Dropping out of university because of homesickness
I am in week 8 of university and am really really struggling with homesickness. In the first few weeks i was really sad and convinced it would get better but it really hasn't
I live in the countryside and don't want to live at home for the rest of my life, my plan was to go to university and then perhaps move on to a different city from there.
However having arrived at university I just want to go home, i am crying almost everyday and struggling to work and sleep.
Before coming to university i did a lot of umming and arring about whether i wanted a gap year and whether i wanted to come to university at all, eventually i decided to come although still felt anxious throughout the whole process, for example when buying supplies and confirming accommodation.
I feel like just having that one extra year at home would be so beneficial to me and if i find it boring will help me realize that i really want a degree and if i enjoy it will maybe show me i don't need a degree or will show me that i can get a degree then move back home.
I am considering deferring my year, so i would spend this year at home then return to the same uni doing the same course next year as a fresher again.
There are a few worries with this including the fact that i might get back her and may find it even harder to settle a second time because the people i have met this time will not be here again.
My other option is to just stick it out and get on with it, and although i may start to love it and really enjoy myself on the other hand i'm worried i will have an awful 3 years and regret not taking a year out. and never really emotionally recover from the process.
Does anyone have any advice or personal experience of a similar situation?
I live in the countryside and don't want to live at home for the rest of my life, my plan was to go to university and then perhaps move on to a different city from there.
However having arrived at university I just want to go home, i am crying almost everyday and struggling to work and sleep.
Before coming to university i did a lot of umming and arring about whether i wanted a gap year and whether i wanted to come to university at all, eventually i decided to come although still felt anxious throughout the whole process, for example when buying supplies and confirming accommodation.
I feel like just having that one extra year at home would be so beneficial to me and if i find it boring will help me realize that i really want a degree and if i enjoy it will maybe show me i don't need a degree or will show me that i can get a degree then move back home.
I am considering deferring my year, so i would spend this year at home then return to the same uni doing the same course next year as a fresher again.
There are a few worries with this including the fact that i might get back her and may find it even harder to settle a second time because the people i have met this time will not be here again.
My other option is to just stick it out and get on with it, and although i may start to love it and really enjoy myself on the other hand i'm worried i will have an awful 3 years and regret not taking a year out. and never really emotionally recover from the process.
Does anyone have any advice or personal experience of a similar situation?
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You're just gonna throw your life away because of homesickness. Man up!
Been through similar, now in year 3. Tbh if I had quit I would never have gone back to uni, just think carefully and don't make rash decisions.
I found looking at other uni courses helped so I decided where I'd like to go and then having that 'release' enabled me to concentrate on other things better
I found looking at other uni courses helped so I decided where I'd like to go and then having that 'release' enabled me to concentrate on other things better
I usually hate it when people respond to threads saying "man up", but this is actually one of those times I'd say the same. Man up.
I moved abroad at 19 (3 years ago) and see my family for holidays only. There have been times when I struggled and things were tough (both academically/socially/relationship-wise), but I have never, ever been tempted to move home because of it. Climbing back into your childhood-cocoon is no solution.
You're only in week 8, and loads of people find things tough at first. You can consider this a crash-course in becoming more independent. Think of a scenario of you working in a foreign city as an adult and your husband would go abroad for business over a given time. Would you just collapse being by yourself? You have to be able to deal with being alone.
Try to involve yourself in the community, student associations and get a hobby/join a gym nearby.
I moved abroad at 19 (3 years ago) and see my family for holidays only. There have been times when I struggled and things were tough (both academically/socially/relationship-wise), but I have never, ever been tempted to move home because of it. Climbing back into your childhood-cocoon is no solution.
You're only in week 8, and loads of people find things tough at first. You can consider this a crash-course in becoming more independent. Think of a scenario of you working in a foreign city as an adult and your husband would go abroad for business over a given time. Would you just collapse being by yourself? You have to be able to deal with being alone.
Try to involve yourself in the community, student associations and get a hobby/join a gym nearby.
Im really sorry your feeling this way! I was like this and transfered home, is this an option for you? My uni is about 40 mins away and I now drive in and I feel so much better being at home! If you wanna chat message me, sometimes it just helps to talk to people going through the same thing!
