Then it hit me..Relationship Epiphany!
Okay so I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend? How comes?
Well because in my opinion (and that's what it is MY opinion) I just don't see the point investing myself into a relationship that's not going to lead to marriage. And at 20 I ain't ready for nobody to put a ring on it!
I had this epiphany when I was in high school and everyone was getting together 'claiming' they were in a relationship and they were going to be together forever. Yeah. OK.
Then I thought..what's the point?? Yeah yeah there's all this try before you buy notion but then again all these things you've been trying have already been used in a sense?
I'm not saying that I expect to find someone that's never had a girlfriend 'cause hellur it's 2013 but I know what I want.
So you're probably wondering what's your point? Well, I want to know what your views are on going out with people just for the moment/hype/i fancy 'em phase or if you go into a relationship with the mindset that you could see yourself marrying that person? (That's if marriage is in your plan)
I guess it's a Dating VS Courtship type of thing. What are your thoughts?
Well because in my opinion (and that's what it is MY opinion) I just don't see the point investing myself into a relationship that's not going to lead to marriage. And at 20 I ain't ready for nobody to put a ring on it!
I had this epiphany when I was in high school and everyone was getting together 'claiming' they were in a relationship and they were going to be together forever. Yeah. OK.
Then I thought..what's the point?? Yeah yeah there's all this try before you buy notion but then again all these things you've been trying have already been used in a sense?
I'm not saying that I expect to find someone that's never had a girlfriend 'cause hellur it's 2013 but I know what I want.
So you're probably wondering what's your point? Well, I want to know what your views are on going out with people just for the moment/hype/i fancy 'em phase or if you go into a relationship with the mindset that you could see yourself marrying that person? (That's if marriage is in your plan)
I guess it's a Dating VS Courtship type of thing. What are your thoughts?
Scroll to see replies
I do not care for marriage but I too would only enter a relationship that I considered to have a possibility of lasting over a long time scale.
Original post by handizivi10
Okay so I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend? How comes?
Well because in my opinion (and that's what it is MY opinion) I just don't see the point investing myself into a relationship that's not going to lead to marriage. And at 20 I ain't ready for nobody to put a ring on it!
I had this epiphany when I was in high school and everyone was getting together 'claiming' they were in a relationship and they were going to be together forever. Yeah. OK.
Then I thought..what's the point?? Yeah yeah there's all this try before you buy notion but then again all these things you've been trying have already been used in a sense?
I'm not saying that I expect to find someone that's never had a girlfriend 'cause hellur it's 2013 but I know what I want.
So you're probably wondering what's your point? Well, I want to know what your views are on going out with people just for the moment/hype/i fancy 'em phase or if you go into a relationship with the mindset that you could see yourself marrying that person? (That's if marriage is in your plan)
I guess it's a Dating VS Courtship type of thing. What are your thoughts?
Well because in my opinion (and that's what it is MY opinion) I just don't see the point investing myself into a relationship that's not going to lead to marriage. And at 20 I ain't ready for nobody to put a ring on it!
I had this epiphany when I was in high school and everyone was getting together 'claiming' they were in a relationship and they were going to be together forever. Yeah. OK.
Then I thought..what's the point?? Yeah yeah there's all this try before you buy notion but then again all these things you've been trying have already been used in a sense?
I'm not saying that I expect to find someone that's never had a girlfriend 'cause hellur it's 2013 but I know what I want.
So you're probably wondering what's your point? Well, I want to know what your views are on going out with people just for the moment/hype/i fancy 'em phase or if you go into a relationship with the mindset that you could see yourself marrying that person? (That's if marriage is in your plan)
I guess it's a Dating VS Courtship type of thing. What are your thoughts?
Hi
There's so much wrong with this I don't even know where to begin.
Actually scrap that yes I do.
Relationships allow you to learn about both the opposite sex AND yourself. There are so many skills that take years to get good at - compromise, validating your partner, knowing when to back down etc. Not to mention building character - getting used to trusting someone, sharing your feelings but not overly burdening someone. None of these things come easily to ANYONE, its all about experience.
Next, you don't really know whats important to you in a relationship, so finding the "one" will be incredibly impossible.
Even assuming you dont care about sex, (your ability at which vastly improves with varied experience), theres so much to learn about being in a healthy, strong relationship. Leaving it and hoping you get it right first time is literal madness.
