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Nervous about what will happen after my bf and I graduate uni

I am in my final 4th year of uni and my bf and I both graduate this summer. I am starting to worry about the future now as he is mentioning he wants to do a phd and move to a different city whilst I don't feel smart enough to do a postgraduate especially a phd because at the moment I am scraping it if im lucky to get a 2.1 in my exams (3rd year i got a 2.1 in 5 out of 8 exams the rest were upper 2.2 grades) :frown:

. I have been researching on masters degrees as a backup, however, they all seem to be not funded except one that I found and happen to like! but it happens to be in a different city to where his phd is (like at least 60 miles away). I told him that I found a masters and he said I should apply but he is still applying to the phd. I just don't know what to do, I have been with my bf since 1st year and lived with him since 2cnd year. I don't want to live in a different city to do a masters (I feel like its not even worth it for just a masters) but I am worried that only having an undergraduate is not enough to ever get a job with. I also don't want to just move in with him and feel like I had to move just because he is getting the better education and that I need to just settle. I happen to know there is no department for my degree at his phds uni which means no chance of me doing a masters there etc unless i travelled to a diff city everyday! I love my bf, he loves me , we don't fight and were best friends but I don't know how to tell him I feel like hes putting his education before me? not in a bad way aaaah help I sound horrible I don't mean hes putting it before me Im just panicking about whats going to happen. I want us to have a good education and good jobs in future but since he's smarter than me I might just have to give up with uni or travel to a diff city next year...any advice ? sorry it was really long!! :redface:

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Anyone got any advice please? :s-smilie:

Reply 2

handizivi10

Original post by Anonymous

Anyone got any advice please? :s-smilie:

Giiirl!! You better get yours hunny!

By that I mean clearly your boyfriend is aiming for his best interests and so should you! Us ladies should always look to better ourselves if we can and here's your opportunity. If you both love each other then I guess this will put that love to test in a way as not only will you be both dealing with the heavy workload/stress from both your respective courses but you'll have to face the dreaded long distance relationship aspect aswell.

I feel that this will make you stronger as a couple as you are challenged with another dimension to your relationship. It will truly call on both of you to really be there for each other and also understanding when it won't be straight away.

Clearly if he's encouraging you to do it and it's at a place where you'll actually like it the more reason to! Whatever happens don't put your life on hold for no man! Even if he is the love of your life!

Reply 3

You Failed

If he's putting his education and life goals before you, then you should go ahead and do the same.

Reply 4

Kagutsuchi

Original post by Anonymous

Anyone got any advice please? :s-smilie:

I disagree with handizivi10.

Only you can make the right choice for you. It's a matter of priority. Given that you have free will over your own life you make your own choices.

It's well enough saying "GUUUURL. WE DON'T NEED NO STINKIN MAN. NU UH!" But at the end of the day, if you truly love this man and are willing to risk essentially your education for him, then go for it.

If, however, you believe you and he can still maintain a relationship during your studies (which should be... what... a few years for a Master?) then by all means, study away. 60 miles is easily doable by 2 - 3 hours on the coach or an hour or two on the train anyway.

The latter would, of course, bear better ground for your future career. If you want to contribute to the long term relationship - fiscally - then perhaps studying would be the better option.

FYI - my girlfriend and I are 400+ miles apart (London - Scotland) and we're going strong for over a year and constantly talk back and forth about our future. It can work.

Reply 5

rosee92

You need to do what's best for you. It's hard, but in 10 years time you might regret putting him first. Only compromise I can think of is moving somewhere halfway between your two post-grad unis? So you each only have to travel 30 miles... best suggestion I can think of.

It's not quite the same thing, but a few months ago I was struggling to manage 3rd year of uni, my job and my relationship. I nearly quit my job to make things easier for my relationship. I'm so glad that I didn't, I really enjoy my job, and I nearly chose a barely-fulfilling relationship over it. It's not quite the same, but just an example