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AQA GCSE English Language Exam - 10th January 2013 - Mark my Answer

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    Hey Guys,
    I've been watching over WCS and using Mr Bruff to revise for English Language and the one I'm focusing on is Q4.. It'd be really appreciated if you could mark my piece. Its really not that great but I am in need of feedback and marks!!

    Thanks!!

    Rakhee


    In Source One the purpose of the news article is to inform readers about the beloved Daffodil and how to take care of it. The article gives us a wide variety of content ranging from the origins of the daffodil all the way to the 21st century tips on how to plant them and care for them. However Source two in comparison is completely different, in that it is an extract from a non fiction book and that we explore different atmospheres from the harsh struggling atmosphere to a more calm peaceful atmosphere.

    In source One we see straight at the beginning on the first line the reader is told `` We all love daffodils,don’t we?‘. The use of the rhetorical question both engages reader into the text as well as make it much more relevant to them as they explain the topic straight away and they ask them a question, which instantly makes them want to carry on reading.
    However in Source three we are instantly drawn to the extract when the weather is describes as `threatening, misty morning but mild‘. The Alliterative technique is used here with the words `misty‘, `morning‘ and `mild‘, which instantly makes the piece much more catchy and memorable to the reader, this also creates a quite calm atmosphere to the reader as the weather is seen as `mild‘.

    Source one similarly also uses alliteration in `Become big business‘ to make the text become much more memorable and therefore more accurate. This is used when explaining how popular the Daffodils were and that was followed by`tens of thousands were bought everyday‘; this also suggests to the reader using statistics how in demand it was and makes the statement about business much more valid and accurate.
    Source three however, instead of using statistics have made the reader feel apart of their own journey when saying `The Wind was furious and we thought we must have returned‘, the use of the word `we‘ as a direct approach instantly makes the reader feel involved in all of this, and that this makes it much more relatable and acceptable for them to read. The use of also saying `the wind was furious‘ instantly shows she personifies the wind with somewhat of a human emotion which is effective as it is quite unusual for us to read.

    Source one also, have taken use of the direct approach in persuading the reader to buy daffodils when saying ` Follow this advice and next spring you could have your own `host of golden daffodils‘ , the use of `you‘ and `your` is effective as it makes the reader feel as if they’re talking to them and that they should buy daffodils, for the reasons mentioned in the text. It gives the reader much more persuasion to actually go out and buy daffodils as they are being directly addressed by the article.

    Source two however set the tone of there extract by describing flowers like’scentless violets,strawberries and that starry yellow flowers‘, the list is catchy and also changes the tone to of somewhat calm and peaceful as they are surrounded by flowers , in comparison to the `furious wind‘.

    Overall Source one uses a wide range of linguistic devices which both engages the reader, persuades the reader and inform the reader. The layout is much more different with the use of bullet points to make the tips stand out and the sub headings to split sections. However source three is of somewhat less persuasive but use more sophisticated techniques to make their audience imagine their journey as well as be apart of it, the structure is simple, however there are no paragraphs.
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    I've been doing the exact same thing! Watched practically all of their videos and taking notes... But I've been doing practice papers and now haven't got a clue :/ I'm also especially struggling on question 4!
    http://www.vokle.com/events/64552-an...per-question-4
    I am currently watching this to get some ideas I am really worried about this exam, at first I thought I'd be okay but now I am just really struggling... Your answer sounds brilliant by the way! I'm sorry I wouldn't be able to give a mark for it though as I'm not too sure on it but I'd just say look through the mark scheme and award yourself? Or ask your teacher or maybe Mr Bruff may kindly mark it for you perhaps? Good luck, judging from your answer I am sure you are going to pass with flying colours!
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    (Original post by Rakz14)

    In Source One There is no need for you to capitalise "Source One" the purpose of the news article is to inform readers about the beloved Daffodil and how to take care of it. The article gives us a wide variety of content ranging from the origins of the daffodil all the way to the 21st century tips on how to plant them and care for them. However Source two in comparison is completely different, in that it is an extract from a non fiction book and that we explore different atmospheres from the harsh struggling atmosphere to a more calm peaceful atmosphere. That is a really nice introduction! Your are hitting the high band for detail already!

