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How far do you agree with beauty in a woman is a prerequisite?

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Looks are often important for initial attraction but as time progresses WHO the person is is FAR more important when it comes to a relationship.

Reply 41

CJKay

Original post by im so academic

It's not just about relationships. It's also about sex.

When guys see me, I want guys to think "I would have sex with that". That would make me happy.

Sure, I would love to think I'm "relationship material", but I also want the knowledge that I'm worthy of having sex with guys.

To feel an orgasm with a guy you want must be (one of the) best things ever. And I can't have that.

Seriously, ISA. You worry me.
Looks are just an initial judgement from afar. You put far too much emphasis on it.

Reply 42

akash11

Being attrative can make a big difference to a person life, but thier is so much more to life then relationships and lack of a relationship does not make life dull or worthless its imporatatnt to appreciate what you have and what you can do. By the post you've made on this forum its likly that your a healthy intelligent young women who could do so much in life andf leed a life of so much happioness. You could become a millionaire, a leading acdemic etc. You could even have a family one day.

Please dont make the mistake that i've have I joined this form when i was 16 around 4 years ago as a result i've been so depresses about my looks to the point whwre its destroyed many of my acadeic asperations, beacuse TSR a forum of healthy middle class teenagers is obviously my nature of it demographic project the idea that looks are increadimbly imporant ( they are imporanrat but not ear as impoarant as its potrayed on this forum).

Speaking from experience my advise would be to leave this formum permentatnly ( dont come bace even for academic advise), and focuos on what you can control, you cant to much about yuour looks but lamenting over your lack of attartiveness only makes things worse.

Reply 43

MENDACIUM

Original post by im so academic

I just feel that I could always become so much better, but there are things beyond me, I feel that this is impossible.

What I'm saying might be a taboo view, yet EVERYONE holds it in their minds. At least I'm not afraid of saying what's what.

No, you're right. You seem ambitious (from your notorious reputation here). It must really burn your mind when you see a guy and talk to him and know you want him, to be told "sorry he is far from interested".

You ask, "erm why"

"Oh it's your looks, something you never had a hand in. Sorry but this will follow you for life".

Original post by im so academic

Sometimes I feel that academics/education are worth **** all if you're not beautiful.

After all, what can really compete with the guy of your dreams ****ing you?

Not much and even then :moon:

Lol no. Life is more than just procreation and sex. Academics open new doors for you, great careers, great holidays, and a great life-style only the few on this earth get to have.

There are people in poor countries who , to them, their 'uglyness' is their 'education'. They have potential, thirst, interest, but no option.

So work on what is in your hands.

The problem is ISA, you need to know medicine is advancing. You can't totally change your looks, but you can make significant changes.

Do the obvious *please*(IF YOU HAVE NOT ALREADY):

>Lose weight! BUT do not do it dangerously. Do it moderately.

> Get a hair-style that flatters you. Make your brows nicer.

THEN do the following:

> Get non-surgical treatments to get nice, clear skin.(cheaper)

THEN:

If it is TRULY getting in the way, think about plastic surgery. DON'T OVER DO IT THOUGH. (Mild nose job(rugby players get this all the time, so do boxers ect)).

BUT you're 16. Your looks may still change.

All i'm saying is, you can't change the past, but you can influence the present and write a new ending to your book.

And what's more? Unlike the people who were just 'born' pretty, you worked your socks off, overcame huge obstacles, had the drive and desire.

Now in my definition, that is something i'd appreciate far more. BUT don't tell your final partner. :wink:

Forget about the past then.

I also must add! While you are going for your looks, try to do significant things as well. SOMETIMES it's not what you are, but what you do that defines you.

You weren't given the best cards, but forget what you were given. Go and grab the deck and take the cards you can and make up your own hand. In the 21st century it's possible!

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 44

MENDACIUM

Original post by Care-Free

¬.¬ and women never judge men on looks do we :rolleyes:

It's also really harsh to the men who do infact go for the less obviously pretty girls, plenty of girls have boyfriends when they'd be considered ugly, its the " oh my god im so ugly all guys are dicks cause you wont look at me cause im ugly look how ugly and horrifically insecure i am LOOK AT IT!!!" that puts guys off.

