Insane ex

So as you may have seen from previous threads (if you read them) my boyfriend and I recently split and it has been difficult for the both of us. I knew for both our sakes we shouldn't be together, and after a while I've felt okay about it, but he was being really out of order and telling everyone things about me that weren't true and insulting me at every given oppurtunity. Then one day I stopped caring about what he was saying, it honestly didn't upset me one bit.

He rang the other day at 2:30am and woke me up, to insult me (drunk) and go mental on the phone, to which I replied "I'm sorry but it's 3am and I'm tired, so i'm going to sleep". (Just to mention he is 16, so this is all very melodramatic for him especially). The next day he rang me again to apologise and said he'd leave me alone from now on. I was happy about this because it made my life easier but also would help him move on.

A couple of days later he calls me whilst I'm at work (so I can't pick up) and then 10 minutes later his mum calls me, but I manage to get away for a second to take the call, to be told that he's been drinking and is on his way to try and find me. I ring him and ask whats going on and he says he went to my house (my dad was there) and he went through my stuff in my room and thinks that someone else has been there (they haven't i honestly have no idea where he got that from) and now hes coming to work to meet me because he just "wants to talk" and he misses me. I tell him to go home but he insists so I take my break as he's already round the corner. (but stand right by the exit doors so everyone at work can see whats going on just incase) he arrives and he starts having a mini breakdown and telling me how hes tried to kill himself every day this week and how he cuts himself every night and he needs me back and blahblahblah and I don't really know how to respond but his mum walks up behind him and I have to go back to work so he has to leave.

His mum texted me saying sorry and that he's going to need some serious help ASAP, and said that he might be being ommited into a psychiatric hospital soon.

It's difficult as you guys don't know the whole story but am I doing the right thing by leaving him alone (whenever I try and help him feel better he has a breakdown about us not being together)?

He's 16, he'll get over it.

I tried cutting all contact off as I thought it was the best way, he seems to think otherwise.



This is what I said (using different words however haha) I told him that although now it may feel like the end of the world, he's 16 and he has plenty of years to move on and in 10 years he'll probably forget this crazy encounter we were having.

So as you may have seen from previous threads (if you read them) my boyfriend and I recently split and it has been difficult for the both of us. I knew for both our sakes we shouldn't be together, and after a while I've felt okay about it, but he was being really out of order and telling everyone things about me that weren't true and insulting me at every given oppurtunity. Then one day I stopped caring about what he was saying, it honestly didn't upset me one bit.

He rang the other day at 2:30am and woke me up, to insult me (drunk) and go mental on the phone, to which I replied "I'm sorry but it's 3am and I'm tired, so i'm going to sleep". (Just to mention he is 16, so this is all very melodramatic for him especially). The next day he rang me again to apologise and said he'd leave me alone from now on. I was happy about this because it made my life easier but also would help him move on.

A couple of days later he calls me whilst I'm at work (so I can't pick up) and then 10 minutes later his mum calls me, but I manage to get away for a second to take the call, to be told that he's been drinking and is on his way to try and find me. I ring him and ask whats going on and he says he went to my house (my dad was there) and he went through my stuff in my room and thinks that someone else has been there (they haven't i honestly have no idea where he got that from) and now hes coming to work to meet me because he just "wants to talk" and he misses me. I tell him to go home but he insists so I take my break as he's already round the corner. (but stand right by the exit doors so everyone at work can see whats going on just incase) he arrives and he starts having a mini breakdown and telling me how hes tried to kill himself every day this week and how he cuts himself every night and he needs me back and blahblahblah and I don't really know how to respond but his mum walks up behind him and I have to go back to work so he has to leave.

His mum texted me saying sorry and that he's going to need some serious help ASAP, and said that he might be being ommited into a psychiatric hospital soon.

It's difficult as you guys don't know the whole story but am I doing the right thing by leaving him alone (whenever I try and help him feel better he has a breakdown about us not being together)?

You need to get as far away from this ex as possible. If you mean what you say that you want nothing to do with him, then get the police involved for harassment.

When I was a similar age to you, I had a boyfriend who was similar to this, but he was also violent to me. We split up and since then he hasn't left me alone. I'm with some-one and happy, but he has stalked me for years. He has turned up to where I work, threatened to kill me and my OH, threatened to kidnap my children, burn my house down, followed my children to and from school, stood outside their schools and taken pictures of them which are on his FB page, opened a Twitter account in my OH's name, followed my OH's work twitter account on it and then put on the work newsfeed that I'm having an affair with him and the children aren't my OH's kids, poured brake fluid over my car and my OH's car, hacked into email accounts I've had, reported me to social services, had my OH's work place raided by reporting that my OH is hiding stolen goods at work, had my home raided by saying that I was hiding criminals in my home and some of these things he's done and given my OH's name. I've moved 4 times in the last 10 years to get away from him but he follows my OH from work or my kids from school and knows where I live. I now have CCTV around all my property and don't leave my home unless I absolutely have to do so.

I haven't heard from him for 3 weeks so far and the local police are all on first name terms with me and my family but these things can escalate. I realise that your situation isn't as bad as mine is now but the warning signs are there.

Distance yourself as much as possible from this boy NOW and get the Police involved before it gets too out of hand.

I would say that when his mother was alive, he wasn't as bad as she kept in check quite a bit but since she passed away, he's got worse and worse and sometimes I don't even know where it will all end. He says he won't leave me alone until I marry him or I end up alone as he can't bear the thought of me being with some one else. As if I would ever want him, but please take action now and protect yourself.

