Why did he act like this? (sex related)

So I've been dating this guy for about 2 months now and I've stayed over at his each Saturday night for the last 3 weekends. The first time I said I would rather refrain from sex because I felt I didn't know him enough, which he was fine with although he did say he wouldn't have said 'no'. The next week the same thing happened, but he seemed fine waiting a bit then too.

So...last Saturday I stayed over at his and we started getting into it. I decided I was ready to go all the way (this isn't my first time btw) and I was happy when he asked me if I had a condom because it must have meant he wanted it too although I did find it weird for him to ask ME seeing as we were at HIS. I said 'no, I don't have one' and he said 'ok, good', so I repeated that I said I DIDN'T have one (because I thought he'd misunderstood) and then asked if he had one to which he replied 'yeah, I do, but they're probably out of date'. I then said 'well, do you want to make sure?' and he said 'nah, I'm pretty sure they're out of date'. WHAT THE HECK? I asked him if he actually wanted sex and he said 'why rush? we can just go a little bit further each time we see each other. Let's leave it at that for tonight'. I just stared at him gobsmacked and said if he didn't want sex couldn't we at least finish in other ways and he just didn't seem bothered even though he was totally over me a few minutes before.

Do you think he was trying to get back at me for me saying no the first two times? I made it clear before I even went to his so it's not like I led him on or anything.
This has really confused me :s-smilie:

Reply 1

username1060288

Maybe he doesn't like condoms? :/ How's he been since then?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by whisper2012

Maybe he doesn't like condoms? :/ How's he been since then?

I thought about that, but then he didn't actually try to do anything after he said he presumed they were out of date, which you'd think he would have done if he hadn't wanted to use one, but still wanted sex.
There hasn't really been much time since I last saw him (yesterday at 1pm was when I left his) and I felt too embarrassed to text him, but it put me off him a bit that he would play mind games. He just texted me about an hour ago though asking how my day was so I replied to that.

Reply 3

marcus2001

Had he seen your vagina previously, maybe this was the first time he saw it and he was put off by how it looked, then panicked because he couldn't find a reasonable excuse..?

:colone:

Reply 4

JJBounce

Maybe he's just genuinely one of these (rare) nice guys that are left in the world? Me and my boyfriend waited ages to do the dirty (I admit, this was totally down to me.. I'm totally frigid.. LOL)

Not all guys want to just jump straight into your pants as soon as they meet you - I'm sure the idea seems exciting to them but maybe when it comes down to it they either can't bring themselves to do it or they find that they like you too much to mess it up by taking it too fast.

Also - Maybe he didn't actually didn't any condoms, or genuinely 100% knew they were out of date and didn't want to take any chances.

Don't just assume there is an ulterior motive, however there may well be.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by marcus2001

Had he seen your vagina previously, maybe this was the first time he saw it and he was put off by how it looked, then panicked because he couldn't find a reasonable excuse..?

:colone:

lol thanks for that :tongue:

the light was dimmed AND we were under the covers so he couldn't see anything anyway, haha!

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by JJBounce

It would be nice if this were the case. I normally prefer to wait until I'm in a relationship with someone before having sex, but he said he could never be properly together with someone before he'd had sex with them to see if they were compatible in that way. I understand that sex is important, but it seems like it's more important for him than it is to me.

You could well be right though - maybe I'm looking into this too much (I have a habit of doing that :redface:

) and maybe he did get a bit scared because I know he hasn't done it for a while. I guess we'll see what happens if we meet up again. Thanks for you insight :smile:

Reply 7

senator88

Why don't you just ask him?

Reply 8

linkdapink

I don't mean to ask this to sound harsh, but are you sure he's not a virgin? He may have just been as relieved?

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by linkdapink

I don't mean to ask this to sound harsh, but are you sure he's not a virgin? He may have just been as relieved?

To be honest I never thought about this. He's had a few girlfriends before and even said 'I could never date a virgin', but he could just be putting on an act, I guess. He's not far off 30 so I presumed he might have had a bit of experience (I guess it's kind of bad for me just to presume that though), but he did seem to need quite a lot of reassurance when he was doing other stuff so maybe he's not as experienced as I first thought :redface:

Reply 10

jami74

He probably wasn't expecting to have sex as you usually said no so jacked off ten minutes before you arrived so he wouldn't feel frustrated all night.

Or maybe he is playing games with you.

Reply 11

JJBounce

Original post by Anonymous

I guess we'll see what happens if we meet up again. Thanks for you insight :smile:

You're welcome. It sounds perfectly innocent to me to be honest, If you genuinely are ready for sex then just meet up, do something fun and then if the mood takes you and it feels right, let him be in control. Maybe he needs to feel in control to build his confidence. I know that was the case for me.