dumped for having heart surgery?
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Original post by OU Student
Your ex isn't worth it. They clearly don't care about you. I couldn't be with someone like this. Talk about showing their true colours.
Original post by Solid.Snake
Aw i'm so sorry to hear that... 
That is so horrible and selfish of him leaving you at such a hard time like this when you could really do with that extra support.
I guess it underlines his true feelings that he basically had no love for you.
OP he clearly isn't worth your time and isn't right for you, you deserve someone better.
I hope the operation goes smoothly for you and make a good recovery
That is so horrible and selfish of him leaving you at such a hard time like this when you could really do with that extra support.
I guess it underlines his true feelings that he basically had no love for you.
OP he clearly isn't worth your time and isn't right for you, you deserve someone better.
I hope the operation goes smoothly for you and make a good recovery
This isnt just directed at you two but at the whole plethora of raging white knights (who id wager a pretty penny have no clue how hard it is to be in that kind of relationship)
such a typical response for TSR
His true colours? Oh how evil this man must be not able to cope with a partner who has severe health issues and doesnt want to be held down with this. He has been with her for four years through other illnesses and this was the last straw.
He's not evil or wrong - he just doesnt want his life to be tied down to someone with such severe health complications.
Do any of these hereos of the hour actually been in a relationship where the other half is so chronically ill? I highly doubt it. Do not be so quick to judge on someone you dont know.
I do have experience with a partner who is so ill (granted she was also a massive liar and hypochondriac and its not the same thing i concurr but it has some relevance) and it is draining - emotionally, mentally and physically. And despite yourself you do get frustrated and angry and seeing other people and thier relationships and doing normal things - that your partner cant.
Want to go iceskating - cant - back hurts.
The cinema - darkness gives her a headache
play squash - cant legs hurt
go for a walk - cant havent got the energy
And on and on and on and on.
It gets to you.
Not everyone can do it.
Original post by Anonymous
I guess I'm just scared about this op. I have no family and I've no one to talk to about it, except him. But he just wants nothing to do with me.
I even contemplated not having the surgery if it meant keeping him.. Then I realised how ridiculous that was.
I just wish i was normal if that makes sense.
I even contemplated not having the surgery if it meant keeping him.. Then I realised how ridiculous that was.
I just wish i was normal if that makes sense.
Im not very good at sugar coating OP and i dont do false pandering.
im genuinely sorry to hear this. However you should have the Op - your life is of far greater import than his happiness at having a fit healthy girlfriend.
Of course you wish you were normal and it may be a case that you may never have a normal life. But that does not mean you cant have a fulfilling life.
I think your issue is that your alone and that can not be easy - try finding a support group - your hospital should be able to help but heres some links that may be useful
http://www.samaritans.org/ - they can probably point you a proper direction.
http://restministries.com/
https://www.turn2me.org/index.php/group-support?gclid=CK7YlfHX7bUCFQsY4Qod-FEAGw
http://www.izito.co.uk/wsuk/izito_uk_aw1c600/support%20groups%20uk/
Ive never used them so i dont know how much help it will be
As for your boyfriend - unless he cheated on you or treated you badly let it go with no ill will. Granted the way he did it was lousy, to get dumped by text is cowardly but dont let it take away from the fact that he has been there for four years. (im assuming that he has been a decent bloke for that time)
I really hope you pull through it OP, my prayers are with you.
Oh and FYI - if your ex was a massive douche then stuff him, you are better off without him But dont lose hope - a relationship can still happen with someone who will love you for you and can deal with your health issues
Original post by amineamine2
What?! He's an excuse of a man. Its YOU who can do so much better. Be glad he's out of your life - clearly not a good man and you deserve better. You are normal, the fact that he made u doubt this says it all. You shouldnt feel like a burden, you should feel supported. To hell with him.
Agreed in part - she should feel supported, however like it or not, the OP is not a regular person. And that is an issue. And yes in some regards that is a burden.
I dont mean that as an insult - its a fact. And all the good will in the world wont change that.
