The Student Room Group

Running away as a muslim girl

Hi everyone im in a situation where i feel i need to run away from home im
a muslim girl and i dont have a bf. my fathers been trying to get me married for some time into the family i agreed for my parents happiness and i was told i would be given a choice, and anyone on the family, So i choose some1 in the family whom they do get allong with however are not well off but just ok,

My brothers and father said no due to him according to my parents is not wise enough And not rich

The men they choose for me are all 33+ and im 22 and i actually cannot see myself with these men.

I declined these offers and now im gettn told to leave the house although i pay to live in the house. I get verbally abused daily and physically abused evety so often because i say i dont know what to do.



Im so sick of this i cry myself to sleep because of constantly gettn shouted at and told to leave the house what is the best way to go about this?

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Remind them that what they are doing is not rooted in Islamic tradition. If they're not open to reason, then leave. Build your own future and nurture a different set of values to the backward ones your family holds, and then pass them down to the next generation.
Reply 2
You agreed for your parents happiness? How about your own happiness.
Reply 3
When I read these posts I realize how easy my parents are and how much I love them.


You have 2 options:
Accept and be married to a 33 year old
or
Leave home and live your life in freedom.

If you already pay to live there you can pay to live somewhere else and just think about the freedom. I wouldn't want to live with such [and i'm sorry if I offend you ] bitches anyway.
If i run away i would loose all my family and if anything happened to my parents like death i couldnt forgive myself

I wasnt botherd about my future as i have nothing shining bright for me
Original post by Sammi_K?
When I read these posts I realize how easy my parents are and how much I love them.


You have 2 options:
Accept and be married to a 33 year old
or
Leave home and live your life in freedom.

If you already pay to live there you can pay to live somewhere else and just think about the freedom. I wouldn't want to live with such [and i'm sorry if I offend you ] bitches anyway.


I dont want freedom like party do what i like. I want to settle down be a good muslim,

I dont want to get married regret it and get divorced
I don't mean to be rude, but you are 22 - it's not exactly running away.

What is your financial / work / education situation like? If you can afford to live somewhere else, and you don't want to get married then it probably is time to leave. I understand about your parents, but fundamentally you get one life - they sound like they will continue to abuse you unless you get married, so if that's not what you want you have to get away.

I know I may be being naiive here, since I can only see it from a western point of view, but you can try to keep in touch with your parents. Send them cards / letters regularly, and try to visit them, and if they completely cut you off it is in no way your fault. I'm sorry if I'm being too simplistic though - I hope you sort something out :smile:


Edit: Failing that, try to persuade them to let you marry the family member you originally chose?

Edit 2: Note that when I wrote the part about keeping in touch she hadn't yet mentioned honour killing. I can't advise you on that, but it sounds like you definitely need to get away, now. There are numbers you can call for free, confidential advice, and perhaps some people on here may have been in similar situations.
(edited 11 years ago)
I have graduated and i am finacially okay to move out but have never gone away or been alone if i do leave home i will have to cut off from them completly as i would have gone against their wishes and ruined their reputation in the asian society.and they probably woyld try to kill me as my father does say that allot that if he ever does see me or my sublings after we leave then he would do wat it takes to in the name of 'honour killing'
Reply 8
Original post by Girl786yorkshire
I have graduated and i am finacially okay to move out but have never gone away or been alone if i do leave home i will have to cut off from them completly as i would have gone against their wishes and ruined their reputation in the asian society.and they probably woyld try to kill me as my father does say that allot that if he ever does see me or my sublings after we leave then he would do wat it takes to in the name of 'honour killing'


Wtf, sorry this is extremism at it's finest. Leave home and risk your life? How could a father even think about killing his own flesh and blood?

Leave, become a strong independent Muslim girl. I know its tough, but i would confront the police too about what could potentially happen.

I can't believe how some families can still be so back-rooted... Oh so they don't impress Mr Khan down the road so what?
Original post by Girl786yorkshire
I have graduated and i am finacially okay to move out but have never gone away or been alone if i do leave home i will have to cut off from them completly as i would have gone against their wishes and ruined their reputation in the asian society.and they probably woyld try to kill me as my father does say that allot that if he ever does see me or my sublings after we leave then he would do wat it takes to in the name of 'honour killing'


I am sorry to say this....but your parents are morons. Ignore that nonsense about sending them cards and whatever. If you do that, they will get back in your life and make it even worse than before.

