Absolutely terrified of sex (girl here)
Hi,
Please don't make some kind of joke out if this; it's affecting me so badly. OK, when I was around seven, my mum jetted us off to Africa for a much needed "holiday". Everything was fine and dandy, until one woman came over and had me circumcised.
I didn't understand what was happening, but all I can remember is how painful it was, and how much it bled. I didn't think much of it until a couple of years ago (18 now), when I realised just what exactly had happened. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it; I'm so ashamed. I confronted my mother about it, and she admitted that the only reason why she took me to Africa was so I could be circumcised. She kept on reassuring me that now I was "clean", which I know is not the case. I went through serious depression, trying to get my head around what exactly had happened, and why.
My boyfriend of three years also wants to take things further; and I do, too, but the thought alone of exposing myself to him horrifies me. He doesn't know that I've been circumcised. I feel so, so ashamed.
please, is there any advice anyone can give me?
Please don't make some kind of joke out if this; it's affecting me so badly. OK, when I was around seven, my mum jetted us off to Africa for a much needed "holiday". Everything was fine and dandy, until one woman came over and had me circumcised.
I didn't understand what was happening, but all I can remember is how painful it was, and how much it bled. I didn't think much of it until a couple of years ago (18 now), when I realised just what exactly had happened. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it; I'm so ashamed. I confronted my mother about it, and she admitted that the only reason why she took me to Africa was so I could be circumcised. She kept on reassuring me that now I was "clean", which I know is not the case. I went through serious depression, trying to get my head around what exactly had happened, and why.
My boyfriend of three years also wants to take things further; and I do, too, but the thought alone of exposing myself to him horrifies me. He doesn't know that I've been circumcised. I feel so, so ashamed.
please, is there any advice anyone can give me?
Scroll to see replies
Original post by anonymous poster
Hi,
Please don't make some kind of joke out if this; it's affecting me so badly. OK, when I was around seven, my mum jetted us off to Africa for a much needed "holiday". Everything was fine and dandy, until one woman came over and had me circumcised.
I didn't understand what was happening, but all I can remember is how painful it was, and how much it bled. I didn't think much of it until a couple of years ago (18 now), when I realised just what exactly had happened. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it; I'm so ashamed. I confronted my mother about it, and she admitted that the only reason why she took me to Africa was so I could be circumcised. She kept on reassuring me that now I was "clean", which I know is not the case. I went through serious depression, trying to get my head around what exactly had happened, and why.
My boyfriend of three years also wants to take things further; and I do, too, but the thought alone of exposing myself to him horrifies me. He doesn't know that I've been circumcised. I feel so, so ashamed.
please, is there any advice anyone can give me?
Please don't make some kind of joke out if this; it's affecting me so badly. OK, when I was around seven, my mum jetted us off to Africa for a much needed "holiday". Everything was fine and dandy, until one woman came over and had me circumcised.
I didn't understand what was happening, but all I can remember is how painful it was, and how much it bled. I didn't think much of it until a couple of years ago (18 now), when I realised just what exactly had happened. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it; I'm so ashamed. I confronted my mother about it, and she admitted that the only reason why she took me to Africa was so I could be circumcised. She kept on reassuring me that now I was "clean", which I know is not the case. I went through serious depression, trying to get my head around what exactly had happened, and why.
My boyfriend of three years also wants to take things further; and I do, too, but the thought alone of exposing myself to him horrifies me. He doesn't know that I've been circumcised. I feel so, so ashamed.
please, is there any advice anyone can give me?
I'm not entirely sure what to suggest, all I can say is how sorry I am for what has happened to you. Female circumcision is such a horrific atrocity, I can't imagine the physical and emotional pain you must have experienced as a result.
I know it may be hard, but please try your best not to feel ashamed, it is not your fault at all. You are the victim of something horrible, and I'm sure your boyfriend will be understanding about it
Good luck for the future, it seems like you are an extremely brave person
I'm so sorry that happened to you, and like the person above you are so brave
I think you should see a doctor because they can give you advice and even redo a circumcision if it has been done wrong or too small, I think that's you best bet
Also tell your boyfriend, you've been together 3 years so he must care about you very much, he will probably make you feel better about it! I mean he must love you so much, most guys I know wouldn't be with a girl for three years without sex (maybe all the guys I know are douches though!) anyway, I think you should see a doctor, it will reassure you and they may even tell you of people who have had similar experiences and tell your boyfriend
good luck
I think you should see a doctor because they can give you advice and even redo a circumcision if it has been done wrong or too small, I think that's you best bet
Also tell your boyfriend, you've been together 3 years so he must care about you very much, he will probably make you feel better about it! I mean he must love you so much, most guys I know wouldn't be with a girl for three years without sex (maybe all the guys I know are douches though!) anyway, I think you should see a doctor, it will reassure you and they may even tell you of people who have had similar experiences and tell your boyfriend
good luck
Thank you so much for all the comments.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by anonymous poster
Definately get advice from a GP. They will be able to tell you the physical effects of sex. Also they might be able to reccomend something for you to deal with it mentally.
What I will say is that it was wrong of your mother to take to Africa to be circumcised in that way. I'm no expert but from what I understand female circumcision has limited goals and the idea that it makes a woman "clean" sounds ridiculous.
I if I were you I'd be a lot more angry at her.
(edited 11 years ago)
Some awful comments on here.
Sorry to hear about what happened to you - I don't get why female circumcision is still happening it's horrible. Your boyfriend sounds caring, if you've been with him for 3 years that's a good sign that he'll be supportive of you. Maybe you could have a big chat with him and tell him then see how things progress? A visit to the doctor might be a good thing too.