    In source One No need for capitalisation! we see straight at the beginning on the first line the reader is told `` We all love daffodils,don’t we?‘. The use of the rhetorical question both engages reader into the text as well as make it much more relevant to them as they explain the topic straight away and they ask them a question, which instantly makes them want to carry on reading. I would class this as a clear point. If you could go into a little bit more language depth and use multiple interpretations it would be better.
    However in Source three we are instantly drawn to the extract when the weather is describes as `threatening, misty morning but mild‘. The Alliterative technique is used here with the words `misty‘, `morning‘ and `mild‘, which instantly makes the piece much more catchy and memorable to the reader, this also creates a quite calm atmosphere to the reader as the weather is seen as `mild‘. This is a little contradictory. In the first point you say that the rhetorical question engages the reader immediately, but you are saying that it is the same but different! I think you should say "Similarly, in source 3 we are immediately engaged, but through the use of a different technique."

    Source one similarly also uses alliteration in `Become big business‘ to make the text become much more memorable and therefore more accurate. Clear, but could be perceptive. This is used when explaining how popular the Daffodils were and that was followed by`tens of thousands were bought everyday‘; this also suggests to the reader using statistics how in demand it was and makes the statement about business much more valid and accurate. Great point! Also, statistics make the writing sound authoritative.
    Source three however, instead of using statistics have made the reader feel apart of their own journey when saying `The Wind was furious and we thought we must have returned‘, the use of the word `we‘ as a direct approach instantly makes the reader feel involved in all of this, and that this makes it much more relatable and acceptable for them to read. The use of also saying `the wind was furious‘ instantly shows she personifies the wind with somewhat of a human emotion which is effective as it is quite unusual for us to read. I like this! I would recommend that you compare facts with opinions. So if one uses facts does the other one contain more opinions?

    Source one also, have has taken use of the direct approach in persuading the reader to buy daffodils when saying ` Follow this advice and next spring you could have your own `host of golden daffodils‘ , the use of `you‘ and `your` is effective as it makes the reader feel as if they’re talking to them and that they should buy daffodils, for the reasons mentioned in the text. It gives the reader much more persuasion to actually go out and buy daffodils as they are being directly addressed by the article. Perceptive point made!

    Source two however set the tone of there extract by describing flowers like’scentless violets,strawberries and that starry yellow flowers‘, the list is catchy and also changes the tone to of somewhat calm and peaceful as they are surrounded by flowers , in comparison to the `furious wind‘. Clear point and it is relevant. I think you could add more detail here. Comparing the flowers to something else using like is a simile. Mention terms like those. Just mentioning and identifying such basic terms can make your writing more detailed and even more perceptive.

    Overall Source one uses a wide range of linguistic devices which both engages the reader, persuades the reader and inform the reader. The layout is much more different with the use of bullet points to make the tips stand out and the sub headings to split sections. However source three is of somewhat less persuasive but use more sophisticated techniques to make their audience imagine their journey as well as be apart of it, the structure is simple, however there are no paragraphs.
    Great attempt! You have definitely made some perceptive points and it is a detailed answer. At most points you have supported your points with appropriate quotations too.

    Although there are some elements of detail and perception I believe that you could include more detail at points! I think perception is something you need to work on! Try to read between the lines and make clever points!

    Mark - I am going to give this 12/16 because I think there are many more chances to add detail and show skill! That mark is probably on the harsh side! The tips WCSE English use are great and make sure you plan your answer before you begin! I recommend The acronyms GAP and LIST. You can find them on BBC BITESIZE.


    Good Luck!
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    (Original post by kingaaran)
    Great attempt! You have definitely made some perceptive points and it is a detailed answer! At most points you have supported your points with appropriate quotations too!

    Although there are some elements of detail and perception I believe that you could include more detail at points! I think perception is something you need to work on! Try to read between the lines and make clever points!

    Mark - I am going to give this 12/16 because I think there are many more chances to add detail and show skill! That mark is probably on the harsh side! The tips WCSE English use are great and make sure you plan your answer before you begin! I recommend The acronyms GAP and LIST. You can find them on BBC BITESIZE.


    Good Luck!


    Omg! Thank-you So much for all this you've really helped and given me good pointers on where i need to improve.. yeah i noticed where i had been less detailed but It was mainly due to time however I'm going to edit it over and do a couple more questions.. Yes i have heard of the GAP and LIST from WCSE and I'm gonna go back to using that as well!! If you need any help on any of the questions just let me know!

