Forced marriage section?

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The relationship abuse Q&A forum isn't an open forum though, it has a specialist advisor answering the questions (and only them and the OP can reply), hence the need for its own forum.

It's not an open forum in the sense that you can reply,but you can see the questions that others have posted.

And as coffeegirl said, she's had a few people contact her about things relating to forced marriages, because they're not sure where to post

Reply 21

rmhumphries

Original post by de_monies

Aye - but it needs it own forum to have the settings that allow only the OP and Jo to reply to threads - that is why it gets it own forum without the usual required activity. If Jo wasn't here, then the forum wouldn't be here either.

Reply 22

The_Internet

Original post by rmhumphries

This is true I suppose, but if I could get someone here, maybe the mods would change their opinion?

Reply 23

Darth Stewie

Original post by Mad Vlad

Could you link to some examples from the last month where this forum would serve topics on this subject?

Hi, thought i would give this a go as i think it's a really good idea and something that would benefit the forum massively.

So here are some cases i plucked off the search facility:

Case 1a
This poster is worried about her parents pushing her into an arranged marriage and clearly expresses that she doesn't wish this to happen.

Case 2a
This poster clearly doesn't like the idea of flying to Pakistan and letting her family pick her husband, also there is a slight indication that she may be forced into an incestuous relationship with possibly a cousin that again she clearly says she does not want and believes such a thing is against her religion.

Case 3a
This case is rather interesting because it is actually from the perspective of a non Islamic boyfriend in a relationship with a Muslim and doesn't technically fall into the category of forced marriage however in 21st century Britain Muslim and non-Muslim relationships are not that uncommon, my first girlfriend was Pakistani, i knew of quite a few Muslims who dated non Muslims ect and as some posters on case 3a made clear there is a general lack of ability to differentiate between arranged and forced marriage not just among people from outside cultures where this is widely done but people who are actually within the culture and don't realize that their parents forcing them to marry someone, particularly abroad is illegal and something that can and should be reported to the police.

The hypothetical new section could deal with this as well by allowing people to post their situations anonymously in an environment that is designed for this specific type of issue and can make clear what is and isn't OK so to speak.

And here is one that is older than a month (2 months ish) but i think really highlights the benefits of a forum like de_monies suggested.

Case 1b

This one is a pretty good example of how this new section could help, from the thread starters description it is clearly a case of forced marriage. by the beginning of page 2 it descended into "Omg Islam sucks!!" "omg no it doesn't!! type arguments.

Now don't get me wrong i like debating the pointlessness of a 1600 year old religion as much as the next narcissistic Atheist with a love for Christopher Hitchens that borders on the erotic but on a thread like that, taking it off topic can result in people not receiving the help or advice they need.

A dedicated forum would rectify that and allow people to not have to shift through countless lolcat and religious debate posts in order to find some advice.

Would also just like to add my personal opinion in regards to just using the Relationship forum.

Forced marriages are neigh impossible to escape without help, in many cases the victim is a teenage girl who has her entire family, the people she grew up with and probably trusts more than anyone telling her she has to go threw with this and in some cases even threatening physical violence if she doesn't.

People from communities that encourage this type of thing are always taught that things should be dealt with "internally", this might be incredibly un-PC but it is true and as a result simply telling people to "go to the police" won't do any good, given the choice of marrying someone they don't want to or being disowned by their entire community and literally being left completely alone with no idea what to do or where to go most will opt for the former option.

Now normally when dealing with something serious like this i would never suggest in a million years that a forum full of students would be a good place to go but for this issue i think a forum like this could do a lot of good, for starters people may be afraid to go to dedicated online forums for victims of forced marriage as they may fear being discovered, the Student room gives a very good cover to allow them to seek help as it is primarily an academic website. Most members will probably be similar ages to the potential victims or victims of forced marriage, We have a large Islamic/Hindu/Sikh society where some members may have experiences with forced marriage and could share said knowledge.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 24

The_Internet

Original post by Darth Stewie

Now normally when dealing with something serious like this i would never suggest in a million years that a forum full of students would be a good place to go but for this issue i think a forum like this could do a lot of good, for starters people may be afraid to go to dedicated online forums for victims of forced marriage as they may fear being discovered, the Student room gives a very good cover to allow them to seek help as it is primarily an academic website. Most members will probably be similar ages to the potential victims or victims of forced marriage, We have a large Islamic/Hindu/Sikh society where some members may have experiences with forced marriage and could share said knowledge.

