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Internet Dating

This is seriously embarrassing.

So I'm going into my mid-20s. Shy when I meet new guys and even after uni I have not properly long term dated anyone! It's awful!

So after hearing so many stories of friends and friends of friends dating guys from online. I signed up and went online for a guy.

Now, I'm not expecting anything serious (unlikely I would find the right guy!).

So I'm chatting to guys and about to give up after a few days because some are perverts, have fetishes and some dont seem that interested or normal! Anyway, so one guy and i chatted and he asked about my previous experience and i found it so humiliating to admit i am so inexperienced (NO EXPERIENCE WHAT SO EVER) at my age.

now im scared because i dont know if he is a fake (fake profile/identity) and is it a really bad idea to have any first experiences of any kind from online? I mean, the rest of my life, i will be like first whatever with guy i met online.

Could you live with that? Should I stop before I get any further? I am seriously embarassed and scared now!

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If you met someone so fantastic for you online that you were to spend the rest of your lives together, would you care that it came from the net?

Nope!

The only bad things that come from online dating are when people don't take the right precautions. Always meet first time in a public place and stay in public. You can insist on this as long as you like until you trust the person you've met enough. If they like you enough, then they'll accommodate this. :smile:
Reply 2
Avatar for kyta1
kyta1
OP
Okay, so someone please tell me, is it normal for a guy to ask you (esp. in the online dating world) how much experience you have had etc? I mean, I can't tell if he is another one of those guys looking to get some cybersex or maybe sex in real life or whether he is decent and really wants to accommodate for my issues!

How do I even know what his intentions are? And how on earth do I know whether he is really want he says? Like is he lying about his job? age? etc? This is a mind field is fears!
Reply 3
Avatar for Lexi99
Lexi99
11
Original post by kyta1
Okay, so someone please tell me, is it normal for a guy to ask you (esp. in the online dating world) how much experience you have had etc? I mean, I can't tell if he is another one of those guys looking to get some cybersex or maybe sex in real life or whether he is decent and really wants to accommodate for my issues!

How do I even know what his intentions are? And how on earth do I know whether he is really want he says? Like is he lying about his job? age? etc? This is a mind field is fears!


Try and see it as you would if you met someone in real life. If you we're chatting to a guy you just met and he turned to you and said 'so how much experience do you have?' You'd turn and walk the other way (I hope).

To me this guy just sounds like he's interested in sex and anyone who's interested in you for you won't be asking those kinds of questions
Reply 4
Avatar for Lexi99
Lexi99
11
Also you can never really know if someone is lying or not, just like if you meet someone in real life if they're lying. You hear about it happening all the time where people lie about their age, their job, whether or not they're already seeing someone or even have a family!!

It's best just to take things slow, chat to someone for a while before you meet them, and if they say anything that you think might be the tiniest bit dodgy don't meet them
Reply 5
Avatar for katyness
katyness
16
Original post by kyta1
Okay, so someone please tell me, is it normal for a guy to ask you (esp. in the online dating world) how much experience you have had etc? I mean, I can't tell if he is another one of those guys looking to get some cybersex or maybe sex in real life or whether he is decent and really wants to accommodate for my issues!

How do I even know what his intentions are? And how on earth do I know whether he is really want he says? Like is he lying about his job? age? etc? This is a mind field is fears!


I did some internet dating when I was at a really bad stage of my life. If he is asking about sex so soon, it's because he only wants it. I talked to guys for weeks and never even mentioned anything related to sex - cheeky flirting but nothing so forward.
The guy i lost my virginity to was a guy i met online, we met up about maybe 5 times before the actual sex, and yes i am ashamed to say that that is how i had my first sex. i wouldn't recommend it, i mean in 40 odd years do you really want to be telling your grandchildren you met the love of your life on an internet dating site? i know its hard to meet people in real life in the real world, but its something that has to happen in my opinion. and if i could be telling my 16 year old self this i would.
Reply 7
Avatar for Wyrd14
Wyrd14
9
...
(edited 11 years ago)
Reply 8
Avatar for kyta1
kyta1
OP
Okay, well, I guess I should clarify he actually asked me whether i've had a boyfriend before. then whether I've kissed. god, can i upload our conversation and have someone check it out for me and decide whether he is normal? I can't tell. or send it to someone who can check?
Reply 9
Avatar for kyta1
kyta1
OP
"btw can i ask one question. have you had boyfriends before...what about kissing boys"

When I asked him why he is asking...he said:

"its important
i need to understand where your at with life boys etc etc
...and also older guys will have more expectations down the track (not initially) of where things go
...bit of fun can't hurt anyone and if it goes further than that then nothing has been lost"
Original post by kyta1
Okay, well, I guess I should clarify he actually asked me whether i've had a boyfriend before. then whether I've kissed. god, can i upload our conversation and have someone check it out for me and decide whether he is normal? I can't tell. or send it to someone who can check?


