My boyfriend is jealous that I travel a lot...

I would love to travel with my boyfriend more often to exotic destinations, yet he can't afford it. He says he'd love to do what I do and acts hostile about me travelling, saying I am being selfish. The problem is, it's something I really love doing...

Is it wrong that I go travelling alone? Every time we argue he brings up an occasion last summer where I went too China for a month (my mum paid for it). He had exams at the time so wouldn't have been around anyway. We have been living with each other since September, and everything is going well apart from this. He makes me feel bad about going travelling.

I can't really think of a compromise which will keep us both happy.

Reply 1

amabella

8

why not try and think of a cheap holiday you could both go on, like a romantic weekend break so somewhere snowy?

Reply 2

Conzy210

19

I can see where he's coming from, I personally wouldn't be very happy if the girl I lived with got given some money and chose to go alone to China for a month than take me and go for two weeks...

Reply 3

Confusing_Chem

13

I'm not a guy but I do understand what he means. Maybe he wants to come with you too, I mean you are his girlfriend and you guys live together so it's not exactly convenient if you leave him whilst you go travelling all over. Find some place you both could go, or plan something away for his bday/valentines day etc.

Reply 4

redferry

19

Original post by Anonymous

I would love to travel with my boyfriend more often to exotic destinations, yet he can't afford it. He says he'd love to do what I do and acts hostile about me travelling, saying I am being selfish. The problem is, it's something I really love doing...

Is it wrong that I go travelling alone? Every time we argue he brings up an occasion last summer where I went too China for a month (my mum paid for it). He had exams at the time so wouldn't have been around anyway. We have been living with each other since September, and everything is going well apart from this. He makes me feel bad about going travelling.

I can't really think of a compromise which will keep us both happy.

Hey,

I don't think it is wrong you go travelling at all, I have always travelled a lot and if that is what makes you happy then you shouldn't let anyone hold you back :smile:

You have to realise how hard it is to be the one left behind though, my boyfriend has gone travelling for 3 months and it is to put it lightly, ****ing killing me, it is horrible! Wouldn't ever not want him to have gone though, I'm sure he is having an amazing time.

I don't really have any clear cut solutions, only that I can see why he is struggling, but it is a shame he is not willing to accommodate the happiness you get from travelling into your relationship, even if it does hurt him a bit.

Do you keep in touch when you are away?
Have you considered doing something he might be able to afford like hitch hiking round Europe instead? Locations don't need to be exotic for travel to be enjoyable :smile:

Reply 5

Rooster523

17

If you live together, it is a bit crap that you just up sticks and leave for a month.

Compromise? Help him pay for flights somewhere far off yet cheap to go to i.e. Africa/Asian sub continent

Reply 6

Flibble22

10

I can understand why he's a bit miffed, but being hostile about it? hmm. However, you should consider the fact that he wants to travel with you, so perhaps plan something that he can afford?

Travel broadens the mind, and I doubt there's much better than doing it with one's partner.

Reply 7

ChaoticMaster

16

You have no reason to feel bad. You should try and identify some holidays you can go on together but if there are trips he can't afford or doesn't have the time to go on with you then you should go anyway. I can understand why he gets frustrated but I'd be surprised if some of that frustration wasn't due to the fact he's living with someone who has a more money than him. It will make him wish he has more and he'll be jealous that he can't spend as freely as you appear to (you may save alot to travel but he probably doesn't see that). Don't feel bad, try and help him understand and keep going away and enjoying yourself :smile:

Reply 8

Xiomara

18

Original post by Conzy210

I can see where he's coming from, I personally wouldn't be very happy if the girl I lived with got given some money and chose to go alone to China for a month than take me and go for two weeks...

It says in the OP that he had exams, so wouldn't have gone anyway?

Reply 9

Authority_Song

Not sure what to say other than holiday advice lol!

You can get flights to Germany/Portugal/Spain/France for as little as £60 return if you are flexible and keep an eye out. A bit of money for hostels (sometimes cheaper if you stay in one place for a longer period of time rather than moving on), a bit for food (smart shopping you can eat for a tenner a day in europe) and a tadge for clothes/shopping (could quite easily forget about this) and you could have a holiday for a few hundred quid.

Reply 10

Juichiro

18

Original post by Anonymous

I would love to travel with my boyfriend more often to exotic destinations, yet he can't afford it. He says he'd love to do what I do and acts hostile about me travelling, saying I am being selfish. The problem is, it's something I really love doing...