But its not a bad thing - it just takes a certain kind of person who can support her properly. And not everyone is cut out for it. Some are, some aren't. And it depends on your POV whether its a good thing or bad thing.
But no one can be expected to put thier entire life on hold for someone else. THat is a choice that is down to the individual to make.
Original post by silverbolt
This isnt just directed at you two but at the whole plethora of raging white knights (who id wager a pretty penny have no clue how hard it is to be in that kind of relationship)
such a typical response for TSR
His true colours? Oh how evil this man must be not able to cope with a partner who has severe health issues and doesnt want to be held down with this. He has been with her for four years through other illnesses and this was the last straw.
He's not evil or wrong - he just doesnt want his life to be tied down to someone with such severe health complications.
Do any of these hereos of the hour actually been in a relationship where the other half is so chronically ill? I highly doubt it. Do not be so quick to judge on someone you dont know.
I do have experience with a partner who is so ill (granted she was also a massive liar and hypochondriac and its not the same thing i concurr but it has some relevance) and it is draining - emotionally, mentally and physically. And despite yourself you do get frustrated and angry and seeing other people and thier relationships and doing normal things - that your partner cant.
Want to go iceskating - cant - back hurts.
The cinema - darkness gives her a headache
play squash - cant legs hurt
go for a walk - cant havent got the energy
And on and on and on and on.
It gets to you.
Not everyone can do it.
such a typical response for TSR
His true colours? Oh how evil this man must be not able to cope with a partner who has severe health issues and doesnt want to be held down with this. He has been with her for four years through other illnesses and this was the last straw.
He's not evil or wrong - he just doesnt want his life to be tied down to someone with such severe health complications.
Do any of these hereos of the hour actually been in a relationship where the other half is so chronically ill? I highly doubt it. Do not be so quick to judge on someone you dont know.
I do have experience with a partner who is so ill (granted she was also a massive liar and hypochondriac and its not the same thing i concurr but it has some relevance) and it is draining - emotionally, mentally and physically. And despite yourself you do get frustrated and angry and seeing other people and thier relationships and doing normal things - that your partner cant.
Want to go iceskating - cant - back hurts.
The cinema - darkness gives her a headache
play squash - cant legs hurt
go for a walk - cant havent got the energy
And on and on and on and on.
It gets to you.
Not everyone can do it.
I have a friend who has been in this situation (actually, it was far more complicated than this) and unlike the OP's partner, they worked through it instead of just deciding they've had enough.
If you can't stick with someone when they're seriously ill, maybe you shouldn't be with someone full stop.
Your BF is a dickhead.
Original post by Anonymous
Anon please.
I've been with my partner for four years.unfortunately I am not of the best health and have required several operations, nothing too major. I have been diagnosed with a heart complaint recently and require a rather long operation, scheduled for next week. I told my oh and he basically wants nothing to do with me. He just said cut all contact. No reason.
Then again I remember once he said he could do alot better and find someone 'normal,.I don't blame him as I feel like a burden. But I cant grasp how he ended it. One text.
Feeling kinda crappy. Advice please.
I've been with my partner for four years.unfortunately I am not of the best health and have required several operations, nothing too major. I have been diagnosed with a heart complaint recently and require a rather long operation, scheduled for next week. I told my oh and he basically wants nothing to do with me. He just said cut all contact. No reason.
Then again I remember once he said he could do alot better and find someone 'normal,.I don't blame him as I feel like a burden. But I cant grasp how he ended it. One text.
Feeling kinda crappy. Advice please.
Message me if you wanna talk!!
Original post by OU Student
I have a friend who has been in this situation (actually, it was far more complicated than this) and unlike the OP's partner, they worked through it instead of just deciding they've had enough.
If you can't stick with someone when they're seriously ill, maybe you shouldn't be with someone full stop.
If you can't stick with someone when they're seriously ill, maybe you shouldn't be with someone full stop.
