Would you take back an ex?
Under any circumstance? Immediately you might be thinking no but I have a tricky one which I'm keen to seek advice on.
Background: Split up with ex about a month ago, year long relationship. Reason: She felt like she needed space to sort herself out (she suffers from depression). We had arguments, often because she'd get very jealous and I'd get sick of arguing about her insecurities. Left on good terms though. Still friendly and said we wouldn't see other people and give it another shot down the line. We also promised if one of us decided to see someone else, we'd let each other know.
As for myself; I'm a confident, generally happy guy. I've had low confidence in the past, but I feel like I'm at the peak of my life right now. Whilst I still admit that I love my ex, I do feel less and less each day. And because we are exes, we obviously do not act as we did towards each other. This contributes.
They say your ex is an ex for a reason, and you should never take them back. I feel like I was given up on and I feel pushed away. I warned her my feelings were lessening and I would not wait forever.
I invited her around to mine earlier just to see each other and I told her that I didn't know if we should get back together out of respect for myself. She didn't take this well and it made me feel awful. Because it seems like we hit that point where the decision had been made for good.
What do?
TL;DR: Broke up with ex. Still close. No one did anything wrong. Was trying again, but wonder if I should take her back anyway or just move on.
Background: Split up with ex about a month ago, year long relationship. Reason: She felt like she needed space to sort herself out (she suffers from depression). We had arguments, often because she'd get very jealous and I'd get sick of arguing about her insecurities. Left on good terms though. Still friendly and said we wouldn't see other people and give it another shot down the line. We also promised if one of us decided to see someone else, we'd let each other know.
As for myself; I'm a confident, generally happy guy. I've had low confidence in the past, but I feel like I'm at the peak of my life right now. Whilst I still admit that I love my ex, I do feel less and less each day. And because we are exes, we obviously do not act as we did towards each other. This contributes.
They say your ex is an ex for a reason, and you should never take them back. I feel like I was given up on and I feel pushed away. I warned her my feelings were lessening and I would not wait forever.
I invited her around to mine earlier just to see each other and I told her that I didn't know if we should get back together out of respect for myself. She didn't take this well and it made me feel awful. Because it seems like we hit that point where the decision had been made for good.
What do?
TL;DR: Broke up with ex. Still close. No one did anything wrong. Was trying again, but wonder if I should take her back anyway or just move on.
It might be good for a time but you'll soon realise why you broke up in the first place
Depends on the couple.
You'll get tonnes of people on here saying 'No, it never works' etc etc. My boyfriend broke up with me after we had been together for 2 and a half years. Basically said he didn't feel the same about me as he had; we'd been in a sort of long distance relationship at uni (only an hour and a half away from each other but it was enough that we didn't see each other often) and essentially grew apart.
I was completely devastated, as, even though I knew things had been rocky, to me it still came completely out of the blue.
Nine months later (during which time we didn't speak to each other at all, not out of hostility but more a desire esp on my part to move on), he said he wanted to get back together. My initial reaction was 'No, it will never be the same; I'll never feel settled in the relationship' but I decided to give it a go just so I could look back with no regrets.
We're still together 5 years after getting back together (nearly 8 years since we initially started going out) and our relationship is great. We've moving in together next year and planning to get married at some point (not in any rush).
Sooooo... what I'm saying, in a long-winded way, is that just cos it doesn't work out for some people, doesn't mean it can't work out.
That said, reading your post, it does seem like you might have already made up your mind that you're over her, and the only reason you're questioning it is because she's upset that you don't want to get back together? If that's the case, walk away. It will better for you both in the long run.
You'll get tonnes of people on here saying 'No, it never works' etc etc. My boyfriend broke up with me after we had been together for 2 and a half years. Basically said he didn't feel the same about me as he had; we'd been in a sort of long distance relationship at uni (only an hour and a half away from each other but it was enough that we didn't see each other often) and essentially grew apart.
I was completely devastated, as, even though I knew things had been rocky, to me it still came completely out of the blue.
Nine months later (during which time we didn't speak to each other at all, not out of hostility but more a desire esp on my part to move on), he said he wanted to get back together. My initial reaction was 'No, it will never be the same; I'll never feel settled in the relationship' but I decided to give it a go just so I could look back with no regrets.
We're still together 5 years after getting back together (nearly 8 years since we initially started going out) and our relationship is great. We've moving in together next year and planning to get married at some point (not in any rush).
Sooooo... what I'm saying, in a long-winded way, is that just cos it doesn't work out for some people, doesn't mean it can't work out.
That said, reading your post, it does seem like you might have already made up your mind that you're over her, and the only reason you're questioning it is because she's upset that you don't want to get back together? If that's the case, walk away. It will better for you both in the long run.
Original post by crazybored
Depends on the couple.
You'll get tonnes of people on here saying 'No, it never works' etc etc. My boyfriend broke up with me after we had been together for 2 and a half years. Basically said he didn't feel the same about me as he had; we'd been in a sort of long distance relationship at uni (only an hour and a half away from each other but it was enough that we didn't see each other often) and essentially grew apart.
I was completely devastated, as, even though I knew things had been rocky, to me it still came completely out of the blue.
Nine months later (during which time we didn't speak to each other at all, not out of hostility but more a desire esp on my part to move on), he said he wanted to get back together. My initial reaction was 'No, it will never be the same; I'll never feel settled in the relationship' but I decided to give it a go just so I could look back with no regrets.
We're still together 5 years after getting back together (nearly 8 years since we initially started going out) and our relationship is great. We've moving in together next year and planning to get married at some point (not in any rush).
Sooooo... what I'm saying, in a long-winded way, is that just cos it doesn't work out for some people, doesn't mean it can't work out.
