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How can I get my boyfriend more interested in sex?

We don't do it much because he always makes excuses, seems to me he doesn't enjoy it that much and I want to change that.

But he's my first so I have no idea what I'm doing, any advice?

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Maybe he's lacking confidence. Or maybe he just has a lower sex drive than you. How often do you sleep together?
Reply 2
Original post by CompactDestruction
Maybe he's lacking confidence. Or maybe he just has a lower sex drive than you. How often do you sleep together?


He says he has a low sex drive, but like I say I hoped maybe I could make it more interesting for him. Not just that but when it does happen, he complains that this is aching or that's aching, he doesn't seem into it.

Sleep together as in sex or staying the night?
Were you his first as well? If not, how many previous sexual partners has he had? And how long has he been with you?

How often do you have sex?
Reply 4
Original post by Anonymous
Were you his first as well? If not, how many previous sexual partners has he had? And how long has he been with you?

How often do you have sex?


No he's had one partner before, and apparently they didn't do it much.

We've been together eight months, having sex for about six or seven months, in that time we've had gaps of 1-2 months without sex, otherwise maybe once a fortnight.

It's not often we get the opportunity to but when we do get a chance he still isn't bothered.
Reply 5
hes gay.
Reply 6
finger his belly button then rub olive oil all over your body. if that fails dump him.
OP maybe you should have a frank conversation. Not sleeping with you more than once a fortnight probably won't be fixed by making it more interesting, it sounds more like there is an underlying problem for him. Maybe there is a physical reason he has a low sex drive he might want to see his GP about. He can't go on making excuses when the problem is clearly with him.
Reply 8
Original post by CompactDestruction
OP maybe you should have a frank conversation. Not sleeping with you more than once a fortnight probably won't be fixed by making it more interesting, it sounds more like there is an underlying problem for him. Maybe there is a physical reason he has a low sex drive he might want to see his GP about. He can't go on making excuses when the problem is clearly with him.


I have spoken to him about it before but I know it upsets him so I don't like bringing it up, he says he doesn't want to lose me over it and neither do I.
Does he suffer from depression or anxiety?
Reply 10
Do either of you have insecurities which effects intimate contact (i.e. does he/you have problems with the other seeing them naked?)? Do either of you perform oral sex? Do you wait until late at night to start foreplay? Does he find you physically attractive?

It's a bit hard to say do this or that because we know nothing about either of you...
Reply 11
Original post by Double Agent
Does he suffer from depression or anxiety?


He was diagnosed with anxiety problems a few years ago yes.
Reply 12
Original post by Steezy
Do either of you have insecurities which effects intimate contact (i.e. does he/you have problems with the other seeing them naked?)? Do either of you perform oral sex? Do you wait until late at night to start foreplay? Does he find you physically attractive?

It's a bit hard to say do this or that because we know nothing about either of you...


I know he's self conscious, I'm not 100% secure. He's said that he does find me attractive.

I've tried oral but he wasn't into it. If anything happens it's usually in the morning because we watch TV or play video games until we go to sleep. And as I've said I don't know what I'm doing including when and how to initiate.
Original post by Anonymous
I know he's self conscious, I'm not 100% secure. He's said that he does find me attractive.

I've tried oral but he wasn't into it. If anything happens it's usually in the morning because we watch TV or play video games until we go to sleep. And as I've said I don't know what I'm doing including when and how to initiate.


He sounds like he has a low libido :/ you could try initiating it more, if that fails there is loads of medication out there for this exact problem, having a low drive be because of the anxiety problems. Has he had counselling for the issues behind his anxiety? If so then you can tick that off , have you tried initiating sex? If so then its purely low libido.

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Reply 14
Boost his ego, tell him that you need him to make you feel amazing because he's the only man in the world who makes you feel like that and is the only man who ever could.

Ego-boosting is a massive turn on for guys, give it to him. While naked usually helps.
Reply 15
Original post by Anonymous
I know he's self conscious, I'm not 100% secure. He's said that he does find me attractive.

I've tried oral but he wasn't into it. If anything happens it's usually in the morning because we watch TV or play video games until we go to sleep. And as I've said I don't know what I'm doing including when and how to initiate.


Actual advice on how to initiate:

Simple options would be, just get naked. The naked man works 2/3 times. It sounds silly, but the guys seen you naked before, surprises help.

Gentle petting, cuddling and just rubbing his thighs a bit, see if you can get him in the mood. Kissing on the cheek and so forth.

Send texts telling him how horny you are and see if you can get a response through that, if you feel comfortable send him a picture or what not.
Reply 16
Original post by jreid1994
He sounds like he has a low libido :/ you could try initiating it more, if that fails there is loads of medication out there for this exact problem, having a low drive be because of the anxiety problems. Has he had counselling for the issues behind his anxiety? If so then you can tick that off , have you tried initiating sex? If so then its purely low libido.

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He hasn't had any treatment for it. I've tried initiating but I feel like I'm forcing him, I want him to be happy to.
Reply 17
Original post by Xhotas
Boost his ego, tell him that you need him to make you feel amazing because he's the only man in the world who makes you feel like that and is the only man who ever could.

Ego-boosting is a massive turn on for guys, give it to him. While naked usually helps.


Lol okay I'll see what I can do.
Reply 18
Original post by Xhotas
Actual advice on how to initiate:

Simple options would be, just get naked. The naked man works 2/3 times. It sounds silly, but the guys seen you naked before, surprises help.

Gentle petting, cuddling and just rubbing his thighs a bit, see if you can get him in the mood. Kissing on the cheek and so forth.

Send texts telling him how horny you are and see if you can get a response through that, if you feel comfortable send him a picture or what not.


I have tried wearing nice underwear and he said I looked hot but he couldn't be bothered then went to sleep, and I've sent a photo of my boobs. I'm fairly comfortable with things like that.

When should I do it though? He's always attached to his phone or having a smoke or watching TV, how do you take over from that?

Also, would a guy normally like or dislike being told that a girl is/has masturbated?
Original post by Anonymous
I have tried wearing nice underwear and he said I looked hot but he couldn't be bothered then went to sleep, and I've sent a photo of my boobs. I'm fairly comfortable with things like that.

When should I do it though? He's always attached to his phone or having a smoke or watching TV, how do you take over from that?

Also, would a guy normally like or dislike being told that a girl is/has masturbated?


Tease him, playfully entice him, like if he's watching tv, stand there, wearing nice underwear and encourage him.

Lol no they don't like being told a girl is masturbating... They love it.

It's quite easy to boost someone's confidence, go out to places make him feel like you want him there, simple things can be the biggest things in cases like this and try to lightly talk about, getting him some therapy if he seems low, but it might just be straight out low libido.



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