Secret relationship with my tutor for 5 months - think he treats me badly

Am I the only one failing to see anything positive about this relationship?

You're not, but sometimes it's more clear-cut from the outside than from within. As long as the OP listens to the advice here, which is overwhelmingly in favour of running, then that's why relationship advice forums are good things.

It can seem astounding to others that a relationship perpetuates but people often forget how difficult it can sometimes be to take the plunge and be alone again.

So there is a 24 year age difference; I'm 19, he's 43.

He taught me last year for A2 lit and I got an A* - throughout most of the year, I absolutely adored him. There was definite friendship and attraction between us (which most of the class picked up on) but nothing ever happened while I was his student. He was also in a relationship (just short of 2 years) and his girlfriend then was 23 and an ex student of his also. I'm still a student at the college but studying a different A-level in one year; applying to uni for this Sep. Now, towards the end of September last year, we began to text each other and he arrangeded to meet for coffee - the first time we'd ever been out on our own before. Within about 3 weeks, I'd told him that I had feelings for him, he asked to meet me and acknowledged the fact that they were mutual, we went on about 4 'secret' dates and one night, went back to his and slept together.

Since then we've been in a secret relationship but it's absolutely awful - I feel insecure and unloved, he feels overwhelmed and embarrassed in himself. I lost my virginity to him (which he knows) but he'll often say things (after sex) such as 'well, I did all the work there'/'you just lay there' or 'ah, you got what you wanted'. It's incredibly knocking to here the person you're most and first intimate with make you feel sexually inferior - he says these things repeatedly. In the heat of a recent argument, I said that maybe the reason I always wanted sex (which for one isn't true) was because it was the only time I felt affection from him. He said I was confusing affection with attention. He calls me demanding and says that I constantly throw tantrums, sulks or get in moods with him over nothing.

The other weekend, his friend text him at about 12AM to say she was coming over to his and he said that I'd have to just pretend to be somebody else. I got really upset and said you can't pick and choose when we're in a secret relationship; there's no believeable explanation a 19 year old to be in your house at that time. He started shouting at me saying I was stopping him from seeing his friends, his family, doing his work - he even refered to a colleage who had cancer and said I stopped him from going to her leaving-do. I was in tears at what he was saying and because I can't win arguments with him - he's too articulate and stubborn. He then just left.

Just this weekend, there were two minor instances. On Saturday, he came out of the shower sighing really heavily and looking fairly unhappy. I asked what was wrong and he said 'Oh, oh nothing.' I continued to look at him and said 'Are you sure?', he told me to stop looking at him and I asked again but he just snapped and told me that I should stop demanding things from him. On Sunday, we were walking out of the shop and he was carrying two heavy bags. He's recently been suffering from bad back ache, I offered to carry one but he refused through pride and I then playfully took hold of the bag so we were carrying it together and he just stopped and snapped at me again, telling me to stop.

There have been so many more examples of arguments and conflict. I feel so insecure being in a secret relationship with such a large age difference - I need the reassurance that we're okay and that reassurance can simply be affection. He hardly ever initiates it. I told him that things such as a good night or good morning text make a big difference, he never did it.

I don't know what to do..I love him so much but I take effectively all the blame for the problems in the relationship, leaving him as the victim and me as a sort of bully.

Please, I need some advice.

Heck i'm 21 and i doubt i'd date a 1 year old (unless he was rather mature)

Thank you.

You're extremely welcome. Good luck, have my fingers crossed for you.

Remember, most people are nice and want to help. When it's tough, you need only yell.

Be brave!

There have been so many more examples of arguments and conflict. I feel so insecure being in a secret relationship with such a large age difference - I need the reassurance that we're okay and that reassurance can simply be affection.

I don't know what to do..I love him so much but I take effectively all the blame for the problems in the relationship, leaving him as the victim and me as a sort of bully.

Please, I need some advice.