I can't speak for everyone, but my serious relationships got progressively better - with each one I learned a bit more about myself and what I want out of a relationship, and became better at communicating and providing the support my partner needs. I am now with the love of my life but I couldn't have hoped either to catch her interest OR to have a healthy relationship like I do without the benefit of that experience.
(edited 11 years ago)
Ok - I used to feel like this too.
But then a) I fell for someone
B) ok, true. I'm not gonna be with my current girlfriend forever I know that. But so what? I know right now that I'm so happy with her. So why stop that just because it's going to end? One day my life is going to end. So should I just end it now and commit suicide? No!
C) You'll never date anyone if you think like that ergo you'll never get married
D) you learn things about yourself and you'll develop as a person as you go through relationships.
Posted from TSR Mobile
But then a) I fell for someone
B) ok, true. I'm not gonna be with my current girlfriend forever I know that. But so what? I know right now that I'm so happy with her. So why stop that just because it's going to end? One day my life is going to end. So should I just end it now and commit suicide? No!
C) You'll never date anyone if you think like that ergo you'll never get married
D) you learn things about yourself and you'll develop as a person as you go through relationships.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Original post by thinktoomuch610
Ok - I used to feel like this too.
But then a) I fell for someone
B) ok, true. I'm not gonna be with my current girlfriend forever I know that. But so what? I know right now that I'm so happy with her. So why stop that just because it's going to end? One day my life is going to end. So should I just end it now and commit suicide? No!
C) You'll never date anyone if you think like that ergo you'll never get married
D) you learn things about yourself and you'll develop as a person as you go through relationships.
Posted from TSR Mobile
But then a) I fell for someone
B) ok, true. I'm not gonna be with my current girlfriend forever I know that. But so what? I know right now that I'm so happy with her. So why stop that just because it's going to end? One day my life is going to end. So should I just end it now and commit suicide? No!
C) You'll never date anyone if you think like that ergo you'll never get married
D) you learn things about yourself and you'll develop as a person as you go through relationships.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Just out of curiosity, if you've fallen for your gf and are so happy with her, why are you so certain that's it's definitely not going to last?
Original post by handizivi10
Okay so I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend? How comes?
Well because in my opinion (and that's what it is MY opinion) I just don't see the point investing myself into a relationship that's not going to lead to marriage. And at 20 I ain't ready for nobody to put a ring on it!
I had this epiphany when I was in high school and everyone was getting together 'claiming' they were in a relationship and they were going to be together forever. Yeah. OK.
Then I thought..what's the point?? Yeah yeah there's all this try before you buy notion but then again all these things you've been trying have already been used in a sense?
I'm not saying that I expect to find someone that's never had a girlfriend 'cause hellur it's 2013 but I know what I want.
So you're probably wondering what's your point? Well, I want to know what your views are on going out with people just for the moment/hype/i fancy 'em phase or if you go into a relationship with the mindset that you could see yourself marrying that person? (That's if marriage is in your plan)
I guess it's a Dating VS Courtship type of thing. What are your thoughts?
Well because in my opinion (and that's what it is MY opinion) I just don't see the point investing myself into a relationship that's not going to lead to marriage. And at 20 I ain't ready for nobody to put a ring on it!
I had this epiphany when I was in high school and everyone was getting together 'claiming' they were in a relationship and they were going to be together forever. Yeah. OK.
Then I thought..what's the point?? Yeah yeah there's all this try before you buy notion but then again all these things you've been trying have already been used in a sense?
I'm not saying that I expect to find someone that's never had a girlfriend 'cause hellur it's 2013 but I know what I want.
So you're probably wondering what's your point? Well, I want to know what your views are on going out with people just for the moment/hype/i fancy 'em phase or if you go into a relationship with the mindset that you could see yourself marrying that person? (That's if marriage is in your plan)
I guess it's a Dating VS Courtship type of thing. What are your thoughts?
This is exactly my point of view. Most people don't seem to understand. I think it's probably because people are too impatient these days...
Original post by Lady_L
This is exactly my point of view. Most people don't seem to understand. I think it's probably because people are too impatient these days...
I don't think it's a matter of impatience or not. Some people don't have the intention of marrying at all anyway. What is marriage? Half the time people who get marriages divorce anyway and then it leaves a mess behind. There are also plenty of people who don't get married yet remain together for well, the rest of their lives.
The point? Hm. Nobody is saying you must get with anybody, but then again we can't control how we feel about people. If you end up falling for someone, it doesn't mean you have to marry them straight away does it? Some people don't get married until like 10 years later. I think OP is better off saying she's not ready for a relationship rather than ready for marriage. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're ready for marriage.