Again though - your taking a moral high ground - and assuming that some one is not good because they dont have the fortitude to deal with someone elses health problems that means they shouldnt be in a relationship? No thats not the case - everyone is entitled to happiness but when one persons happiness is sacrificed for anothers well being - why should that person then become a martyr for another?
What happens if that person stuck with the other through all the issues only for the ill one to decide they no longer want to be with them anyway?
What if they have issues? What if they are going through something? Or what if they want more from their own life than caring for a sick partner?
Its not all so black and white - but to say that because someone chooses themselves and the potential for a happy healthy relationship with someone else rather than becoming a full time carer is somehow a bad person is not true.
Original post by silverbolt
Again though - your taking a moral high ground - and assuming that some one is not good because they dont have the fortitude to deal with someone elses health problems that means they shouldnt be in a relationship? No thats not the case - everyone is entitled to happiness but when one persons happiness is sacrificed for anothers well being - why should that person then become a martyr for another?
Well done for missing my point. Why be with someone if you can't deal with their problems? If you're not willing to stand by someone when they need you, why be with them in the first place?
Original post by silverbolt
Again though - your taking a moral high ground - and assuming that some one is not good because they dont have the fortitude to deal with someone elses health problems that means they shouldnt be in a relationship? No thats not the case - everyone is entitled to happiness but when one persons happiness is sacrificed for anothers well being - why should that person then become a martyr for another?
You do not cut all contact with someone right before they have heart surgery. Would you honestly think that was acceptable if the OP had always been healthy during the relationship? Or even if they were just friends? It is outrageous, disgusting behaviour. Additionally, you do not tell someone you're with that you could do better, because of their health problems. It's an extremely hurtful thing to say, even if you have those thoughts they're the sort you should keep to yourself.
That kind of behaviour makes her ex a douche. He is putting his weakness and selfishness ahead of her when she needs someone the most.
I understand your point about the fortitude needed to be with someone who is chronically ill, and that not everyone may be able to cope with that no matter their good intentions; but you don't break up like that, you don't say things like that, you don't completely cut someone out of your life through no fault of their own if you love them. Someone being chronically ill doesn't oblige you to "martyr" yourself for them, but it certainly doesn't allow you to treat them like dirt at your convenience either.
(edited 11 years ago)
Original post by OU Student
Well done for missing my point. Why be with someone if you can't deal with their problems? If you're not willing to stand by someone when they need you, why be with them in the first place?
Because people cant tell the future - and not everyone can deal with everyones emotional and physical trauma especially as they get worse as the relationship goes on.
Or maybe the other person simply falls out of love with the other. That can happen especially as poor health can cause distinct personality changes due to pain, stress, medication etc (this i know from experience with my fathers illness) and the patient is "not the person they fell in love with"
Should they still stay in the relationship even though they get nothing out of it except bad feelings?
Im not being heartless or cruel here - but everyone is so quick to condemn this guy without even knowing him - im merely pointing out its not always that black and white.
Original post by Pigling
You do not cut all contact with someone right before they have heart surgery. Would you honestly think that was acceptable if the OP had always been healthy during the relationship? Or even if they were just friends? It is outrageous, disgusting behaviour. Additionally, you do not tell someone you're with that you could do better, because of their health problems. It's an extremely hurtful thing to say, even if you have those thoughts they're the sort you should keep to yourself.
That kind of behaviour makes her ex a douche. He is putting his weakness and selfishness ahead of her when she needs someone the most.
I understand your point about the fortitude needed to be with someone who is chronically ill, and that not everyone may be able to cope with that no matter their good intentions; but you don't break up like that, you don't say things like that, you don't completely cut someone out of your life through no fault of their own if you love them. Someone being chronically ill doesn't oblige you to "martyr" yourself for them, but it certainly doesn't allow you to treat them like dirt at your convenience either.
That kind of behaviour makes her ex a douche. He is putting his weakness and selfishness ahead of her when she needs someone the most.
