Haven't got a clue what to do about her

Hi guys, i have been going out with a girl for almost 8 months now but was seeing her before then for at least 4 to 5 months in that time. In that time, whilst she was seeing me like around the 3rd or 4th month of seeing each other, she got really really really drunk and went off grinding with guys right behind me in the club and also kissed two guys. Unfortunately, our uni is relatively small and so is the club, so a lot of mutual friends/ people who didn't want us to be together and a lot of my close friends including me saw this with our own eyes.

So as expected, word spread around and she was labeled a slag and all that. I was really hurt but forgave her eventually. However, it's not been a year and maybe a few months since that incident but i can't get over it. I remember the scenes so clearly as if it was yesterday. Every time, she goes out clubbing/drinking with her friends, i am always paranoid something will happen. I can't trust her with alcohol even though since then she has never done anything like that. Maybe it's because i remember it so clearly.

And what's worse due to our uni being relatively small and everyone vaguely knows each other, loads of guys have heard of that incident and are always trying to get it on with her even though they know we are going out. I have even had guys who don't even go to our uni asking where is she. It hurts so much. Everyone now thinks she is a slag even though it was just once, she has done something of the sort. I feel like i can never move on.

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anyone?

What are the good things about her?

Would you be able to talk to her about this? You should let her know that her behaviour upsets you - if she cares for you she will be careful in the future (alcohol is not a good excuse). If not, I'm afraid to say you deserve better.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Iron Lady

There's a lot of good things about her. I mean, i wouldn't still be with her if there wasn't. It's just that when she drinks..i dunno..She is a bit more friendlier with strangers which isn't exactly a bad thing but it kicks the paranoia in. I mean, she's a light weight. And her friends are those type of friends that cannot go out a single night without getting completely hammered. Pretty sad when it becomes a weekly thing. I worry about her friends. The time she did what she did, their weekly participating in this "lets get hammered till we don't know what we're doing" activity. I'm not saying theres anything wrong with it but her friends are all light weights and are the type that does it on a weekly basis and end up kissing and grinding random guys and regret it the next day.

Personally, i would prefer if she cuts alcohol for good but that would make me a hypocrite as i like to have a good drink every now and then and i do get hammered but never till the point where i am kissing random girls/grinding (obv if i don't like them). She tells me every time she won't do it again but i can't but let doubt take over. It sucks as it's now a year after that incident and i still can't get over it yet i really like her.

Thanks

Reply 4

MissNix

I know you came onto this forum for advice for yourself, but I've got to ask, how does your girlfriend feel about this? She can't exactly be feeling great about herself if everyone she knows have labeled her a slag because of one night. Do you openly defend her when people called her a slag? or when guys approached her thinking she was easy?

Reply 5

JasG

She obviously doesnt feel the same if shes constantly doing this...

Posted from TSR Mobile

Reply 6

Confusing_Chem

It was one time, she has apologised for it.. plus it was at the time when you were seeing her (not entirely sure of the difference between 'seeing' someone and 'dating') so I don't think you should still be worried and paranoid about it especially considering nothing of the sort has happened again. I think it's horrid that people are labelling her for a one time thing but when it's close knit group then I guess word gets by.

Cut her some slack and focus on the positives otherwise I'm afraid she deserves better than you if you can't seem to let it go and she feels guilty about and hasn't done that sort of a thing again =/.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Original post by MissNix

Yeah, i defend all the time. To the point where people have actually intiated fights with me on a regular basis simply because she has refused their offer and as they can't hit a woman, they go to the next best thing to relase the anger. I have been in fights with guys from my uni and outside for a year now because of this. Before, i came along she was known to be a bit of a cocktease/ player/ slag. Due to the fact that she used to dress a bit too revealing (like boobs always on show). This was a bit factor as it contributed to the amount of jealous guy's that expressed their jealousy when we first started seeing each other.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by JasG

She obviously doesnt feel the same if shes constantly doing this...

Posted from TSR Mobile

That's what i am beginning to think...

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Confusing_Chem

Yeah..i know. I guess, if i never saw it all with my own eyes, maybe it would have been easier to move on. Nothing of that sort has happened but on three seperate occasions since then i have caught her talking with "friends", holding her hips/waist while they are talking to her. E.g. she is in front of them talking and the guy is holding her hips/waist. ..I mean, this sort of thing doesnt exactly make the move on process easier. I asked her how she would feel if she was me talking to a "friend" with my hands firmly on hips/waist and she said she would be annoyed. Yet, when i catch her "friends, doing this, i am told i am overreacting..hmmm:?

Reply 10

WildBerrySpirit

Talk to her. Have you told her how much her drinking bothers you?

Reply 11

katyness

Then leave. Why are you putting yourself through this for one girl? If you can get over it, good I hope it works out. If not, leave and let her enjoy her life the way she wants to.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by WildBerrySpirit

Talk to her. Have you told her how much her drinking bothers you?

I have told her and she has pretty much told me that if i don't like her dirnking, then i shouldn't be with her. In way, its pretty much drink over the 1 year a few months relationship

Reply 13

Ghostly.

Technically you weren't together, so you should have no reason to not trust her :smile:

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ghostly.

Technically you weren't together, so you should have no reason to not trust her :smile:

Yeah, i guess you could say that..But what about the whole guy's hand on her hips thing i mentioned about,earlier?

Reply 15

Spongebob'sPants

Her response of "if you dont like me drinking, then dont be with me" kinda says it all....

I think she has made it clear to you... So the choice is yours.

Sounds like this is going to be an on-going issue if u ask me.

Reply 16

Ghostly.

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah, i guess you could say that..But what about the whole guy's hand on her hips thing i mentioned about,earlier?

It's very difficult for me to reply given that only really you and her know the situation. In my relationship if I was friends with a guy my boyfriend would go mental and accuse me of stuff and just altogether not trust me, and only I knew that I was innocent yet him and his mates would be like "oh don't trust her!" for literally no reason (I had never done anything to break his trust).

I was always wanting to go and party but he wouldn't let me so I can see why if she was already quite the party person when you met her that you trying to change her now might seem annoying for her.

On the other hand I don't know her, she could be a cheating, lying skank but yeah :smile:

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ghostly.

Yeah but do your male friends hold your waist and hips while they are talking to you?Surely a guy usually does that (i have done this before) when he is trying to chat her a girl up thus to bring her closer and get her attention. Forget the fact that she and the guy "may" be friends. I swear male and females can still talk with each other without one firmly holding the waist/hips of the girls.

I never mentioned anything about stopping her being a party person. I am quite a party person. I go out every week and so does she. we have been doing this long before we met. I just want her to control herself when she drinks but i am not sure if it's possible as she lets guys hold her hips and waist whilst talking to her. She hasn't given me the confidence to trust her with alcohol. When she's sober, shes the best girl i know.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Original post by WildBerrySpirit

Talk to her. Have you told her how much her drinking bothers you?

Told her but her usual replies are "i don't drink much anyways, if you don't like it..don't be with me blah blah"

Reply 19

Anonymous #1

Original post by Spongebob'sPants

It's sad cause it will now seem that we broke up because of alcohol..a flipping liquid. When she's not drinking, i love being with her as i have been with her for a year. Damn. Wish she would just stop completely tbh