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Would you be upset?

Anonymous #1

Been with my girl for 6-7 years but I am a little upset although I don't think I have a right to :frown:

We have been very close for years and literally do everything together and seek advice. She started this cycle and was quite clingy, but because I really loved every moment with her, it rarely was overbearing. In fact I equally became dependent.

She is currently revising for her exam and she does seek my advice as I have been there and done it. Problem is she has grown close to a few other girls doing it. She says things like we have all been through it together and I hope we make it e.t.c. I kind of feel left out.

I know this is wrong but I just feel I am not central in this. My mates go you're lucky, you don't get updated with crap. Thing is it does annoy me at times the updates but I can't live without hearing her stories too lol.

I feel upset she confides in me in detail about her current life stress but also updates other people basically. I told her, don't tell me because you tell another 3-4 people the same story so may as well save your minutes and breath and mine. She got angry saying isn't she allowed mates.

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Reply 1

sylly

She's got a point, give her space

Reply 2

nicatre

Everyone needs space. Relationships aren't two people who become one. They are two people who's lives overlap :smile:

don't be so wet

She's just behaving the way stressed out girls behave!
give her some time and she'll snap out of it!!
she is obviously having a rough time and your job is just to be there for her

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Original post by Future-doc

She's just behaving the way stressed out girls behave!
give her some time and she'll snap out of it!!
she is obviously having a rough time and your job is just to be there for her

Yeah she is asking me to be there for her every day but problem is basically I am jealous of these 2-3 girls. Wish they didn't exist. They are more intimately involved in her problems and it's annoying me. I don't feel exclusive.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by nicatre

Everyone needs space. Relationships aren't two people who become one. They are two people who's lives overlap :smile:

But it's difficult when you both have been a certain way for close to 6 years and then there is a change over the last year on her part. I feel lonely. I have mates, quite a lot but I don't feel the same with them. Yet she is really happy with hers. I am thinking she doesn't find everything in me anymore :frown:

If I was with a new girl, independence wouldn't bother me, but with her I am not used to it.

Reply 7

Hollykitty

Original post by Anonymous

well, i'm pretty sure you must talk to your guy friends about your problems, as well as your gf, at least sometimes? she isn't doing anything wrong o.O

Reply 8

nicatre

Original post by Anonymous

If I was with a new girl, independence wouldn't bother me, but with her I am not used to it.

Then get used to it.

Co-dependence is not good in any relationship. To be healthy the relationship must have distance.

"Never make anyone you're everything because when they're gone you have nothing"

Reply 9

Future-doc

Original post by Anonymous

When a girl is going through a hard time, she may turn to other girls, who can understand her personal problems as girls work in a different way to boys, don't take it personally!!
hope I've helped you!!

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by Future-doc

I understand what you're saying, it's just tough. I want to be the one for her always. Anyway, have a rep. :smile:

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Original post by Hollykitty

well, i'm pretty sure you must talk to your guy friends about your problems, as well as your gf, at least sometimes? she isn't doing anything wrong o.O

Yeah but not open up the way I do with her. I am quite annoyed but oh well.

Reply 12

AmyWethers

I dont want to say 'Stop being so clingy' 'let her have some friends/space' 'you're acting irrational' because I dont know your relationship and im not going to judge you, her or your situation.

You say you've always been really close and shared everything together so you much be quite comfortable talking about issues which may cause arguments.

However, it seems you are feeling really bad and left out because she is talking to other people now and not just you, I think the best thing for you to do is sit her down and tell her you want to talk to her about something that has been on your mind. Explain that you know its silly, and just tell her how you feel. She should comfort you when she understands how you are feeling :smile:

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by AmyWethers

Yeah we do have that relationship where we tell each other everything, even things that might upset each other. I think I'll leave it till her exams finish then talk to her. Tbh she has said she will spend time with me after and has surprises for me. But currently feeling a little left out.

She once said to me, that I have a part of me she doesn't know about, which is to do with my hobbies and mates. I do feel the same right now.

Reply 14

echeee

You're annoyed because she shares her worries with other people as well as you?

You sound clingy and over-bearing. :eyeball:

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Original post by echeee

You're annoyed because she shares her worries with other people as well as you?

You sound clingy and over-bearing. :eyeball:

Like I said you don't know how my relationship manifested over the years. I explained in OP not to take this in isolation. I also explained if it was a different gf this wouldn't happen.

Try reading next time.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Original post by echeee

You're annoyed because she shares her worries with other people as well as you?

You sound clingy and over-bearing. :eyeball:

I can't be that "over bearing" if I get texts and calls regularly. Like I mentioned, you don't know the dynamics of my relationship.

Reply 17

tu_es_jolie_x

They're her friends of course she's going to tell them things, most girls are really intimate with friends when it comes to secrets and problems. You need to get a grip and get over it.

Reply 18

az08

Let me ask you, if for whatever reason you guys were to break up, would you be able to get over it, or would you feel like your whole world had fallen apart?

As it sounds like you are making your life revolve around her.

Reply 19

echeee

Original post by Anonymous

I can't be that "over bearing" if I get texts and calls regularly. Like I mentioned, you don't know the dynamics of my relationship.

I read your post, but your behaviour still sounds overbearing. Just because it's 'not someting you'd usually do.' Doesn't mean it's healthy. You've pretty much acknowledged that yourself. You're getting mad because she's sharing stress and news with her friends? How can you not see that as a problem?

No, I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, but nor does anyone else on this forum. So in that case everyone's opinion counts for nothing too?

In answer to your OQ: No, I wouldn't be upset and you're right to say that you don't have the right to be either.