Can anyone help answer this?
I've emailed my english teachers and they haven't replied yet, so can anyone else help me by marking and suggesting improvements for this practice exam paper answer?
It's for the Unit 2: Understanding Poetry 5ET2H Edexcel, GCSE English Literature
http://www.edexcel.com/quals/gcse/gcse10/english/literature/Pages/default.aspx
here are some resources but I'm struggling to get any of them because they're 'locked' on the website.
Here is my answer:
Q1) Explore how the writer presents her ideas about death in ‘Conscientious Objector’. (15)
The poem ‘Conscientious Objector’ by Edna St. Vincent Millay is a poem based on the cruelty of war. The narrator objects to serving in the military, as she does not want to take the life of another. 'I shall die, but that is all I shall do for death.' This opening statement assures the reader that the writer is morally correct, yet her good intentions are misconceived by the surreal world she lives in.
The language used in the poem has a capacious impact on the way it is perceived. Death is used as an obstacle in the poem. The beginning line involves the noun ‘Death’, which immediately insinuates that death is a person; a living thing. This is used to create a sense of fear of death and let readers know he cannot be escaped; she will not succumb to its temptations. This relates to the narrator’s strong beliefs and chivalrous attitude, 'I shall die, but that is all I shall do for death.' She is determined, resilient even and will not give up without a fight.
The poem suggests that death is plentiful, 'He is in haste; he has business in Cuba, business in the Balkans' presents a rushed idea towards Death. There are no sorrows or regrets, and Death has a myriad of places to go without time to waste. This gives the impression that Death occurs all the time for the narrator; it is an ordinary occurrence and nothing abnormal, Death does not make connections. The writer uses this to create a subtle, matter-of-fact tone which is effective in persuading the reader that the writer lives in a harsh, cruel world.
The structure of the poem is used to mirror the theme of Death. From the first person narrative, it is made clear that the poem is a monologue. This implies the ideas conveyed are somewhat biased and not common to everyone. 'I am not on his payroll' perhaps others are, particularly ones serving in the army. Millay uses this to relate to the consequences of being ‘conscientious’, practically suggesting that serving in the military is a ‘one-way ticket’ to Death.
The final stanza of the poem is a quatrain, differing from the other stanzas of the poem. This is used to make it stand out, as it essentially contains the most important message of the poem. 'I will not tell him the whereabouts to my friends and enemies' relates to the narrator’s perseverance, especially due to the noun ‘enemy’, since enemies could be people one would welcome death upon. This stanza follows a chiastic structure to emphasise the message it conveys. This increases the effect and importance of the message presented, and gives the implication it is the climax of the poem.
There seems to be no specific rhyme scheme used in Conscientious Objector. This produces a more serious tone, which indicates a subject of sorrowful importance. This relates towards the theme of death, as it is not a topic to joke about. The narrator uses the tone to discuss the more serious matters of death; 'With his hoof on my breast' presents the idea of torture and terror. The narrator yet, still resists Death’s temptations and is resilient throughout the poem.
There is also an idea of torture being taken lightly, 'Though he flick my shoulders with his whip.' A whip is a harsh, tormenting weapon. The verb ‘flick’ presents the pain as mild and the narrator mocks Death’s attempts of torture. This is also used ironically, as a whip would usually cause a great deal of anxiety and excruciating pain.
Overall, Millay presents her ideas towards Death effectively and analytically. There are a variety of different poetic devices within the text which support the narrator’s views towards Death, and her objection towards causing it. Death is presented using personification to create the idea that Death is actually living, which builds up the tension and sense of fear for the reader.
It's for the Unit 2: Understanding Poetry 5ET2H Edexcel, GCSE English Literature
http://www.edexcel.com/quals/gcse/gcse10/english/literature/Pages/default.aspx
here are some resources but I'm struggling to get any of them because they're 'locked' on the website.
Here is my answer:
Q1) Explore how the writer presents her ideas about death in ‘Conscientious Objector’. (15)
The poem ‘Conscientious Objector’ by Edna St. Vincent Millay is a poem based on the cruelty of war. The narrator objects to serving in the military, as she does not want to take the life of another. 'I shall die, but that is all I shall do for death.' This opening statement assures the reader that the writer is morally correct, yet her good intentions are misconceived by the surreal world she lives in.
The language used in the poem has a capacious impact on the way it is perceived. Death is used as an obstacle in the poem. The beginning line involves the noun ‘Death’, which immediately insinuates that death is a person; a living thing. This is used to create a sense of fear of death and let readers know he cannot be escaped; she will not succumb to its temptations. This relates to the narrator’s strong beliefs and chivalrous attitude, 'I shall die, but that is all I shall do for death.' She is determined, resilient even and will not give up without a fight.
The poem suggests that death is plentiful, 'He is in haste; he has business in Cuba, business in the Balkans' presents a rushed idea towards Death. There are no sorrows or regrets, and Death has a myriad of places to go without time to waste. This gives the impression that Death occurs all the time for the narrator; it is an ordinary occurrence and nothing abnormal, Death does not make connections. The writer uses this to create a subtle, matter-of-fact tone which is effective in persuading the reader that the writer lives in a harsh, cruel world.
The structure of the poem is used to mirror the theme of Death. From the first person narrative, it is made clear that the poem is a monologue. This implies the ideas conveyed are somewhat biased and not common to everyone. 'I am not on his payroll' perhaps others are, particularly ones serving in the army. Millay uses this to relate to the consequences of being ‘conscientious’, practically suggesting that serving in the military is a ‘one-way ticket’ to Death.
The final stanza of the poem is a quatrain, differing from the other stanzas of the poem. This is used to make it stand out, as it essentially contains the most important message of the poem. 'I will not tell him the whereabouts to my friends and enemies' relates to the narrator’s perseverance, especially due to the noun ‘enemy’, since enemies could be people one would welcome death upon. This stanza follows a chiastic structure to emphasise the message it conveys. This increases the effect and importance of the message presented, and gives the implication it is the climax of the poem.
There seems to be no specific rhyme scheme used in Conscientious Objector. This produces a more serious tone, which indicates a subject of sorrowful importance. This relates towards the theme of death, as it is not a topic to joke about. The narrator uses the tone to discuss the more serious matters of death; 'With his hoof on my breast' presents the idea of torture and terror. The narrator yet, still resists Death’s temptations and is resilient throughout the poem.
There is also an idea of torture being taken lightly, 'Though he flick my shoulders with his whip.' A whip is a harsh, tormenting weapon. The verb ‘flick’ presents the pain as mild and the narrator mocks Death’s attempts of torture. This is also used ironically, as a whip would usually cause a great deal of anxiety and excruciating pain.
Overall, Millay presents her ideas towards Death effectively and analytically. There are a variety of different poetic devices within the text which support the narrator’s views towards Death, and her objection towards causing it. Death is presented using personification to create the idea that Death is actually living, which builds up the tension and sense of fear for the reader.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by BI0
QFA
I'm quite bogged down at the moment with marking but will try and get yours in the printed pile
I will try to mark your piece later, but my first impressions tell me that it is going to be very enjoyable to read.
I'm sorry I forgot to upload the poem with it!
-
Conscientious Objector - Edna St. Millay
I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death.
I hear him leading his horse out of the stall; I hear the clatter on the barn-floor.
He is in haste; he has business in Cuba, business in the Balkans, many calls to make this morning.
But I will not hold the bridle while he cinches the girth.
And he may mount by himself: I will not give him a leg up.
Though he flick my shoulders with his whip, I will not tell him which way the fox ran.
With his hoof on my breast, I will not tell him where the black boy hides in the swamp.
I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death; I am not on his pay-roll.
I will not tell him the whereabouts of my friends nor of my enemies either.
Though he promise me much, I will not map him the route to any man’s door.
Am I a spy in the land of the living, that I should deliver men to Death?