I tried cutting all contact off as I thought it was the best way, he seems to think otherwise.



This is what I said (using different words however haha) I told him that although now it may feel like the end of the world, he's 16 and he has plenty of years to move on and in 10 years he'll probably forget this crazy encounter we were having.

So as you may have seen from previous threads (if you read them) my boyfriend and I recently split and it has been difficult for the both of us. I knew for both our sakes we shouldn't be together, and after a while I've felt okay about it, but he was being really out of order and telling everyone things about me that weren't true and insulting me at every given oppurtunity. Then one day I stopped caring about what he was saying, it honestly didn't upset me one bit.

He rang the other day at 2:30am and woke me up, to insult me (drunk) and go mental on the phone, to which I replied "I'm sorry but it's 3am and I'm tired, so i'm going to sleep". (Just to mention he is 16, so this is all very melodramatic for him especially). The next day he rang me again to apologise and said he'd leave me alone from now on. I was happy about this because it made my life easier but also would help him move on.

A couple of days later he calls me whilst I'm at work (so I can't pick up) and then 10 minutes later his mum calls me, but I manage to get away for a second to take the call, to be told that he's been drinking and is on his way to try and find me. I ring him and ask whats going on and he says he went to my house (my dad was there) and he went through my stuff in my room and thinks that someone else has been there (they haven't i honestly have no idea where he got that from) and now hes coming to work to meet me because he just "wants to talk" and he misses me. I tell him to go home but he insists so I take my break as he's already round the corner. (but stand right by the exit doors so everyone at work can see whats going on just incase) he arrives and he starts having a mini breakdown and telling me how hes tried to kill himself every day this week and how he cuts himself every night and he needs me back and blahblahblah and I don't really know how to respond but his mum walks up behind him and I have to go back to work so he has to leave.

His mum texted me saying sorry and that he's going to need some serious help ASAP, and said that he might be being ommited into a psychiatric hospital soon.

It's difficult as you guys don't know the whole story but am I doing the right thing by leaving him alone (whenever I try and help him feel better he has a breakdown about us not being together)?

That situation is ******. If I was you by now I would have had someone hurt that guy if I couldn't do it myself.

Unfortunately, neither me or my OH know anyone that is like that, who would go and hurt him and I don't relish the thought of going to prison or my OH going to prison either. We tend now to keep ourselves to ourselves and not mix or socialise as in the past, he has approached our friends and families and it became too much to have to keep explaining the situation.

Early on, when it first started, the Police used to say things like "are you sure you're not encouraging him?", like that was realistic!

Child Protection are involved due to the level of threat against our children and although he's been warned and arrested under the Harassment Act, I feel furious because the CPS always say it's not in the public interest to proceed with a trial I wonder how they would feel if it was them in this situation?

Does he have a restraining order? If not, why not? I honestly think you should go to the police and INSIST that this sort of behaviour is unacceptable, is threatening and is also causing psychological harm to not only you but other members of your family.

The law in the UK is crap basically. You can either have the Harassment Act OR you can go through the civil courts and get an injunction! Apparently (and I quote a WPC here) you aren't allowed "two bites of the cherry". Stalkers can only be pursued EITHER by the civil or criminal courts, not both and because the Harassment Warning has been issued, I have no redress through the civil courts now.

What I would dearly love to do is smear this man's name all over the internet the way that he has done with mine and my OH. He's gotten hold of my phone numbers over the years and published them on the internet with things like "ring this bitch and abuse her" etc. I also happen to know that he's a suspected paid police informant but the Police have advised me to do nothing, except report things as and when they happen.

This seems ridiculous. If he has already been tried under the Harrassment Act, have you considered taking things further, i.e. writing an open letter to the Royal Courts of Justice? I know it sounds a bit extreme but this situation seems ridculous and completely unfair. You should not have to be psychologically abused by this man and continue to be so for something that you are so clearly trying to avoid.

For the record, how old are you?

I have written to my Police Commissioner asking why, having phoned the police 37 times in the past 3 years, still nothing is being done, and he replied saying he would look into this situation. This was before Christmas and I'm still waiting. I also logged a complaint with the local police station because I don't feel that the police are taking this seriously enough and a DS called me on Boxing Day to say he was reviewing the evidence (emails etc that had been sent to my OH's workplace via their "contact us" form on their website) and again, I've heard nothing since.

I have completely lost faith in our Police Force and have asked them, if he kills me or my OH, or kidnaps one of the kids, will they do something then?

I go to counselling every week, because I can't sleep for worrying, and only feel safe in the house because of my cameras but I worry about the effect it will have on the kids growing up. I don't let them play outside, not even in the back garden, because I'm so paranoid he will do something to them and I couldn't bear it.

The Police who came last summer where great and issued the initial harassment warning and arrested him but unfortunately, it's different cops every time you call up. The ones last year (CID) told me all about the different things I can do if I see him when I'm out and about (I live 300 miles from him, he comes to my hometown JUST to stalk me) and I know know exactly how far "reasonable force" is, before I get done for GBH or murder. We've discussed this at length (the Police and myself I mean). The problem is, he's very sneaky, like when he did the cars, does it when no-ones around. If he came and knocked on the door, it would be better, you can fight a threat you can see. It's like guerrilla warfare. How do you fight what you don't see? When you don't see where the next attack is coming from?

Sometimes, I wish I didn't wake up in the morning.