Is it wrong that I go travelling alone? Every time we argue he brings up an occasion last summer where I went too China for a month (my mum paid for it). He had exams at the time so wouldn't have been around anyway. We have been living with each other since September, and everything is going well apart from this. He makes me feel bad about going travelling.

I can't really think of a compromise which will keep us both happy.

He has a point but acting hostile is not really the way to go.

Reply 11

Mycroft Holmes

10

Original post by Anonymous

I would love to travel with my boyfriend more often to exotic destinations, yet he can't afford it. He says he'd love to do what I do and acts hostile about me travelling, saying I am being selfish. The problem is, it's something I really love doing...

Is it wrong that I go travelling alone? Every time we argue he brings up an occasion last summer where I went too China for a month (my mum paid for it). He had exams at the time so wouldn't have been around anyway. We have been living with each other since September, and everything is going well apart from this. He makes me feel bad about going travelling.

I can't really think of a compromise which will keep us both happy.

Well lets see, you got given a load of money and chose to go to China for a whole month and left your boyfriend behind instead of taking him along too for a shorter amount of time. He has reason to be annoyed.

Original post by Xiomara

It says in the OP that he had exams, so wouldn't have gone anyway?

It's no excuse, they could have gone together after his exams if she wanted to.

Reply 12

Sarah1313

6

Original post by Anonymous

I would love to travel with my boyfriend more often to exotic destinations, yet he can't afford it. He says he'd love to do what I do and acts hostile about me travelling, saying I am being selfish. The problem is, it's something I really love doing...

Is it wrong that I go travelling alone? Every time we argue he brings up an occasion last summer where I went too China for a month (my mum paid for it). He had exams at the time so wouldn't have been around anyway. We have been living with each other since September, and everything is going well apart from this. He makes me feel bad about going travelling.

I can't really think of a compromise which will keep us both happy.

Personally, I think that is selfish of you. Not that you go travelling alone but the fact your mum paid for you to go to China for a month, when you could have said 'actually I would rather go for 2 weeks and have my boyfriend come along'. The reason you said he couldn't come was his lack of money.

Reply 13

medbh4805

20

Original post by Mycroft Holmes

Well lets see, you got given a load of money and chose to go to China for a whole month and left your boyfriend behind instead of taking him along too for a shorter amount of time. He has reason to be annoyed.

It's no excuse, they could have gone together after his exams if she wanted to.

OP doesn't say she was given money, it says her mother paid for it. The mother being happy to pay for her daughter but not daughter's boyfriend is not an impossibility...

Reply 14

ed-

13

If he expects you to stop doing something you enjoy because he's insecure or jealous or whatever you should probably get a boyfriend who's not poor or who shares your interests... It's his problem not yours.
Or maybe be single for a while until you've done all the travelling you want to do.

Reply 15

jarasta

12

Original post by Xiomara

It says in the OP that he had exams, so wouldn't have gone anyway?

why did you arrange it after exams?

Reply 16

Conzy210

19

Original post by Xiomara

It says in the OP that he had exams, so wouldn't have gone anyway?

I was more using that as an example, if she's so keen on travelling I'm sure there are more of these examples, also why couldn't she have postponed her holiday until a later date?

She stated that they live together, in my opinion when you live together you're a team, sharing bills etc. If one person has so much more spare income than the other person clearly it isn't fair, and it won't lead to a happy relationship. Imagine splitting bills equally when your partner has thousands more than you to spend, it's not right, providing the boyfriend isn't wasting his money on his other interests then I think he has a reason to be annoyed.

Of course if he simply doesn't enjoy travelling he can't complain.

Reply 17

jarasta

12

How often do you travel in a year?
I mean if you travel so much you are hardly at home I can understand, and I suppose he feels like he is missing out, I understand he cant afford it, but couldn't you help him on the finance side a bit?

Imagine being in his position.

Reply 18

Anonymous #2

Reading things like this make me quite glad to be single sometimes :p:

I think you should try to arrange more trips that the both of you can go on. After all, sometimes it can actually be cheaper to go to places with someone than alone, like with hotel rooms (you both pay instead of just one person) and special two-for-one offers. If I had a partner, I don't think I'd enjoy leaving him alone for ages. You're a couple so shouldn't you pay things for each other?