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Original post by Pawsies
Been through similar, now in year 3. Tbh if I had quit I would never have gone back to uni, just think carefully and don't make rash decisions.
I found looking at other uni courses helped so I decided where I'd like to go and then having that 'release' enabled me to concentrate on other things better
I found looking at other uni courses helped so I decided where I'd like to go and then having that 'release' enabled me to concentrate on other things better
You know you said you looked at other uni courses, did you then go to a different one or stick at the one you were at?
Also yeah im worried that if i quit i wont come back, do you ever regret not dropping out or are you happy you didn't now and enjoying uni?
Think very carefully, I had a few friends who dropped out as they didn't like being away from home and they never went back to uni. I commute to a local uni, could you not find one closer to home and do the same.
My advice is: fill up your time. Join clubs and societies, get a job, socialise regularly and often, indulge in hobbies and other things you enjoy doing. When I was in first year, I only ever felt homesick if I was sitting around not doing much. The more I got involved in university life, the less homesick I felt. If you fill up at least some of your time doing activities and other things, you'll spend less time thinking about home.
A lot of people feel like this at some point- many more than those who admit it. And a lot of people feel like this for extended periods of time. I know a couple of people who have dropped out, one to attend a university closer to home, and the other ended up not going back at all. Thing is, at this rate, it seems like neither of them are ever going to get out there and leave home properly, and that can be a very limiting thing.
So, it's up to you, but think long and hard about this. Maybe contact your university's advice services and see what they say- after all, as I said, they will have dealt with many previous students who have felt exactly the same as you.
A lot of people feel like this at some point- many more than those who admit it. And a lot of people feel like this for extended periods of time. I know a couple of people who have dropped out, one to attend a university closer to home, and the other ended up not going back at all. Thing is, at this rate, it seems like neither of them are ever going to get out there and leave home properly, and that can be a very limiting thing.
So, it's up to you, but think long and hard about this. Maybe contact your university's advice services and see what they say- after all, as I said, they will have dealt with many previous students who have felt exactly the same as you.
Think about this, is homesickness going to go away if you came back the year after? Or the year after that? Or that? At some point you're going to have to face up to leaving home, and it won't get any easier if you stay at home longer and become even more dependent on home life. Prehaps talk to someone at the uni about how you're feeling, find things to take up your time so you aren't thinking about home, be it studying or joining a society.
This is the exact same time homesickness kicked in for me. When that happened, I went home for about five days and it helped SO much. I go to uni 200 miles away from home.
I'm glad I didn't drop out though, I would have regretted it entirely and the people I know who have dropped out, haven't come back
I'm glad I didn't drop out though, I would have regretted it entirely and the people I know who have dropped out, haven't come back
Original post by JamalAhmed
You're just gonna throw your life away because of homesickness. Man up!
How could you be so unsympathetic???
Original post by justanotherposter
Think about this, is homesickness going to go away if you came back the year after? Or the year after that? Or that? At some point you're going to have to face up to leaving home, and it won't get any easier if you stay at home longer and become even more dependent on home life. Prehaps talk to someone at the uni about how you're feeling, find things to take up your time so you aren't thinking about home, be it studying or joining a society.
I know you are most probably right and if i have another year at home i will become completely settled there and not want to leave at all, but I have got the idea in my head that if i have another year at home i will realize i don't want to stay at home forever and that i need to get a degree and move to a city in order to get somewhere in life.
I know this sounds pathetic but i just feel like i have left home to early and to young, even though most people leave at this age to go to university i just don't feel like i am ready yet.
Original post by Cephalus
How could you be so unsympathetic???
Thank you, I guess I do need people to tell me to man up though because i know it is what an awful lot of people will think!!
Thank you for being understanding. I just feel like i have left home to soon and needed a little more time to grow myself and become more mature.
Original post by ineedofhelp123
Thank you, I guess I do need people to tell me to man up though because i know it is what an awful lot of people will think!!
Thank you for being understanding. I just feel like i have left home to soon and needed a little more time to grow myself and become more mature.
Thank you for being understanding. I just feel like i have left home to soon and needed a little more time to grow myself and become more mature.
