Pansexual Muslim.

fine, go to the source, I can get more for you as well, no need to get so angry,


We also (sent) Lut: He said to his people: "Do ye commit lewdness such as no people in creation (ever) committed before you? For ye practise your lusts on men in preference to women : ye are indeed a people transgressing beyond bounds. And his people gave no answer but this: they said, "Drive them out of your city: these are indeed men who want to be clean and pure!" But we saved him and his family, except his wife: she was of those who legged behind. And we rained down on them a shower (of brimstone): Then see what was the end of those who indulged in sin and crime! Qur'an 7:80

"If two men among you are guilty of lewdness, punish them both. If they repent and amend, Leave them alone; for Allah is Oft-returning, Most Merciful." Qur'an 4:16

Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet cursed effeminate men and those women who assume the similitude (manners) of men. He also said, "Turn them out of your houses." He turned out such-and-such person out, and 'Umar turned out such-and-such person. Sahih Bukhari

Narated By Abdullah ibn Abbas : The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: If you find anyone doing as Lot's people did, kill the one who does it, and the one to whom it is done Abu Dawud 38:4447

Narrated AbuSa'id al-Khudri: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: A man should not look at the private parts of another man, and a woman should not look at the private parts of another woman. A man should not lie with another man without wearing lower garment under one cover; and a woman should not be lie with another woman without wearing lower garment under one cover. Abu Dawud 31:4007

Narrated AbuHurayrah: The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: A man should not lie with another man and a woman should not lie with another woman without covering their private parts except a child or a father. He also mentioned a third thing which I forgot. Abu Dawud 31:4008

It was narrated by Jaabir (may Allah be pleased with him): "The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: 'There is nothing I fear for my ummah more than the deed of the people of Loot.'"Tirmidhi 1457

I think you should try to reconsider this [if you're still a Muslim], and think it through once again. You're basically just following your worldly desires which will one day come to an end before you know it.

There's people that can help you if you want it and give you support, but if you're not willing to at least try and change and as as disappointing as it is, then this is all I have to say;

“Contain yourself in patience with those who call on their Lord morning and evening, seeking His countenance. Let not your eyes pass beyond them in quest of the beauties of the life of this world. Pay no heed to any whose heart We have left to be negligent of all remembrance of Us because he had always followed his own desires, and whose case has gone beyond all bounds. Say: ‘The truth [has now come] from your Lord. Let him who wills, believe in it, and let him who wills, reject it.’' (Sura Al-Kahf Verses 28-29)

I know as much as I need to know about organised religions. Islam is no different to any other out there - as equally immoral and backward.

Reconsider? Try to change? You act as if her sexuality is something she's chosen because she didn't do enough research. NOBODY HAS ANY CONTROL OVER THEIR SEXUALITY. I cannot understand why people have such difficulty with this, it's pretty simple. She has no choice over who she is attracted to, and that person is a consenting adult. If you honestly believe that anyone can control who they are attracted to...I don't even know what to say to something that idiotic.

This isn't a religious debate. The OP didn't ask for Islam's position on homosexuality.

I would suggest you talk to your family homewrecker, instead of going through with the marriage or leaving your family. If your mom is not too religious, try to get her on your side and have the wedding delayed at first. Maybe make up a different excuse than coming out about your bisexuality. Tell them you want to pursue a career and want to be more independant.

Hi there,

I am a 24 years old, South Asian, bi female muslim as well.

I have never been in a relationship with a female but I have liked women for a long time. I have been through the whole drama of finding a south asian man who is traditional/practicing and I have not unfortunately found the right man for me - then there is that drama about getting married late. I already feel that I am 'late'. My family think I am very fussy but it's not I have been hurt because I have wanted to get married but guys turn out to be jerks then I tend to think if I was better of with a woman but I know for a fact my family would disown me.

Out of all honesty it is a very very difficult situation to be in. I think given in our culture girls find it harder to find decent men and if you have found a genuine nice guy I think you should settle with him and explain that you are bi or have liked woman jokingly but I can see him saying 'Islamically that is not right' but see how he reacts jokingly & what gurantee do you have that this female is going to love you forever?

I mean is she south asian too (sorry if you have answered this question) & how old is she? Let me know if you want me to PM you x

LOL

Not the most moral action but..just how traditional is this potential man you'll marry? You say he's more religious then your family, does this mean he also has stronger views on gender roles? You have a successful career now, would be expect you to become a housewife? If so..could your concern over this be an acceptable issue to raise with your father?

