Seeing a girl - shes not ready to commit - constant push/pull - confusing!

I've been seeing a girl for about 5 weeks now. We started out agreeing that there will be no attachment, and that it will be a friends with benefits relationship. However, after the first time we slept together, she started to have deeper feelings for me, and we agreed that we will tell others we are 'seeing' each other.
We really do get on well - and we are so similar in so many ways. At one point we were talking about flying away together - her leading the conversation saying "I just need a man *hint hint* to go with me"... I returned it with "yes, and I need a girl to take with me *hint*".

After going back home, the next day she started acting distant. I asked what was wrong and she told me that shes nervous becaue shes scared her life situation isnt good enough to go any further yet... and that she feels we're going too fast and wants to slow down and go slower because she was putting too much pressure on herself. I agreed so i backed off a little. Almost immediately this upset her and she told me to forget everything she just said... so I did and we went back to normal.

The following weekend we slept together again, and this time we literaly stayed in bed cuddling and talking till 5pm the next day. As I was leaving she asked "will you come back later tonight?" - this shocked me a little considering the previous week she wanted to take it slower, and now shes wanting me all the time. I siad "sure, or maybe how about tomorrow if tonight is too soon?" She agreed for the next day and I left.

The next day came and guess what - she started acting strangely again - and distant. I asked her what was wrong. She said "I just had a gut feeling and I follow my gut that im not ready to get into a relationship yet, and im not ready to commit because I have to sort the rest of my life out first, but I want to keep seeing you". This upset me a bit considering the night before she was wanting to fly away to egypt with me - but after a few hours I got over it and once again, backed off and agreed to just be 'friends with benefits' again.

The next day...she again like in the past started acting slightly upset - not in an overtly obvious way but in a way that was obvious she was upset to me... because I had backed off a bit again. So now we arestil just 'friends with benefits' as I have backed off after she told me shes not ready - which is fair enough and understandable. But I do not understand her constant push/pull. Surely she must expect me to back off when she says shes not ready? Or is she just wanting me to chase her?

If she is just wanting me to chase her and is confused why I'm not - then that irritates me. Im not going to play mind games with her. Luckily, her mind games to really affect me. I can still feel deeply for her, yet in a non attached way - in a way where I do not need her for my own security or happiness.

What are your thoughts on this?

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

I'm feeling quite down today about it. I do like her and im worried that she will just go and find someone else. I asked her if she wants to date others and she said ''no, I dont want to and its not about that at all".

Seeing a girl - shes not ready to commit - constant push/pull - confusing!

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