This is basically my reasoning

Reply 25

Padwas

i agree forced marriage is an issue

Reply 26

donutaud15

Definitely an issue that needs addressing

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 27

donutaud15

Original post by Skymix

I honestly don't understand the non-ability to tell someone No and or **** off

not as easy as that. some parents do extreme stuff just to get what they want. a simple 'no I don't want to' wouldn't just cut it

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 28

Craghyrax

How about a stuck megathread for forced marriages? I think Coffeegirl raises an important problem with respect to people experiencing forced marriage struggling with the confidence to post a thread, and perhaps worrying that their thread many not be welcome. If there was an existing stuck thread, a lot of the benefit de_monies wants to encourage might come about without the need of a dead subforum :smile:

Original post by Skymix

I honestly don't understand the non-ability to tell someone No and or **** off

Yep. Its pretty obvious that you don't understand. Unless you've become a bit more open minded over the last year?

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 29

Bridget Jones

Original post by Craghyrax

Yep. Its pretty obvious that you don't understand. Unless you've become a bit more open minded over the last year?

de_monies

See above?

Reply 30

chocolatesauce

They tell you to never go or take anything from a stranger and yet they get you married to one, it blows my mind

Reply 31

The_Internet

Original post by Craghyrax

Yep. Its pretty obvious that you don't understand. Unless you've become a bit more open minded over the last year?

Original post by nivvy21

See above?

Thanks nivvy

I guess that could work! A megathread for people to discuss their issues so to speak. Also, I guess nivvy, this would then mean that you're suggestion doesn't need to go to TSR? ie: Im happy to make this "megathread"

Reply 32

Bridget Jones

Original post by de_monies

Yes, exactly :woo:

Quite silly I had to go on to your own thread and alert you of this response :rolleyes:

Silly de_monies :tongue:

Reply 33

The_Internet

Original post by nivvy21

Yes, exactly :woo:

Quite silly I had to go on to your own thread and alert you of this response :rolleyes:

Silly de_monies :tongue:

Sorry

Can I go make a thread then?

Reply 34

Bridget Jones

Original post by de_monies

Sorry

Can I go make a thread then?

Yes, no worries! Remember to link me to it, so I can update the OP in the TSR MAD soc thread!

Reply 35

Craghyrax

Original post by nivvy21

Yes, exactly :woo:

Quite silly I had to go on to your own thread and alert you of this response :rolleyes:

Silly de_monies :tongue:

In fairness it had been a whole year :wink:

Original post by de_monies

PRSOM for the sticky :five:

(I didn't want to spam it) It looks very good quality.

Reply 36

The_Internet

Original post by Craghyrax

In fairness it had been a whole year :wink:

PRSOM for the sticky :five:

(I didn't want to spam it) It looks very good quality.

It's just something that gets to me :biggrin:

And it isn't a sticky, but I wouldn't mind maintaining it :biggrin:

Reply 37

Craghyrax

Original post by de_monies

It's just something that gets to me :biggrin:

And it isn't a sticky, but I wouldn't mind maintaining it :biggrin:

I agree. I mean there's a lot of perfectly good arranged marriages, but there are also some really awful abuses of the system :frown:

Read a really horrifying article in the news a few weeks ago :frown:

Young women virtually being pressed into sex slavery with a nicer name.

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 38

Bridget Jones

Original post by Craghyrax

In fairness it had been a whole year :wink:

PRSOM for the sticky :five:

(I didn't want to spam it) It looks very good quality.

haha, true :tongue:

But, he had linked me to this very thread :tongue:

Reply 39

The_Internet

Original post by Craghyrax

I agree. I mean there's a lot of perfectly good arranged marriages, but there are also some really awful abuses of the system :frown:

Read a really horrifying article in the news a few weeks ago :frown:

Young women virtually being pressed into sex slavery with a nicer name.

Oh wow. That's horrible. Looking at some YouTube videos, and some people in India/Pakistan are forcing their kids in to marriage, because they're "selling them" to pay debts :frown: