are all girls the same?

thank you blissy, a lot of what you say rings true. she is sometimes worried about that sorta thing and she jokes about it sometimes -working both ways which i dont mind at all. its only banter, but with her im sure shes a bit frightened of me running off. i dont cheat and i've told her but whether she accepts that i cant help with.
im not sure what the main problem about me goin for a degree is but i think its cos she wants to move out of her house with her mum. she has to do it herself if i go to college cos i can't afford to it myself.
i do feel shes been taking advantage -not deliberatly but perhaps self consciuos. and now i'm jus taking steps to be more independant cos she makes me feel bad if she doesnt get her own way. and im hoping that it will encourage her to do the same. she's made a start though in fairness to her bcos shes applied for a good job.

Equally though, after that her feelings are going to have to come first for an awful long time for the relationship to work.

You should have learnt now what upsets her and how to avoid it

are all girls the same?

You are just agreeing with whatever makes you feel good. She will never be over losing a baby. It is an entirely different thing for a woman. No, you should not be supporting her financially, that is her responsibility. Equally though, after that her feelings are going to have to come first for an awful long time for the relationship to work.

OP: your girlfriend sounds fairly demanding to me.I'm going to have to disagree with most of what you've said in the thread. I think any relationship where one person totally comes before the other all the time is a pretty crap one. If she comes first for an awfully long time is he supposed to just run around like a puppy dog, gazing adoringly at her whilst she tromps all over him?So he needs to have discovered every single thing which ever annoys her and to change his behaviour to ensure that it never ever happens? The key word is compromise. OK maybe the OP may have done some irritating stuff. So she should wait until she calms down a bit and then speak to him in a reasonable manner about what it is that annoys her, rather than ranting or sulking. If it seems like something reasonable then they can figure out a way to prevent it happening so much. Equally she needs to be told what it is that she is doing that annoys the OP. It should not be a one sided effort because then one person is always left feeling hard done by and the other person can (sometimes unintentionally) end up taking advantage.

I don't believe it is entirely different for men and women to go through the situation of miscarriage. You've both lost the potential opportunity to become parents. Rather than her taking it out on him, it should be shared support and unhappiness. I'd seek professional counselling for her and quite possibly for you, OP. It might be an idea to have a few separate sessions with the same counsellor and then to join together and really talk through the situation with some support there in the form of the counsellor.

OP: Was this a planned pregnancy? I ask because if things are a bit rocky it would probably be very inadvisable to try again until they settle down. Last thing either of you wants is to bring a baby into the middle of an already turbulent relationship. It will not help to make your relationship better for the forseeable future. You also mentioned that you want to go and study nursing. Although not impossible to do with a young child, it would be hard to go to take up full time study without loads of daycare.

You need to reset the balance of this relationship. You've both been through this loss so comfort each other. Start to work more as a twosome and less of one person doing everything. Otherwise you're going to start to resent her for it always being about her.

Babe, it sounds like she's not over the loss of your baby - did you have any councelling? Enough? Do you need more?

The thing is, we girls assume you guys are as intuitive as we gals are - i.e. girls notice haircuts, boys don't. ok huge generalisation regarding hair, but boys just don't pick up on little signs we put out.

You need to sit her down and say what is wrong and tell her you won't get angry. Tell her you've noticed she's not been very happy recently. And listen. if she doesnt want to tell you then, she knows you've noticed. And when she is ready, she knows you're there.

Good luck.

I know you've gone through a lot with the miscarriage as well, but it was in her body, growing inside her...can you even imagine the impact it must have had on her? Of course she's going to be insecure after it. It's the kind of thing that can make a girl feel as though she's failed as a woman. I think you need to keep being there for her.

To be honest, though, it's difficult to answer any of your questions because you're a bit vague. What gives you the feeling she doesn't want you to take the degree? What ridiculous things does she keep getting angry about?

omg it was his child too! so, does that mean because it was growing in her he isn't allowed to be as upset as her? was the child more hers than his? that was a dreadful thing to say!

i am so sorry to hear that you lost a kid, what a horrid thing. she sounds really unbalanced and i reckon she ought to get herself sorted. she cant live the rest of her life relying on people complimenting her all of the time, people will get really fed up of that. I am not saying that her insecurities are irrational, but you suggested they were in place before the miscarriage so she does need to get herself sorted.

perhaps have a conversation about this and make sure you both come to a conclusion. talk about what you both want out of the relationship, and where you both see yourselves. make sure you both agree.

also, talk about how she is hurting you. talk about everything! just MAKE SURE YOU COME TO A CONCLUSION! otherwise the chat will be pointless.

sorry again to hear about your loss, good luck with everything,
carly
xxx