Brother, the password and the plans of our city are safe with me; never through me
Shall you be overcome.
-
Conscientious Objector - Edna St. Millay
I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death.
I hear him leading his horse out of the stall; I hear the clatter on the barn-floor.
He is in haste; he has business in Cuba, business in the Balkans, many calls to make this morning.
But I will not hold the bridle while he cinches the girth.
And he may mount by himself: I will not give him a leg up.
Though he flick my shoulders with his whip, I will not tell him which way the fox ran.
With his hoof on my breast, I will not tell him where the black boy hides in the swamp.
I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death; I am not on his pay-roll.
I will not tell him the whereabouts of my friends nor of my enemies either.
Though he promise me much, I will not map him the route to any man’s door.
Am I a spy in the land of the living, that I should deliver men to Death?
Brother, the password and the plans of our city are safe with me; never through me
Shall you be overcome.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by BI0
I'm sorry I forgot to upload the poem with it!
-
Conscientious Objector - Edna St. Millay
I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death.
I hear him leading his horse out of the stall; I hear the clatter on the barn-floor.
He is in haste; he has business in Cuba, business in the Balkans, many calls to make this morning.
But I will not hold the bridle while he cinches the girth.
And he may mount by himself: I will not give him a leg up.
Though he flick my shoulders with his whip, I will not tell him which way the fox ran.
With his hoof on my breast, I will not tell him where the black boy hides in the swamp.
I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death; I am not on his pay-roll.
I will not tell him the whereabouts of my friends nor of my enemies either.
Though he promise me much, I will not map him the route to any man’s door.
Am I a spy in the land of the living, that I should deliver men to Death?
Brother, the password and the plans of our city are safe with me; never through me
Shall you be overcome.
-
Conscientious Objector - Edna St. Millay
I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death.
I hear him leading his horse out of the stall; I hear the clatter on the barn-floor.
He is in haste; he has business in Cuba, business in the Balkans, many calls to make this morning.
But I will not hold the bridle while he cinches the girth.
And he may mount by himself: I will not give him a leg up.
Though he flick my shoulders with his whip, I will not tell him which way the fox ran.
With his hoof on my breast, I will not tell him where the black boy hides in the swamp.
I shall die, but that is all that I shall do for Death; I am not on his pay-roll.
I will not tell him the whereabouts of my friends nor of my enemies either.
Though he promise me much, I will not map him the route to any man’s door.
Am I a spy in the land of the living, that I should deliver men to Death?
Brother, the password and the plans of our city are safe with me; never through me
Shall you be overcome.
Thanks, I am just going to start marking it now
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by BI0
Q1) Explore how the writer presents her ideas about death in ‘Conscientious Objector’. (15)
The poem ‘Conscientious Objector’ by Edna St. Vincent Millay is a poem based on the cruelty of war. The narrator objects to serving in the military, as she does not want to take the life of another. 'I shall die, but that is all I shall do for death.' This opening statement assures the reader that the writer is morally correct, yet her good intentions are misconceived by the surreal world she lives in. [I would move this to a later paragraph, and make your introduction focus on setting the context.]
The language used in the poem has a capacious impact on the way it is perceived. Death is used as an obstacle in the poem. The beginning line involves the noun ‘Death’, which immediately insinuates that death is a person; a living thing. This is used to create a sense of fear of death and let readers know he cannot be escaped; she will not succumb to its temptations. This relates to the narrator’s strong beliefs and chivalrous attitude, 'I shall die, but that is all I shall do for death.' She is determined, resilient evenand will not give up without a fight.
The poem suggests that death is plentiful, 'He is in haste; he has business in Cuba, business in the Balkans'. This presents a rushed idea towards Death. There are no sorrows or regrets, and Death has a myriad of places to go without time to waste. This gives the impression that Death occurs all the time for the narrator; it is an ordinary occurrence and nothing abnormal, Death does not make connections. The writer uses this to create a subtle, matter-of-fact tone which is effective in persuading the reader that the writer lives in a harsh, cruel world. [I feel like this point beats around the bush a bit. Are you trying to say death is personified, then de-personified? Or just that it's made clear Death isn't human & emotionally involved?]
