How can I stop feeling like this and get over it? Am I going mad?

Ok, basically I'm 16 and I'm bisexual. About a month ago I came out to my two best friends, who were really supportive and so I decided to tell my 4 other friends, 3 girls and one 1 (let's call him S). They were also happy with it too.

For about half a year now, I have been having feelings for S. Now, I believe I really deeply love him. He makes me feel happy, or he did, and I love it when we have deep conversations. For several months now, I have done nothing else but think about him 24/7. He is attractive but it's his personality that I love the most, I love how sweet and caring he is. I just want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Unfortunately, these feelings are having a really bad effect on me now. First of all, he is presumably straight and is in a long-term relationship with my best friend, who I see like a sister. It's so difficult to see two people I love together when I want to be the 'loved one'.

Secondly, I'm getting overly obsessed by him so much! For example, he sits next to my other best friend and he tells her that "she is like a best friend to him now", that got me really jealous, why doesn't he ever talk to me like that? I try to be close to him, but my efforts aren't working, he and my 2 friends have started to drift apart, and so I'm getting really depressed and lonely. I want him so much but it's making me insane.

Finally, because I spend all my time thinking about him, even during my GCSE exams, my grades are starting to fall in places and my teachers are telling me I need to start concentrating again, I just daze off all the time thinking about S. I have lost all of my focus and motivation to do things in life, I am usually ambitious but I just have no reason to live and work anymore.

I have started to become aware of how much he is getting to me and I'm scared. I nearly started smoking and got drunk to try to take him out of my mind for just a minute, but it failed. I'm disappointed in myself but I cannot beat this love. I always expected my first love to be one which was passionate and exciting but I feel now is angry, weak, sad and depressed.

What should I do?

Reply 1

ameliestia

I feel really sorry for you, you can't help who you love sometimes, and it is horrible.
If you feel like your friends are drifting, it could be because you are ignoring your other friends for S.
Try talking to them, saying your having trouble at school, nothing specific.
You need to keep your friends close at a time like this, if you lose all your friends for one boy, it'll never be worth it.
Or even try making new friends, maybe someone you could even flirt with a little, even if it's over chat on facebook
Just that idea that you could like other people, and that confidence boost that other people could like you can really help.
Whatever you do, don't turn to smoking or drink - I know its hard, but if you ruin your grades, friendships and life over this boy you can never get that back. No one is worth it, and there will be someone else.
Maybe S realising your feelings, and that is why he's keeping his distance?
You need to keep your other friends close, and try meeting some new people, and just seeing S as a friend. If that's too hard, distance yourself from him.
It won't be easy, it won't be quick, but it's a lot better than the alternative.
Focus on your GCSEs as a distraction from him, make sure that you stay healthy, and you'll be too good for him :smile:

How can I stop feeling like this and get over it? Am I going mad?

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