Can't take this for much longer....

My parents atm are really annoying me. They are fighting like animals and I swear that they are only staying together until after my exams finish. My mum always comes to me and slags off my dad, and my dad is really cruel to her, calling her a 'stupid bitch' and stuff like that. I've got my A-Levels in a few weeks and I've spoken to them about it (I did the mature sit-down-and-talk thing) and it hasn't helped. What do I do?

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Reply 1

R0nnie

Hey anon,

First thing is to remember that tomorrow is another day.

We all find ourselves in situations where we are really unhappy from time to time.

Your parents are obviously having a bit of a rough patch at the moment, but remember its their problem. Ask them what's going on perhaps but try not to worry yourself by trying to solve the problems for them, I don't think that would work. Only they can help the situation.

Your main focus at present, should be your exams. These are vital for the continued success in what you do for the foreseeable future.

There are people you can talk to other than wait for replies on here anon - view this webpage for contact numbers

One Life from the BBC

It will help to talk about it though.

:aok:

Reply 2

talfryn

hi, sorry your havin such a hard time. that sounds like a tough deal and something you can really do without especially at exam times. i know, i speak from experience cos im doin my a levels too with more stress than i need from other people.

mmm it's tough when your parents won't listen, especially when you make the effort. would it help if you moved out for a while? y'no like untill the exams are over. it will give you your peace while they sort their issues out. it might not be as easy as that but its a suggestion. have you explained how the stress they're putting you under is goin to effect yur performance?

i mean its tough for them too, im nearly positive they're not arguin for the fun of it and i'm sure they're aware your in the middle of it too. maybe you need to point out some realities to them though to get them thinking in the mature direction, i.e it's not doing any1 any good or your acting like children or if they're pushing you away tell them.

sorry its not much help but you have my sympathies. good luck :smile:

Reply 3

Ywiss

I'm sorry you're finding it hard - exams are tough enough. Is there any way you could get out of the house a lot? - i.e. instead of revising at home, just stay at school - and then go to a public library to get some peace and quiet. Then when they realise you're not often home, they might get the point that you're finding it disturbing and annoying. Also it might give them a chance to let it out at each other before you come home.

Another thing you could try is, the next time your mum criticises your dad to your face, you could just tell her, "I'm not comfortable with you saying that", and then suggest that if she has to go on about him to someone, she phones one of her friends or something? Because it's really not fair that she should insult him to you, who is his daughter. And the same with your dad.

Good luck with your exams - just remember that this is not worth risking your future for. And when you get that piece of paper in the summer, just remember that each grade is worth much more than any examiner could know - because you've overcome all these difficulties at home.

x

Reply 4

WaW™

hi anon,

well every1s parents argue and if they do split up it is up to them. i know with your xams n stuff it is a lil crazy n u cant conc enuff on your exams. but it is very important that u conc really really hard as you only have one chance and this will map out ur whole future. another thout is if ur parents r arguin etc then dont u think it will be beneficial 4 them 2 split up if things r real bad. they will b betta parents 4 u in that way 2

Peace

take it easy

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

The thing is though, I did speak to them about it. And I said 'look mum, I can't deal with u talking about dad to me' - which in retrospect was a really bad idea because I heard them arguing later and my dad said something along the lines of 'so you talk about me behind my back with X do you?'

And they won't split up until after my exams. Even if it would be best for everyone involved cause they don't want to cause me the trauma. It was like this in my GCSEs. I found out a week before my first one that my 13 yr old sister had been raped. They weren't going to tell me that either, but she told me herself. I guess its nice that they want to protect me and everything, but the tension in the house (then and now) is/was unbearable.

I have the attic (its like a 3rd floor) as my study room, which is pretty separate from the rest of the house, but I have to go down every so often. And another thing, since Xmas time, my mum has been doing less and less around the house and making me do it for her. I'm not saying that she's ordering me to do it or anything, but if I don't do it it won't get done. Simple things like housework and cooking dinner and making my sister's packed lunch and making sure everyone is ready for the day. I feel like the mother and I can't really handle it right now.

Reply 6

frost105

If one of them starts just stick your fingers in your ears and start singing really loudly "CANT HEAR YOU! and leave the room" You've given them fair warning, you've tried being mature so just literally stop listening to them. They'll soon get the picture.

Reply 7

talfryn

i have to agree if they're not willing to play fair and be mature about it then you should leavr them to it. jus look after yourslef and your poor sister. sorry to hear shes been through even more than what your both going through now. you both should stick together bcos youl both need each other to b there for one another.

its sad that they both argue, maybe it wud be beneficial for them to go their own way. it cuts the aggro and grieve being experienced by all.

and what every1 has sed is very true, do your best to concentrate on your Alevels. its never too late to do them again but you'll do urself a massive favour getin them 1st time round.

Reply 8

clyn

Oh my god, I have so much respect for you now.
This may not help, but if you can get through this then you can get through a hell of a lot more if life decided to throw it at you.
Maybe your parents can't really handle what happened to your sister, which is a pity.
Is there any way of staying at school after hours to study, or going to the library, until the exams are done?
You sound like a really good, unselfish person but you need to put yourself first this month.
I really hope this works out for you.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Thank you guys so much. I don't really have anyone to talk to. I mean, I have friends and a really loving bf who's been there for me a lot recently, but I just feel like I can't burden them with my problems, cause they are also doing A Levels. You have no idea how much what you've said means to me. Thanks.

Reply 10

clyn

If it helps any, I don't have any exams to sit this month *woop woop* so if you want to talk, I really wouldn't think of it as a burden. *hugs* keep your pecker up, pet.

Reply 11

Ywiss

You are a truly inspiring person. If you can get through this...you can get through anything.

Perhaps you could ask your sister to talk to your parents? They might listen more if it's two of you nagging them non-stop. Also, just for the exam season, is there any way you could get your sister to buy her own lunch? And about the cooking dinner thing, how about you both just eat out or get takeaways for a while? I know it's not healthy, but it's worth it just for the exam period and your parents might get the hint and start cooking for themselves. And don't bother about the housework. That's not your job. Just keep your own room tidy and your own clothes clean, and leave your parents to clean up their own mess.

It sounds like you're going through a really tough time, but you're handling it marvellously. Just a few more weeks...!

Good luck, and very best wishes.
x

Reply 12

generalebriety

My parents did this to me too. In fact, had been doing it for about 5 years, getting worse and worse, till about 3 months ago (?), when my mum had to move out. She took my brother with her so naturally I tagged along, so my dad now lives in our old house. It was hell being around them; I swear my dad once tried to strangle me. But meh, you get on with it and the problem goes away in the end. No matter how repetitive the arguments may seem, they're sorting themselves out. Ours took 5 years to sort out... yours may not. But look on the bright side. Not long till you're out of there. :biggrin:

But seriously, it's not your job to be the mother. Don't stand for it. Isn't your sister now old enough to make her own food, at least for now, given that you have exams going on?

Coping tips: listen to a lot of music (and sing/dance/play instruments along to it, it helps!), go on walks, and generally try not to give a ****. It all helps. :smile:

I stay behind at school and find an empty classroom or something and do work normally if I can. When I'm in school I don't think of my family. It's just a natural reaction. Keep the two as separate as possible. Unfortunately this also means when I'm at home I don't think of school... but the time you're at home can be minimised. You might try thinking of the library as an extension of your school or something, so you can work there without worrying about your family.

Feel free to PM me if it helps... or 'quote' me so I see it in the user cp and actually remember to come back here since the threads go by so fast in this forum. :redface:

Good luck in everything. :smile:

Reply 13

Fowler_no9

Anonymous

Can't you stay at a friends house, or a relative?

Surely you'd be better off?

Reply 14

rosieposie36

During my exams i had family problems, my dad kicked my bro out and consequently dad stayed away and mum spent all the time crying, i didnt know what to do so I spoke to one of my teachers and she was really nice and let me go into her office to revise. she also let me phone my other bro, is there any other family member u could talk to? or any teacher who would help u with revision?

Reply 15

Xenon

I would suggest going to thelibrary and studying there or staying at a friend's or family relative's house before your exams. But try talking to someone about it.

Reply 16

sidi

Sounds as if your mum is suffering from depression. Try to get her to talk to someone outside the family.

Reply 17

Ron Stoppable

R0nnie

Brilliant post :smile:

If only more people wrote like this in H&R. + rep for you!

Reply 18

angelj

Hey there,
Just wanted to let u know that i can totally relate to u cos when i was taking my a-levels my parents were divorcing so u can imagine how 'lovely' it was around the house. As easy as it is to say, the only thing u can do is to leave them to it, and kinda detach urself from THEIR situation, its shouldnt turn into UR problem. Just focus on ur exams n try not to think abt it when ur at school..just let them figure it out and wateva they do decide good or bad..just support it - nod and smile if need be :redface:

Reply 19

clyn

Anonymous