How do I become more 'interesting' in conversation?

Okay, I know it's not an easy question to answer... for most people I imagine it's one of those things where you just do it and probably don't really think about it.

But I just feel like I can't get through to people :s-smilie:

When I talk to people it always just ends up being typical boring small talk ("what do you study, where are you from, what do you want to do after uni, blah blah blah"). I find it really hard to break out of that, break the ice and become comfortable around others. I'm unable to give people any incentive to bother talking to me again.

Are there any particular topics you manage to bring up in conversation? Do you have things to say stored in the back of your mind at all? I could really do with some advice here!

Reply 1

Mr Faust

I almost never use small talk. Speak what you want to say. Don't think of it like a tennis match where you have to serve and hit back with words. If you are interested about something they said, ask about it. If a tune pops into your head, hum it. If you just saw something or read something, describe it. Don't say things you don't want the answer to. Don't treat conversing like a game, let speech be natural and meaningful - not scripted, boring or rigid. Make speech part of the moment and adapt it to where you are, who you're with and what you can see.

Reply 2

TheNextBigMoonFruit

I'm not an expert at this, but I used to be pretty bad at talking to people. I would just tell you to relax (which sounds pretty stupid to say). If you feel uncomfortable about a situation, or having to talk to someone, in a way the other person can sense it, possibly stopping them from carrying on the conversation. Take deep breaths, find confidence within yourself. The person has no idea who you are. This is your chance to, in a way, make them feel as comfortable as you can, in your presence.

I'm sure you can come up with a million things you're interested in, hobbies etc. Find a common ground between you and the individual by carrying on the conversation. I was told by one of my friends that find something within the conversation, grab it, drag it, carry it on. For instance, if you're talking about uni, maybe the next step would be to discuss sixth form/college. It is difficult, because sometimes the other person just isn't willing to cooperate. When I was moving into Uni, trying to make new friends, I discussed the situation so commenting on what I didn't like, how bored/excited I was. How about discussing music? Maybe you'll find something that you, and said individual will both like. I made friends with one my current friends because I told her how much I hated the band she liked. I had a full on rant about the band, first time I met her. I don't know if this works in all situations though. I'm sure it does. You don't have to share the same hobbies/interests/likes/dislikes with another person to be able to speak to them!

Just remember you ARE an interesting person, so don't feel the need to provide people with an incentive to approach you! Relax, and feel comfortable about yourself!

I hope this has been helpful, and I haven't just rambled on! :P

Beer normally helps.

Learn to be genuinely interested in what they have to say. Sometimes the best way to add to a conversation is by listening.

Reply 5

battycatlady

Talk about the usual stuff like music, films, sports, interesting hobbies etc. Anything where you might find common ground :smile:

Or do what I do and ask completely silly questions like. Seriously to break the ice at uni one night I asked 'So, if you had to choose, would you rather be a porn star or a stripper'. Not saying this is the best convo to start with new people, but you get the point :P

Just ask them about themselves! People like to talk about themselves :smile:

How do I become more 'interesting' in conversation?

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