I'm a shell of who I used to be...

I'm feeling kind of sorry for myself at the moment so I apologise for the negativity and selfishness in the post.

This was all catalysed by my old best friend's 18th birthday the other day. I was best friends with her from the age of 5 until we went off to different secondary schools. We were in a little group and we were the "popular ones" (it sounds so pathetic saying this, I know you don't need to tell me lol). For her 18th birthday she is going to a club tonight with loads of her friends including the girls who used to be in our little group, they seem to have kept in touch but obviously I haven't.

It seems like everyone has grown up and stayed the same whereas I'm a complete shell of who I used to be. Up until like year 9 I was confident and guys always liked me, etc. Then from year 9 I'm like a hermit. I'm not 18 and in my second year of college and all of my old friends (even friends I had up until year 11) have all moved on onto better things. They seem to have found themselves and just became confident.

They all wear make-up and dress well and just look amazing. They actually look like teenagers whereas it's like I'm still looking like an 11 year old with no make-up, dull hair and dull clothes. On Facebook even girls who weren't popular at all have found themselves and are now always out with friends and stuff. I seem to have gone down hill whilst everyone else has gone up hill.

On Facebook literally everyone goes to this night club every Saturday - and I mean everyone. People I've known since I was 5, peopel from my secondary school, people from my college. Whereas I'm sat in on a Saturday night revising.

My life is literally so dull. It's so lonely that I get really depressed on Fridays because I like being at college surrounded by people, even if I'm not friends with many/any of them. I've never been to a night club, never been drunk, never even held hands with a guy, etc. It's just so dull.

I feel embarrassed of how I ended up. It's like I've gone from a swan to the ugly duckling.

Has anyone been through anything like this? I'd really love some advice. Thanks.

Reply 1

chab92

Hey, dont worry about it, people change all the time, and you have clearly grown apart from all your old friends. Have you tried sending a message to your best friend from school? Ask if they want to meet up for a coffee or just to chat.. I dont speak to anybody from school now, we have totally different lives and while they all keep in touch, and have gone off to uni etc, I am still at home at college. Hopefully it will all work out for you though :smile:

Reply 2

Rumaanaa

exactly the same boat as you,and when i see EXACTLY i actually mean.Its unreal how 99.9% of this thread directly relates to me.On top of that i have a few health issues to,i know it may seem like a difficult time atm and you might feel like your left out, boring, no life etc BUT honestlly-this feeling/phase wont last forever, just focus on your exams, revise and after June you can chill, sort your appearance out get in contact with friends again and do loads of other things that you enjoy.

Also ,look at your situation from a different perspective, think of people who are physically and mentally MUCH worse off than you&how they must feel..(its helped me.. il giv u an example,i think of the people in syria and all the poor kids in palestine etc and then resume back to my life and it really emphasises that what im experiencing ,isnt actually that bad,)

hope it helps :smile:

im aware iv stated this in a really basic/short way, i could say alooooot more as i can totally relate but inabit of a rush now so pm me if you'd like ! :smile:

Reply 3

Chillaxer

You are only young for gods sake, and people going to clubs..you got years and so much more interesting stuff than that. Find what is deeper and more interesting to you and build on that, build those things over time and in years clubbing and being 18 will mean nothing to you. I know from experience. Down the line, it's things of substance, proper hobbies and genuine people that will count to you, not the merry go round you are currently on.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by chab92

Thank you. :smile:

it's funny because after posting this thread I see my best friend who has been ignoring my texts is out with our other best friend. I feel jealous initially but I don't have anything in common with either of them and when I hung around with them a few months ago I ended up feeling quite down afterwards. I think I'm just in an awkward transition. I feel like everyone at my college hangs around with people from their schools still and I see on Facebook everyone from secondary school still hangs around with each other and I don't speak to any of them anymore because being around them makes me feel kind of depressed for some reason? And I don't have anything in common with people at college and my classes are very small so I'm limited to who I can speak to.

Original post by Rumaanaa

im aware iv stated this in a really basic/short way, i could say alooooot more as i can totally relate but inabit of a rush now so pm me if you'd like ! :smile:

Thank you. It's nice to know I'm not the only one experiencing this. Seeing pictures on Facebook of loads of friends hanging out together can make you feel really alone sometimes. I'm not things will change for both of us soon. :smile:

Original post by Chillaxer

Thanks, this was very comforting to read. I definitely do need to find and develop some interests as as of now about from the Internet and a levels I don't do anything else lol.

Reply 5

chab92

Original post by Anonymous

Thank you. :smile:

I still find it really strange as i am still 'friends' with them on Facebook, but I am lucky if i get a Happy Birthday message from them sometimes or simple little things i notice. I see them all organising meals and nights out regularly but I am never involved at all.. At first I got a little upset by it, but now I realise that I wouldnt enjoy it even if I was asked. If you feel that you are not really making new friends, you could try looking to see if there are any sport clubs on in your town, or if you dont enjoy sport, maybe a reading club or something which suits your interests :smile:

To start with at college, I was not very sociable, and im still not exactly popular but have 3 friends who i get to speak to when I see them. Having one or two close friends is a thousand times more important than having a large number of friends you dont know very well. :smile:

Reply 6

Chillaxer

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks, this was very comforting to read. I definitely do need to find and develop some interests as as of now about from the Internet and a levels I don't do anything else lol.

I wasted enough years not knowing what the hell I wanted, and there are mnay other people who are driven but still don't know in a way, and I'm early thirties. You have time to build goals and a lifestyle around that.