If anything men have it harder, us ugly chicks and throw on a bit of slap, shove something down our bra and no ones any the wiser, unfortunately men are stuck looking like that.

And generally beauty is the eye of the beholder for example Brad pitt is often the go-to example of the epitome of hot guys but i think he looks like a fish..and not an attractive one..

This. Women can do a hell of a lot more. The average women has much better influence/chances than the average men.

You have my kudos for being honest. Usually women aren't honest, sugar coat everything, until the time comes when they have to 'date' an ugly guy where they say ' ermmm i don't look at you in that way'.

Reply 45

MENDACIUM

Original post by tehforum

Ugh, more self-loathing crap from ISA.

Here's my view.

It depends on what you're looking for.

Obviously if you're just friends, looks don't matter one bit. However, if I want a relationship, then of course looks matter --- there needs to be some attraction. I don't hate "ugly" women, such as yourself (as you claim).

You're more likely going to prefer to be friends with the 'hot' chicks you may eventually 'have an interest in'

Judging on looks is like apartheid - that cruel inequality and gulf. You deny someone a loving , amazing , fullfilling life, based solely on their outer apperance, you treat them less well subconsciously , and worst of all, it's inbuilt in nature.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 46

Dragonfly07

My boyfriend doesn't notice it very much in himself, but he absolutely 100% bases his opinion about people on looks. When we're watching films, if the pretty girl does anything stupid then she can get away with it in his eyes.

We were outside the other day and there was an ugly homeless woman singing for money, and I commented on how her voice was absolutely beautiful. He took one look at her and said that her singing was awful, so I told him that I could bet him whatever he wanted that if it was a beautiful woman, he would say she was a good singer. He thought a little bit and then he actually admitted that I was right.

Edit: I still absolutely believe that men have it harder than women when it comes to relationships. I think it's pathetic that people blame the other sex for not liking them though. No one owes you anything, and the phrase "everyone deserves to be loved" couldn't be any less true. By saying that you deserve love, you're essentially saying that other people have an obligation to love you... that's a disgusting concept in my opinion.

Skewing your whole perception of someone simply because of their appearance is pretty horrible though.

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 47

MENDACIUM

Original post by Dragonfly07

Him dating you means you're pretty.

You dating him despite that, probably means he is 'good looking'.

If a guy is 'hot' girls let him get away with A L O T more.

Ladies and gentlemen, i present to you one of lifes many inequalities and enigmas. Welcome to the real world.

Reply 48

MENDACIUM

Also ISA, i preferred it when you got into debates, tore opposition apart, and were notorious.

You need to take my advise on how to improve on looks, get a job, get the funds, do what you can while you're waiting for that, and resume your throne as the Queen of TSR.

Your people are waiting for you!

You are more than what you have become. You must take back your original place in life.

Reply 49

im so academic

Original post by CJKay

Seriously, ISA. You worry me.

Why and how?

Looks are just an initial judgement from afar. You put far too much emphasis on it.

So you would judge me as pathetic because I am so ugly?

I don't think I place enough emphasis.

Reply 50

Dragonfly07

Original post by MENDACIUM

I'm not really dating him because he's good looking, but I agree with you that in general people's perceptions about others is very much skewed by their appearance regardless of their gender.

Reply 51

Cornelius

Original post by im so academic

How far do you judge them on looks?

I don't judge people on the basis of looks. Men or women.

Why do you hate ugly woman such as myself?

Who in the world hates ugly women?

How far do you base a woman's worth on her looks?

Any person is worth far more than his/her looks. That you find someone unattractive because of the way he/she looks, does not mean that you think he/she is worthless. The best people (who are worth quite a lot) I know are not great looking. No connection between a person's worth and her looks.

These are my 100% honest opinions. That you find it hard to believe that other people don't put so much emphasis on looks is your problem. That you believe "beauty is subjective" is bull****, is also your problem. Both cliches are true as far as I am concerned.

