I kind of want to be single again

I've been in a long distance relationship for about six months now. Its really, really hard. I'm feeling almost like i'd quite like to be single again, as in break up with my boyfriend. We've already broken up once before, but got back together two days later cos we just didn't want to be apart. We're really in love, but are so young. I've just turned 18 and feel so confused.

I want to break up (sometimes, but then i change my mind again) because this relationship puts so much pressure on me- I have to go to uni and work hard and go to my part time job and work as well as go home (a 2 hours bus journey) regularly to see my boyfriend. This costs a lot of money, and I don't have much money. I will be going into second year of uni soon, and this means the coursework is going to get much harder- i dont know if i can focus on my studies while in this relationship, it drives me crazy. I'm going to have to work at my job more and more next year too, to earn more money- this means being able to go home less and less, therefore seeing my boyfrined less and less which will really put strain on our relationship. I find long distance feels like being trapped. At the end of the day, as much as i love him, I dont see our relationship lasting much longer than the summer holidays this year, when i go back to uni and into second year :frown:

its almost like i've told myself we're going to break up at the end of summer (5 months from now) surely this isn't right, isn't fair? On both of us, especially him. Should I end it now?

But then, on the other hand, I love him so much. Last time when we broke up, I was totally heartbroken, as was he. It was horrible. I don't know what i'd do without being able to see him, even if it is only once every 2 weeks. He means the world to me, I trust him and i've never felt this way about anyone. He's so lovely and treats me right. Sometimes I feel I don't deserve it, cos of the way I think about our relationship.

He told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me....this scared me a bit :/ because he feels it can last the rest of our lives, am I being a terrible girlfriend by doubting us?

Its just so hard, I don't know what to do. Any advice at all would be appreciated.

p.s-
-I'm not wanting to be single so that I can sleep around. That isn't me at all.
- I do try really hard to look on the positive side of long distance, but the idea of going through this for 4 years is really heartbreaking, i cant really see past it :/ Deep down i cant get past this horrible negative feeling about us

Reply 1

Linnerzx

It's pretty hard to give advice on this type of thing I feel, as there is no easy option! However I have been through pretty much the same thing; Long distance, went out for 2 years, I was having the same thoughts as you basically, so I ended it. It was really hard, but it's something you need to commit to and stick to your guns! We ended on good terms, we are still friends and see each other every couple of months or so.

He was/is perfect, but I just met him at the wrong time in my life. I have other commitments with uni and work right now to focus on and living 200+ miles apart from each other was just too difficult. Like I said, we still keep in touch regularly so who knows what the future may hold for the two of us... But for now it is a dilemma I have consistently in my head; I don't know if we ever will get better, I can't make my mind up on whether I want to or not, but I'm just taking everything as it comes! Hope this helps!

Reply 2

MelanieDickson

For one thing, forget about the 'rest of your lives' thing! A lot of people who've been going out for years and years don't know that, you can't possibly expected to know yet. :smile:

You're reading too much into it, it's a bit of a naive thing to say, but he probably knows it too. Just take it as a compliment!

To be honest, from the way you describe it, I would stick with it. If you were having doubts about how much you love him or worried about cheating, then it would be different. But sadly not all relationships are easy, and people we're truly compatible with are rare. It sounds like this one might be worth the effort. It's a confidence thing. Don't get me wrong, it will be difficult and painful, but if you both can accept that, you can make it work.

Talk it over with him. Work on it together. Perhaps your relationship isn't the thing you should cut. It sounds like you're under a hell of a lot of stress aside from seeing your boyfriend, why don't you work on resolving that situation? Are you really going to be much happier facing all this workload, a job and money difficulties without your boyfriend? Can you talk to an adviser? Get a better job? Your parents? Perhaps instead of travelling home regularly and draining your finances, you could go less often but stay longer? I'm sure he'd be fine with that. Or ask him to come stay with you for a week.

It just sounds like you're on the verge of cutting out a very good part of your life so you can focus on the more stressful parts. I'm not sure it's the best path for your happiness.

Reply 3

Linnerzx

Original post by Foo.mp3

Lucky you

Assume you mean back together* and presumably if he's perfect, and still interested, there's no doubt, you will, when the time is right :smile:

Yes I did mean back together, sorry! Don't know why I typed it like that! And yeah, time will tell :smile:

Reply 4

pinkbullets

I think you should try and stick it out. If you're seeing each other once every 2 weeks now, you can easily cut it down to once every 3/4 weeks which will give you more time to work. You obviously love him and he loves you, so I don't think you should quit just because things are a little bit difficult. You don't know that you'll have to put up with the same situation for 4 years. Perhaps your financial situation will improve so you don't have to work as many hours, or maybe if you're still together in 2 years, he'll move closer to you.

Reply 5

pzoDe

Cut down on seeing him so often. Express to him your feelings about the stress it puts on you by the regular visiting. You have a busy life right now, he should understand that.

As Melonie has already said, forget the 'rest of your lives' thing. I've been there, said that before, and, as mentioned already, you can never tell what will happen in the future. A wonderful quote I love to go by is "Yesterday was history, tomorrow is a mystery, and the present is called the present because it is a gift". Enjoy what you have now, and don't fret about what might happen in the future.

I'm actually off to uni next year, and I have decided not to go into any serious relationship from now until at least a year into it. I don't object to a casual, short-term relationship, but nothing serious. It's to avoid situations like this, lol. I can't do long distance really, it's not worked for me.