Good luck
Sorry to hear about what happened to you - I don't get why female circumcision is still happening it's horrible. Your boyfriend sounds caring, if you've been with him for 3 years that's a good sign that he'll be supportive of you. Maybe you could have a big chat with him and tell him then see how things progress? A visit to the doctor might be a good thing too.
Good luck
Please contact a doctor or mental health advisor. I am not clear on what kind of support you may need so the first step would be to visit any of the aforementioned as they can refer you to appropriate help. Please don't be ashamed. Many people suffer in silence due to something, and I wish that these kinds of options were less stigmatized. I recently went to see a mental wellbeing advisor ad I found that to be the greatest help for my particular affliction. I have found a variety of options incl. specialized counselling and reading to do with coping techniques, etc. Help is always there, it's only that you may not know where to look.
I wish you all the best, and please don't feel alone or ashamed. I am sure you are a beautiful person, and there will be times when you feel like your circumcision consumes you, but you are greater than this thing.
I wish you all the best, and please don't feel alone or ashamed. I am sure you are a beautiful person, and there will be times when you feel like your circumcision consumes you, but you are greater than this thing.
how about blacking both of your mother's eyes for ruining your life
Original post by TinFish
Ahh man.. i've heard that female circumcision really affects the sensitivity and pleasure you receive..? 
Yeah, i read about some reasons it was done. It was so the wife wouldnt want to sleep with anyone else when married or before marriage and wouldnt cheat on her husband, as she wouldnt get any pleasure from it. Guess they kinda forgot she wouldnt want sex with her husband either.
To the OP, dont give up hope, if you see a doctor, then like someone else said maybe it can be redone.
Also on the sexual pleasure issue, you might be one of those girls (like me) who only orgasms by penetration, so then it wont be as much as an issue there.
As for your bf, just explain, a guy who has been with you that long and waited 3 years for sex sounds a truly dedicated and decent guy. Im sure he will only be concerned about whats best for you and loves you too much to find something like this an issue. You shouldnt feel ashamed for this, none of it is your fault, and you shouldnt emotionally punish yourself for this.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by anonymous poster
Hi,
Please don't make some kind of joke out if this; it's affecting me so badly. OK, when I was around seven, my mum jetted us off to Africa for a much needed "holiday". Everything was fine and dandy, until one woman came over and had me circumcised.
I didn't understand what was happening, but all I can remember is how painful it was, and how much it bled. I didn't think much of it until a couple of years ago (18 now), when I realised just what exactly had happened. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it; I'm so ashamed. I confronted my mother about it, and she admitted that the only reason why she took me to Africa was so I could be circumcised. She kept on reassuring me that now I was "clean", which I know is not the case. I went through serious depression, trying to get my head around what exactly had happened, and why.
My boyfriend of three years also wants to take things further; and I do, too, but the thought alone of exposing myself to him horrifies me. He doesn't know that I've been circumcised. I feel so, so ashamed.
please, is there any advice anyone can give me?
Please don't make some kind of joke out if this; it's affecting me so badly. OK, when I was around seven, my mum jetted us off to Africa for a much needed "holiday". Everything was fine and dandy, until one woman came over and had me circumcised.
I didn't understand what was happening, but all I can remember is how painful it was, and how much it bled. I didn't think much of it until a couple of years ago (18 now), when I realised just what exactly had happened. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it; I'm so ashamed. I confronted my mother about it, and she admitted that the only reason why she took me to Africa was so I could be circumcised. She kept on reassuring me that now I was "clean", which I know is not the case. I went through serious depression, trying to get my head around what exactly had happened, and why.
My boyfriend of three years also wants to take things further; and I do, too, but the thought alone of exposing myself to him horrifies me. He doesn't know that I've been circumcised. I feel so, so ashamed.
please, is there any advice anyone can give me?
find new ways to stimulate urself.tell ur bf concentate on the skit not the clit
I'm not going to lie, people like your mum are scum that don't deserve children. I know I'm a ****
for saying that but you dont know how unbelievably pissed I am for you.
for saying that but you dont know how unbelievably pissed I am for you.
I'm really sorry to hear you've had to go through that. Female genital mutilation is sadly still very common in some areas. However, there is help and support available. What treatment needs to be/can be done will depend very much on what exactly was cut/sewn in the original procedure - if you go to your GP they will hopefully be able to refer you to a gynaecologist who specialises in helping women after FGM. I know a few in London but expect there will be others elsewhere.
With appropriate treatment, whether that's psychotherapy, topical treatments or surgery, many women are able to have fulfilling sex lives (though orgasm may be difficult) and have children. You shouldn't have to be afraid or ashamed - go to your GP and see what can be done!
Posted from TSR Mobile
With appropriate treatment, whether that's psychotherapy, topical treatments or surgery, many women are able to have fulfilling sex lives (though orgasm may be difficult) and have children. You shouldn't have to be afraid or ashamed - go to your GP and see what can be done!
Posted from TSR Mobile
Very sorry that has happened to you. But I think you should visit your GP about it. And in regards to your boyfriend, he should understand.
Your mother should have not let that happen and I really think it should be made aware that it is barbaric and should not be allowed to happen to anyone else. It saddens me that things like this keep happening. You're very brave.
Your mother should have not let that happen and I really think it should be made aware that it is barbaric and should not be allowed to happen to anyone else. It saddens me that things like this keep happening. You're very brave.
Original post by Sir Fox
This is probably a rather unproductive and not really helpful comment, but all I can think about is how your mother should face a court for what she has done.
I agree,something should be done so it stops happening to other girls. The logic of it is just ridiculous as well.
Original post by rhstar
I agree,something should be done so it stops happening to other girls. The logic of it is just ridiculous as well.
It's illegal to perform female genital mutilation or to seek FGM or to take a British citizen or resident abroad for FGM. Female Genital Mutilation Act, 2003.
(edited 11 years ago)
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