Reply 52

MENDACIUM

Original post by Cornelius

I don't judge people on the basis of looks. Men or women.

Who in the world hates ugly women?

Any person is worth far more than his/her looks. That you find someone unattractive because of the way he/she looks, does not mean that you think he/she is worthless. The best people (who are worth quite a lot) I know are not great looking. No connection between a person's worth and her looks.

These are my 100% honest opinions. That you find it hard to believe that other people don't put so much emphasis on looks is your problem. That you believe "beauty is subjective" is bull****, is also your problem. Both cliches are true as far as I am concerned.

The fact is that although ISA probably is looking at it too negatively, i think she's trying to counter balance all the sugarcoaters.

Men judge on looks, and if a man will accept you and want to have an amazing fulfilling life with you, APART from the odd cases, your looks HEAVILY factor. Looks to get , personality to keep.

So it's a lot more than one thinks.

Although you're right. It's not what you are, but what you do that defines you.

Reply 53

CJKay

Original post by im so academic

Why and how?

Dat insecurity.

Original post by im so academic

So you would judge me as pathetic because I am so ugly?

I don't think I place enough emphasis.

No, I'd judge you as somewhat mentally at risk to yourself because you are so insecure.
I've got zero idea what you look like, so it obviously didn't take your looks for me to make a judgement on you.

Reply 54

Basil Brush

Original post by Care-Free

no they dont. For example it starts with friendship - guys dont have to be friends exclusively with hot girls then they get to know each other and bam. relationship, the "friendzone" crap has been blown waaaay out of proportion these days. I used to be really quite hideous i still got boyfriends and no it wasn't because i put out, its because i was confident, i knew i was ugly..i didnt need other people to know i knew that and i knew that anyone who refused to date me because of my looks wasnt really worth my time and i just dodged a bullet.

Unfortunately looks are a big part of a relationship, like it or not you have to be physically attracted to someone but that doesnt mean you have to be a 10/10 very few guys are actually that amazingly hot and if im honest it's about playing on your level, im roughly a 4/10 so im not going to try it on with a 9/10 am i, its just illogical.

Wtf man. I'm not even white-knighting as I'm a straight woman but seriously, you're above average :tongue:

Reply 55

tehforum

Original post by MENDACIUM

Friendzone is a force I cannot reckon with.

Reply 56

redpanda41

'Ugly girls' are the new 'nice guys'....

Reply 57

Forget that

Original post by MENDACIUM

I kind of agree with this, but then there is more expectation on woman to look pretty then on men.
If a man is clever/earns the cash then this can overlook their physical appearance because women would want them anyway.

Reply 58

Care-Free

Original post by MENDACIUM

I find it's better to be honest about it, if we act like it's natural then there's going to be some shocks if we get serious with someone and they wake up one morning to find us looking like we've fought with a bear and lost :tongue:

At least if we're honest about it guys are generally pretty accepting and know we need half an hour to get prettied up again :biggrin:

Reply 59

on-acid

If you don't like the way you look, why not do something about it? And don't say that it won't change anything because I know, from experience, that it does. I used to be called 'Ursula' (the sea witch from the Little Mermaid) and 'hideous'/'gross' by a lot of people in my school when I was younger. And yes, it hurt, but it only made me want to shove it right back in their faces. Nowadays, I work part-time as a model/performer. The ones who used to be mean to me all shut up - several even attempted to ask me out.

I didn't go through any plastic surgery. I just went through the 'braces' phase until I got them removed, changed my glasses for contact lenses, ate a lot more healthily & exercised a whole lot more, learnt how to put on some make up, learnt how to dress better, cut my hair, started using proper face-cleansing products, improved my posture, etc. It was undoubtedly a long process, but if you don't let your self-esteem fall and you don't give up, you'll eventually see results and feel a lot more confident in your own skin.

My experience taught me a few things: 1) People DO judge others by their looks (but it's not the ONLY thing they'll base their judgement on). 2) You can ALWAYS make improvements to your appearance. And... 3) If looks is ALL a person sees in you, and it is all that matters to them, then they're not worth your time anyways. :smile: