was more concerned over its goodness.

Latest