How do I get my boyfriend to open up after recent problems

I recently had a surgical termination of pregnancy due to failure of contraception as a result of illness. I really don't want people to attack me with morals and beliefs about this because until it happened to me I was all anti-abortion.

I did it more for my partner than for me. He's tried so hard to get into university, and he's finally made it. Words can't express how happy I am for him, and I can see how complete it makes him, so obviously "Babe, Im 5 weeks pregnant" wasn't the best of news. I went ahead with the termination with full support from my doctors as I was a very rare case of conception, however I blame my boyfriend. I need to talk to him about this but he wont talk! He just replies "Do you want to go talk to someone" The only person I want to talk to is him. I know he's hiding emotions and I just don't know where to start.

Reply 1

tweety777

put yourself first! be practical not emotional,as your boyfriend doesn't seems is giving a shi* about you and your feelings after such important think you had to go through which was both of yours responsibility not only yours,so just accept it as a lesson and lieve it the past as well as him your desinterested boyfriend. Take care of yourself and always choose the best for yourself because of yourself.

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Reply 2

JagSan

Honestly the whole thing is likely getting to him too, and his way of dealing with it is to ignore it. I'm not saying that's the right thing to do, but don't be too pushy if you want to speak to him. It's a very sensitive issue and I'm sure you're both feeling pretty similar at the moment. Just be calm, respectful and loving when you bring it up. Be honest, if you open up, maybe he will. If you really love each other, then you both need to share with one another. Share your pain and help each other heal.

Reply 3

Pbags

What do u blame him for?

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Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Its a real hard thing to go through. I dont genuinely blame him, but I keep doing so...and this is what I need to discuss. :frown:

Reply 5

JagSan

But what do you actually blame him for? Did you want to keep the baby and think you HAD to get rid of it for him?

Reply 6

Beardbrah

I have nothing to contribute, just bear one thing in mind

A woman can ALWAYS choose to NOT be a parent. After conception, a man NEVER has this choice. That's sexist.

Reply 7

redferry

Original post by HFerguson

I have nothing to contribute, just bear one thing in mind

A woman can ALWAYS choose to NOT be a parent. After conception, a man NEVER has this choice. That's sexist.

No offense, I'm all for equal gender rights, but that is kindof down to biology - you cant seriously be suggesting that men should be able to force women to have an abortion or carry the baby to full term when It has to be stuck in her body and cause her loads of pain?

It's one of the few things that I don't really think it is possible to change, at the end of the day as a guy, if you don't want a baby take responsibility to ensure it doesn't happen, it isn't difficult. As for accidents, well these things are just unfortunate but also pretty rare. My main suggestion is to push to get the male contraceptive readily available as soon as possible to further cut down on such accidents.

Reply 8

redferry

OP, your boyfriend is probably just closing off from you because it gets to him, if he wants you to see someone else and you want to talk to him maybe you should try both seeing someone together?

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Yeah, I wanted the baby. I was a result of an accident myself, completely different circumstances as my mother just wasn't careful, but I was overly careful. I lied to him, said I didnt want it and got rid of the baby so I didn't ruin his chances at uni. But I wish I hadn't and now Im blaming him because I felt I had no choice. Everytime I even mentioned I wanted it, he twisted my arm and made me think I couldn't cope. I promise you, I'm doing pretty well for myself and I would be able to cope as well as any other mother. Parenthood isn't easy, even if you're 30 and settled. I agree I think he's closing off :/