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So happy, then she ended it... NEED ADVICE FROM WOMEN...

Looking for advice from women, to try and understand this...

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 10 months.

Prior to this we had been seeing each other a few months, before then we were best mates who saw each other all the time.

She went to uni in septemeber. It's not been easy but now after 2 months, were finally getting used to it. I see her as much as i can as as much as she likes. I told her i can see her every weekend if thats what she wants.
Obviously she wants to go out a lot of weekends and such so it averages to every couple of weeks i see her.

The other day i went up to see her, had an amazing time.
On the way home she was saying she loved me etc.

Then at 10:30pm she skyped me, crying her eyes out telling me that she needs to break up with me...

She says that "she needs time to figure herself out" and that she needs to get used to not having me around. She says it might be just a break, but she doesnt want ot seem like shes messing me around so she 'ended it'.

No real reason.
I don't understand, we were so happy. And then she just ended it.

She says its been on her mind for a couple of weeks.
But 3 weeks ago she gave me a love-letter telling me she always wants to be with me.

Even after all this she says that she wasnt lieing on the letter, she just can't help how she feels.

When i said "why didnt you tell me how you were feeling, when you first felt like this".
She says she didnt want to say anything until she was sure.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME UNDERSTANDING?

I don't know where this leaves me. I don't know if i should go up and see her, avoid her.
Is this just an excuse to live the 'uni-life' for a bit, getting with guys etc. Then come back to me?

Thoughts please...

I'm going out of my mind, i miss her so much.
To go from being so happy together, to this... i just can't understand.

She says she loves me, and she doesn't know if this is the right decision but shes had to do it.

Any views on this, please comment.

Thank you.

Reply 1

Midlander

I was in almost exactly the same position as you last summer. 'I love you so much but I can't be with you' with the waterworks to boot-yeah, it's not a lot of fun. It's a very difficult thing to deal with so soon after the event; my advice would be you do your best not to speak to her for at least a week or so and let her think things through. It's totally the opposite of what feels right and what you want to do, but there's not much you'll be able to say or do at this point in time to get a proper answer.

Reply 2

bssjonny

Basically the exact same thing happened to me. Best friends for about a year, went out for a year, then broke up after a month at uni.
Everything was fine and then she dumped me out of the blue.

Reply 3

Em8980

Maybe she cheated on you and feels too guilty to carry on, but didn't want to own up.

Reply 4

Lucia.

You just need to take some time to think about it. I know what you mean about all the 'I love you' s and then being dumped out of the blue. In truth, it often feels out of the blue when a relationship ends.

And I really can understand it from her point of view. You asked why she didn't tell you before if she felt that way. Well I can tell from experience that when you have doubts about a relationship, it's not immediately obvious to you at first and it's as if you have listen to yourself and acknowledge it to yourself before you can then go and tell the other person. It takes a lot of self-awareness. In the end she was being honest to herself about what she could handle and realised that she had to let you go.

It's not the most awful break-up and I wish you the best in feeling better. And it WILL get better.

As for what she's going to do now, well you can only speculate. Don't get caught up in that. Don't go and see her. Go no contact until you are sure you are over it. It's the best thing to do. Good luck.

Reply 5

llama-beans

My boyfriend and I are at separate unis, so hopefully I can offer a little perspective from her side of the story.

Firstly, if you are used to seeing each other a lot, only spending alternate weekends together can be pretty tricky, especially in the first few months of uni when you have all sorts of other things to worry about.
Secondly, the night/day after a visit are the hardest, because you've just got the person back.. and then they have to go again.
Thirdly, when you're both essentially living new, separate lives, you can feel guilty about being happy without the other person, or wonder why you're with them at all if you're getting on so well without them most of the time.

All in all, the first few months are the hardest, with a lot of adjustments to make. My advice would be to give her some time. Make sure she knows you understand all the concerns she might have etc, but don't be too clingy.

Reply 6

siamakdie

Same thing happened to me. Ex was used to going to gym and spenidng whole day with me. I got into work, and was doing long hours, while travelling insane distance to go gyming. It got too much for her, she would cry etc. Don't let someone ever stop you doing stuff liek working/uni/hobbies, drop them if they can't respect the fact that you ahve a life outside theirs.

Funny enough my ex got with some guy in the army. Who is probably going spend 8 months overseas. I always knew she was stupid.

Reply 7

Linnerzx

I did the same thing. I was at uni whilst he stayed at home, I think the distance was longer, sometimes we saw eachother every 2/3 weeks, sometimes I went 5 weeks without being able to see him. We made it work for two years but I just wanted to focus on uni and myself. Not 'get with other guys' as some people will have it. I've not been serious or had sex with any guys since I broke up with him 8 months ago.
And I do still care about him. Maybe once I'm finished with uni and possibly move back home, we can try and pick things up again, but I respect him and understand I won't necessarily get let back in with open arms. I know that for now, breaking up with him has been the right thing for me at this moment in time.

Personally, your girlfriend(ex, whatever) shouldn't be sending you messages saying she still loves you etc etc, it's not fair on you. Me and my ex keep in touch and see each other when I'm home, but I wouldn't dream of stringing you along like that. I'm not saying she's not being honest, I'm just saying that she needs to give you space so you can also do your own thing, maybe the two of you will be better people by the end of it. But you both need space.

Reply 8

g36c

She most likely cheated on you already

also never take dating advice from women

move on..

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 9

senator88

It doesn't sound too good to be honest. If I were you I'd agree to give her time but try to move on in the mean time because you don't want to be strung along just to find out she doesn't want to be with you.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Thank you for the responses. Most were very helpful.

I've decided to give her some space, going to write a letter though and send it a week or so down the line explaining my feelings and such.

Thank you all, really appriciate it.