I understand your point about the fortitude needed to be with someone who is chronically ill, and that not everyone may be able to cope with that no matter their good intentions; but you don't break up like that, you don't say things like that, you don't completely cut someone out of your life through no fault of their own if you love them. Someone being chronically ill doesn't oblige you to "martyr" yourself for them, but it certainly doesn't allow you to treat them like dirt at your convenience either.
Read my entire post - i did not agree (and i dont) with the way he did it, his method and timing sucked royally - he could have handled it a lot better and at least had the decency to do it person giving her a real explanation and doing it with the respect she deserves.
And i agree you dont tell her that - or at least you tell her in a way that is honest and not an attack. If the truth is that he doesnt want to be with someone that ill and doesnt want to be a carer - thats one thing - but dont attack her with especially as its something she cant help
You can talk to me about it if you want, I'll listen.
I have very close family who've had heart muscle disease since birth and will soon require a transplant so I get it and I've had a lot of practice watching them go through it so if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me.
It'll be fine though. And as for your boyfriend, not worth a minute of your time.
I have very close family who've had heart muscle disease since birth and will soon require a transplant so I get it and I've had a lot of practice watching them go through it so if you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me.
It'll be fine though. And as for your boyfriend, not worth a minute of your time.
Original post by silverbolt
His true colours? Oh how evil this man must be not able to cope with a partner who has severe health issues and doesnt want to be held down with this. He has been with her for four years through other illnesses and this was the last straw.
He's not evil or wrong - he just doesnt want his life to be tied down to someone with such severe health complications.
Right before I go into my whole story I just want to comment on your statements here.
1) Four years is a long time, if anything the prior instances should have brought this couple closer together. Obviously it didn't for him, perhaps there was some other benefit for him.
2) You DO NOT end a four year relationship via text. Regardless of the rest of the drama this makes you a weak and pathetic individual. I have traveled miles and paid my fair share to perform the "breakup" because it is respectful.
3) The guy told a chronically ill girl that he could "do a lot better" then her and ended it over text. This guy is a douchebag of the highest degree.
Original post by silverbolt
I have not been in a relationship with someone who is chronically ill. I however have been in a relationship with a girl who was brutally raped 2 weeks after we first started going out. This happened between the distance of 2 phone calls. 2 hours apart.
Did I run for the hills? no, that night I went round her house. Her face had been severely beaten. I then spent the next month calling in sick for work, cooking for her, cuddling her, making sure she still knew she was pretty. Forcing her to go outside even when she had semi-mental breakdowns whenever she was reminded of the situation.
Even had an incident in HMV where she accidentally saw "I Spit in your grave" dvd cover and just started crying/crawling into a ball. Men that cannot deal with a woman becoming fragile aren't proper men. It is OBVIOUS from even a physical viewpoint that Men are in "someway" meant to support their partner. If you can't do it then don't even try from the beginning.
Original post by silverbolt
This is simply selfish thinking. No matter what "pain" you are feeling from not being able to do these things with your partner, your partner is going through a LOT worse. They want to do these things but are the ones holding you back. So not only can they not do these things but they can feel/sense that they are the ones holding you back.
Original post by silverbolt
The cinema - darkness gives her a headache
play squash - cant legs hurt
go for a walk - cant havent got the energy
You find things you can do.
Anyway OP the rest of Silverbolts thread is pretty good. Just listen to a fair few on here, you deserve better then that and trust me a lot of my mates would look after you no matter what. There will be someone.
Original post by silverbolt
Read my entire post
I did, and what I saw was the overzealous defence of someone who has clearly behaved very selfishly and cruelly.
Your intention to defend the "other person" in a relationship involving serious illness/disability is no bad thing and people do often show a lot of naivety and no understanding of that - but in this case the bf really has been a jerk, and I think it's pretty appropriate for people to rally to the OP who is having a tough time.
Original post by silverbolt
Should they still stay in the relationship even though they get nothing out of it except bad feelings?
Should they still stay in the relationship even though they get nothing out of it except bad feelings?