This problem is very understandable. It seems you were pushed into the deep end being on your own too soon
Deleted
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Muscovite
Oh; didn't realise OP was female... Well now I look a bit heartless! You have a point there. Nevertheless some stiffening of the upper lip may be required on OP's part
Indeed, I'm sure that uni is a tough time for everybody, and it is what you have to get used to when you have a proper job etc
Original post by llacerta
My advice is: fill up your time. Join clubs and societies, get a job, socialise regularly and often, indulge in hobbies and other things you enjoy doing. When I was in first year, I only ever felt homesick if I was sitting around not doing much. The more I got involved in university life, the less homesick I felt. If you fill up at least some of your time doing activities and other things, you'll spend less time thinking about home.
This. When I first moved to my uni city, I felt so lost and out of my depth, but that was only because events during my Freshers Week tended to only happen in the evenings, so I had the whole day to think about what I missed from home. I'm lucky though as I'm on a very intensive course, so the moment Freshers Week was over, I had no time to think about home, as I had set reading/assignments/revision from class tests etc. and that really helped.
Original post by ineedofhelp123
I am in week 8 of university and am really really struggling with homesickness. In the first few weeks i was really sad and convinced it would get better but it really hasn't
I live in the countryside and don't want to live at home for the rest of my life, my plan was to go to university and then perhaps move on to a different city from there.
However having arrived at university I just want to go home, i am crying almost everyday and struggling to work and sleep.
Before coming to university i did a lot of umming and arring about whether i wanted a gap year and whether i wanted to come to university at all, eventually i decided to come although still felt anxious throughout the whole process, for example when buying supplies and confirming accommodation.
I feel like just having that one extra year at home would be so beneficial to me and if i find it boring will help me realize that i really want a degree and if i enjoy it will maybe show me i don't need a degree or will show me that i can get a degree then move back home.
I am considering deferring my year, so i would spend this year at home then return to the same uni doing the same course next year as a fresher again.
There are a few worries with this including the fact that i might get back her and may find it even harder to settle a second time because the people i have met this time will not be here again.
My other option is to just stick it out and get on with it, and although i may start to love it and really enjoy myself on the other hand i'm worried i will have an awful 3 years and regret not taking a year out. and never really emotionally recover from the process.
Does anyone have any advice or personal experience of a similar situation?
I live in the countryside and don't want to live at home for the rest of my life, my plan was to go to university and then perhaps move on to a different city from there.
However having arrived at university I just want to go home, i am crying almost everyday and struggling to work and sleep.
Before coming to university i did a lot of umming and arring about whether i wanted a gap year and whether i wanted to come to university at all, eventually i decided to come although still felt anxious throughout the whole process, for example when buying supplies and confirming accommodation.
I feel like just having that one extra year at home would be so beneficial to me and if i find it boring will help me realize that i really want a degree and if i enjoy it will maybe show me i don't need a degree or will show me that i can get a degree then move back home.
I am considering deferring my year, so i would spend this year at home then return to the same uni doing the same course next year as a fresher again.
There are a few worries with this including the fact that i might get back her and may find it even harder to settle a second time because the people i have met this time will not be here again.
My other option is to just stick it out and get on with it, and although i may start to love it and really enjoy myself on the other hand i'm worried i will have an awful 3 years and regret not taking a year out. and never really emotionally recover from the process.
Does anyone have any advice or personal experience of a similar situation?
Hi, I had a very similar problem to you, I moved into university accommodation in September but I was home on that same evening because I just didn't like it at the university and I knew that it wasn't where I was supposed to be. To be honest with you, sticking it out for a few weeks like you have done might have been the best idea but sometimes it's what feels right at the moment that makes you decide what to do. Since leaving uni, I have had no regrets whatsoever, despite people telling me I was doing the wrong thing and would seriously regret this in the future. I have reapplied to uni for next September and received an offer from a university that is very close to home (which is convenient so I can travel back and forth everyday). It's completely up to you whether you decide to stay at uni or come home, don't let anyone influence the choices you make, because only you can decide this. It's amazing how much you will grow up in a year, next September you will be prepared for university life, you will know what to expect, you might even feel a bit more ready to live independently. I know what you're going through, but I always say to myself that it all happens for a reason. I know you'll make the right decision!
Original post by Muscovite
Oh; didn't realise OP was female... Well now I look a bit heartless! You have a point there. Nevertheless some stiffening of the upper lip may be required on OP's part
Why? Does it make a difference if the OP is male or female? Still have to move out sometime.
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