Then also, do you believe this man would allow you to go out regularly by yourself with a female friend? After all if he's so traditional he probably couldn't comprehend a bi-sexual partner, so you spending time with another woman may not ring alarm bells at all. Obviously the big issue with that is how your female friend/love interest would feel about the fact your relationship was hidden from everyone and you were having an affair. But then..this is a pretty crappy situation caused by an outdated culture, so if you want to have your cake and eat it then go ahead. What ever happens, try not to let your faith/culture destroy the potential for a happy loving relationship. I'll spare my views on Abrahamic faiths here, but your happiness in the 21st century comes before ancient texts written in a time long past.

As an Indian muslim who is aware, I would want my finance to tell me her feelings if she was in a similar situation to you. Is he quite liberal, then this would be a good approach, you need someone to consult in other than the girl/the interwebs.

I won't go into the religious aspect of things though as you've already come to terms with it.

I am also very handsome and aesthetic, I lift regularly and I am charming, caring and have many feminine like tendencies, so I have the best of both sides. Feel free to buy me dinner sometime, peace x

Its very easy for non-muslim people from a liberal background on a forum to tell someone to abandon their family and friends to be true to liberal values. Is this tradeoff actually worth it? MUCH more complicated.

I'm afraid you are getting a lot of very very bad advice in this thread from children with little life experience and romantic notions of how "love" and life works.

Heres how I see it. You have a major choice between coming out to your family, and living in a loveless marriage.

The former has a very high risk that your family and community will disown you if you. If you can move away from home, and have a very close relationship with your parents, and they are not TOO religious or judgmental, you might be able to convince them to create a false pretense to break off the marriage and to keep your sexuality a secret even though they are appalled. This would be a good outcome, in the circumstances but would probably require you to move away from your community and live discretely. Its also a huge risk. They may just disown you. Living without family support will be hard, especially as you are yet to fully come to terms with who you really are, but in the longer run you will be being true to yourself.

Alternatively, if the (high) risk of losing your family is unacceptable, and you can come to terms with a loveless marriage (which I presume, culturally, you can), then you still have two options -
2A. to supress your true sexuality and basically put that part of you aside. This will be very hard but you will hardly be the first non-hetero muslim to follow this path. Its obviously doable. Will you be happy though?
2B. to have extramarital relations with women (your friend at first, if things go sour there, perhaps with others). This course has huge risks if you get found out of course, but may be so unthinkable to your husband and family that they never suspect provided you choose your lovers carefully and are extremely discrete. This also has the advantage of leaving you the later option of switching to option 1. Is this enough to satisfy you? Will your friend be satisfied being your mistress?


In any case, having children with your arranged husband will heavily complicate matters.

...

I suppose as HistoryRepeating says it's too easy for us in liberal families to form a judgement and just tell you to run away from your family, follow your heart, like the consequences don't matter. Ultimately few of us bar the one girl you've PM'd are going to help and even her situation is personal to herself.

I think you also need to consider your homosexual leanings. Even if you and this girl didn't last forever, the fact is it seems you'll be happier in general in a homosexual relationship. Denying your sexuality is quite destructive IMO. I know of two men who were homosexual and married, had kids, played the husband etc, because they couldn't face their sexuality, one because of his family and culture (he was British, but traditional), the other I am not so aware of, but I assume it was something similar. The former who I know more about lived a very unfulfilled and unhappy life for quite some time and clearly his partner would have suffered for this too, especially eventually knowing their relationship was build on lies. I don't think it's fair on either of you to be married when you'll never love him as you should and he'll be oblivious until you boil over.

I have discussed children with him and neither of us want children for quite a while, so that's not something I'm worried about. But thank you for putting my options in a much more coherent way, it helps having an outsider's pov. Like you say, option 2a is very doable, I just have to be prepared to not be very happy. Option 1, right now, is the last choice for me, and option 2A would probably be (selfish, but) the best outcome. I think she's react okay to that, but she does deserve better than being someone's mistress.

Which is why I think I am going to deal with both issues separately. I'll carry on being just friends with her. In the mean time I need to figure out what I'm doing about the marriage. Thanks for your reply, it really helped.