Noone's obliged to stay in a relationship. But they are obliged to show kindness, sensitivity, and consideration toward someone they are in a relationship with and thus should care for on some level, especially when they are going through such a difficult, frightening time through no fault of their own.
Ofc you agree with all that, it's just that in your first post, if anyone, you were the one white knighting (defending the ex who would need a pretty massive excuse for his actions imo)! Not that I can talk as I often get overzealous online as well.
It sounds as though you deserve someone much better, who doesn't treat you like a 'burden' for an issue that clearly isn't your fault. He's the one with the attitude problem, so consider yourself lucky that you're rid of him now. And good luck with the surgery
Original post by OU Student
Well done for missing my point. Why be with someone if you can't deal with their problems? If you're not willing to stand by someone when they need you, why be with them in the first place?
This.
Really sorry to hear this OP. Your boyfriend sounds like a complete dick. Four years and he can't be bothered to stick around and support you at a time where you may need him the most?
You don't deserve to have to deal with someone who doesn't even want to support you when you need them. He must be completely insensitive to want to 'cut all contact' with you after a relationship that lasted that long and tell you that 'he could find someone better' or whatever, after something like this. You're probably better off without him.
Best of luck (:
Posted from TSR Mobile
(edited 11 years ago)
OP I think you are going to feel crappy, and I doubt there's much anyone say right now, but you won't feel bad about this forever and you won't be forever alone 
Try to find some support (a friend, family member, even hospital staff?) to get through this difficult time, recover and move on. Whether your ex is a villain or not, he's treated you very badly right now and that isn't something you deserve or have brought on yourself. You just need to accept that for whatever reason, he has had a problem and crumbled, he's not got the strength you need. Someone else will, and in the long run, it's good that you've got room for that someone now.
Best of luck with your surgery, you can know that at least a dozen people on here will be thinking of you and wishing you well!
Try to find some support (a friend, family member, even hospital staff?) to get through this difficult time, recover and move on. Whether your ex is a villain or not, he's treated you very badly right now and that isn't something you deserve or have brought on yourself. You just need to accept that for whatever reason, he has had a problem and crumbled, he's not got the strength you need. Someone else will, and in the long run, it's good that you've got room for that someone now.
Best of luck with your surgery, you can know that at least a dozen people on here will be thinking of you and wishing you well!
Original post by silverbolt
Again though - your taking a moral high ground - and assuming that some one is not good because they dont have the fortitude to deal with someone elses health problems that means they shouldnt be in a relationship? No thats not the case - everyone is entitled to happiness but when one persons happiness is sacrificed for anothers well being - why should that person then become a martyr for another?
What happens if that person stuck with the other through all the issues only for the ill one to decide they no longer want to be with them anyway?
What if they have issues? What if they are going through something? Or what if they want more from their own life than caring for a sick partner?
Its not all so black and white - but to say that because someone chooses themselves and the potential for a happy healthy relationship with someone else rather than becoming a full time carer is somehow a bad person is not true.
What happens if that person stuck with the other through all the issues only for the ill one to decide they no longer want to be with them anyway?
What if they have issues? What if they are going through something? Or what if they want more from their own life than caring for a sick partner?
Its not all so black and white - but to say that because someone chooses themselves and the potential for a happy healthy relationship with someone else rather than becoming a full time carer is somehow a bad person is not true.
He left him/her over a text? Why are you defending this lol
EDIT: Probably best to ignore silverbolt lol. The thread's about paying attention to anon and his/her issues. Not silverbolt or w.e.
(edited 11 years ago)
Thanks for all the kind comments. I am just not sure how to let go or move on when he is all I've ever really known.
Either he is scared of losing you or isn't good enough to support you. It'll be hard but you'll be able to move on without him.
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
I just feel like I'm letting him down. If I was healthy I could show him I care by not letting him walk out of my life so easily.
Saying this my Nana always used to say if someone want to walk out of your life so darn much, hold the door wide open for them.
Saying this my Nana always used to say if someone want to walk out of your life so darn much, hold the door wide open for them.
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