    Thank you again

    Rakhee
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    I reckon 11 or 12 out of 16.

    Remember that question 4 is all about comparison. Focus on that. "Source one uses statistics to inform the reader, and also entertain and interest them, thus encouraging them to read the article. For example, the article says "<<insert stats here>>." Because these statistics are unusual/surprising, they can shock/intrigue the reader, making them want to find out how these daffodils are grown so fast (that's an example). This encourages them to read on.

    However, Source 3 employs a different technique to draw in the reader: the use of descriptive language to interest and entertain them, making them want to read further. For example, the author says "<<insert colourful description here>>" This 'ignites' the reader's imagination, and provides powerful imagery, and ultimately entertaining them, making them want to read further or find out more."

    There ya go

    EDIT:

    For chrissake, GOOD LUCK!!

    You'll be fine
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    (Original post by orangee123)
    I've been doing the exact same thing! Watched practically all of their videos and taking notes... But I've been doing practice papers and now haven't got a clue :/ I'm also especially struggling on question 4!
    http://www.vokle.com/events/64552-an...per-question-4
    I am currently watching this to get some ideas I am really worried about this exam, at first I thought I'd be okay but now I am just really struggling... Your answer sounds brilliant by the way! I'm sorry I wouldn't be able to give a mark for it though as I'm not too sure on it but I'd just say look through the mark scheme and award yourself? Or ask your teacher or maybe Mr Bruff may kindly mark it for you perhaps? Good luck, judging from your answer I am sure you are going to pass with flying colours!
    Thank-you so much! I've been going through mr bruffs ebook and WCSE videos studying them really hard haha! I'm pretty worried for the exam as well haha! Also got another 3 exams all the way till the 30th :s Your putting all the hard work into it so i have no doubt you will pass . If you need any help or simplifying certain questions or feedback I'm happy to help just pm me
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    (Original post by Guills on wheels)
    I reckon 11 or 12 out of 16.

    Remember that question 4 is all about comparison. Focus on that. "Source one uses statistics to inform the reader, and also entertain and interest them, thus encouraging them to read the article. For example, the article says "<<insert stats here>>." Because these statistics are unusual/surprising, they can shock/intrigue the reader, making them want to find out how these daffodils are grown so fast (that's an example). This encourages them to read on.

    However, Source 3 employs a different technique to draw in the reader: the use of descriptive language to interest and entertain them, making them want to read further. For example, the author says "<<insert colourful description here>>" This 'ignites' the reader's imagination, and provides powerful imagery, and ultimately entertaining them, making them want to read further or find out more."

    There ya go

    EDIT:

    For chrissake, GOOD LUCK!!

    You'll be fine
    Thank you! What you have written above has helped me.. I think i'll go back to the GAP and LIST technique as it focuses on the comparison as well as the DAFOREST.. Quick question, isn't it better to embed the quotes then saying 'for example'.

    Thank you again!

    Rakhee
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    (Original post by Rakz14)
    Thank you! What you have written above has helped me.. I think i'll go back to the GAP and LIST technique as it focuses on the comparison as well as the DAFOREST.. Quick question, isn't it better to embed the quotes then saying 'for example'.

    Thank you again!

    Rakhee
    If you are able to. It is not bad to use 'for example' sometimes, but embedded quotes add coherence to your response.


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    (Original post by Rakz14)
    Thank you! What you have written above has helped me.. I think i'll go back to the GAP and LIST technique as it focuses on the comparison as well as the DAFOREST.. Quick question, isn't it better to embed the quotes then saying 'for example'.

    Thank you again!

    Rakhee
    You can do either, but embedding quotes is more slick. I'd embed when you can

    GAP, LIST and (D)AFOREST are all good.

    Just remember, you don't have to do EVERYTHING in all those acronyms. Make sure that your writing still flows and is still natural, rather than it looking like a list. That is the real trick

    You will be fine though. Planning, provided you have time, is vital. It will help you so much

    Once again, good luck
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    (Original post by kingaaran)
    If you are able to. It is not bad to use 'for example' sometimes, but embedded quotes add coherence to your response.


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    That's what i thought, my teacher had said embedded quotes are seen much more clear and flowing for the examiner.