Original post by handizivi10
1. Okay so I'm 20 and I've never had a boyfriend? How comes?
2. Well because in my opinion (and that's what it is MY opinion) I just don't see the point investing myself into a relationship that's not going to lead to marriage. And at 20 I ain't ready for nobody to put a ring on it!
3. I had this epiphany when I was in high school and everyone was getting together 'claiming' they were in a relationship and they were going to be together forever. Yeah. OK.
4. Then I thought..what's the point?? Yeah yeah there's all this try before you buy notion but then again all these things you've been trying have already been used in a sense?
5. So you're probably wondering what's your point? Well, I want to know what your views are on going out with people just for the moment/hype/i fancy 'em phase or if you go into a relationship with the mindset that you could see yourself marrying that person? (That's if marriage is in your plan)
I guess it's a Dating VS Courtship type of thing. What are your thoughts?
2. Well because in my opinion (and that's what it is MY opinion) I just don't see the point investing myself into a relationship that's not going to lead to marriage. And at 20 I ain't ready for nobody to put a ring on it!
3. I had this epiphany when I was in high school and everyone was getting together 'claiming' they were in a relationship and they were going to be together forever. Yeah. OK.
4. Then I thought..what's the point?? Yeah yeah there's all this try before you buy notion but then again all these things you've been trying have already been used in a sense?
5. So you're probably wondering what's your point? Well, I want to know what your views are on going out with people just for the moment/hype/i fancy 'em phase or if you go into a relationship with the mindset that you could see yourself marrying that person? (That's if marriage is in your plan)
I guess it's a Dating VS Courtship type of thing. What are your thoughts?
1. Well I knew straight away when I read that that the conclusion wasn't going to be that you are doing anything wrong...
2. Plenty of relationships start at around 20 and end up in marriage. Of course you don't want to get married NOW, but you said a relationship that will "lead" to marriage.
3. Was "everyone" really doing this? In my school, most couples didn't say this, and most people were as skeptical as you, you just seem to think coming to this conclusion made you a genius.
4. Well if you see people as "used" just because they've had a previous relationship you sound like quite a nasty person. The point is that being in a relationship with someone you are compatable is enjoyable. Isn't the whole aim of life to be happy? Girlfriends and boyfriends make each other happy. It's that simple.
5. I don't see it as a choice. When I first met my girlfriend, it was for a shag. Then we saw each other, just for fun, then we started going out, now we are more committed. We've been together 20 months and I certainly consider her "marriage material", but I don't think I'd propose for a couple more years, why rush it?
I've never understood the rationale behind long term planning in relationships. For me, you just meet someone you like, go out with them, slowly progress as is appropriate, and you either get to the point where you get married (if that's what you want), or you break up for some reason.
Original post by SyOnGuitar
I don't think it's a matter of impatience or not. Some people don't have the intention of marrying at all anyway. What is marriage? Half the time people who get marriages divorce anyway and then it leaves a mess behind. There are also plenty of people who don't get married yet remain together for well, the rest of their lives.
The point? Hm. Nobody is saying you must get with anybody, but then again we can't control how we feel about people. If you end up falling for someone, it doesn't mean you have to marry them straight away does it? Some people don't get married until like 10 years later. I think OP is better off saying she's not ready for a relationship rather than ready for marriage. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're ready for marriage.
The point? Hm. Nobody is saying you must get with anybody, but then again we can't control how we feel about people. If you end up falling for someone, it doesn't mean you have to marry them straight away does it? Some people don't get married until like 10 years later. I think OP is better off saying she's not ready for a relationship rather than ready for marriage. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you're ready for marriage.
If I got married I would actually mean it. I don't break promises, so I wouldn't divorce. Marriage is a big commitment.
I think most relationships that end cause mess - be it in marriage or other situations...
I go into relationships for the free drinks and all the unisex clothing I can steal
Yeahhh the OP is so wrong.
You learn so much from being in crappy teenage relationships that'll be a real benefit when you move onto a proper adult 'marriage-material' relationship.
You learn so much from being in crappy teenage relationships that'll be a real benefit when you move onto a proper adult 'marriage-material' relationship.
Original post by Lady_L
If I got married I would actually mean it. I don't break promises, so I wouldn't divorce. Marriage is a big commitment.
I think most relationships that end cause mess - be it in marriage or other situations...
I think most relationships that end cause mess - be it in marriage or other situations...