As someone who has been through possibly most of the traumas of online dating (from married men to psychos) it already seems a bit weird that he's asking if you've kissed? I mean, you yourself have said that you find it different that you have no experience, someone normal would avoid the topic initially and not ask such intrusive questions in the early days. I know a lot of people are pro-internet dating (as am I - with exceptions) but sometimes it can be even more traumatic than everyday life. You can message me if you want to talk about some more things there or anything :smile: I wish you all the best!
Original post by kyta1
"btw can i ask one question. have you had boyfriends before...what about kissing boys"

When I asked him why he is asking...he said:

"its important
i need to understand where your at with life boys etc etc
...and also older guys will have more expectations down the track (not initially) of where things go
...bit of fun can't hurt anyone and if it goes further than that then nothing has been lost"


Honestly from that i'd say he's just looking for a bit of canoodling - don't get your heart into it :/
Reply 12
Avatar for A5ko
A5ko
3
The bonus with the internet is all to do with the lack of physical attraction as a starting point.

You end up becoming attracted to the personality and then cross your fingers and hope you haven't been talking to a manatee.
(edited 11 years ago)
I just have to add, there is no reason in the world why you should be embarrassed about not having had previous experience. After all, everyone is different, and your relationship history is very far from being the most important thing about you.
Reply 14
Avatar for kyta1
kyta1
OP
Original post by A5ko
The bonus with the internet is all to do with the lack of physical attraction as a starting point.

You end up becoming attracted to the personality and then cross your fingers and hope you haven't been talking to a manatee.


Well, what about those occassions where people exchange photos or have photos on their profile?
Reply 15
Avatar for kyta1
kyta1
OP
Original post by Anonymous
The guy i lost my virginity to was a guy i met online, we met up about maybe 5 times before the actual sex, and yes i am ashamed to say that that is how i had my first sex. i wouldn't recommend it, i mean in 40 odd years do you really want to be telling your grandchildren you met the love of your life on an internet dating site? i know its hard to meet people in real life in the real world, but its something that has to happen in my opinion. and if i could be telling my 16 year old self this i would.


This is something I'm worried about too. I mean, it bothers me so much to think that milestones like kissing/sex etc. should happen with a guy I met online. What if someone asks me how I met my partner? I read an article recently and the lady interviewed said there is no 'serendipity' involved when meeting someone from online. It's less romantic and it's like that notion of destiny and fate aren't there. I guess as a girl I have always thought I would meet the right man by bumping into him one day and when I look into his eyes I would recognise something. This is completely different, so planned...
Original post by kyta1
This is something I'm worried about too. I mean, it bothers me so much to think that milestones like kissing/sex etc. should happen with a guy I met online. What if someone asks me how I met my partner? I read an article recently and the lady interviewed said there is no 'serendipity' involved when meeting someone from online. It's less romantic and it's like that notion of destiny and fate aren't there. I guess as a girl I have always thought I would meet the right man by bumping into him one day and when I look into his eyes I would recognise something. This is completely different, so planned...


Now I have to disagree... People who are on-line are just people: virtually all students are on-line for a start. It is safe and efficient to learn something about people by observing how they present themselves; what they say in messages; how they use language... That way, the ones you actually meet in real life are already more promising than the strangers you might bump into in a bar or club. All the stuff about looking into their eyes and so forth can happen once you start meeting in real life, and of course there will be plenty who turn out not to be interesting, and in that case you can just say a polite "thanks and bye" and move on.

FWIW I have had far more luck with on-line sites that are about something that interests me than simply about dating. I met someone really interesting in an on-line group around a book discussion club, and met a fascinating Chinese woman on a discussion forum about travel.
It would seem on the world of online dating it is normal- but in reality, it is not.

I have been on dating sites before and met some genuinely nice people- likewise I have met people from forums etc I am on. My aunt married a guy she met on a dating site last year after 3 years of been together and being happy.

Obviously you have to be careful. I wouldn't meet with a stranger in real life without them proving who they were (unless I was going out in a large group- I went to a purse forum meet a few weeks ago and there were 9 us of that went)
Reply 18
Avatar for A5ko
A5ko
3
Original post by kyta1
Well, what about those occassions where people exchange photos or have photos on their profile?


No one would ever dream of 'tarting up' a picture of themselves for the camera of course..?

Even a manatee could look appealing with the right lighting.
Original post by mikeyd85
If you met someone so fantastic for you online that you were to spend the rest of your lives together, would you care that it came from the net?

Nope!

The only bad things that come from online dating are when people don't take the right precautions. Always meet first time in a public place and stay in public. You can insist on this as long as you like until you trust the person you've met enough. If they like you enough, then they'll accommodate this. :smile:


I agree with this. It shouldn't really matter how you meet your love, as the important thing is that you've met them! I think meeting online is slowly becoming a bit less of a stigma these days anyway, and if anyone does look down on you for it - who cares? It's your business and no one else's :yep:

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