The structure of the poem is used to mirror the theme of Death. From the first person narrative, it is made clear that the poem is a monologue. This implies the ideas conveyed are somewhat biased and not common to everyone. 'I am not on his payroll' perhaps others are, particularly ones serving in the army.[Have to back this up. What makes the poem suggest military to you?] Millay uses this to relate to the consequences of being ‘conscientious’, practically suggesting that serving in the military is a ‘one-way ticket’ to Death. [Have to back this up alot more]
The final stanza of the poem is a quatrain, differing from the other stanzas of the poem. This is used to make it stand out, as it essentially contains the most important message of the poem. 'I will not tell him the whereabouts to my friends and enemies' relates to the narrator’s perseverance, especially due to the noun ‘enemy’, since enemies could be people one would welcome death upon. This stanza follows a chiastic structure to emphasise the message it conveys. This increases the effect and importance of the message presented, and gives the implication it is the climax of the poem. [In what way does it do this? i.e. Why would this style be better than a different option? (I mean the stanza structure you mention)]
There seems to be no specific rhyme scheme used in Conscientious Objector. This produces a more serious tone, which indicates a subject of sorrowful importance. This relates towards the theme of death, as it is not a topic to joke about. The narrator uses the tone to discuss the more serious matters of death; 'With his hoof on my breast' presents the idea of torture and terror. The narrator yet, still resists Death’s temptations and is resilient throughout the poem. [Could make a better link to the question here, this one is quite weak]
There is also an idea of torture being taken lightly, 'Though he flick my shoulders with his whip.' A whip is a harsh, tormenting weapon. The verb ‘flick’ presents the pain as mild and the narrator mocks Death’s attempts of torture. This is also used ironically, as a whip would usually cause a great deal of anxiety and excruciating pain.
[I would move this back to the language paragraph. Here, it seems out of place and doesn't really have much to do with the question]
Overall, Millay presents her ideas towards Death effectively and analytically. There are a variety of different poetic devices within the text which support the narrator’s views towards Death, and her objection towards causing it.Death is presented using personification to create the idea that Death is actually living, which builds up the tension and sense of fear for the reader.[Seems a bit cut short and out of place for conclusion. Also, the final highlighted point isn't discussed anywhere in the essay? Don't make new points in conclusion]
Q1) Explore how the writer presents her ideas about death in ‘Conscientious Objector’. (15)
The poem ‘Conscientious Objector’ by Edna St. Vincent Millay is a poem based on the cruelty of war. The narrator objects to serving in the military, as she does not want to take the life of another. 'I shall die, but that is all I shall do for death.' This opening statement assures the reader that the writer is morally correct, yet her good intentions are misconceived by the surreal world she lives in. [I would move this to a later paragraph, and make your introduction focus on setting the context.]
The language used in the poem has a capacious impact on the way it is perceived. Death is used as an obstacle in the poem. The beginning line involves the noun ‘Death’, which immediately insinuates that death is a person; a living thing. This is used to create a sense of fear of death and let readers know he cannot be escaped; she will not succumb to its temptations. This relates to the narrator’s strong beliefs and chivalrous attitude, 'I shall die, but that is all I shall do for death.' She is determined, resilient even
The poem suggests that death is plentiful, 'He is in haste; he has business in Cuba, business in the Balkans'. This presents a rushed idea towards Death. There are no sorrows or regrets, and Death has a myriad of places to go without time to waste. This gives the impression that Death occurs all the time for the narrator; it is an ordinary occurrence and nothing abnormal, Death does not make connections. The writer uses this to create a subtle, matter-of-fact tone which is effective in persuading the reader that the writer lives in a harsh, cruel world. [I feel like this point beats around the bush a bit. Are you trying to say death is personified, then de-personified? Or just that it's made clear Death isn't human & emotionally involved?]
