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Anger Outbursts

Right, this problem has appeared recently. I am 19 and mostly away at uni, and I onnly ever get this problem at home. The cause of my rage is my 17 year old brother. I find him rediculously immature, he goes out of his way to annoy me. He treats out house like some sort of hotel, coming and going when he chooses, only returning for food. This stresses my parents who then get arsey at me which makes me angry with my brother. He is a completely spoilt brat - gets away with leaving the house a tip, never doing any chores. It sounds petty, but then even when he has outright disobeyed my parents he still gets his own way (like gets given extra money on top of his allowance to go to football matches etc) because he makes out like my parents are in the wrong and my mum ALWAYS gives in to him. :mad:

Just typing this now is getting me mad.
Basically, because of all this, just even when I am in the same room as my brother I can feel anger boiling up inside me and I want to hurt him. Badly. So I have to leave the room, go upstairs, scream, cry and trash my room to calm myself down!
How do I stop feeling this way towards my brother? I don't want to I just can't help it and it's getting me down. I'm going back to uni this weekend, but I want to solve the problem ASAP in case it comes back during the next holidays.
Please help. :frown:

Reply 1

Toy Soldier

Goad him into a fight then kick his ass. Theraputic for both of you, I'd imagine.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Toy Soldier

Goad him into a fight then kick his ass. Theraputic for both of you, I'd imagine.

I should have mentioned:

a) I'm a girl and he is over 6' tall. I am 5'3'' and so he would kick my ass.
b) I would prefer to resolve the problem non violently.

Reply 3

kizer

Jesus this sounds almost exactly the same as me, same ages, same gripes, everything, except i am the brother!!

The only thing that makes me think it isn't me is that I never go to football matches!

Wow that is actually really freaky

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

kizer

What do you think about your older sibling then?

Reply 5

TOD100

The the **** over it! YOU sound like a spoiled brat. Be thankful you have been given the opportunity to go to university and make something of your life - not everyone has that luxury.

Maybe you should stop thinking about how bad off you are and be thankful that you have a future to look foreward to.

You were a kid once, and at 17, your brother is a kid. Let him grow up in his own time.

Reply 6

Crimson Black

Motherless Child

What the flying ****? Family tensions are the worst sort of problems you can have! Anon. is trying to dispel it - and is using quite legitimate means to do so (internet forum for help). Her dilemma isn't even about ****ing universities, it's to do with her brother. Cut her some slack, re-read what you've written, and realise how ****ing self-righteous you sound. :mad:

EDIT: You're worse than I thought. Not only do you give such completely self-righteous advice, you've also in previous posts asked advice about what sort of processor chip your computer should have, and asked how to solve hard-drive problems. You self-righteous hypocrite!

Reply 7

matchu

Errrrrrrrr right, what have processor chips got to do with anything....

Anyways - you need to sort out ways of coping with your anger, and learn to become more passive, it'll be a lot easier than trying to change your brothers ways.

I know this being a 17 YO brother myself, theres no way you'd get me to do something if you forced it upon me.

Reply 8

Lady Venom

Have you discussed it with your parents? Tell them what you think, then leave him to be sorted out by them.

Reply 9

TOD100

Dschingis

Mate I'm not the one saying 'my family is ****, i'm at uni and have no hope in life.

I've seen all there is to see with family problems. Theres nothing you can teach me that I haven't already heard.

I don't slag off other people on the internet to get advice. In real life I cope with problems and find solutions by myself.

IF you have a problem, find an amicable solution yourself - it makes you a far better person.

But no, if you're too stupid to think for yourself, then go for it and ask a bunch of f-ing strangers what they think.

Reply 10

TOD100

I don't know what the Original Poster is thinking of doing in this situation, but I would say to myself : "I'm at Uni, making something of my life. I remember when I was my brothers age. I wasn't fully grown up and I didn't know I was annoying people so much. It's his problem if he wants to ruin a relationship, not mine. The best thing for me to do is act calm when around him and not get wound up by him. At the end of the day, I have my life to live, and he has his life to live. If the two clash, then thats unfortunate, but its not necessarily a problem.

Reply 11

kizer

Anonymous

What do you think about your older sibling then?

Basically, she has always seen me as the favoured one, but it isn't fair. At all times I am almost 2 years younger, so to her it seems like I am less responsible, but I am not really. She also complains about things that she chose and I didn't - for example, my mum will help pay for my 18th, and she didn't have one... the fact that my mum offered to pay and was turned down is of course besides the point!

Reply 12

TOD100

Not that I am a Christian, but the bible offers good advice on problems like this.

Never let the sun go down on your anger.
Love your neighbour as you love yourself.
Set good examples.
Remove the plank of wood from your owneye before you attempt to remove someone elses.

etc...

Reply 13

Crimson Black

Motherless Child

Who is Anon. slagging off exactly? Her brother? That's hardly slagging off. She's frustrated, wants advice, and is detailing the situation so that she can get said advice. Advice from people who might be able to help. You may brag about how you've mastered all life's problems, that you're sitting there doing your D of E, typing on your Athlon 64 4200+ PC or whatever ... if you really don't need advice, then why do you ask for advice here on the forums, just like Anon.?

Reply 14

TOD100

this argument is not continuing. Neither of us have won.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Motherless Child

Sorry, I think you have seriously misjudged my situation. I love my brother and want to have a relationship with him like a lot of my friends have with their siblings, which is a good one, but until I find a way to control my anger, or until he stops deliberately trying to annoy me then this will never happen. I don't think my life is terrible, in fact this is my biggest problem and I am grateful for that. I am grateful that I can go to uni and all that, but I shouldn't have to justify myself here, I was only asking for advice.

I know he's 17 but why can't he act that way? When I was 17 I was NOT this annoying and neither are other 17 year olds I have contact with (by annoying I mean doing disgusting things like burping/farting in my face, spitting on me, getting in my way on the stairs etc). I should also point out I have another brother and a sister aged 15 and 13 respectively and I get on fine with them!

Any advice on how to control my anger?