That said, reading your post, it does seem like you might have already made up your mind that you're over her, and the only reason you're questioning it is because she's upset that you don't want to get back together? If that's the case, walk away. It will better for you both in the long run.
You'll get tonnes of people on here saying 'No, it never works' etc etc. My boyfriend broke up with me after we had been together for 2 and a half years. Basically said he didn't feel the same about me as he had; we'd been in a sort of long distance relationship at uni (only an hour and a half away from each other but it was enough that we didn't see each other often) and essentially grew apart.
I was completely devastated, as, even though I knew things had been rocky, to me it still came completely out of the blue.
Nine months later (during which time we didn't speak to each other at all, not out of hostility but more a desire esp on my part to move on), he said he wanted to get back together. My initial reaction was 'No, it will never be the same; I'll never feel settled in the relationship' but I decided to give it a go just so I could look back with no regrets.
We're still together 5 years after getting back together (nearly 8 years since we initially started going out) and our relationship is great. We've moving in together next year and planning to get married at some point (not in any rush).
Sooooo... what I'm saying, in a long-winded way, is that just cos it doesn't work out for some people, doesn't mean it can't work out.
That said, reading your post, it does seem like you might have already made up your mind that you're over her, and the only reason you're questioning it is because she's upset that you don't want to get back together? If that's the case, walk away. It will better for you both in the long run.
Wow that's awesome, good luck!
OP- If there is even a single shred of doubt as to whether you should be getting back (which there is else you wouldn't have posted on TSR) you definitely should not get back together. You have to be 100% sure that's what you want, and you don't sound sure at all.
It depends really but my usual stance is never take back an ex but it depends on the reasons really, personally I wouldn`t ever take back someone who had cheated.
Original post by ssupernova
It might be good for a time but you'll soon realise why you broke up in the first place
Always this ^^
I've been there, done that (several times) and no matter what, it never works out. But, that was me and it could be entirely different for you. Ultimately you should do what you think is best for you and your happiness.
As for me, no, I'd never take an ex back again.
I dumped my ex a few weeks back for being a total dsjddssdj
I felt so alone, and i really needed to see him, and he picked his xbox over seeing me.
I hadn't seen him for a week and a half and stuff was going on at home, so i dumped him.
I would take him back, but only if he grew up it was a long term relationship and that imo was stupid.
I felt so alone, and i really needed to see him, and he picked his xbox over seeing me.
I hadn't seen him for a week and a half and stuff was going on at home, so i dumped him.
I would take him back, but only if he grew up it was a long term relationship and that imo was stupid.
Original post by ssupernova
It might be good for a time but you'll soon realise why you broke up in the first place
Why not then work on the reason. Instead of breaking up again you work together on the problem with cool heads.
Original post by Kuome
I dumped my ex a few weeks back for being a total dsjddssdj
I felt so alone, and i really needed to see him, and he picked his xbox over seeing me.
I hadn't seen him for a week and a half and stuff was going on at home, so i dumped him.
I would take him back, but only if he grew up it was a long term relationship and that imo was stupid.
I felt so alone, and i really needed to see him, and he picked his xbox over seeing me.
I hadn't seen him for a week and a half and stuff was going on at home, so i dumped him.
I would take him back, but only if he grew up it was a long term relationship and that imo was stupid.
He sounds pretty immature. I never actually thought these kinda guys were real, just part of internet meme's.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by So Instinct
He sounds pretty immature. I never actually thought these kinda guys were real, just part of internet meme's.
I know. he just got a new xbox and black ops 2 (and lied to me saying he had no money to do stuff with me)
He loved me too, so i honestly thought he was beyond stupid. The bad thing is though, his parents loved me, i got his life on track again (one of those guys) got him into a college doing something he liked. And now hes going to fail too, kind of an in-divert revenge, since he sucks on his own without my back up.
He blocked me on facebook too and have no idea if he misses me or not. Hes showed no implication that he does and also said He never wanted to get back together because of the "Pain"
>he felt no pain
>He chose his xbox over me
whut?
Original post by Kuome
X
That sucks. Still, find someone better who you don't need to improve constantly =P
You sound a bit like my ex, she fixed me up a bit too. Just no were near as much as you and your ex lol.
This guy reminds me of this
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by Kuome
I dumped my ex a few weeks back for being a total dsjddssdj
I felt so alone, and i really needed to see him, and he picked his xbox over seeing me.
I hadn't seen him for a week and a half and stuff was going on at home, so i dumped him.
I would take him back, but only if he grew up it was a long term relationship and that imo was stupid.
I felt so alone, and i really needed to see him, and he picked his xbox over seeing me.
I hadn't seen him for a week and a half and stuff was going on at home, so i dumped him.
I would take him back, but only if he grew up it was a long term relationship and that imo was stupid.
I don't think you should ever need to change someone's life so dramatically to make them be with you. Being in a relationship should naturally bring out the best in someone.
Maybe, I think people can change, but I'd probably take it slow, rather than start again where we left off.
Thanks for feedback. The problem wasn't between us, exactly. She made the decision to end it based on her own health. She has suffered from depression for years and felt like she couldn't be with me until she felt better about herself. Like the old saying "to love someone you must first love yourself".
The quality of the relationship was fantastic, but she was very fragile.
The quality of the relationship was fantastic, but she was very fragile.
Original post by MattyJo
I don't think you should ever need to change someone's life so dramatically to make them be with you. Being in a relationship should naturally bring out the best in someone.
He had slight aspergers too, although he knew what he did, I still wonder if he understood. In most cases he does, but in some he feels bad when i explain in person
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