The structure of the poem is used to mirror the theme of Death. From the first person narrative, it is made clear that the poem is a monologue. This implies the ideas conveyed are somewhat biased and not common to everyone. 'I am not on his payroll' perhaps others are, particularly ones serving in the army.[Have to back this up. What makes the poem suggest military to you?] Millay uses this to relate to the consequences of being ‘conscientious’, practically suggesting that serving in the military is a ‘one-way ticket’ to Death. [Have to back this up alot more]
The final stanza of the poem is a quatrain, differing from the other stanzas of the poem. This is used to make it stand out, as it essentially contains the most important message of the poem. 'I will not tell him the whereabouts to my friends and enemies' relates to the narrator’s perseverance, especially due to the noun ‘enemy’, since enemies could be people one would welcome death upon. This stanza follows a chiastic structure to emphasise the message it conveys. This increases the effect and importance of the message presented, and gives the implication it is the climax of the poem. [In what way does it do this? i.e. Why would this style be better than a different option? (I mean the stanza structure you mention)]
There seems to be no specific rhyme scheme used in Conscientious Objector. This produces a more serious tone, which indicates a subject of sorrowful importance. This relates towards the theme of death, as it is not a topic to joke about. The narrator uses the tone to discuss the more serious matters of death; 'With his hoof on my breast' presents the idea of torture and terror. The narrator yet, still resists Death’s temptations and is resilient throughout the poem. [Could make a better link to the question here, this one is quite weak]
There is also an idea of torture being taken lightly, 'Though he flick my shoulders with his whip.' A whip is a harsh, tormenting weapon. The verb ‘flick’ presents the pain as mild and the narrator mocks Death’s attempts of torture. This is also used ironically, as a whip would usually cause a great deal of anxiety and excruciating pain.
[I would move this back to the language paragraph. Here, it seems out of place and doesn't really have much to do with the question]
Overall, Millay presents her ideas towards Death effectively and analytically. There are a variety of different poetic devices within the text which support the narrator’s views towards Death, and her objection towards causing it.
Hey there
I enjoyed reading your essay. I think it's good, your technique in point making is excellent in fact.
There are some improvements that can be made, and I've put them in above.
Green is a change or improvement you could make,
Orange means you should consider moving or rephrasing,
Purple means it doesn't make sense.
I think you would benefit from an introduction, at the moment it feels like you dive straight in. You've made a good discussion of different poetic techniques, but you do start to lose that rigid structure towards the end and start making points that would be more effective in their respective dedicated paragraphs
There's also a few assumptions about the poem, some of which are actually countering your own points. You point out the hints of welcoming death on enemies, but then go on to conclude that the poet doesn't want death for anyone. Also, you discuss the military aspect without justifying it being there.
I would give this a Band 4, though I don't have the AOs. That translates to an A, roughly.
Hope you take that feedback on board and aim for full marks
A great essay here. I agree with the other commentator fully.
You could easily get higher marks by adding a better introduction - to set the essay up - stronger links and maybe just show a little more perception.
My mark on this: 12/15. That is top band 4. You make an assured explanation of how the writer conveys attitudes to create effect and you embed relevant quotations to support your stylish points. I believe that you could have added a little more detail to some of these points and had a more discriminating, relevant connection made between attitudes and the presentation of ideas. Also, the mark might be a little harsh, but with a few tweaks to this piece you should defiantly be aiming for top marks!
Hope that helps
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
You could easily get higher marks by adding a better introduction - to set the essay up - stronger links and maybe just show a little more perception.
My mark on this: 12/15. That is top band 4. You make an assured explanation of how the writer conveys attitudes to create effect and you embed relevant quotations to support your stylish points. I believe that you could have added a little more detail to some of these points and had a more discriminating, relevant connection made between attitudes and the presentation of ideas. Also, the mark might be a little harsh, but with a few tweaks to this piece you should defiantly be aiming for top marks!
Hope that helps
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
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