    Thanks

    Rakhee
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    (Original post by Guills on wheels)
    You can do either, but embedding quotes is more slick. I'd embed when you can

    GAP, LIST and (D)AFOREST are all good.

    Just remember, you don't have to do EVERYTHING in all those acronyms. Make sure that your writing still flows and is still natural, rather than it looking like a list. That is the real trick

    You will be fine though. Planning, provided you have time, is vital. It will help you so much

    Once again, good luck
    Yes I had timed myself on this and as I repeat and edit them even more my time management should improve for the Exam.. Would you say its good to plan before writing on this question like a quick 2 minute plan?


    Thank-you so much again for this, really appreciated as i need all the help i can get haha!

    Rakhee
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    (Original post by Rakz14)
    Yes I had timed myself on this and as I repeat and edit them even more my time management should improve for the Exam.. Would you say its good to plan before writing on this question like a quick 2 minute plan?


    Thank-you so much again for this, really appreciated as i need all the help i can get haha!

    Rakhee
    I would say, have a quick flick through everything at the start, then annotate for 3 minutes or so on every source before the start of that source's question. Include your points (e.g. alliteration: helps create a tense mood, keeps reader excited/entertained). Stuff like that
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    It's fine, I found that quite useful! I found the vokle videos wcse did very useful, if only if he were to do one now! We could do some revision online together? If we both come online at a certain time? Could go through the paper or something thank you! I was hoping for high grades but now I doubt it tbh... Good luck in all your exams! Im sure you will pass with flying colours! I'm going to be relieved when this exam is over... But I have parents evening and I find out my biology results! Gonna relax for the weekend even though I've got sociology on the 29th. Good luck again, but it seems you've put an immense amount of effort and your answer sounds brilliant so I'm sure you'll be fine!
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    (Original post by kingaaran)
    If you are able to. It is not bad to use 'for example' sometimes, but embedded quotes add coherence to your response.


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    Is there any chance i could PM you my edited version for you to see if i have improved?

    Thank-you so much again!

    Rakhee
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    (Original post by orangee123)
    It's fine, I found that quite useful! I found the vokle videos wcse did very useful, if only if he were to do one now! We could do some revision online together? If we both come online at a certain time? Could go through the paper or something thank you! I was hoping for high grades but now I doubt it tbh... Good luck in all your exams! Im sure you will pass with flying colours! I'm going to be relieved when this exam is over... But I have parents evening and I find out my biology results! Gonna relax for the weekend even though I've got sociology on the 29th. Good luck again, but it seems you've put an immense amount of effort and your answer sounds brilliant so I'm sure you'll be fine!
    Yeah if he was doing them now I'd be happy but he responds on twitter and youtube and is really nice better than some of my teachers Lol!! Yeah that sounds really good.. but idk how I'll be able to do it but we can try figure that out on pms.. Why are you doubting.. I'm absolutely sure you will do fine as your putting the work in and wanting to revise and you know what you need to do.. the ones who need to worry are the ones who dont understand haha I have parents evening too when i get my mock results and i should be getting my B2 results as well this month are you on edexcel? Aww Thank-you, wish you the best of luck too! You'll be fine you have nothing to worry about!!

    Rakhee
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    Oh I see I didn't know that! Does he respond on his wcse account? He doesn't seem to do any videos anymore so I assumed he doesn't go in it anymore! He seems like such a lovely teacher, better than all of mine tbh hahah! Well there's something called tiny chat,basically all you do is type in a url(eg tinychat.com/englishrevision) and it makes the chatroom so others can join too don't need to make an account or anything like that! We could ask some others on here if they'd be interested? And come up with a time? Tomorrow perhaps? Il message you ah thanks but I think it's just things like time management that are worrying me! Yeah I'm on edexcel, if you've done a gcse you should be getting them on the 10th as it is January results day I hope so haha, I guess it really depends on what questions we're given and the grade boundaries hahah really don't want to be retaking!
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    The key to success in English; don't panic.

    In GCSE I didn't even read the bloody books and I got 2 A*s for Literature and Language.

    Good game exam board.
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    Hey guys
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    (Original post by orangee123)
    Hey guys we were thinking of doing a live chat.. If everyone comes on this link at around 6? Tinychat.com/englishgcserevision
    It is way past 6pm.
    When? What date?

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