Well it's probably going to leave behind something or other some of the time (resentment from the other party etc.) but between a mess from a breakup of a regular relationship and then a divorce of a marriage, well, I think divorcing a marriage has even more negatives than the breakup of a regular relationship. Also, even if you "got married" and you "would actually mean it", that's just one person. What about the masses? I personally think it's rare for anyone to get married just once and stay with that person for the rest of their lives.
Oh, I don't mean to offend you if you find this offending, however I really doubt you've never broken a promise in your life. Anyway, you really missed the point of my post, which was pointing out that people don't get into relationships because they are impatient. Like I said, just because you're in a relationship, does NOT mean you're ready to get married... but everything has to start somewhere. And again, you can't help the way you feel. If you like someone, you don't need to get into a relationship with them with the thought that you will definitely get married to them, and even when you're "ready to get married" there's no telling that the first relationship you get into will even get to that stage? It takes time?
Original post by SyOnGuitar
Well it's probably going to leave behind something or other some of the time (resentment from the other party etc.) but between a mess from a breakup of a regular relationship and then a divorce of a marriage, well, I think divorcing a marriage has even more negatives than the breakup of a regular relationship. Also, even if you "got married" and you "would actually mean it", that's just one person. What about the masses? I personally think it's rare for anyone to get married just once and stay with that person for the rest of their lives.
Oh, I don't mean to offend you if you find this offending, however I really doubt you've never broken a promise in your life. Anyway, you really missed the point of my post, which was pointing out that people don't get into relationships because they are impatient. Like I said, just because you're in a relationship, does NOT mean you're ready to get married... but everything has to start somewhere. And again, you can't help the way you feel. If you like someone, you don't need to get into a relationship with them with the thought that you will definitely get married to them, and even when you're "ready to get married" there's no telling that the first relationship you get into will even get to that stage? It takes time?
Oh, I don't mean to offend you if you find this offending, however I really doubt you've never broken a promise in your life. Anyway, you really missed the point of my post, which was pointing out that people don't get into relationships because they are impatient. Like I said, just because you're in a relationship, does NOT mean you're ready to get married... but everything has to start somewhere. And again, you can't help the way you feel. If you like someone, you don't need to get into a relationship with them with the thought that you will definitely get married to them, and even when you're "ready to get married" there's no telling that the first relationship you get into will even get to that stage? It takes time?
I guess I just see all the hurt people get over rushed into relationships, and would prefer to find one person and be fully committed.
I probably have broken smaller, less meaningful promises than that of marriage However, I think all relationships are very serious things.
If a relationship involves everything in marriage - what is the point of marriage. Marriage just means you will be committed.
I completely agree... I don't get into a relationship unless I feel it's possible that it'll result in marriage.
Original post by Lady_L
I guess I just see all the hurt people get over rushed into relationships, and would prefer to find one person and be fully committed.
I probably have broken smaller, less meaningful promises than that of marriage However, I think all relationships are very serious things.
If a relationship involves everything in marriage - what is the point of marriage. Marriage just means you will be committed.
I probably have broken smaller, less meaningful promises than that of marriage However, I think all relationships are very serious things.
If a relationship involves everything in marriage - what is the point of marriage. Marriage just means you will be committed.
People will get hurt whether the relationship is rushed or not. People will also get hurt whether your relationship is successful or not, getting hurt is just a part of life. If you don't get hurt in a relationship at some point, I would think there is something very wrong with that relationship. I am not saying you need to purposefully hurt anyone but it WILL happen regardless, because both parties care.
And I too think relationships are very serious things, but it was really silly of you to say you don't break promises. A promise is a promise, big or small :P Oh, I'd also like to say, you can learn a lot from relationships whether successful or not.
I don't get into relationships unless I feel it's going to last till the end.
Have had offers in the past, but I just weren't attracted to their personalties.
I can understand people saying that it gives good learning experience, that is true. However, if you know what you want, and you are fully vested and committed in improving yourself, behaviour, attitude etc every day (making a strong effort for the person you love, and showing great willingness to improve all the time without getting too comfortable) - then you may be better off just looking for that one important person.
Have had offers in the past, but I just weren't attracted to their personalties.
I can understand people saying that it gives good learning experience, that is true. However, if you know what you want, and you are fully vested and committed in improving yourself, behaviour, attitude etc every day (making a strong effort for the person you love, and showing great willingness to improve all the time without getting too comfortable) - then you may be better off just looking for that one important person.
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