If you are financially able...then leave and get as away as far as you can and cut off all ties. If you don't, they will find you.
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 10
I am also muslim and I know what you're talking about as I've seen this happen not in my family but quite common in our culture. Your parents don't control who you get married to, you're 22 and you have rights, leave the house get a job and settle yourself down and if/when your parents understand that you made the best decision they should accept you for what you are. And as for the threats from your dad you can get security like a restraining order, you may feel sad because they are your family but it is a shame that asian families sometimes turn out like this because of 'tradition' and 'culture' and you will be better off without them. I advise that you keep in touch with those in your family who do understand you as long as they won't get into trouble for it and keep your family in your prayers. Other than that go out and live your life but try and do something that you will later be able to show your parents that you didn't mess up and you turned out fine. Good luck!
(edited 11 years ago)
Arranged marriages are part of Islam, forced marriages are not. There is a hadith where Muhammad said a Muslim is not truly a believer (only half a believer) until he gets married.

So your parents might see you as an infidel, your father would probably have been told about that hadith at the mosque. i know this from experience.

You should marry someone who pretends to be muslim to make your parents happy. Islam is what is causing your saddness.

Blame your parents for their attitude, and blame Islam for helping create that attitude.
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 12
Original post by ideas4life
Arranged marriages are part of Islam, forced marriages are not. There is a hadith where Muhammad said a Muslim is not truly a believer (only half a believer) until he gets married.

So your parents might see you as an infidel, your father would probably have been told about that hadith at the mosque. i know this from experience.

You should marry someone who pretends to be muslim to make your parents happy. Islam is what is causing your saddness.

Blame your parents for their attitude, and blame Islam for helping create that attitude.


No she is happy with her Islamic beliefs, not with what her family has done by mixing tradition and culture into it. She probably wants to settle down with a muslim just not one in her 30s that shes known for 2 weeks
Original post by samraf
No she is happy with her Islamic beliefs, not with what her family has done by mixing tradition and culture into it. She probably wants to settle down with a muslim just not one in her 30s that shes known for 2 weeks


to each their own.

fact is this:

if her parents werent muslim, she would not have made this thread. she seems to admit its a muslim problem.

hence i think she knows her self, islam or the way her parents practise it, is causing this suffering for her.

and am sorry to tell the OP, that the way her parents practice islam is common.

liberal islam is rare, in fact, liberal islam is considered heretical anyway.wait 300 years and things may improve

I say it like it is, common sense is what i believe, i dont really care if you say NO, because i know deep down you agree that the islamic culture is part of the problem here. trust me this would not happen in any other culture.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by ideas4life
Arranged marriages are part of Islam, forced marriages are not. There is a hadith where Muhammad said a Muslim is not truly a believer (only half a believer) until he gets married.

So your parents might see you as an infidel, your father would probably have been told about that hadith at the mosque. i know this from experience.

You should marry someone who pretends to be muslim to make your parents happy. Islam is what is causing your saddness.

Blame your parents for their attitude, and blame Islam for helping create that attitude.


My parents wouldnt allow me to marry any muslim they want me to
arry in the family, they said anybody in family but they lied just so that i say k iyl mrry in family then after that it was no you marry this person or this both of which im not happy with
I dont want to leave my beautiful religion its all tradtion and culture problems
Original post by Girl786yorkshire
I dont want to leave my beautiful religion its all tradtion and culture problems


then tell me, why do hindu pakistani's or Christian bengali's not do this?

They are more liberal with who their daughters can marry.
Reply 17
Original post by ideas4life
then tell me, why do hindu pakistani's or Christian bengali's not do this?

They are more liberal with who their daughters can marry.

it happens a lot in pakistan and partly india. its nothing to do with religion although thats what the parents call it
I cant scare them of killing myself they know i wouldnt
Do not throw this chance of life away. Do something for yourself if you know it is the right thing to do.

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